*Willa*
"So Will is a trained rider ?" Dan asks me about an hour later, as we are sitting in his private luxury jet. We have just taken off.

I shake my head. "No, Will has never been on a horse before, before this trip I mean. Actually he used to be a bit scared of them, but Tom has let him ride his horse for the movie a couple of times and Will seemed to like it".

"So Tom let an untrained kid up on a big horse in top condition without any helmet or other security measures ?" He asks.

I don't really know what to say. I hadn't seen it as a problem. But well... look how it ended. "Yeah I guess, but I mean he trusted the horse, it is very well trained".

"You can never trust a horse fully, too much flight instinct in them". He says, shaking his head. "I would never have allowed my son to ride without safety gear".

"I am sure that horse was very safe and well trained". I say. I mean I don't like him sounding like Tom did something wrong. But somewhere in my mind there is a small nagging voice telling me it was stupid to let Will get on that horse.

He shrugs. "Yeah, you are probably right. I mean I am sure Tom is a wonderful father to Will, who would never let him do something reckless or stupid".

I don't say anything, but I can't help thinking even if Tom is a wonderful father, and I really think he is. He tends to be a bit reckless, to let Will do what he wants. He didn't discover our son had a sexual relationship with a much older woman. He gives him way to expensive gifts. He lets him up on a horse with no safety gear.

I know Tom only wants the best for Will, but he also wants to make up for not being there. To be his friend. Maybe sometimes he forgets a bit to be the dad sometimes.

"Well I just hope that he is going to be okay, so you won't have to go and blame yourself or Tom". He says, patting my hand.

I send him a tired smile. "Could we just not talk about it anymore ? I just want to relax a bit if it is okay ?"

*Tom*
I am pacing the hallway outside the room, the doctor has thrown me out for being in the way. And I am now nervously waiting to be let back inside when they are done examining him. At least he was awake and seemed alert when I left.

Wishing Willa was here to give me strength I try to hold myself from breaking down. I shouldn't have let him get up on Silver. I shouldn't have let him ride Silver. Not without any safety gear. I just forgot to think about it because I didn't wear any myself and I had thought Silver to be safe.

Finally the doctor comes out, closing the door behind him. "We have made some scans, Mr. Hiddleston and he has a fracture in the neck and a crushed vertebrae in the lower back. The spinal cord is swollen and we can't say if there is any damage before it has fallen down. But he seems to be experiencing some paralysation in the legs".

"He ... he is paralysed ?" I feel like my legs are about to give in, having to steady myself against the wall. "Oh God ... his mom is going to kill me".

The doctor sends me a friendly smile. "It might just be from the swollen spinal cord, we have to wait and see when the swelling goes down".

"But it might be something else ? Could it be... Permanent ?" I almost can't get the word out. I will never forgive myself if he isn't going to be okay.

He nods slowly. "If it is the swelling it will likely be over in a couple of days ... it can also be some minor damage that can heal and he would need some physiotherapy to get back in shape or worst case it is permanent damage. But for now we need to get him down to surgery to remove splinters and to stabilise his back. But you can go talk to him while we get ready".

I hurry in to find my son staring into the ceiling, tears streaming down his cheeks and I just want to take him into my arms but I can't. So I sit down beside him. "I am so sorry Will. I shouldn't have let you up on the horse".

"It's not your fault dad. Something hurt him, maybe it was a wasp or something, but he was scared and in pain. I don't blame you". He says, still staring at the ceiling.

  I place my hand on top of his. "Well I am sure you are right that something happened. But I mean I should have made you wear a helmet and a vest, so I am sorry".

"It's okay dad. But it would have been better if I had died. I don't want to be in a wheelchair. I mean I am already a nerd and a bit awkward with girls, in a wheelchair I will never get a girlfriend". He says with a sigh.

I am a bit choked to hear my son say something like that. "Will, it will be okay. Hopefully it is just the swelling. Don't say things like that when your mother hears it, it would crush her".

"But it is the truth. I will be even more the odd kid, the different one. I don't want to be that. I want to be normal. To have a life, to get married and have kids". He says, sounding so miserable it is taking everything I got not to break down crying.

I take a deep breath. "Will give it a chance to heal, no one says it is permanent. And even if the worst case scenario comes true, it is possible to have a good life in a wheelchair".

"How would you know ? You have never been paralysed have you ?" He looks at me. Defiance in his eyes. I really hope he can direct this toward his recovery.

When they come to take him to surgery, I lean down to kiss his forehead. "Be strong kid, I am waiting right here waiting for you".