"Holy sh..shit..! You're a demon..!"

My thighs quivered as I rolled onto my back, panting heavily for my lost breath.
"You ain't so bad yourself..." Kid snickered, using the back of his wrist to wipe the sheen of sweat from his brow.

Things around the Victoria Punk were now calm, for once. Without the stiflingly thick will they/won't they fuck or kill each other energy surrounding the two of us, everyone has finally been able to relax for the past few weeks.

"We need to find a safer method..." I stated with a small groan, using a stray pair of my underwear to wipe my partner's fresh semen from his taut abdoment.

"What, you don't want my brats?" Kid huffed, snatching the now smiled undergarment from my hand and hoying it across his room before flopping over the top of me.

I welcomed the unceremonious crushing, wrapping my arms around him as best I could in welcome.
"Undecided, but definitely not right now." I replied with a chuckle.

"Yeah, you're right. Any child of mine'll rip your pretty little pussy apart on the way out." Kid snorted, and I pulled back to narrow my eyes at him.

"Oh, okay, so you call it your pussy until we start talking about the violent, flap-shredding arrival of our potential, hypothetical children, then suddenly it's my pussy again?"

Kid paused in thought for a moment before nodding once.
"Yep." We both started to laugh, and he thankfully rolled off to the side, freeing me from his greater weight.

I was finally content. Once leaving Water 7 for the first time I had mostly always been happy, sure, but nothing had ever been fun enough. Exciting enough. Good enough.

Now, with the Kid Pirates, almost everything was my idea of perfect. I had friends who genuinely cared for me, a lover who kept me on my toes and would kill for me, and not to mention an adorable pet of my own. Life was great.

"So, now that Ms. Victoria's in the best shape of her life, what's the plan? You said you had one, right?" I rolled onto my side so I could tace him, smiling at the sight. He was soft for me, and only me.

"Mmhmm...Gonna go kill someone..." He replied with a long yawn, stretching out his body until almost every bone had cracked, creaked and popped.

Kill someone..?

Scooching a little closer, I searched his face as though it would give me some kind of hint, but I came up empty.

Kid's patented, devious grin spread across his lips as I stared at him, obvious enjoying the fact that I was so curious about his plans. Whatever they were, I was sure he was up to no good, as usual.

"Red-Haired Shanks."

It took me almost too long to register the name he had spoken, but once he did I broke out into hysterical laughter at his expense. 
"Hah! That's a good one! I almost believed you!" I wheezed obnoxiously, though I had a bad feeling, and it only increased once I noticed the agitated expression on his face. 

"I ain't joking, idiot." He growled, reaching out in an attempt to squish my face, but I rolled back and off the edge of he bed, landing in an awkward crouch before rising. 

"Then it's you who's the idiot. The biggest, dumbest idiot to ever sail the big blue." I scoffed, already starting to hunt for my discarded clothes around on the floor. "Red-Haired Shanks is not someone to fuck around with, Kid." 

If he's serious about this he could easily get us all killed...

"No fucking shit! That's why I'm not fucking around! Fuck!" His swearing had started getting worse, which meant he was genuinely growing more irritated by my disbelief, but that was good. He deserved to be irritated this time around. 

Ditching the fruitless search for panties, I yanked on a pair of Kid's old lizard-print pants that Head had kindly taken in and shortened for me. 
"You're insane and I'm telling Killer on you." I stated firmly, pulling on the least rank shirt that I could find in the room, which was thankfully one that belonged to me. "Crazy devil-dicked bastard." 

Kid started to get up as well, but I already had one foot out the door, on my way to do just as I had threatened to do. If anybody could talk, or scold, some sense into the browless captain, it would be Killer.
"How dare you call me-" 

I slammed the door on him mid-sentence, rushing barefoot down the hallway until I emerged out onto the deck. I couldn't see Killer anywhere, but I could see Wire, so that was who I made a beeline for. He seemed to be able to be mature when a situation called for it. 

"Kid is a million and one percent insane!" I shouted as I reached him, gaining his attention along with that of both Boogie and Mosh who were standing close by. 
"He bit out a jugular for you and you're only just figuring that out now?" Wire snorted in response. 

I mean bad insane this time! 

I very nearly climbed him like a tree, bracing my feet on the fronts of his fishnetted thighs. 
"He's saying he's gonna kill Red-Haired Shanks!" I shook him a little by the shoulders, hoping it would knock the severity of the situation into his head. 

It was very much a repeat of how I had reacted when Kid had told me his big idea. Wire began to cackle with laughter, as did Mosh and Boogie. 
"Take it easy! Kid always says he's going to kill everybody! Nothing new!" He picked me up from under the arms and made me get down. 

