Chapter 13

I ran my fingers through his damp hair. The bag of frozen peas that I had used on his bruise had been long since replaced on its shelf in the freezer, and now he lay shirtless on his stomach with the blanket bunched at his waist and his cheek pressed against my thigh.

He was watching his beloved food channel. On the screen, the overweight chef was teaching the world how to make a dish that I was unfamiliar with and certainly didn't care to learn. He had Cam's undivided attention. It was ironic that my boy could hardly boil water what with all the schooling he was getting. No—not my boy...not my anything.

I shook my head. Definitely not my anything. Just a boy in need of the right master. I could already think of a few Doms who would gladly take him off my hands.

There was the ever friendly Erik Vedere, the gentle John Junior, the charismatic Ramond Lackley, the enigmatic Robert Kit and of course James, who had already asked for him. Any one of them could provide Cam with the life he wanted...the life he needed. These were all men I trusted; men who knew the value of a pure sub and who would shower him with attention and affection.

I glanced at the phone sitting on my side table. I could call anyone of them up right now. Since training was for the moment out of the question, there really was no reason for me to keep him. Any one of those Dom's could provide him with the help he needed. Any one of them could see to it that his needs were met.

I glanced at the bruise on his shoulder. The swelling had gone down considerably, but I had no doubt that it was just as painful as ever. I trailed a finger along his arm and he turned to look at me. His large, doe-like eyes met and held mine, and I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Erik was friendly enough, but Cam needed more than just a friendly face. 

John's gentleness would be a welcome change for Cam, but what was gentleness without more? Ramond might have been charismatic, but his constant flirtation with everything that moved would only prove to hurt Cam. Robert could be mysterious and intriguing, but what Cam needed was openness and honesty, and then there was James. I could find no fault with James. He would be a perfect fit for Cam.

I offered him a smile then, and he returned it timidly before returning his attention to the show. James would be a perfect fit...but the thought of passing him off still didn't sit right with me. I just needed to care for him a little while longer, and once satisfied he was in a good emotional state, I would give him to James and they would both have my blessing.

I nodded to myself. Yes it was a good plan.

.........................................

Mother hen.

It was the best description I could come up with for the woman seated across from me. She'd babied Cam from the moment he'd stepped foot through the front door and continued to do so even as we all sat in their very tiny family room.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat something before you go? I could whip up something in no time." she asked yet again.

"Yeah I'm good. Damion made me breakfast this morning...pancakes" he made sure to clarify with a smile.

Monte looked at me and pursed her lips, before looking away again.

She was a stunning creature, Monte. She was tall with flawless skin and legs that seemed to go on forever. Her nails were perfectly manicured and painted, and she sat with a grace that could only match that of royalty. It was her eyes that intrigued me though. They held an intelligence that was hard to miss. They also held suspicion and distrust and that was understandable. In fact, where Cam was concerned, it was welcome because it meant that she had the sense to look out for him.

I glanced at the boy in question. He as sitting on the couch beside his housemate; his legs curled under him as he looked back and forth between us with a grin. His excitement at our meeting was obvious.

"So." She began, his gaze settling on me. "Where in Chicago will you be staying?"

"In a hotel Monte. Can you believe it?" Cam answered, "I've never been to a hotel before and Damion said there'll be snow!" he was like a kid on Christmas day.

"That's nice Cam." She said, eyes still fixed on mine.

"I can't believe I'm going to get to fly in a plane. You know I've always wanted to, and Damion said I'll get to sit at the window, which means I'll see everything. I hope I won't get sick because you know I'm afraid of heights, but I'm gonna take so many pictures.

" Do you think I could borrow your camera? I swear I won't break it." he continued at a million miles per minute.

It was interesting to see him in this light. This new talkative Cam. It meant that he was comfortable with Monte, and when he eventually became comfortable enough with me this side of him would be something to look forward to.

She finally looked at him. "Oh I'm sorry Cam, Leo has it. Remember I told you he was going out of town? He won't be back with it until Friday."

Cam shrugged. Nothing could dampen his excitement. "I can still take pictures with my phone. It'll be decent quality." Then he frowned. "It's gonna be weird not spending Christmas with you."

"That's okay." She lifted a hand to brush a lock of hair from his face; tucking it securely behind his ears. "We can always have our own little celebration when you get back."

He smiled at her. His eyes were as trusting as ever and his face was so open, you could practically read his mind. They were an interesting dynamic. Like mother and son.

