Ethan's POV

*Trigger Warning: suicide + anorexia*
-

I woke up, but Y/N wasn't in my arms. The credits of 'Big Hero 6' quietly played on the television screen. Grayson and Emily laid fast asleep on the couch next to us. I got up from my warm spot on the couch and instantly felt the cool air brush across my back.

I walked down the hall to Y/N's room in hopes of finding her. My heart was racing and my feet were slow and heavy. Every step I took, it felt as if my lungs grew heavier and each breath became harder to breathe.

The hall seemed to stretch for miles and no matter how many steps I took, it seemed I never got any closer to her bedroom door. I started running down the hall and finally, after what felt like so long, I finally reached her door.

I knocked gently on it. No response. I knocked a little harder and called her name. No response.

I opened the door and there she sat, but it wasn't her.

It looked just like Y/N, but this girl that sat in front of me was different. She was so skinny. I could see each of her bones.

I walked into Y/N's room with a look of confusion and sadness plastered to my face.

"Y/N?" I asked, shock and disbelief in my voice.

"Yes?" She replied, her face now turning towards mine.

Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks stained with tears, and her lips more chapped than ever. Her once beautiful brown hair was now a complete rats nest and looked as if she was missing clumps of hair in some spots.

I tried to say something, but only random stutters came through my mouth.

"What's wrong?" The girl asked me.

"Who are you?" I asked, tears brimming my eyes and my voice croaking.

"Huh? It's me, E. Y/N." The girl replied, getting up from her sitting position from the bed and walking over to me.

"Wh-ha-ho-what?" Stutter after stutter leaving my mouth.

"Babe? You look pale!" She said, taking my face into her tiny hands.

I looked down at her hands and as my eyes trailed up her arms, I noticed fresh scars near her wrists.

I backed up away from her, tears now escaping my eyes.

"When did this happen? Who are you? Where am I?" I was panting; I had no air in my lungs.

"Woah, woah, woah! Calm down, E!" She said as if it'd help me at all.

"I can't! What is going on?!" I'm now screaming breathlessly.

"Okay, well I basically fell into a hole after the rape, I'm Y/N, and you're in my apartment." She replied to the questions I'd asked previously. "How do you not remember?" Her right eyebrow raised.

"I don't know what's going on?" I panicked.

My breaths were unsteady and tears were pouring out of my eyes involuntarily.

The girl in front of me who claimed to be Y/N now began to cry. She pushed past me and ran to the bathroom now sobbing. I looked around, my eyes blurry from the tears, and the room spinning from my confusion and all the information I'd just gotten.

I held onto the wall behind, my knees holding weakly underneath me. My ears ringing so loudly, my heart frantically beating in my chest, my foggy eyes searching the room for answers.

Suddenly, I remembered that the girl that used to sit in front of me isn't there anymore. That broken, skinny girl that sat in front of me isn't there anymore; she ran away crying.

I instantly started to panic, because she could be doing anything in her sad, broken state.

I ran down the hall, opening every door I could, until I reached the bathroom door. It was locked and I could hear muffled sobs.

"Open up, please!" I said panicking.

"Why should I? You don't care about me!" She screamed and sobbed.

"Please!" I begged. "I love you, Y/N! Please!" I said quietly, but just loud enough.

"No you don't! You never did! Why would you anyway?" She replied as she unlocked the door.

I pushed through and made my way to her. I held the broken girl in my arms.

All of a sudden I felt a warm liquid slide down my back. I pulled back and noticed she only had dry heaves left.

"What's dripping down my back?" I asked, drying my tears in confusion.

She only lifted her forearms and showed me. She did it. She cut vertically.

My heart shattered; my stomach was in my throat.

"What do I do?" I mumbled out.

"It's too late." She whispered, kissed my nose, and collapsed in my arms.

I screamed.

I screamed for Grayson.

I screamed for Emily:

I screamed for Y/N.

No one came.

Everyone left me.

I checked her pulse.

Nothing.

She wasn't breathing.

I tried CPR and nothing happened.

I fell to the ground next to her and sobbed.

It was as if the world stopped.

I just laid there screaming, until I felt like someone was shaking me.

-

I woke up.

Y/N stood above me. Fear, panic, sadness plastered on her face. I looked around and saw Emily and Grayson looking at me the exact same way.

"What happened?" I croaked out.

When I went to rub my eyes, I felt that they were wet and so were my cheeks.

"You had a nightmare." Y/N said, tears in her eyes now.

"I-I know, but why is- what happened?" I panicked, sitting up on the couch now.

"You screamed." Grayson replied and paused. "A lot." He finished.

"Oh. Wh-what'd I say?" I hesitantly say.

"We-well you, you were screaming all three of our name, you asked 'why me' several times, uh- you- you s-said I- um- died, and yeah you-uh- started crying." Y/N said, hating each word she said more and more.

I laid my head in my hands and just began to cry. Once I looked up Emily and Grayson looked at me with a look of depression and Y/N looked to anywhere but me with her arms crossed across her body.

"Look at me please." I whispered to Y/N.

As she looked up I noticed Emily and Grayson had backed up out of the room.

Y/N looked at me with a look of hurt and fear.

"You said that you never loved me?" She whispered, looking down into her lap.

"I-in my dream you tried to convince me that I never loved you and no matter how many times I tried to deny it or tell you I actually loved you, you just shot me down." I whispered back.

A tear slipped from her eye and onto her leg. She quickly dried her cheek and brushed her tears aside by looking up and blinking.

"Do you love me?" She whispered.

"Of course I do! With all of my heart!" I said sitting up and taking her in my arms.

She shrugged me off and sat up straight.

"Ethan, I feel like shit. Everything in my life has gone to absolute crap and you're the only thing that was making my life worth while and then this happens." She said, looking directly into my eyes. "I don't know what to do, Ethan. I'm scared." She finished, finally allowing the tears to leave her eyes.

"I don't know what to do either." I whispered. "All we can do now is be there for each other and be strong. I'm scared too, I'm not gonna lie. I'm going to love you, care for you, stand by you, and I'm going to be your strength until you gain yours back! I'm going to do my best to make you laugh, smile, and love life each day! I love you so much, you have no idea!" I paused, repressing my tears. "I love you." I said, as tears just drained from my eyes.

Y/N sat there, still staring down into her lap. A pool of tears now built up in her lap.

"Say something please." I croaked.

"I love you, Ethan." She sobbed and fell into my lap.

"I love you too, Y/N/N."

A/N

lol the emotions!

but hey! i'm not dead!!

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ily guys loads!

-gabs 💛