Y/N's POV

The elevator ride was quiet, until I finally spoke up.

"Do you think they saw the bruises and hickeys?" I asked.

The thought had been in the back of my mind ever since the family had walked in.

"Probably, but I still think they saw you as a beautiful person." Ethan replied.

"I don't know." I said under my breath, but Ethan heard.

"Listen to me." Ethan said confidently. "You're fucking beautiful and I hate that you see yourself this way now!" He said, holding my face in his hands, tears brimming his eyes.

I now began to cry.

The elevator doors opened, but Ethan closed them and pressed the button to go to the roof.

"God! You're so fucking perfect! I love you! You're my entire world! Please, tell me how I can make you see how amazing, beautiful, smart, just overall perfect you are." He said, tears streaming down his face; down his chest.

"I-I don't know. I love you so, so much, but I feel so worthless right now." I cried.

The elevator doors opened and we exited holding hands.

We walked over to a ledge, a low wall that reached to about our mid-stomach. Ethan and I leaned against the wall, looking out over the edge at the beautiful morning LA sky.

After few minutes, Ethan finally piped up: "You aren't worthless. I don't know how, but I'll show you that you aren't. I'll show you that you're loved. I'll put all of your broken pieces back together. I'll show you for as long as it's needed, because God damnit I love you!" Ethan said, tears pouring out of his eyes and mine.

Ethan didn't look at me throughout his speech, nor after his speech. He just stared off into the horizon, letting his tears pool on top of the ledge. I walked over and hugged him from behind, digging my face into his back as I did so. I sobbed, drenching his back as I did so. He soon turned around and hugged me. I felt his tears as they fell onto my hair.

"I'm sorry this happened to you." He whispered, kissing the top of my head.

I just cried even more.

"W-will you spend the night? Please?" I begged between sobs.

"Anything you want." He replied.

"Thank you." I croaked out.

"Of course." He said, kissing the top of my head.

We stood there up top the roof, the sun hanging in the horizon, warming up our skin. I continued you cry as Ethan held me close and stroked my arm.

"Let's go?" I asked, wiping the tears off my face.

"Let's." Ethan replied.

He held out his hand for me to slip mine into. As I did, our fingers intertwined and our hands fit perfectly into each other. We began walking towards the elevator, swinging out arms back and forth whilst doing so.

The elevator ride was quiet, unlike the one down to the pool that was filled with laughter. I wonder what the reactions of everyone who saw it were.

"Hey, E." I piped up, my voice croaky.

"Mhm?" He replied.

"Were there any replies from your story?" I asked, curiosity now infesting me.

"Let's check!" He grinned and took out his phone.

He unlocked his phone and went straight to Instagram where he was sure to see if there were any edits or any posts about it. As soon as Instagram loaded up, his feed and his discover page were filled with screenshots of Ethan's story.

"What're they saying?" I said, now feeling more nervous and anxious than curious.

"They just wanna know who you are." He replied.

"Oh okay." I replied.

"There is hate, but who doesn't receive that? If it gets out of hand, I'll handle it." He smiled over at me as the elevator doors opened.

"Thanks, babe." I said as we exited the elevator.

"Of course." He smiled down at me. "If you want, we can film a video announcing that we're together."

"I'd love to, just as soon as these horrible marks disappear." I replied with a somewhat joking tone.

"Sounds good." He said as we approached our apartment doors.

"Meet me back here when you're all showered up?" I asked.

"Sounds good." He said, pecking my lips before we vanished into our own apartments.

As I walked into the apartment, all my horrid thoughts of myself and what'd happened flooded at once. Emily and Grayson sat in the living room, still fast asleep, but beginning to stir, so I quickly ran to my room. I grabbed my pajamas and quickly ran to the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, I instantly fell on the floor and began to ball. I grabbed my phone and began blasting music, as I usually do when I shower, and turned on the water, to give the impression I was showering.

I brought my legs close to my body and dug my fingers into my head and pulled my hair. I stayed strong and fun with Ethan while I could, but we all have a breaking point.

I've been broken for years and my life's always been shit, but this I never expected to happen to me. I never expected that I looked so vulnerable and open to be treated like this. I told Ethan I was okay. I told Ethan I would make it through this. I told Ethan that I didn't need justice.

They were all lies.

I'm not okay. I don't think I'll make it through this. I need justice, but I'm too scared and frantic to speak up.