While Cam spoke, I took the opportunity to survey the room. There were pictures on every available shelf and the walls showcased their history together. Every picture in the small room captured just the two of them. If either of them had allowed anyone else into their lives in all the years since they had met each other, it certainly hadn't been documented. I could just imagine their devastation if anything happened to either of them. I wondered just how healthy their codependency could really be. When I glanced back at the two of them she as watching me.

I didn't know why, but I felt the need to assure her. "I'll take care of him." I said simply, and her eyes narrowed.

"Hey Cam, can you go get my charger for me please. I think I left it in my room." Her eyes remained locked with mine as she said this, and I could picture Cam's confusion as he looked between us.

His reply, when it came, was hesitant. "Yeah okay." But he stood and left to do her bidding regardless. The moment he was out of earshot, she pulled something from the crease in the couch and held it up for me to see; her charger.

I smiled; intrigued by her actions. She rolled the cord slowly and placed it on the coffee table between us. I watched silently as she straightened in her seat and turned her attention back to my face. "You can walk around all you want with your fancy suit, thousand dollar watch and that pretty face" she began "and you can go ahead and enjoy it when people go out of their way to catch your eye, but if you think for a second that what you have and who you are scares me, then you're in for a big surprise."

My smile grew and I raised a brow. "Don't I?"

She flushed, but just as quickly, her expression hardened. "You don't. I'm sick of your kind coming into our lives and thinking you have a right to—"

"My kind?" I interrupted, and her eyes narrowed.

"Cam's been through enough, you hear me? He's been through too much already and I won't sit around and watch while anyone else tries to hurt him again. I don't care if you think you're the most powerful man on earth Mr. whatever the hell your name is. You better believe that when it comes to Cam I'm far more powerful and if you lay a finger on him, I swear to God I'll make it my life's mission to make your privileged life a living hel—"

"Monte I don't see it in here!" Cam shouted from the other room and interrupted her tirade.

"Look under the bed or something. Maybe it fell when I was cleaning up earlier!" she called back.

When she looked back at me, she took a deep breath. Her hands closed into fists. "Just don't hurt him. I—Please. He needs to be happy now. It's his turn to be happy. He can't deal with anymore hurt and I can't watch him go through any more pain. I won't. So if you're poison just cut him loose before you spread and infect what little self-worth he has left."

"It's not under the bed. It's not anywhere in there." She straightened up as Cam reentered the room, and plastered a smile on her face.

"That's okay sweetie. I found it." she reached over and plucked it off the table. "Turns out it was stuck between the cushions."

I decided that I liked her. She was exactly the kind of person he needed in his life.

I'd seen all I needed to and I was satisfied, so I stood. "We should get going now if we don't want to miss our flight."

Cam's face lit up. "Okay lemme just get my shoes." We watched him pull them on and Monte walked us to the door.

I allowed them their time to embrace. It was a while before they pulled away, and once they did she captured his face in her hands. "You make sure you call me the second you get there and if anything happens you let me know okay."

Cam nodded. "I'll call you, but nothing's gonna happen."

She cut a glanced my way—her mouth tightening— and glanced back at him. "I'm serious Cam. Anything at all."

"Yeah I swear. I love you. See you in a few days." He told her, and finally stepped through the door.

I held back while he made his way to the car. "He'll be safe with me." I promised her. "That's one thing you won't have to worry about."

The last thing I saw before I turned to follow Cam, was the tears that had gathered in her eyes.

She didn't believe me.

..........................................................

After a thirty minute delay we were finally in the air and Cam's focus was, as expected, out the window. He had already taken more than a dozen pictures of the clouds and had seen all there really was to see of the sky, but he still couldn't seem to get enough.

In the aisle across from us, my brother was already fast asleep, with his earphones plugged into his ears. I was halfway through reading my newspaper when the flight attendant placed a small bowl of nuts on each of our retractable tray tables. Cam looked down at his with a frown and when she had passed, he whispered conspiratorially to me; "but I didn't order anything."

I smiled. "It's all a part of our flight package. You'll also get breakfast if you want it."

He dipped his hand into the bowl and took out a cashew. "Wow, so we're getting free food?"

"Something like that." I indulged, and handed him my own bowl, which he accepted gratefully.

Usually I slept or worked during flights, but on this occasion, I spent my time showing Cam how to recline his seat, looking at every single picture he took that he just had to show me, getting up to allow him to pass on his way to the restroom (which we both knew he didn't really want to use).

