Something I really fucking hate is people telling me I just need to try.

Can't you see how hard I am trying? I'm doing the best I can and you're convinced I'm not even trying. When I tell you so, you just tell me to try harder, but I can't. This is not about me thinking I can't do it, this is not due to me not believing in myself, I seriously can't try harder because this is the best I've got. This is my limit, why can't you see that?

I get that if you tried hard enough, you could get the best grades and achieve the best things, but that's you. This is me, and I'm telling you that this is all I can do, there's no loopholes and no exceptions, this is my very best. Why can't you understand it? Why can't you understand me?

I promise I'm trying, I promise. Please don't be mad at me, I promise I've tried to the point of exhaustion. Please don't be mad at me, please.

Please? Can you try to understand that I can't do better? That maybe academically mediocre is the best I've got? That I enjoy knowledge but school makes me want to die? That I feel such hopelessness regarding my future that sometimes I think that I don't want to live to see it? I won't act on them, but the thoughts are always there, lurking in the darkest part of my mind, waiting for the right moment to strike and swallow me in a pit of desperation so deep that I feel like I'm slowly losing myself to it.

Please.