— Maybe we should stay out of politics for now?  — I suggested timidly.

— Yeah?  Are we not to get involved in politics?  How else are you going to handle this?  — Saint asked me mockingly.  I sensed a note of bitterness in his words.  To buy time and hide the fact that I didn't know what to say to him, I leaned over the phone and stared at the screen.  Saint continued as if he hadn't noticed how uncomfortable I felt.  — You know that the fight for the rights of LGBT people won't do without a clash with politics.  If we want to achieve something, we have to make people hear us and understand us.

—We will not fight only for the rights of LGBT people — Kaownah, who had been silent until now, interrupted the conversation.

— Huh?  Got a better idea?  — Khaotung gave him a cold look I didn't understand.  From the very beginning, I had the impression that these two, Kaownah and Khaotung, do not like each other.  They were able to work together quite professionally, but the relationship between them was far from ideal.

— Yes I have.  If we only fight for the rights of one group, we may not only not gain more supporters, we may even achieve the opposite of what we want to achieve.  We have to think more broadly.  Not only LGBT people need support.  There are also people from lower social classes, manual workers, whose voice will never be heard, so we must be their voice.

— And there are also people with mental problems, those important people don't want to listen to them either — I added quietly, still somewhat embarrassed that I belonged to this group myself.  In the place where I came from, mental illness, depression, panic attacks, fears and phobias were viewed very negatively.  Such people were always ridiculed and pointed at, they had no rights and no one cared about their fate.  I've met a lot of people like that, and that's what scared me the most.

— Yes, we must fight for the rights of everyone, for basic human rights —  Off, who was also present at our meeting that evening, joined the conversation.  I looked at him and at that moment I was reminded of the series he co-starred with Gun, Not Me. Before I came to Thailand, this series gave me a lot to think about, it opened my eyes and allowed me to see where the real problem lies.  P'Sky seemed like a good start, but it was only the beginning.

I looked at the faces of my companions.  In their eyes I saw the fire and passion that we needed so much to destroy and burn the foundations of this world we now knew, which has become a tortured prison for us.  The meaning of the words "Novus Ordo Seclorum" suddenly hit me. The New Order of the Ages.  Each generation wanted to change something, bring something from themselves, we wanted it too, we dreamed together that when our time came to leave, we would leave this world behind us as a much better place.  We wanted to build everything from scratch, and I realized that it was almost impossible. We can't win with rich politicians, they always make fun of it. So you have to start with something smaller.

First smiled at us and began to tell us the plan he came up with with Khaotung, Gun and Ohm Pawat.  We agreed right away.  We were aware that convincing fans to help us would not be as easy as it was sometimes shown on the internet to confuse us.

The very next night, one of our groups would sneak into the back of an abandoned old movie theater where, according to our information, P'Sky always received shipments of what I could easily call drugs.  Sometimes they exchanged other things as well.  Khaotung talked about how he was almost sold out when he auditioned for a role in the series a few years earlier.  The casting was just a cover.

— I will never forget that day.  If it wasn't for First, I probably would have left with the other two who showed up at the airport then.  There were three of us, me and two girls, both no older than 16.  He was the one who helped me get out, and in such a crowded city it was easy to hide.  Then I went home and told my parents everything.  I was kidnapped literally in front of the building where the alleged casting was taking place.  Then First asked if he could spend the night with me.  I agreed.  One night quickly turned into a week, but my parents were understanding, they let him stay as long as he needed.  I think they are still grateful to him to this day for saving their son. —  Khaotung said proudly, then brushed his hair back in his typical fashion.

As soon as Khao finished his story, our two companions who had been missing since the morning entered the room: Tutor Koraphat and Zee Pruk.  Only they were missing.  Zee almost immediately took a place on the floor next to NuNu, whom he put his arm around.  We sat wherever we could: on chairs, on the floor, on the bed or even on the windowsill.  The walls were covered with colorful sticky notes on which we wrote the tasks to be performed, password words that were supposed to help and questions we wanted to find answers to.  Our meeting was attended by: Kaownah Kittipat, Khaotung Thanawat, Off Jumpol, Gun Atthapan, Ohm Pawat, Ohm Thitiwat, Zee Pruk, New Chawarin, First Kanaphan, Jimmy Jitaraphol, Saint Suppapong, Mark Sorntast, Daria and myself.  For obvious reasons, we excluded Win Metawin, Bright Vachirawit, Nanon Korapat and Kao Noppakao from the meeting, they were not affected, it was not their problem and they didn't need to know anything.  We were aware that they might be offended if they discovered that we had done something so important without them, but on the other hand, we hoped that they would understand our reasons.  Only Earth Katsamonnat didn't appear.  Our other actors have traveled all over the world, traveling for promotional purposes, appearing at fan meetings, giving dozens of interviews.  Some had other commitments and we couldn't force them to stay with us.