Here I am. Pathetic as ever. Sitting on my bathroom floor, covered in bruises and hickey's, and sobbing my eyes.

Why would Ethan want me? I'm nothing but a worthless sack of shit.

He tells me he loves it, and I see in his eyes that he isn't lying, but I don't want to drag him through my crappy life.

"What do I do?" I accidentally screamed aloud, my thoughts finally escaping me.

I suddenly heard loud footsteps and knocks at the bathroom door.

"Y/N!" A frantic Emily screamed.

"Y/N, open up!" A panicked Grayson screamed.

"Please go." I faintly said, almost inaudible to even myself.

"Please!" Emily cried.

I reached my arm up and unlocked the door, never once letting my weak body leave the floor. Emily and Grayson both flooded into the bathroom, hovering over me like a swarm of flies.

I now laid crumpled up in a tiny ball, in a bikini, on the bathroom floor, sobbing my eyes out. Emily and Grayson stood over me talking, but all I heard was static.

"Please don't tell E!" I yelled.

I have no clue how loud I yelled, because all I could hear was the loud static ringing. Grayson suddenly picked me up and took me to my room, while Emily turned off the shower and music. I leaned my head into his chest and let out loud sobs.

The ringing died down once I got to my room. Grayson set me down in my bed, and I instantly curled into a ball. He covered me with my blanket and sat next to me.

"Gray." I cried.

"Yeah?" He question, fear in his eyes.

"Please. Please don't tell Ethan." I said, still sobbing my eyes out.

"I'll do my best." He replied, giving my head a quick kiss and then leaving.

Emily then came into my room and sat next to me. Her eyes were now red and tears fell gently from her delicate eyes. I continued to lay in a ball, sobbing my life away.

"Talk to me." Emily said, her voice making her sound hurt.

"What do you want to know?" I said in between sobs.

"Are you like this because of what happened, or did something happen between you and Ethan, or...?" She said, patting my arm and wiping her tears away with the other hand.

"No, Ethan and I are fine. Yes, it's because of what happened." I sobbed. "I'm a worthless piece of shit!" I screamed, then shoved my face into my pillow.

"No you aren't! You are beautiful and kind and funny and just overall an amazing person!" She cried.

"I don't feel that way." I said whilst sobbing.

No matter how many people told me, I still felt like a worthless sack of garbage. The only question that floated about in my wind, was 'why me?'.

"Well, you are, and I'm sure Ethan already told you that several times!" She said, tears continuing to pour out of her eyes.

"Where's Grayson?" I asked, my heart sinking even farther with the fear that Grayson might tell Ethan about my freakout.

"I told him to distract Ethan until you calmed down. Now, let's go take a hot shower, I'll get you your relaxant pills, and you can chill on the couch in your sweats with the people who love you most!" Emily said, trying to cheer me up.

I nodded.

Emily pulled me, looking at my face in slight horror. Dry heaves only left my body, since I'd run dry of tears. I crossed my arms over my shivering body, hiding the horrible marks that covered me.

We finally made it to the bathroom, Emily turned on the hot water and sat me down on the toilet seat.

She wiped away her tears, then said: "Take deep breaths. In for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. Do that until I get back."

I did as she said.

I used to do this breathing exercise a lot when I was in public school, but since I'd moved away from my wretched city, family, and school, I didn't need to do it as much. It really calmed me down in most situations, especially when I had to take a test!

Emily soon returned, holding new underwear and bra, my favorite crop top sweater, and my favorite grey sweatpants.

"Okay good. Now get undressed and hop in the shower." She said, putting on a fake smile.

She turned around and allowed me privacy to follow her directions. Once in, I informed her and she turned back around. She grabbed my phone and began playing my "chill vibes" playlist at a quiet volume, which usually helped calm me down.

"Y/N, look." She said, sitting down on the toilet seat. "I love you, more than you can imagine! You're my sister, and I can't imagine one day without you!" She paused, as if she were trying to hold back tears. "I'm going to be honest. Before the boys came around I didn't think you were going to make it. Every day it seemed as if you were falling more and more into this trap of darkness, and I felt you'd never make it back up. I was scared that one day I'd wake up and you weren't going to be alive. I valued each moment I spent with you, each smile and laugh we shared, and each day we spent together." She paused again, tears now evident in her speech. "I love you, and I don't want this to be the end. I don't want to be nearing the end, because God damnit you're part of the only family I have left, and if I lose you, you're dragging me right down the same freaking hole you've fallen into." She said sobbing. "Please don't go." She lastly said, laying her head in her hands and sobbing.

