ZARED

I was exhausted. And I knew Jinsen was too. More than just exhausted apparently. After Linda rebandaged my ribs she forced me to rest against the many bags that were piled near the main fire in the middle. Since there wasn't much padding anywhere else she figured it was the best they could do. Honestly I would have been fine laying down on my sleeping bag like I have been for many nights, but she wouldn't hear of it.

"That's one of the reasons why you aren't healing." She reprimanded.

I couldn't argue with her after that once I laid down. It became way to comfortable for me to even want to move. However, I felt useless and an invalid as I watched everyone else putting in the work to get the night settled. Both Alex and Kyle informed me that I shouldn't for all the things I've done for them for the last few weeks. Even Lacy and Mateo had a word about it.

How could I possibly argue with any of them on that?

Now it was fully dark, everyone was settling down as they made food over the big fire pit and others were walking around the large circle to keep an eye and ear out for monsters. I held Jinsen close to my side, my arms wrapped around him as he slightly snored away against my chest.

Earlier he came back over, sat down next to me and cuddled right into my arms like he used to do back at the golf course. As soon as he did it my chest was hit with nostalgia that I never thought I would ever experience again. He just felt so right lying there against me, like our bodies were meant to be shaped together like this.

"I don't think I have ever seen him sleep so soundly like that before."

I look up to see the man named Ezekiel crouching not too far away, also facing the fire. He was looking at Jinsen as a small smile graced his lips. I look down at the love of my life to see him looking so peaceful and completely safe within my arms.

"He looks younger, more unguarded now that you're back in his life." He continues, throwing bits of twigs in the fire.

"You've been with him nearly the whole time right?" I ask quietly, not wanting to disturb Jinsen.

"The entire time actually. Me and Tanya were the ones who found him on the bank of the river after the two of you separated." He admits.

My eyes widen at that. Jinsen and I haven't yet talked about what we went through after the mill incident. But if Ezekeil had been with him since the beginning then maybe he could tell me what Jinsen won't. Looking at my sleeping other half, I carefully ask,

"I know he won't tell me the truth even if I beg him for it. Can you tell me what he's been through? I don't mean just physically, but mentally and emotionally."

The fire crackles as I look up at him waiting to see what he would say to my request. He watches me for a moment then nods his head as he stands up to come sit closer to us. Once he settles good enough on the ground he places his forearms on his bent raised knees and gently starts.

"How Jinsen was today, I mean after seeing you again, learning that you're alive...none of us has ever seen him like that, not once. He was always closed lipped, never spoke a word, never bothered to interact with any of us. At first."

He takes a deep breath and looks at the flames that licked the charred wood that was slowly turning to embers and ash.

"It took me and Tanya a while to get him to even look our way. He never bothered to get to know any of us at all. He was just...there. He hardly eats, hardly sleeps and barely even cared enough to survive. What we found was a walking suicide time bomb. I know you don't want to hear this Zared but..."

"No, I want to hear it. No matter how much it kills me to." My voice rasps roughly, my emotions getting the better of me at hearing him talk about Jinsen this way.

But I needed to know.

He nods his head. "Losing you was one of the hardest things for him to deal with. At first we didn't know what caused him to be this way. Not until..." His brows furrowed in sadness and his eyes glistened in the firelight.

"Until?" I prompt eagerly.

"Until we came upon the mill."

Oh. OH. The aftermath of what happened when I thought I was done for.

"The blood on the wreckage...wasn't your blood was it?" he asks, looking at my person as if trying to see where it could have all came from.

"No. It wasn't. It was the creature that tried to kill me. Just when I was about to die people came just at that moment and saved me."

"You could imagine what he thought then, what we all thought. He...didn't take it very well. Nearly broke his hand by hitting the concrete wall covered in it."

My heart felt heavy with guilt. I knew I should have went looking for him as soon as I woke up. Damn these injuries and all the time wasted. Anger at myself festered and I hated it. Seeing my turmoil Ezekiel smiled.

"Don't beat yourself up Zared. He would have wanted you to heal up first before attempting to look for him. He wants you alive, not halfway dead."

"Kind of hard to do when you find out the person you love more than life itself suffered because of you."