I also spent it passing his and Donny's phones back and forth so they could listen to each other's music, getting up to allow him to pass on his way back from the restroom, getting up to retrieve his sketchpad from the hand luggage he'd placed in the overhead bin, getting up again to also retrieve his graphite pencil because the normal pencil I'd given to him 'wouldn't work', and of course explaining to him that the minuscule hole that he'd spotted in his window was used to balance the air pressure in the cabin with the pressure outside the aircraft.

Finally, he fell asleep half an hour before we were set to land and later asked why I hadn't woken him up earlier so he could witness the landing for himself.

I ignored him.

...........................................................

~Cam~

Damion was holding my hand. We were walking through the airport and people were staring and it was like he didn't even care. He was talking to Donny about business stuff. I looked down at our hands. It felt weird in front of so many people, but it felt good too. Really good.

The airport reminded me of the mall. There were restaurants and booths and stores. There was an old man sitting by himself at a table in one of the restaurants and he smiled at me as we passed. I smiled back. I liked the airport.

When we got outside it was freezing. It wasn't snowing but there was snow on the ground and the wind was crazy. There were a lot of people loading their bags into cars or just standing around waiting for their ride. We didn't have to wait at all though. There was a guy holding up a sign with Damion's name on it. He loaded our bags into the trunk and even opened the door for us to get into the car. I liked the smell of the leather seats and the feel of them under my fingers.

"Seatbelt." Damion told me when the driver started the car. He didn't fasten his though. He never did. Neither did Donny.

It wasn't a long ride to the hotel, but from what I saw on the ride there, Chicago was beautiful. After we checked in at the hotel, we made a quick stop at Donny's room first so he could drop off his bags. His room was gorgeous; just like in the movies and nothing like the motel rooms Monte and I used to stay in. It was clean, the air smelled fresh and everything looked so new.

Donny dumped his stuff on the bed, washed his face, grabbed his laptop and then we were on the elevator again.

Damion's room was bigger than my whole apartment.

"He's high maintenance." Donny told me when we stepped inside. "That's what happens when you spend your life with no one to take care of but yourself."

Damion ignored him.

I left my bags in the living room area and went to explore, while Donny and Damion immediately set up their laptops at the dining room table. This room or suite or whatever it was had a balcony, but remembering how cold it had been earlier, I chose not to open the door. The view was unbelievable though. I felt like I could sit and stare all day.

It was crazy to me that Donny had his own room when all three of us could have fit easily enough. Monte and I used to share our motel rooms without any problems and those were pretty small. I peeked into the bathroom and checked out the bedroom. Out in the dining area Damion and Donny were talking business so I made a quick call to Monte, before taking a seat in front of the TV. There was a huge gift basket of strawberries and chocolate on the coffee table. The card it came with said compliments of the hotel which could only mean it was free, but I figured it was safer just to not touch it at all.

I flipped on the TV; planning to catch up on a good show but I fell asleep before it started. When I woke up a few hours later, Donny was in the corner raiding the mini bar. "Monte says only a crazy person eats things from the mini bar in a hotel. It's too expensive."

He glanced at me as he pulled out a bag of nuts "I really need to meet this Monte guy. He has an opinion on everything."

"Monte's a woman."

He offered me some of his snack, but I shook my head. "Where's Damion?"

"Freshening up." he looked me up and down. "You might want to change into warmer clothes."

"Why? Where are we going?" I got up to dig through my suitcase.

"We're going to grab a bite to eat with Paul and Tate.

"I didn't know they were going to be here."

"You know them?"

I shrugged. "I met Paul. He came to visit Damion one time."

He nodded. "He's one of our business partners. The others are flying in tomorrow."

I pulled off my shirt and changed into a cream turtle neck. "I never met Tate before though."

He grinned. "You'll like him. He's very...different...refreshing."

"Oh good you're awake." Damion said as he came into the room. He'd changed out of his business suit and he looked extra handsome in his emerald green sweater and dress pants. He'd combed his hair back too and I didn't think it was possible for him to look more sophisticated, but he did.

"Are you going to change too?" I asked Donny.

He grinned. "Are you trying to say I'm a mess?"

I laughed when he winked. "You don't have to change. You look good." And he did. To be honest, he was looking just as handsome as Damion—just a little bit more casual.

"Did you call Monte?" Damion asked as he picked up his wallet from the coffee table and stuffed it into his back pocket.

