Apparently I'm posting again tonight...

This is kinda random and I was actually not sure if I should post it or not but I'm doing it bc no one I know irl follows me here anyway (also, I SHOULD actually show this to them but I'm too self-conscious when it comes to this sort of personal stuff).

Basically, what happened, I was trying to get myself motivated to work on my animatic but got stuck in an endless cycle of watching YouTube videos about music and music memes and that sort of stuff and got motivated to go practice violin instead but it was kinda late and my sister has some friends over, so I didn't want to bother anyone.

Since that worked on motivation to practice music, I thought I could watch some animatics and stuff to get motivated to animate. I found some video that had a complete AMV of the entire song and it was an OC animatic, so it was perfect, although the song wasn't something I would listen to on a daily basis or anything.

That was a mistake

Not even three minutes later I was ugly crying because that random OCs I literally knew nothing about friend/partner got hit by a car and died and the OC was feeling lonely.

Yeah....

So since I was in that mood but still not motivated to go work on my own thing, I looked up "sad AMVs"

I ended up watching some fan animated sequel to Gravity Falls and that had me crying even more not because of the video itself and not even the fact that there was that "see you next summer" note in the AMV and the 3rd season never came out which was what made a lot of fans sad apparently (not saying I wouldn't like that) but because I saw myself in that situation. I know it sounds cliché but hear me out:

So, at the end of S2, Mabel and Dipper leave GF and really don't want to do that because they've made so many friends and nice (also not very nice but that's besides the point) memories and it's hard to say goodbye to that. Of course, they get the "invitation" to come next year but we all know that never happened, or at least was never shown on screen. So they're feeling quite heartbroken.

Let's compare that to my situation:

For the last 6 years (WHERE DID THE TIME GO?????) I've been going to this summer camp. I made really good friends there and for the first time in my life felt like I actually belonged with some people instead of being forced to interact with them(e.g. school classmates you end up talking to anyway and it spirals into some sort of friendship). Last summer was the best summer of my life and that was partly because I got to spend more time with the group than usually because we took the time to have video calls and my sister, my friend since kindergarten (I will be referring to her as "V") and I visited the rest of the group living on the other side of the country and stayed with them for a couple of days and had the best time ever (I literally went to my first show(concert?) there with them). And of course, we had to separate because of school and distance and stuff - leave the "Gravity Falls". We made promises to come back next year, to spend more time together, but... Time is a curse - V and I are graduating school this year. We will have to prepare for "adult life" over the summer - sit uni entrance exams, probably move, get jobs, get driver's licenses... That stuff takes time and cannot be exactly done whenever we want to do it. That stuff has its own schedule whether we like it or not, meaning we might not be able to return. Not to mention the fact that we are literally getting a bit too old for the camp itself, in fact, V was already 18 and technically too old for it last year because her bday is in March, while mine is in December, so this year, while I'm 18, she will be 19 which is wayyyyy too old. Our hope is that we know the organizers since they're mom and grandma of the two friends we made there. But even if we get to go there this summer, it's the very last time we can and all of us know it. We have been joking about us coming to the camp as the "temporary teachers" they change every day who take care of the activities but that thing will probably just stay a joke forever.

I just realized I've been rambling about this and I totally forgot the reason behind it, so back to art now:

This is supposed to be my hand and the people on it is supposed to be the  group. I can't tell how accurate it is but I think I did a pretty decent job but idk. I made it very stylized because realism in this fantasy-like scenarios aren't my strong side, so I didn't even bother (especially since that page is pretty tiny irl)

Idk why I made it in greyscale but I just thought thag colors would ruin it. I'm pretty happy about how it turned out but I don't think I will show it to them... That would feel kinda weird I think...

So yeah... I should go try to sleep bc it's 1:36 am but idk if that will really work because there's a sleepover going on behind my wall and it's kinda loud, so...