"He wasn't the only who suffered though was he?" He asks gently, watching how gentle and caring I was being with the man we were talking about.

"No, every single waking moment all I thought about was getting to him. It was hard. Really hard." I admit.

"Jinsen...isn't liked very much. Our first group couldn't stand the way he was all the time. When we came by your house...it was really hard to watch him break down like that." His voice choked up a little and I couldn't help feeling the tears swim in my eyes knowing how he must have broken down being where everything about me was in plain sight for him.

Clearing his throat he continues, "They wanted to move on. Said they weren't going to wait for him, they didn't even care what he was going through, didn't care enough to learn why he is the way he is. Not like how Tanya and I were. We wanted to help him, to be there for him even when we didn't know him. He fell asleep surrounded by all your things. We couldn't leave him behind, so we stayed."

"Good thing we did too." A soft voice says on my other side.

We both look over to see the girl Tanya heading in our direction. She goes to sit right on Ezekeil's other side, wrapping her arm through his and leaning her head on his shoulder. "The next morning we found the group completely splattered in pieces all over the street a few blocks away. Not much of them left."

My eyes widen at the way she stated that. Like she held bitterness towards the group and probably with good reason too. Before this conversation took on a whole new direction I ask what I really wanted to know.

"Can you tell me about the time he used the light bomb for the first time?"

They both looked to each other. Swallowing hard I could see the hesitance on that question and the sadness. Tanya squeezes his arm as if in silent communication. "I'll tell him." She whispers and swings her gaze right back at me.

"I'm not going to sugar coat it because I know Jinsen will more likely keep most of what happened that night to himself." She tells me and I nod, needing to know everything anyways.

"It was pouring, and we barely were able to find a beaten down cabin in the woods for shelter from the rain and from the monsters that were chasing us. We thought we had been safe enough. Now mind you, none of us even knew that Jinsen had been carrying something like that around with him, we had no idea."

"He must have thought it was an actual bomb or something." Ezekeil pitches in.

"Still disturbing to find out afterwards though. That he may have been carrying an explosive the entire time he was with us."

"We found it together. Under a department store basement. Someone long ago made it and the writing on the blueprint left behind were so faded we couldn't really read on what the object was. We figured it was important enough for the person to make it that we took everything with us. Me and Jinsen stayed up many nights trying to figure out what it was. But we never could and were too afraid to find out." I tell them.

Tanya nods her head. "Guess he figured there was no point in being afraid anymore." She whispers.

"He went out there all on his own without us knowing he slipped out of the cabin. He was surrounded by them. I knew he was a goner no matter what we tried to do to get him safely back inside." Ezekeil continued on.

"He just stood out there waiting for them to take him. To be honest it was amazing to watch him be so brave. It broke my heart that he was willing to die so we could live. But the next thing we knew a bright light flashed all around us and the monsters were all just...gone." Tanya stared at the fire her face scrunched up in confusion as she remembered that night.

"Like how you saw it earlier when he let go of that arrow is exactly how it was that night. Jinsen fainted after that. We thought whatever that flash did had killed him too, but he lived."

Looking back down at him I see the dark circles under his eyes as he slept deeply for what they said had been a really long time for him to do. "He tried to kill himself." I whisper, brushing a lock of hair from the side of his ear, the ear that still held the cross earring that his mother gave him.

"He was willing to give up his life to save all of ours. Because to him there was nothing left for him here. But if he truly wanted to kill himself Zared, he would have done it long before that night and even after, but he hasn't. After that night he was more determined to live. Something in him clicked."

"What do you think changed his mind?" I ask with a frown.

"My honest opinion?"

I nod my head, and his face became more stern. "I think he settled on revenge."

Squeezing his body to me I understood completely. He squirms in my arms grunting at the sudden tightness but doesn't wake up. I loosen my grip kissing him on the forehead. "Sorry babe." I whisper gently to him.

"I think he decided that your death wasn't going to be in vain and he secretly vowed to himself that he was going to kill every single last one of those flesh eating bastards until there isn't a single one left in this world." Ezekeil finishes voicing out my exact thoughts.

Looking them both in the eyes I state with conviction, "Then he won't be alone in doing it."