"Yeah." I pulled on my boots and when I stood, he brushed something off my face.

"Okay lovebirds let's go. I'm starving." Donny reached into the mini bar again and pulled out another snack, before he went through the door. I looked around the room one last time to make sure I wasn't leaving anything.

The restaurant was two blocks away they said, so we were walking there. I wasn't used to this kind of weather. As much as Chicago was beautiful, I didn't think I could stand to live here. I'd put on my gloves, but it didn't feel like they were working. My fingers were cold and even though I had on a jacket and a turtle neck shirt, I felt cold everywhere. I shivered as we crossed the street and when we got to the other side, Damion wrapped his scarf around my neck.

"You stay here long enough and you'll get used to it." Donny commented. I pulled the scarf up to cover the bottom half of my face and inhaled. It smelled just like Damion—his cologne and his skin. I loved the smell of him.

I was grateful when we finally stepped inside the restaurant where it was warm. A lady led us to our table and I took off my jacket on the way. I recognized Paul the second I saw him. He looked the same as he did when I'd met him at Damion's house, except that now he as all dressed up and looking put together.

I also recognized Tate right away and I literally did a double take when I saw him. He was sitting right next to Paul and smiling at whatever it was that he was saying. The picture I'd seen didn't do him justice—not even a little bit. He was beautiful; like Photoshop beautiful.

I slid into the seat beside him and I couldn't look away while everybody greeted each other. His face was flawless and pale with high cheekbones and the bone structure of a model. His eyelashes were long and blond, and he had the coolest looking grey eyes.

He'd dyed his hair a silvery color that would have probably looked ridiculous on another person, but on him it was perfect. He was obviously taller than me—everyone was—but he was small and slim. I liked the way he cut his hair. I wished I could pull off a hairstyle like that, but my hair as too curly. It would look weird. He was obviously really good at picking out beautiful clothes too, because the jacket he was wearing fit him perfectly. It was white leather with no buttons or anything which made me think that it was more for fashion than it was for the cold. It was too thin for the cold anyway.

He wore a white shirt underneath, but I thought it would be rude to look under the table at his pants. His ears were pierced all over. I liked his helix piercings the most. The black earrings were a cool contrast with his pale skin. I also like the simple black circle studs in his lobes. The coolest thing about him though were his tattoos. I didn't expect him to have them. They started on his hand and went up along his arm, but I couldn't tell how far up with the jacket sleeve in the way. Wow.

I liked looking at him. There was just so much to see. Like his collar. He was wearing it –the black with the gold—it was perfect. I could bet everyone thought it was just jewelry but I knew better. He was so lucky. I glanced at his hands and saw the ring I'd expected to see there. Paul had proposed like he said he would. He was going to be with his master forever.

"It's nice to finally meet you." Tate was saying and it took me a while to realize he was talking to me because he was British and his accent had been so unexpected. I shook his outstretched hand, but my tongue was tied and I couldn't say anything back.

"It's good to see you again Cam." Paul was saying and I tore my eyes away from Tate to look at him. I nodded.

How did you compete with people like him? Everything about him was just so—"

"Cam?"

I glanced up at the sound of my name and realized that Damion was talking to me. "Are you okay?"

Everyone around our table was looking at me. I felt my face go hot. "Yeah."

"Are you sure love? You look a bit ill." Tate looked concerned as he reached across to touch my forehead. He was so nice. I offered him a small smile.

"I'm okay."

"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked, and I realized for the first time that she was standing by our table. She had everyone's menu in her hand and they were all waiting for me. I opened mine and pointed at the first random thing I saw.

"You can take your time and look through. There's no need to rush." Damion told me, and I nodded even though my face was burning with embarrassment.

There were some seafood dishes, some steak dishes, something with mushroom and mashed potatoes that looked good, but I decided to go with the first thing I saw that I thought I would probably like; some sort of chicken and pasta mix with a lot of cheese and a creamy looking sauce.

The waitress took my menu when I ordered and Tate turned to look at me; his pretty grey eyes planted on my face. "I hope you don't mind, but Damion tells me you've dealt with a lot of abuse in your life. He thought I could be of some help to you."

"Tate. Now is not the time for—"

"Don't be ridiculous." He said, cutting Damion off. "We're all family here right? If we can't have a serious discussion while we wait for our meal then what's the point? Isn't that right Cam?"

I glanced at Damion. He didn't look too happy with Tate and I didn't want to upset him by saying something I wasn't supposed to, so I shrugged. "I don't know."

