*Cuh-Lick!*

(Y/N): Hold on a sec, just need to finish off my strip routine.

Paulie: Goodbye.

(Y/N): WAIT I WAS JOKING DON'T HANG UP!

Paulie: You're horrible, you know that, right?

(Y/N): And proud of it. So, what's up? Miss me?

Paulie: Obviously. Are you staying out of trouble?

(Y/N): Define trouble.

Paulie: (Y/N).

(Y/N): Yes, Mr. Party-Pooper, I'm staying out of trouble.

Paulie: Good. You know everyone's still talking about the chaos at the dock when you shipped out?

(Y/N): They better be. I didn't make a show of it for nothing.

Paulie: That Timbley guy and his parents are beyond pissed. Ma and Pa, too. You should really thank me for taking all the heat.

(Y/N): Ah shit, I'm sorry, man. I really appreciate you helping me out. I didn't want you to get caught up in shit.

Paulie: Honestly, it's better than the usual shit I'm caught up in.

(Y/N): Oh yeah, that reminds me, how are your gambling debts going?

Paulie: I was talking about that crap with Lucci and the others, not my totally normal enjoyment of Yagara racing.

(Y/N): Didn't answer my question, Pauls.

Paulie: For your information, I'm no longer in debt now that I'm the vice president of Galley-La.

(Y/N): Wow, how much do you even make? Last I heard you owed a fucktonne of berries...

Paulie: Like I'd tell you. You'd just turn that ship around and come pickpocket me like you used to.

(Y/N): Yeah, I totally would if we didn't have things to do.

Paulie: I thought you said you were staying out of trouble?

(Y/N): Who says it's anything sketchy?

Paulie: Well what is it then?

(Y/N): What polish did you guys use on the figurehead? I wanna make sure Victoria stays as shiny as she can be.

Paulie: You're avoiding my que-

(Y/N): I was thinking that next time maybe you could think of a way to make her jaw actually open and close! That would be wicked!

Paulie: Tell me or I'll let your whole crew know you used to write Mrs. (Y/N) Iceberg on all your old notebooks.

(Y/N): Okay, okay! Yeesh...We're just going to meet up with another crew. That's all. It's nothing sketchy.

Paulie: What crew?

(Y/N): Oh, you wouldn't know them...

Paulie: Try me.

(Y/N): ....[unintelligible mumbling]...

Paulie: Speak up.

(Y/N): I said The Re-[unintelligible mumbling]...

Paulie: One more time. Clearly. Don't test me, brat.

(Y/N): Ugh, fine! Just...don't freak out. You always freak out.

Paulie: When do I ever freak out?

(Y/N): The...Red-Haired Pirates...

Paulie: ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE, (Y/N)?! AN EMPEROR?! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?! CUZ THAT'S HOW YOU DIE!

(Y/N): There you go, freaking out.

Paulie: I'M TOTALLY CALM!

(Y/N): Take a deep breath and then exhale all the anxious vibes, my dude.

Paulie: WAS THIS EUSTASS' IDEA?!

(Y/N): It was a mutual decision.

Paulie: Bullshit! At the very least I know that Killer guy has a decent head on his shoulders! There's no way he would have agreed to that!

(Y/N): Actually, Killer's pretty wild too. Just...in a silent but deadly kind of way. Like a beautiful, blond fart...

Paulie: (Y/N), I want you to get off that ship before you reach them. If you insist on getting back on after the fact, if they're still even alive, then by all means, but do not-

(Y/N): Calm down. I trust Kid, Killer and the rest of the guys. I'll be totally safe. Besides, how cool would it be if your dearest little sister one-shot THE Shanks right between the eyes?

Paulie: YOU'RE PLANNING ON FIGHTING THEM?!

(Y/N): Uh, duh? Why else would we be going to see them?

Paulie: PUT THAT STEAMPUNK CRETIN ON THE SNAIL RIGHT NOW!

(Y/N): Sorry, he's busy.

Paulie: YEAH, LEADING YOU TO YOUR DEATH!

(Y/N): Taking a shit, actually. You're so dramatic, Pauls. Ever consider auditioning for the local theatre? You'd make a mean damsel in distress.

Paulie: THIS IS SERIOUS, (Y/N)!

(Y/N): I'm not fighting! Not unless I absolutely have to...but I haven't heard of a single instance where anyone from The Red-Haired crew has harmed a woman. Have you?

Paulie: W..Well, no, but-

(Y/N): Remember those deep breaths. Look, I know what I'm doing. I'm not being forced into anything I don't want to be a part of. Answer me this. You trust Iceberg, right?

Paulie: Of course I do! What does tha-

(Y/N): You trust him to make the right decisions, you'd always back him up, and if things went wrong you would stay by his side, right?

