I walk with a purpose, maybe if I make this situation of must than a desperate need then maybe my heart wouldn't break as bad as it felt like doing in this very moment. I was terrified, but I was determined too. A confirmation once and for all to know that he was truly gone, that he truly left this world, my world, forever.

Slowing down my pace I falter as soon as I hit where the entrance used to be. The sounds of the rushing river behind it stutters my nerve endings. Unwanted flashbacks hits me hard of that horrible day.

I could still hear the pouring rain, the creaks of the wooden planks of the stairs, the sound of our teeth chattering as we drew into each other for warmth. The looming greyness of the sky and the dejected atmosphere surrounding us when we both realized we were stuck here for the time being. Neither of us aware of the doom heading our way.

Gathering the courage of what was left inside me I take a step inside the crumble mess, hating what I was going to find. A strange passing went through me as if the building itself knew what I was here for and preparing me for what was to come.

But I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared at all.

My vision instantly blurred with tears, my body shaking uncontrollably like the worst day of my life had just started all over again. The deep wound of grief ripping me wide open, my heart that was already shattered turning to ash leaving not a solid piece behind.

The place wasn't how I remembered it. But I didn't need it too, to see what had happened here. Old, dried blood was splattered everywhere like a horror movie filled with nothing but gore. It was over the walls that were still standing, the large stones that crumbled to the ground. Half the stairs was missing, but those that were still left intact held dark stains of blood like he had burst everywhere in midair.

I couldn't take it, couldn't handle the images that flooded my mind as I imagined what those things had done to him. Undeniable proof that he was dead. Sobs wrack my body as I stumbled to the ground, staring at the stones soaked in red. Grief spears through my entire body, my lungs and heart filled with stabbing pain as my cries rang loudly in the compound.

Clutching my hair in both hands, I bend myself over and scream out as loud as I possibly could, releasing it all. Anger, sadness, hatred, and grief all rolled into one. And before I knew what I was doing I start grabbing whatever I could, throwing it at the walls, the stones, the stairs, all while hacking out my angry sobs.

It wasn't until I started socking the stone in front of me as hard as I possibly could that the other two came rushing to me to get me to stop. I don't heed them as they start pulling me back while yelling out,

"Jinsen, stop!"

"Please, stop!"

I go to slam my busted fist on the stone again, but Tanya slams her body against mine, clutching my head into her shoulder and holds onto me tightly. The overwhelming contact was more than I could bare, and the fight leaves me instantly as all I could do was clutch her back, pouring my soul out and not caring that I may have broken my hand.

Closing my eyes tightly I continue to sob, my grief maxed to the limit.

I don't do anything but that, for the longest time, until I'm all dried out and my voice was so hoarse it hurt to speak. Hiccups wrack my shaking body as all I could do was stare at the fresh new blood, covering the old, on the stone.

"We should get him out of here. This place isn't good for him." Ezekiel whispers.

Tanya just strokes the back of my head, not releasing me as I hear her sniff in response.

"Come on, this isn't healthy for him." He reaches down and helps her to lift me to my feet. "We need to have to take a look at that."

I look down at my hand that was covered in gashes, blood and bits of stone imbedded in my knuckles. They were swollen and already bruising. The pain hadn't hit me yet, but it was only a matter of time before it did.

And when it does, I was going to welcome it with open arms.

We turn around to leave but jerk to a stop when we see a small group of people standing there watching us. Both Tanya and Ezekeil tighten their grip on me while I just stared unfazed or unbothered. It was an older gentlemen with three kids no older than fourteen or fifteen. The youngest looking about ten or so.

"Sorry, but we heard a scream and thought you might need help." The man states as he looks behind us to see the inside.

He frowns looking at each of us, then he looks at the state of my face and hand. "You're hurt. There isn't much but we have medical supplies, food, and water. It looks like the three of you could use some assistance. It's just the four of us and we've been moving place to place trying to survive. You're more than welcome to travel with us."

I push away from them, looking at the man as I roughly say, "What does it matter? We're all going to die here anyways."

The numbness in my being settling once more. I don't wait to see their reactions or hear a response from them as I simply walk away on trembling feet, hating my life to its very core.

***

It was raining heavily once again.

We continue to run on the highway trying to find somewhere we could hide. The grey clouds above completely covering the sun. I didn't care one way or another, but Ezekeil refuses to leave me behind or allow me to be alone on my own knowing I didn't care whether I lived or died.

It's been a few days since the old mill, and we were now stuck with Rys and his three companions that were just as clueless as if they had barely just arrived. Like he said on that day when we met, he helped us with supplies and even bandaged my hand that was miraculously not broken.

The throbbing started, reminding me of what I had lost and why it was fucked up in the first place. He offered me pain meds, but I refused them wanting, needing, to feel the pain. It was the only way I knew that I could still feel something, anything at this point.

And this road we were on held no buildings. It was unfamiliar to any of us, and we didn't realize that it turned into a long strip of fields with nothing in sight. Rys believed we should leave the city, find what was out there and see if there were a group of people who knew how to get home. At this point we had nothing else to lose so we blindly followed.

Not realizing that the road was a lot longer than the allowed hours gave us. Not to mention that the rain came out of nowhere. It was too late to turn back, all we could do was push forward. Now we were in a forest heading into the mountains. Not sure what we could find up here but if we didn't find somewhere to hide we were all going to die anyways.

"Look! There's a cabin!" Angela, one of the young girls cries out with relief.

Just a few hundred feet away was a small rundown wooden structure. We all head that way hoping no one was already inside or any monsters lurking in the dark shadows of the place. It was small for a cabin, maybe for a single living individual and some of the windows were busted, the wood looking a bit warped and molded but it's all we had.

I barge in without hesitation because I just didn't care anymore and the others just let me, giving up on reprimanding me of my careless acts. Nothing comes out, no sounds can be heard other than the pattering of raindrops hitting against the cabin. It was cold, musky, and damp. And it only held two separate rooms. A living room with a fireplace and a kitchen area.

Briskly walking to the window I see where the outhouse was located, but half of it was torn down. So unusable. When nothing happens the rest of them file in and Rys slams the door shut. They all start mumbling amongst themselves as they checked the place out. But I could already tell we didn't have anything to block the windows or the door to keep the monsters out.

We were sitting ducks in here, but better than being completely exposed to the outdoors where we didn't have any shelter whatsoever. Not saying a word to any of them, I do what I always do. I place my pack and bow on the ground separate from all of them and sit down.

The night was cold, and we were soaking wet. But none of them risk lighting a fire, afraid monsters were going to see us. Pulling Zared's jacket closer around me I shift into a lying position, my face away from everyone else and just stare out the kitchen window that was covered in dirt that was becoming muddy from the rain.

And like the previous nights before, I don't fall asleep. My body was tired, my mind exhausted. I wasn't hungry, and I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. Because every time I closed my eyes all I saw was the blood, of Zared's face right before he was ripped from my grasp, and the last image I had of him as I fell through air.

They wouldn't go away; they never went away.

I just let the sounds of the rain lull me into a somber daze that just left me completely emotionless.