Five days passed, and I still hadn't been able to see Kid.

He was stable, and conscious, from what Wire had told me, but apparently he didn't want to speak to anybody. The term 'fragile state' wasn't used explicitly, but it was obvious that it was the case.

So I became rather excited when he sent for Killer, because it meant I would be able to see him soon enough. Out on the deck, I sat shoulder to elbow with Heat, watching the tattooed man carefully clip Missy's claws.

I'd been clingy with everyone over the past few days, just tailing along like a lost puppy. It wasn't like it was uncommon in itself, but my silence was what seemed to be weirding people out.
"Hey, don't worry. I'm sure he'll be asking for you once he's finished talking to Killer."

I glanced up to see Heat offering me a small smile, and I did my best to reciprocate, reaching to push Missy's tongue back into her mouth as she laid limp in the man's lap.
"Yeah, I know...I'm just antsy, I guess. Still sore, too..." I tried not to complain so much, considering I hadn't had it nearly as bad as some of the guys.

"You pinballed down a sixty foot drop. Of course you're sore." Heat returned to clipping the feline's claws, though he made sure he kept his elbow to my shoulder. I appreciated the contact. It was keeping me from going insane.

"It shouldn't take too long until we're back to base. Just think of the beds! Better than what we have on Vicky!" Haikei sighed almost dreamily, sprawling out further where he was laying on the ground.

"Not to mention fresh meat. Some protein will do us all some good." Wire added, tapping his fingers against the ships railing. He had given the pair some privacy, and I think it was doing him some good, taking a break from playing doctor.

I was about to make some dumb comment about eating a whole stag to myself when the sudden sound of shouting arose from the infirmary.

I couldn't make out what exactly was being said, but I knew the voice. It was Killer, and he sounded beyond pissed off. No, it was more than that. Infuriated.

What the hell is going on..?

Everyone who was up on deck was staring up at the risen balcony, at the infirmary door, silent and waiting. They all seemed just as startled as I did, which didn't make my uneasy feeling any better.

It went on for a while, until finally the door burst open, and Killer stormed out, slamming it behind him with a force that could have easily splintered the frame. I was on my feet in a second flat, starting towards where he had come from.

I did want to speak to Killer, and ask him what had him so upset, but my need to see Kid was greater than that at this point. It had been too long. I passed him on the stairs, but before I could get any further, his hand flew out and seized my wrist.

He had patched his helmet up as best he could, and was wearing it once more, so I couldn't see his face, but I didn't need to. The too-tight grip of his hand was telling me everything I needed to know.
"Do not go in there right now, (Y/N). I mean it."

But...

His tone was dark, and it certainly rattled me. Looking between the holes of his helm and my wrist, I chewed on the inside of my cheek.
"I...I need to see hi-"

I stumbled a little, having to catch myself on the railing when he basically threw my arm back at me, continuing his aggressive march down the stairs.
"Fine, do whatever the hell you want! It's not like anybody fuckin' listens to me anyway!"

It hurt me, having him speak to me like that, but I tried not to take it too much to heart. He was upset, and he was always so calm and collected. He had every right to snap every once in a while. The only issue was what exactly had been said in there to make him react like that?

When I saw Wire rush after Killer, who had started towards the galley, I turned and sprinted up the remaining stairs, moving so fast that I almost faceplanted into the door. I knocked, almost too eagerly, but when I didn't hear an answer I entered anyway.

It was dark, inside the infirmary, the curtains drawn, the air thick, but once I saw him, I felt like I could finally breathe again.

Laying there, partially sitting up, eyes to the far end of the room, was Kid. He was more bandage than skin, and his hair sat limp and lifeless atop his head, missing his usual pair of goggles I adored.

"Kid..." I couldn't help but smile with relief when I called his name, hurrying to his bedside. He still didn't turn to look at me, and when I reached for his hand, he pulled it away, but I tried not to get upset by it. "C..Can I get you anything..? Do anything for you..?"

I was met by silence, and still not a glance in my direction. Was he still upset by whatever he had fought with Killer about? Deciding to hold his tongue in case he lashed out at me as well in the heat of things?

You're worrying me again...

I couldn't help but steal a quick look at where his arm had once been, now tightly wrapped by gauze and bandages. I swallowed, recalling the overpowering smell of his blood, and burning flesh.

"I'm so glad I can actually see you again..." I murmured, pulling up the stool and sitting down, respecting his wish to not be touched. "I love you. So much...You fought so we-"

"Cut the crap." My words died on my tongue when Kid cut me off, his voice hard, yet oh so hoarse. "I got fucked up by Red-Hair's underling. I didn't fight well. I barely fought. All I did was lose."

He's beating himself up about it...

It didn't come as a surprise. Kid's pride was one of his greatest strengths, as well as his greatest downfall. Of course he'd be all cut up about it. Shifting a little closer, I tried to keep my attitude positive.
"We just need to train more, get some more experience...but first, you need to focus on healing. I..It looks like Wire did a great job patching you up..?"

It was hard, trying to think of things to say to him that wouldn't set him off. I wanted him to know that I was there for him, but if I was too pushy, I knew it wouldn't lead to anywhere good.

"Can't exactly regenerate my fuckin' arm." Still, his eyes remained on the far wall as he lifted the stump of his left arm, but I refused to look at it. I just kept looking at his face.

