Paulie: You call this every couple of days?! I've been worried sick! My hair's greying!

(Y/N): Sorry, Pauls. Haven't been having the best time recently.

Paulie: ARE YOU OKAY?! YOU SOUND HORRIBLE! WHAT HAPPENED?! I'LL STRANGLE THEM ALL! I'LL-

(Y/N): Please stop yelling. I'm hungover and my head hurts.

Paulie: Please tell me you're okay! Are you hurt?! Put that bastard Eustuss on!

(Y/N): Yeah, I got hurt. Not as bad as some of the others, but I'm okay. Definitely not as bad as...him.

Paulie: What happened? Exactly? You promised you'd stop lying to me, (Y/N).

(Y/N): We were planning on fighting one of the Emperors of the Sea, Red-Hair Shanks, but before we could even get close one of his guys came and completely decimated us. I got thrown off a cliff, and burnt my hands a bit, but I'll live.

Paulie: .......One moment.

(Y/N): Uh-huh.

Paulie:[AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-]

(Y/N): Got that out of your system now?

Paulie: No...not even a little. You got thrown off a cliff?!

(Y/N): Yes.

Paulie: And burnt? How did you end up being burned?

(Y/N): Cauterizing someone's wound so they wouldn't bleed out.

Paulie: Where the fuck was Eustass during all of this?!

(Y/N): Bleeding out from having his arm cut off.

Paulie: I...Fuck. Is...he alright..?

(Y/N): I don't know. Probably. I know he isn't dead, so...

Paulie: Wait, probably? Aren't you two always together?

(Y/N): Not anymore. He ended things, so, I don't know.

Paulie: Ah, shit...Honey, I'm sorry...

(Y/N): You don't have to pretend like you're not happy about it. I know you didn't approve.

Paulie: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I want to see your heart get broken. I know you cared about him.

(Y/N): Mmm, well, it's just how things played out. I'll live.

Paulie: You don't sound like yourself.

(Y/N): I told you, I'm hungover.

Paulie: Even when you're hungover you're usually a brat. Please don't tell me you've been masking with alcohol..?

(Y/N): So I've been drinking a little more than usual? Sue me. It isn't like you and your gambling.

Paulie: Don't start that. I've paid off all my debts. I just don't want you to get stuck in a pit.

(Y/N): Sorry...I know. I'll be okay, I promise. Killer locked all the booze up, anyway.

Paulie: Well, I'll have to thank him, then. At least someone there is looking out for you.

(Y/N): Everyone does. Aside from the captain, anyway...

Paulie: Did...you want to come home? I'm not trying to nag you, I swear! I just...if you're not comfortable being around him anymore, you know you can come back. I'll even make sure Ma and Pa don't bother you.

(Y/N): No, at least not right now. Thanks, though. It makes me feel better, knowing you're there for me...

Paulie: I always will be, you know that. You even made me do that nasty spit pact before you left, remember?

(Y/N): There was nothing nasty about it. It was a sacred oath.

Paulie: Are you sure you're alright? I could try to get time off and visit..?

(Y/N): As much as I'd love to see you, you wouldn't last five seconds in the New World.

Paulie: You've got one hell of a point.

(Y/N): Depending on what we do next, I might come back for a visit soon. I really miss you.

Paulie: And Iceberg's ass?

(Y/N): Mmhmm, and Tyrannosaurus.

Paulie: I really don't like hearing you so flat.

(Y/N): Pauls, seriously, it's just the hangover. I can guarantee, I've been just as annoying as usual, if not more so.

Paulie: Have anyone who can back you up on that?

(Y/N): Well not right now, seeing as I'm in my room, shielded from the curse that is sunlight.

Paulie: Get someone to call me to confirm later then, like Killer, or that tall guy with the legs.

(Y/N): That could be about eighty percent of this crew.

Paulie: I don't know his name! String, or Cable or something!

(Y/N): I'll be calling Wire as Cable from now on.

Paulie: Close enough.

(Y/N): Fine, I'll get one of them to call to confirm that I'm not lying to you. Love the trust, Pauls.

Paulie: Hey now, don't go getting like that. After that kind of news, I'd normally be sending the entire World Government out searching for you.

(Y/N): How many cigars have you gone through since the start of this call?

Paulie: Five.

(Y/N): Your lungs are an enigma.

Paulie: They really are. Hey, I'm on the clock right now, but did you want me to ask Iceberg for the afternoon off? He wouldn't mind, and we could talk if you need to.

(Y/N): No, really, it's fine. I just wanted to touch base with you, because I broke our promise and didn't for way too long. I'll try to not let that happen again.

Paulie: Are you sure? Seriously, it's no trouble-

(Y/N): Paulie. I'm fine. You have work to do, and I should probably sleep this headache off, anyway.

Paulie: Alright...but I mean it, (Y/N), don't you dare hesitate to ca-

(Y/N): To call you whenever I need you, no matter the time. I know. I promise I will.

Paulie: I love you.

(Y/N): More than cigars, ships and prudishly dressed women?

Paulie: The most.

(Y/N): Well then I love you more.

Paulie: Promise me you're okay? That you're not going overboard on the drink?

(Y/N): I promise. Now get back to work before I call Iceberg and tattle on you.

Paulie: Okay, okay! Talk to you later. Love your guts, brat.

(Y/N): Love yours more. Seeya.

I heard the snail shut itself off as I fiddled with my hair pins, pressing my head up close to the cabinet doors until I heard a sharp click.

Sitting back on my heels, I smirked proudly to myself as I pulled the doors open, revealing all of the booze that had been locked away from me. They should know better than to use such a simple lock when they had a professional lock-picker on board.

Reaching in, I pulled out a bottle of some kind of malt whiskey, studying the label as though I actually gave a shit about whatever I was going to drink for the evening.

Sorry, Paulie...I know I promised not to lie, but I need to numb a lot of shit right now...

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***Am I just basing boozehound (Y/N) on me during my teen years whenever anything mildly inconvenient happened? Absolutely I am.

Next Time: It's What He Wanted***