What I told Donnie wasn't completely true. Sure those things made me upset, Raph always makes me upset but I'm just good at hiding it and dealing with it where as Raph usually just lashes out. It was something else. Something that just built up and finally took over. Something that shouldn't have happened. Mikey and Master Splinter re-enter the room. Mikey doesn't so much as acknowledged my existence as he stands over by Donnie helping him. Until he gives me this "if looks could kill you'd be in hell" glare that pierces my soul.
          Head bowed in shame I walk out of the room.
          "Leonardo!" I hear my Sensei call after me but I just run straight to the dojo and slam the heavy door behind me. Tears spray from my eyes again and my body starts to shake. I become so enraged so glum so many emotions I punch the punching bag clean off its hook and it bursts open against the wall. Turning around I swing and almost hit Sensei who gracefully steps out of the way and my eyes widen.
          "SENSEI! I'm sorry I didn't see you standing there!" I feel like screaming as the pressure of me almost killing Raph and almost hitting Sensei builds up like a title wave! Grabbing my head I sink to my knees and curl up in as small a ball I can.
          I wish I could disappear I wish I didn't exist. I begin anxiously rocking back and forth. I'm crazy. I've gone crazy. What's wrong with me. Everything. Why? Why? Why?
          That's when I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. "Leonardo..." My voice is said softly. Looking up I see my father. A gaze of sympathy and concern spreading across his face. "My son, I know why. Raphael is use to it. He is use to you being better. Use to you getting credit. He is use to taking your orders, to being told, what to do, to see you on a pedestal. In his eyes, that's how he views you. So very important as to look up to you. Although he would never admit to that. But you, you aren't use to all of that. You aren't use to being jealous of Raphael. That's what it was. Envy. Jealousy. You were hurt. Leonardo, Raphael feels this all the time. But hides it. Instead he shows it in anger. You too, did so. But you went too far. Your hatred of jealousy drove you to blindness. You no longer knew who the real enemy was. This is something you cannot do again. Donatello is fixing Raphael, he will be fine. Raphael needs you Leonardo. Go to him. Your brothers will adjust." What Sensei says is true.
          "But Sensei, when I approached him as he fell unconscious, he begged me to not hurt him anymore. It was the last thing he said. It was the last thing he felt. Fear. Of me. I'm his brother he deserves someone better, someone who won't make him afraid of a non threat. But I am a threat to him. I can't stay Sensei. He doesn't want me." My head feels too heavy to hold under all the shame and distress. Sensei lifts my chin and wipes away my tears.
          "Wait until he awakes. See if he still wants you. He will want you. He always has, and always will. He loves you Leonardo. Now got to your brother."