"No, but you're Kid. You can adapt." My hands had begun to twist and bunch the hem of my shirt, releasing all the nervous energy so I wouldn't let it show on my face. It was so difficult, not to throw myself on him, kiss him and hold him. "Would...you like me to let you rest? I can come back later-"

"First, I need to clear somethin' up." A sense of dread came along with those words, and I straightened up, almost on the edge of the stool.
"Uh...okay? What needs to be cleared up?"

He's different...

Everything about Kid was tense, from the way his remaining hand sat upon the thin sheet of the bed to the way his jaw flexed.
"I've decided I don't wanna be with you any more."

Wait...

"Wh..What..?" I couldn't really understand what he was saying. Sure, the words were clear, but he couldn't be serious.
"I. Don't. Want. To. Be. With. You. Anymore. Did you not hear me?" Kid had always been pretty blunt, but this was a whole other level. This was the Kid I had first met, possibly even colder.

"You...Wait, what? Seriously, Kid, what are you saying..? Why..?" All I could do was question it. It had came out of nowhere, after all. Was he so crushed by his defeat that he had reverted back to his old self? After all that progress?

"I don't owe you any reason. I want out, so I'm out." There was no emotion in his voice. Nothing. Not a scrap to be found, and I felt my chest begin to seize.
"L..Like hell you don't owe me a reason..! Kid, what's going on?! We can sort this out!"

I didn't mean to raise my voice, but I couldn't control it. Out of nowhere, just like that, he wanted to break things off with me? After all we had been through together? When we had been going so well?

"Sort what out? I wanna focus on my own shit. Important shit. I've realised that I don't have the damn time to be splittin' my attention between you, and what matters most." I wanted to narrow it all down to a concussion, or something else related to his injuries, but he was speaking so clearly.

"B..But-"
"I wasted time I should've spent preparing screwing around with you. Don't act so damn surprised. You've known from the start this shit wasn't gonna work." He continued, turning his head away slightly when I leant forward, my hands on the mattress.

"No, I haven't! What, is this because of what happened with Rockstar?! If it is, then forget about it! It doesn't matter to me! All I care about is you, and that you're alive! Kid, I-" When Kid spun around, his one un-patched eye burning into mine, leering viciously, I scrambled backwards, ending up on the floor.

"See, this is the fuckin' problem! It matters to me! We ain't on the same page, never have been, never will be, so give it up already!" He barked, spittle flying from his mouth and landing on my knees. "You're just some petty little thief with a taste for masochism, who got the hots for me and decided she wanted to play pirate! You have no fuckin' idea how much this all matters to me!"

He doesn't actually mean all this, does he..? He can't...Surely, he can't...

Kid bared his teeth as he leaned over more, nails digging hard into the edge of the mattress as I cowered on the floor, struggling not to break down in tears.
"Th..That isn't it! Yeah, maybe I am just some petty little thief, but I fell in love with you! Every part of you! Even this absolute b..bullshit! That isn't changing!"

Kid sat back a little, but the look he gave me hurt more than any words he could have spoken. It was cold, cruel and worse than any physical pain I had experienced. A look of total contempt.
"Well, that's your damn problem, ain't it? Look, you're useful, you have skill, you fill the gaps that my guys are lackin' in, but this? I'm done playin' with you."

Playing...This can't be all this was to him..? No way...

"If you're so hellbent on this love bullshit, then go be with Killer. He's always been soft on you, so it'd be a better match, but I'm done. If I'm gonna be King of the Pirates, I need to get serious." My tears spilled down over my cheeks as he turned away from me, settling his head back down onto his pillow. "Chasing your tail was getting boring, anyway..."

It took me far too long to climb to my feet, and even longer to let everything he had said really settle in. He wasn't messing around with me. This wasn't brought on by a concussion. He was serious. We were done.

"R..Right...It's good to know how you really feel about me, then. Go fuck yourself, C..Captain..." Turning, joints stiff and painful, I somehow managed to make it out of the room before my body kicked off into a sprint, down the stairs and past the others, whose concerned voices fell on deaf ears.

I didn't stop until I reached my room , our room - fumbling to lock the door behind me before I collapsed on the floor, breaking down entirely. It hurt to breathe, and my eyes burned with hot tears that just wouldn't stop flowing.

There was no question that what Kid and I had had together had been real. I knew that, I wasn't as stupid as I lot of people considered me to be. I knew he had loved me back, at some point, and he possibly still did, but that still didn't change the facts.

He'd ended our relationship, and there was no going back on that.

Normally, in such a state of upset, I would have run to Killer, but if Kid had said similar things to him, that would have been the worst possible thing to do right now. I wanted my cat, but there was no way I was going back out there to deal with concerned eyes and worried questions.

Alone, emotionally distraught, I laid on the floor, curling in on myself, my knees to my chest. My sobs were no longer stifled, ripping at my throat as I got to a stage where I was at risk of choking on my own snot.

I loved him, but it was over. No more flirty banter. No more being carried around under his arm. No more waking up to his body wrapped protectively around mine. No more Eustass Kid in the way I knew him to be.

We really...really...should never have gone after the Red-Hair Pirates...

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*** :)

Next Time: Coping Mechanisms***