Paulie: Well, yes, but-

(Y/N): I love Kid. I love the guys on this crew. My crew. No matter what, I trust Kid to make the right decisions, I'll always back him up, and if things do end up going wrong, I'll be staying right by his side. It's no different.

Paulie: No! Your situation is entirely different than mine! I'm a shipwright! I don't sail around picking fights with the world's most dangerous people!

(Y/N): You nearly got yourself killed several times in the first three months you were working there as an apprentice. Danger is danger. Hell, you nearly died when Lucci and his bastards turned on you.

Paulie: I..I just don't want you to get killed...I know I'm overprotective. I've always been that way, but...(Y/N), this is too far.

(Y/N): This is why I didn't want to tell you. I won't die, Paulie. Not when you have full pockets ripe for picking. Can't you just trust me?

Paulie: I'm sick of you asking me to trust you. It isn't you that I don't trust. It's everyone else...It's even harder because I know you're not going to change your mind...

(Y/N): Listen, I'll call you every day from now until it's over, alright? That way you know I'm safe and there'll be less for you to panic about.

Paulie: Twice a day. Morning and evening.

(Y/N): If that'll ease your concerns, sure.

Paulie: It won't do shit to ease anything, but at least I'll know you're alive...

(Y/N): How about I ask Kid if we can come back for a visit soon? Not to Water 7, because I'm pretty sure Ma and Pa'll actually kill me...But somewhere close where we can meet up.

Paulie: I'd like that...I'll also be able to beat the shit out of your idiot crew...

(Y/N): Bruh, even Missy would be able to one v one you.

Paulie: The damn sack of skin? Do you seriously think I'm that weak?

(Y/N): I was joking, dummy. Come on, can we finish this call off on a better note?

Paulie: A bit hard after all that...

(Y/N): For me?

Paulie: Ugh...So, you and Eustass, huh?

(Y/N): Mmhmm. Kinda sad your little sister has a partner before you, huh?

Paulie: For your information, I've been speaking to a lovely young lady recently.

(Y/N): Holy shit. For real?! Details! Now! Name, age, height, weight, star sign, daily calorie intake!

Paulie: You're balls to the wall insane, you know that?

(Y/N): Again, proud of it. So? Tell me everything!

Paulie: Her name is Meika, and she recently started waitressing at the tavern down by Sebr.

(Y/N): Paulie and Meika...I like the sound of it. What does she look like? You can't deprive me of the details, bro.

Paulie: Well...she's got pretty brown hair-

(Y/N): Yeah but like, what shade of brown? Ash? Honey? Caramel? Chocolate? Cinnamon?

Paulie: I..I don't know! It's brown?! Light brown!

(Y/N): Typical male. How's it cut? Long? Short? To the shoulders? Is it curly or straight? Is it-

Paulie: LIGHT BROWN ABOVE THE SHOULDER JESUS CHRIST, (Y/N)!

(Y/N): Well sor-ry for wanting you to paint me a clearer picture of my future sister in law!

Paulie: Quit getting ahead of yourself! We've only spoken a few times!

(Y/N): Then what are you waiting for?! Go ask her out and make me some grandbabies!

Paulie: Th..That's not- I'm gonna to go ask Ma if you were dropped on your head at birth...

(Y/N): No need. Remember? I rolled down the stairs and hit every single one on the way down when I was three.

Paulie: Oh yeah. That explains so much.

(Y/N): Listen, I have to go and give Jaguar a HC, so when I call you tomorrow you better've at least talked to Meika again, y'hear?

Paulie: What's a HC? Is that code? What does it stand for? It sounds scandalous. I knew they were no good!

(Y/N): Paulie. Honey. My darling brother. Haircut. I'm giving him a haircut.

Paulie: Well, i-

(Y/N): It's not code for anything. A literal haircut.

Paulie: ....Okay then...

(Y/N): You're a silly goose. You know that?

Paulie: Shut up. Just...promise you'll call? Twice a day, and please...can you reconsider? For me? Think about it.

(Y/N): Fine, I'll think about it...and twice a day, as promised. Now, run your hairy ass down to that tavern and go get'er, tiger!

Paulie: My ass isn't hairy, and I'm at work.

(Y/N): Then take a lunch break and go get'er, tiger!

Paulie: It's eight in the morning-

(Y/N): I SAID GO GET'ER!

Paulie: Love you, (Y/N). Stay safe.

(Y/N): I love you too, Pauls. And my future sister in law.

Paulie: Goodbye, (Y/N).

(Y/N): Byeeeeeee!

*Cuh-lick!*

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***Sorry for the delay with updates. I've been working on fixing some of my older BNHA stories whilst simultaneously trying to claw my way out of seasonal depression.

Have a couple of doodles I did (one censored cuz it was too seggsy)

Next Time: Faith***