A few weeks later...

Before I left the hotel and got to the set, I had some time to eat a light breakfast (P'Sky forbade me from eating too much, he said I looked bad, my face was too fat, my cheeks were too plump, I was given a special diet that  I had to follow), so I quickly made myself some fruit and cornflakes with milk, then sat down and started eating while scrolling through the posts of people I followed on Instagram.  I accidentally came across a picture of Saint Suppapong.  Saint co-starred with Zee, Max and Nat on Why R U?  and I had to be honest that they all did very well, especially Saint.

Without thinking, I left Instagram and clicked on the Google search icon, and there I typed ZaintSee, because that's what they were called.  I have seen countless photos of the two together.  I let myself be swallowed up by the depths of the internet, completely forgetting about the food that was left unfinished.  I remembered my conversation with Melanie.

—  Do you know?  Some thought Zee was infatuated with Saint — She said out of the blue one evening while we were sitting in my dorm room studying for the next day's tests.  It was just two days after I found out that I got the lead role in the new series Cutie Pie.  It was late and we decided that Mel would stay with me.  She usually had a few of her things in my closet, and toothpaste and a toothbrush, as well as a whole lot of cosmetics, she always carried with her and she taught me that too.

— Seriously?  Uh, I don't think so, I guess everyone knows Saint is straight.  Anyway, I think Zee is straight too — I stated casually, as if it didn't matter at all and it really didn't matter at the time.  Just typical gossip with a best friend who is interested in the lives of others much more than her own. I was not very happy with the way that Mel was talking about it, for me it was everyone's personal thing: who they like, who they are and who are they atracted to.

— Are you saying that because you don't want to fall in love with him? — She asked slyly.

— No?! — I replied uncertainly in a strangely unnatural and high-pitched voice, and I knew at once that she didn't believe me.

— Oh come on, it's nothing wrong, you have the right to fall in love with whoever you fall in love with, it's kind of not entirely up to you. — Mel patted the back of my hand reassuringly, where I happened to be holding the pen I was taking notes with.  The pen slipped from my hand and fell to the floor.

— Mel...

— No, New, you don't have to explain yourself.  If you don't feel ready to talk about it, that's ok, I'm not here to force you to talk about yourself against your own will.  You'll tell me when you're ready, okay?

Mel annoyed me sometimes, more than once I wanted to play some mean prank on her, but she also understood me best.  As much as she loved to gossip, loved to get information out of people, and was interested in literally everything except learning for school, she too knew that there were certain lines that shouldn't be crossed.  I know I'm lucky to have such a friend.  I smiled at her.

— Thank you.

— No problem, my dear bestie. Just don't cry or you'll make me cry too and smear my makeup — She joked.

I was grateful to her.  I didn't know how it was going to turn out or how I felt.  It was back to the stage when I found Zee to be terrifying, arrogant, and repulsive.  That night I wondered why Mel had mentioned Saint and Zee.  I asked her about it.

— Ouch!  It's simple, you'll be playing with Zee, you look a bit like Saint, I thought I should warn you.  If the fans were right and Zee was infatuated with Saint or even in love with him, then he might start hitting on you as well, and I don't want him to hurt you, I don't want you to be just a substitute for someone he can't have. You deserve better, right? Don't let anyone treat you like this. You deserve to be someone's first choice. You'll meet someone, who will treat you as the best gift from fate, you'll see.

These words, despite the passage of time, kept coming back to me and made me unable to trust Zee completely.  I wanted to, I could see he was trying, he seemed sincere, but what if he was flirting with me because I reminded him of Saint?  I never wanted to take someone else's place, if someone was to love me, I wanted them to love me for me, for who I am, not because I look like someone else.

I would be late if my phone didn't suddenly start ringing.  This snapped me out of my thoughts.  It was Nat.

— New?  Where are you?

- Nat?  Hello? — I asked hesitantly and suddenly realized something: we agreed to meet in front of the dorm and go together to the location of our show.

— Oh no!  Don't tell me you just woke up! — Nat exclaimed indignantly.

I immediately got up from the table, grabbed the backpack I had packed earlier and left my room, closing the door and quickly running down the stairs, all the while talking to Nate on the phone.

— I've been up for a long time, just something stopped me —  I tried to defend myself rather ineptly, but Nat guessed that I was cheating him.

— Oh!  Never mind, hurry up, if we don't show up soon, we'll have to stay longer again.

— I'm on my way, wait half a minute for me. — I asked and hung up.  In fact, he was waiting for me outside the entrance to the building with his arms crossed over his chest.  He scanned me up and down and back with a critical eye and moved closer to fix my hair.

— Okay, great that you're here, because we're late —  P'Sky will tear our heads off.

— Oh no, don't say anything else! Let's go.

★   ★   ★

Magic.