— Human trafficking is serious business, are you sure you want to bring attention to it right now? — Mark turned to Khaotung.  Khao shook his head, but First answered them.

—  Of course we want to raise this topic, all over the world someone goes missing every day.  I managed to save Khaotung, but I don't know if those girls got out too.  I searched for information about them, but found nothing, even though Tung knew their names.  If we don't mention it, it's as if we agreed to it.  I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I hadn't been spying on those people back then.

— Okay, we'll do that too. You think P'Sky is responsible for this?

— Of course!  Or someone from his team. Back then, BL series were just gaining popularity.  Anyway, you should talk to Fourth Nattawat.

— Why Fourth?  What's he got to do with it?  — Daria interjected.  — He's a nice guy, I talked to him for a while, he seems harmless.

— Because it's harmless.  But that is not the point.  Fourth was one of the children from the orphanage who was taken in by wealthy families mainly in Bangkok, he, like many of us, has been given a new identity and has to pretend to be someone he is not every day.  Fortunately, his new family is very friendly and open, I met his new parents, very nice people who always dreamed of having a bunch of children, but couldn't have them.

First's story made a huge impression on me.  I brushed back my hair falling over my forehead, amused to notice that Khaotung happened to do exactly the same thing at the same time.  We looked at each other and smiled at each other.  Both First and Khao looked much better now, they stopped losing weight, their skin was not so pale and the dark circles under Khaotung's eyes disappeared.  First's hand, as if completely without the awareness of its owner, wandered to Tung's knee, sitting cross-legged at the ankles, and searched for a moment before Khao, probably equally automatically, grabbed this hand and intertwined their fingers as if it was the most natural thing under  the sun.  It was obvious that they felt comfortable in this group.  Ohm Pawat lay down on the bed, resting his head on Ohm Thitiwat's stomach as if he always did, and Thitiwat looked thoughtfully ahead and ruffled Pawat's hair with his hand, to which the latter responded with a contented smile.  Before I came to Thailand, I never would have guessed that Pawat and Thitiwat knew each other!  In the meantime, it looked like they were pretty close friends.  While you could say Pawat was a clingy guy to all of us, he spared no one, not even the somewhat introverted doctor Jimmy.

Kaownah's right leg was twitching alarmingly.  Sitting in the other chair next to him NuNew, he noticed this and put his hand on Kaownah's knee to calm him down.  I turned my head to the side to see Zee's reaction, but he was just smiling softly, not looking pissed or jealous.  His expression was more like love for NuNu.

Evenings like this were not uncommon.  We often met in a larger group to discuss current events and create a new action plan.  Always then, the tops of tables and desks were covered with snacks and drinks, mobile phones, cameras, wallets, keys to cars, motorbikes and houses, and laptops were lying next to each other on cabinets or shelves creating a funny jumble, although so far no one has made a mistake and taken  something that didn't belong to him.

This time we were at Khaotung and First's house, it was with them that we felt the safest.  Me and Daria came up with the idea of ​​ordering 30 mugs with photos of each of us online, and as soon as we picked them up, we put them all in a glass case in the dining room at Khaotung's house, which made him very happy.  Pawat brought a guitar with him, begging Jimmy to play something for us.  Serious topics were replaced by music and our cheerful laughs.  It's funny, but right here, in these four walls among these people, I felt at home.  The only thing I missed was Perth, but he had to leave to run some errands for us.

Daria leaned her back against the wardrobe where she was sitting on the floor, took her phone from the dresser and started filming everything to post it on our group Instagram account.  I followed her example and also started filming everything to have a souvenir.  I also thought that these shots could be useful in the documentary that I wanted to make about our group so much.