During her speech I'd washed off. I turned off the water and grabbed the towel that'd been hanging over the shower doors. I dried myself off for the most part, then wrapped the towel around myself, and stepped out of the shower.

"You will never lose me, no matter how hard you try." I whispered, now kneeling down to her level. "I love you, Em. Thank you for being the best sister anyone could ask for." I said, kissing the top of her head.

Without saying a word, Emily stood up with me and hugged me. She hugged me so tight, it seemed some of my broken pieces came together.

I sobbed, drenching the back of her shirt completely, and she sobbed, drenching my shoulder and soaking into the towel completely.

"Can you go get the boys while I get ready?" I asked in between dry heaves.

"Of course." She whispered.

She looked in the mirror and cleaned up her face. Of course there would be evidence that she and I had been crying, but we didn't care anymore.

She said goodbye and left me alone in the bathroom. The only noise around was that of Troye Sivan singing 'BLUE (feat. Alex Hope)'.

I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were completely bloodshot and the area around my eyes were puffier than ever. My cheeks had stains of trails that tears once traveled. My lips still slightly quivering and slightly parted as I breathed. My lungs breathing deeply, trying to regain the oxygen it'd lost whilst I was crying. My head pounding from the amount I'd cried in the past hour or so. My heart was beating at irregular intervals, causing more ache.

I took one last breath and looked away from the broken creature in the mirror. I tore the towel away from my body, now leaving me cold. I dried my hair and began to dress myself.

The sweats warmed my body instantly, and hid most of the marks that seemed to be consuming me. I brushed my hair, put on perfume, and gave myself one last look in the mirror. The song that played now was 'Sick of Losing Soulmates' by dodie.

My eyes remained a bright red, but the trails on my cheeks were gone seeing as I washed my face. I turned off the music, leaving me in pure silence.

One deep breath and I was out of the bathroom.

As I'd stepped into the hallway, I heard faint voices coming from the living room/kitchen area. I slowly walked towards them, doing my breathing exercises.

"Hey." I said, my voice croaky.

Three heads turned in my direction. Ethan's face looked as if he'd seen a ghost. Grayson's face had a look of worry. Emily's face showed sadness.

Ethan walked over to me, his beautiful hazel eyes staring into my bloodshot brown ones.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

He engulfed me into his arms. My head laid against his chest; my ear to his heart.

"What happened?" He asked, looking as if panic had infested every fiber of his being.

I went onto explain the freak out and everything that'd happened.

In the end he and Grayson were left crying. I'd joined them in the crying, but I was left with no tears to cry. I only lowered my head in sadness and wished this had never happened.

I was hurting the three people I loved most in the world. They should have to suffer my consequences with me, but if I do it alone I might break my promise to Emily and she may lose me.

"Let's go watch a movie." I attempted to say, but my voice cracked and I was like with an odd whisper.

Everyone nodded and we headed over to the television.

The boys wiped away their tears, and we began discussing what movie to watch.

We ended up deciding on 'Big Hero 6' after about half an hour of bantering.

Emily and Grayson quickly fell asleep. Even though it was only about 2 in the afternoon, it felt as if we'd been awake for days with zero sleep.

Ethan then fell asleep leaning on me. I played with her hair and smiled at how perfect he was. His lips were slightly parted, and in some instances they curled at the edges, forming a slight smile. His hair was a curly, beautiful mess. His face had bits of stubble from lack of shaving this week.

All in all, he was perfect and didn't deserve to be joining me in this horrible terror that had to occur.

My eyes became heavy as I started at this magnificent boy in front of me.

Before falling asleep, the last thought in my head was: 'why me?'.

A/N

this might very well be the longest chapter i've ever written. almost 3000 words!!! damn fam!

i did get a bit emotional writing this chapter.. i promise more happy chapters to come soon!! i'm just trying to make this story somewhat realistic and i wouldn't expect Y/N to be straight back to happy after what happened, but i promise!!! more cute fluffy stuff to come!

question of the story: do you guys think you're thinking "why me?" bc of what happened or bc ethan's in love with you?

comment what you think ^!!

-gabs 💛