I understood what it meant because of him when we were shooting one of the more difficult scenes, both bare-chested, me slightly embarrassed at first, and Zee, who seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that he was naked himself, but  covered me with a blanket, saying that you can see too much.  And I let that magic grab me and carry me along like a wave on the sea carrying an inert paper ship.

It's been almost two months since I spoke with Mel, and a lot has happened in that time.  I spent a lot of time with Zee, Nat, Max, Yim and Tutor, who became like my own family to me.  I managed to get to know Zee from a completely different side as someone caring, sensitive and romantic, I quickly realized that my fears caused by Melanie's words were unfounded.  In fact, Zee was too honest, too good-natured, and too smart to fall in love with someone just because they reminded him of someone else.  Pruk Panich was not like that.

Time stopped, everything disappeared, no longer mattered, all that mattered was those beautiful brown eyes staring at me as if he expected me to do something, and those enticing lips I had kissed moments earlier for the show.  I felt dizzy for a moment, my body clearly craving for more, but my mind was telling me this wasn't a good idea.  Zee pulled away from me first, but continued to stare at me.  I felt weird.  I wanted more, but at the same time I didn't have the courage to ask for it.  When he gently pushed me away, reality crept in between us like an icy gust of wind in winter when you momentarily lower the scarf that covers your face and protects it from the cold.  It sobered me up and reminded me that we really have nothing in common, that we are not who we play, that they are just made-up characters we play, they are not real and neither are their feelings.  It's all fiction that we're supposed to present in a way that makes it look as real as possible.

Even so, I couldn't completely control what I was doing.  A small question escaped my lips towards P'Aof: "Can I kiss him?"

P'Aof nodded and said my question aloud.

— Zee, NuNew wants to know if he can kiss you?

Zee's face showed surprise, his big eyes grew even bigger for a moment, and his mouth...?  In a second...?  Did I see the shadow of a smile there?

— Do you want to kiss me?

—Mhm — I nodded, covering my bare chest with a white, fluffy blanket.  I felt slightly embarrassed and I was sure my ears were completely red, and my cheeks would have been too if it wasn't for the fact that I must have had a ton of makeup on them.

— Of course you can.  We've done it so many times, why are you shy?

I didn't answer.  Instead, I leaned forward and stole a tiny kiss from his lips.  The weirdest part was that even though the kiss itself was brief, he did respond to it.  I didn't expect that.  Maybe Nat is right after all?  Maybe I have a chance with him?  If so, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make him feel what I feel for him.

— Okay, okay, you cuties, but we still have a lot of work ahead of us — P'Aof rushed us.  Zee shook his head, looking offended, then reluctantly got out of bed and began to wrap me in sheets, being careful not to cover my head and cut off my air supply, which could have ended tragically.  Even while playing, he remembered the basic safety rules, he cared about me as if he wanted to prove to me that he really cares about me.

By the end of the recordings that day, I had no time to think about what had happened.  But I felt we were going to have to talk, and very seriously.  This feeling that was born between us, I felt that it was something special.  On the other hand, Max and Nat warned me that Zee had been through a lot in life, that he had never been easy, and that it was very difficult to gain his trust.  I heard Zee always tried to fit in everywhere, maybe that's why Perth understood him so well.  They were both outsiders, and Zee's past was a mystery to everyone, even Max didn't know and couldn't say anything about it, and I didn't want to press Hia about anything.  I wanted to give him time, I wanted him to trust me, I wanted him to understand that I'm not just the naive kid I might seem.

We got to the hotel together, Zee insisted on sleeping at my place tonight.  I didn't mind, I was too tired to put up any resistance.  Besides, it was obvious that he, too, could hardly stand on his feet.  But that's what made us happy.  We were doing something that we loved, we put a lot of effort, work and heart into it, but we also had fun doing it, although some scenes were really extremely difficult, but the more challenging it was, the more fun we had to deal with it.  P'Sky didn't appear on set very often, P'Aof took care of everything, he was responsible for the entire production.

— Why does Hia Lian always kiss NuKuea when he is crying?  — I asked sleepily, playing with his hair while he laid his head on my chest and seemed to be listening to my heartbeat.  I felt good and calm, safe around him, as if he was my lucky charm, my shield, protecting me from all bad things.

— What?  Err... I guess not only then?

— Well, maybe NuKuea doesn't always cry, but sometimes... And then Hia Lian kisses NuKuea and everything seems to be fine.

— Well, I can't explain it to you, you'll have to ask our writers.  Aaaah.—  He yawned, covering his mouth with his hand at the last moment.  —But don't think about it now, let's go to sleep. Good night.

— Yes, yes, let's go to sleep —  I agreed.

Sleep came very quickly, and I felt so good that I was afraid that I would get used to the feeling, and once Zee was out of my life, I wouldn't be able to function normally without it.  I didn't want to lose that, so I had to make sure I did everything I could to win his heart before the series was over and we would all go our separate ways.