When you watch someone online you only see a tiny fraction of what that person really is, it's easy to get confused and misjudge someone, that's why we tried to show our fans as much as possible about our everyday life, we wanted them to understand us,  for them to see in us the people that they too were.  Jimmy playing Ohm's guitar, Gun and Off singing to the sky, Khaotung and First holding hands like the sweetest lovers, NuNew and Kaownah clapping their hands, Daria and me recording it all on our phones, Pawat lying on the bed with his head on  Thitiwat's belly, Saint jotting down something on his laptop, Mark and Zee watching from a safe distance - that was us, a slightly crazy group of friends who knew they could rely on each other and at the same time a group of young people who wanted to look hopefully  into the future, who were still able to dream and pursue their goals.

Somewhere outside of us, the normal life of other people, strangers, was going on, but we only saw each other, and that was enough for us to be happy.

* * *

—  Meeting fans in Warsaw can be the hardest, we have to be prepared for everything.  Also to insults and that we will be pelted with tomatoes or eggs.  If only no one was injured.

— What?  Why?

— Poland is one of the most homophobic countries in Europe, our politicians do everything to humiliate people like us, spread hatred towards us, teach their voters that we are inferior, that they should be afraid of us and protect their children from us.  It will be difficult to explain that we are not doing anything wrong, that it is natural, that love is a wonderful thing.  They may not understand.  Some won't even try to understand us.  I'm very afraid of it.

— Can we not go there then?  I don't know if it's safe for Nat. — Max seemed genuinely concerned and worried.  I shared his doubts fully.  Fortunately, NuNew came to my rescue.

— Don't worry Max, we'll all be there together, they won't dare hurt us.  Besides, that's why we have to do it.  These people are completely unaware of what they are doing and how hurtful and unfair their opinions are, we have to explain this to them, we have to educate them — NuNu said, trying to reassure us.

On the one hand, I didn't want to go there, I was filled with panic fear just thinking about what might happen there, and on the other hand, it was my homeland, and I felt that I owed Fluke and all those who left  from this world, feeling that there is no place for them in it.  I remembered how deeply I had to hide the fact that I liked women just to survive.  I was lucky that Pierre Gasly found me and saved me.  Not only him, also Perth, NuNu, Saint or even Ohm Thitiwat, Ohm Pawat and Fluke Natouch.  Each of these people contributed something to my life and this is how I wanted to thank them.  However, that meant I had to face my greatest fears.  I was afraid that another panic attack might come out of nowhere and ruin the whole concert.

— Yeah, New, but my country is really backward in that regard. —  I sighed and reached for a cup of Coke with ice.  I took a small sip and then another to calm myself down and gather my thoughts.  —  That's why I asked Kamil and Ewa Stoch for help.  They will be the hosts of this fan meeting.

— Who is this?

— Ah, yes, I forgot you don't know.  Finally, there's something I can show you.  I hope the guys from the studio are already done with the translations, because I planned it from the very beginning.

— You planned what?

— See that projector?

They responded by nodding or nodding briefly.  I smiled.

—  We will watch my favorite competition in ski jumping, the Olympic Games in Sochi 2014. I will not force you to watch the whole thing, because it's a bit too long, we will watch the last ten of the final series.

I reached for the remote on the table next to the snacks, which included chips and salty sticks.  We still had 24 hours before our flight to Warsaw and we had to spend this time usefully.  I didn't want my companions to appear ignorant, so I had to briefly tell them about ski jumping.  I looked around to make sure no one was missing.  Ohm Pawat and Nanon Korapat sat comfortably side by side on one of the four mattresses on the floor.  First and Khaotung took the bed where Off and Gun also fit.  NuNew was standing by the bookshelf, flipping through the skijumping.pl album I had brought from Poland, Zee standing behind him, peering over his shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist.  Earth Pirapat and Mix were chatting carelessly about something, with Earth sitting on a chair in front of the dressing table and Mix on his lap.  The two seemed to have forgotten the whole world.  Gemini and Fourth had a pillow fight with Jimmy, Yoon and Yin in the hallway.  Tutor, Yim, Win, Bright and Cooper took care of preparing snacks for everyone.  War sat on the wide sill of the window with a flute-like instrument in his hands.  Prem is also back, and now, without Boun by his side, he has become unnaturally quiet and made us all worry about him, even though he kept telling us he was strong and could handle it.  Earth Katsamonnat brought his boyfriend, Santa, and these two, who looked like cute angels at first, were the loudest and chatty among us.  They were also probably the best dancers in our group.