"Yeah, I heard him threaten to kill the sea once. To be fair, he fell in and nearly drowned, but still. You can't exactly kill the sea." Mosh snickered, and Boogie raised his hand. 
"Oh, oh! He told his fork he'd murder his fork wife and fork children last night cuz he couldn't pick up a meatball with it!" He added. 

I'm in love with a homicidal moron. Great. 

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I took a few moments to reevaluate my life choices before sighing out loud. 
"Okay, sure, he's violent and threatens the imaginary lives of inanimate objects, yes, but he's serious about this one. I know he is." I insisted, watching Wire's face as his smile faded a little. 
"I highly doubt he's stupid enough to pick a fight with an Emperor of the Sea so soon, (Y/N)." 

I wanted to believe Wire, I really did, but I knew that Kid was stupid enough. There was no doubting his great strength, and he was usually smart when it came to battle, but he was also overconfident to an astronomical degree. It was his most dangerous trait. 

Speaking of the devil himself, Kid ambled out from where I had come from, seemingly less mad than I had left him, which was surprising. He yawned and stretched, cracking his neck just like he did every morning when he got up, even though it was the middle of the day this time. 

"Yo, Boss, your Missus reckons you're gonna have us take on the Red-Haired Pirates." Boogie chortled as he thumbed towards me. "Should he go into protective custody like the family of forks had to?"

The corners of Kid's painted lips twitched upwards, and I palmed at my face.
"And? She's right. We're bringing him down." He announced it so nonchalantly that, just like I had, it took the three men, along with other nearby crew members who had been listening in, to react.

"Wait, WHAT?!"

"CAPT'N, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE PULLING OUR LEGS?!"

"I never thought I'd regret joining this crew, but here I am."

"You've officially lost it!"

Kid just stood there proudly, chest puffed out and hands on his hips. He didn't seem at all phased by their negativity, unlike he had with mine.

"What the hell are you all yelling about?" Out came Killer from the galley, Heat in tow, and I sprinted over to him, skidding to a halt and pointing back towards my lunatic partner.

"Talk some sense into your friend-brother-son!" I begged, whining when he placed his hand on top of my head. Reading the state of the deck, Killer eventually heaved a sigh, whilst Heat just looked thoroughly confused.

"Is this about Red-Hair?" The helmed man asked casually, and I stared at him in disbelief.
"Y..You knew about this..?" I was legitimately shocked. He'd known and hadn't said anything? Hadn't shut it down?

"Mmhmm." Killer petted my head a few more times before retracting his hand, pocketing it in his jeans. "He's been planning it for a while. I'm surprised he's only just told you."

They've both lost their minds!

"Uh, Boss...Not that we doubt you or anything, but an Emperor? Really? You sure we're up for that..?" Wire piped up with his very valid question, and Kid uttered a cocky laugh.

"Emperor Shmemperor! Red-Haired Shanks is the only one of them without Devil Fruit abilities, and we know they ain't immune to death! Look at that old crock Whitebeard! Six foot under!"

Now I was the one getting severely irritated. I'd follow Kid to the ends of the earth and beyond, even with a suicide mission such as this, but he wasn't using his head. Whitebeard had been taken down by more than just a crew of Pirates, and there were reasons Shanks was an Emperor. He didn't need a Devil Fruit ability.

"Are you, uh, sure about this, Kid? You really think we're ready?" Heat questioned, sounding nervous as he shuffled his feet. Kid's smile turned into a full on grin and he threw his arms out, gesturing to everyone on deck.

"Am I sure? Who else could kick the shit out of an Emperor of the Sea?! We're more than ready!" He laughed, so genuinely that I almost bought into it. I was sure he believed it, but I wasn't so sure. "Are you guys with me?!"

Nobody even hesitated. The men all erupted into a chorus of whoops and agreements, and I stood there absolutely dumbfounded. Their faith in Kid was astounding, and whilst I completely understood, I was worried. It was his biggest risk yet.

"I think I'm gonna have an aneurysm..." I mumbled, aggressively rubbing at my temples to try and rid myself of an oncoming headache. Killer puffed out a breath and petted my shoulder, nodding in agreement.

"Welcome to my world."

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***I wrote this at work in a notepad, because for the next 3 months I'm manning a pop-up kiosk for my company and we only get like 6 customers a day so far.

I'm super burnt out, but I'll try not to complain as much as I have been.

But also look at this funky little dude I found whilst prepping stock.

Kachow.

Next Time: P̶a̶s̶t̶, Present and Future***