For the final weeks of preparation, we moved to the hotel with the largest rooms, and there seemed to be no space for us anyway, so we asked the hotel staff to help us turn the conference room into a cozy bedroom where we could all fit together so that everyone could watch  ski jumping.  On such an important day for us, even Pierre Gasly arrived with Yuki, taking Lando, whom Saint was waiting for with longing.  It was fun to watch the relationship between Saint and Lando develop: they both came from two different worlds: one was an F1 driver, a sportsman from the UK, the other an actor and director from Thailand, after all, they are actually two different continents, Asia and  Europe.

— Wait, this is winter discipline, right?

— Mhm, my first great passion that lasted 20 years.  I have known our most important hero since he appeared in the World Cup.  The World Cup is the most important annual competition in the world of ski jumping.  There are also tournaments like Raw Air or the 4-Hills-Tournament, but that's not important now.  The summer season will start in three weeks.

— Summer season?  Do they jump in the summer too?  How?

— On matting, that is, on such plastic, artificial grass.  Okay, let's start watching.  If you don't understand or know something, feel free to ask.

— All right, let's get started.

And so I introduced them to something that has been my passion and motivation for 20 years, something that has always made me look forward to the next winter with impatience.

After watching this part of the Olympic competition on the normal hill in Sochi, I showed them photos of Kamil and Ewa, asked them to follow them on Instagram and briefly told their story, also mentioning my thoughts on ruining his friendship with Peter Prevc.

— I still feel guilty sometimes when I think about it.  Theoretically, I only did what other fans did, but it wasn't fair to Kamil, Ewa, Peter and Mina —  I finished my story.  Perth put his arm around me and began to comfort me.

— You didn't have any bad intentions, did you?  Besides, you said your story turned out to be quite a detective story.

— Yes, that's true.  I planned to write a very sad, depressive story where the main character quietly dies of cancer hiding it from everyone, and it ended up that the main character didn't die at all, but ended up in a psychiatric hospital after the plane he was on crashed with his wife and his friends were on board, and he was mad with despair, and along the way there were murders, ghosts, kidnappings and the like, pure madness, and if you translated it and made it into a movie, the audience would be lost in the events.

— And here we have a surprise for you — Pierre said, then reached into his backpack and pulled out a thick stack of printed pages, which he handed to me.  — Please, we translated it.

—  Oh my God!  HOW?!  When?!

— While you were working on our film.  We saw that on your wattpad account this is the story that got the most views, so we were curious about it.  I hired two translators, and here it is, on time.  Yuki and Lando have copies for everyone in their backpacks.

The aforementioned Yuki and Lando immediately began to take out similar bundles of paper from their backpacks and distribute them to everyone.

— It'll be perfect for reading on our flight. — Lando joined the conversation.  — I personally admire you for your imagination.

— Thank you. —  I got up from my spot on the floor and went over to Pierre to give him a hug.  Letters was my first more professional fan fiction, it was crazy, and the plot was as unpredictable as possible. And everyone could choose their own ending: if you wanted to believe that in the end they all die and meet in purgatory  Kamil, who is an angel, you could believe it, but if you preferred a more realistic ending, you could believe that Kamil went crazy because of mourning and the burden of suffering he carried on his shoulders after the death of loved ones.  assume that Kamil was murdered or that he really died of cancer.

I looked at our group with tears of emotion in my eyes.  Lando, Yuki and Pierre flew to Bangkok to pick us up and fly with us to Warsaw, where Kamil and his wife were to be waiting for us at the airport.  Formula 1 drivers just had a few days break between races.  Gathering the best ski jumper, Thai actors and models and Formula 1 drivers on one stage, we hoped to kill a few birds with one stone: it was about educating Poles, promoting our new series, promoting ski jumping, Formula 1 and trying to change the image of Poland in terms of behavior  anti-LGBT.

Kamil and Ewa embodied a healthy, romantic and beautiful relationship between a woman and a man and could be an example for many thousands of fans.