Tate smiled. "But you must know if you're comfortable talking about what you've been through or not."

When I made to look at Damion again, he put a gentle hand on my chin to stop me. "It's up to you love. It's your life after all."

I bit my lip. "I—I wasn't abused."

He tilted his head to the side and his brows furrowed. "Damion told us about the way your last partner treated you."

I shook my head. "That was because I messed up. It was my fault."

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. His eyes looked sad. "Sweetheart, if another person lay hands on you without permission, whether or not you did something wrong, it's abuse."

I glanced at Damion. He didn't say anything, but he watched us.

"You...you have a master. You're supposed to understand." I frowned.

"I do, but if I don't give my permission then he wouldn't dare. A Dom is in control of course, but who do you think allows them to be in control?"

I looked at Damion, then back at Tate. "Damion says a sub does, but Master Drake said—"

"Was Master Drake your previous Dom?"

I nodded.

"Then whatever he has to say is irrelevant. He's doesn't deserve to be referenced. Trust me." He took my hand. "It seems I have a lot to teach you." Then he turned to Damion. "He's a tough one Damion. Perhaps he'll be even more of a challenge to you than I was."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

Tate turned back to me with a smile as he released my hand. "Oh didn't you know? Damion was once my Dom. He trained me."

I looked between them in shock. "It was a long time ago." Damion told me and Tate nodded.

"Yes and back then I was a pain in the arse. Then I met Paul and everything changed."

He glanced back at Paul who smiled." Yeah but he's definitely still a pain in the ass." Everyone laughed, but my mind was still reeling from the news.

To think Damion had had Tate as a sub. He'd trained him—someone so obviously perfect and had let him go. How could I even hope to get him to keep me then?

Tate didn't ask me anymore questions and when the food came minutes later, I'd lost my appetite. I pushed my food around in my plate, but took a few mouthfuls because it would be rude not to. Otherwise, I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn't even realized that Damion had slid closer to me until he touched my arm and I looked up.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds by telling Tate your business." He said just loud enough for me alone to hear. "I had no right to do it and I should have asked your first. I suppose I just got caught up in finding someone to help you that I didn't think."

"That's okay. I don't mind. I like him."

He nodded. "I thought you would."

"He's very handsome." I continued, because I couldn't help myself and he smiled.

"So are you." And even though I knew he was just saying it to make me feel better, it worked. I smiled at him and took a bite of my food. It was actually pretty good.

Talk around the table soon turned to the business and I ate and listened to all the plans they had for the expansion. I was surprised by how knowledgeable Tate was about it all. He added to the conversation as if he was also a partner and offered his suggestions. What surprised me more though, was that they listened to him. He was just a sub like me, but they seemed to care about what he was saying, and every time he interrupted, they allowed him to speak. They even agreed with a couple of his suggestions.

It wasn't long before I realized that I really didn't know much of anything about their business. I got that it was a restaurant but I didn't know exactly here back home it was or what kind of food they served or anything. When I said this to Damion, it was Tate who responded.

"You should take him there Damion. I'm sure he'll love it."

"What kind of restaurant is it?"

"It's a five star restaurant. We have a variety of menus including the all American, Italian, French cuisine and seafood and we're thinking of adding a vegan menu to the Chicago branch...if we decide on Chicago anyway." Donny said.

Damion chuckled. "It's Donny's pride and joy. We also run a private gentleman's club which is in the same building but it's a completely separate business. We'll be expanding it as well."

"What's a gentleman's club?"

"Well as the name suggests, it's a place where gentlemen come to...socialize among other things." Paul added and Tate laughed.

"No need to be modest Paul. Cam is a big boy and he's as much a part of this world as any of us—except you Donny." He said. "It's more than just a place where gentlemen come to socialize. It's for men who are as involved in the BDSM lifestyle as we are. It's a place where we can go to share our interests or express them as we see fit."

"I didn't know there were places like that."

"There are a number of them out there, but I like to think ours is a bit more refined." Damion explained. "It's not a place that's advertised and members become so through referrals and a fee of course."

"So someone can't just pay to come in?" I asked.

"No." Damion said. "You can't buy in. Once you're referred by a member you're vetted and if you meet the club's standards, your membership contract is signed and your fee paid then you're welcome to join us."

"Of course any member is free to bring along their partner; whether sub, Dom or switch. They're signed in and enjoy member privileges. Which means any of us could take you there and I'm sure you'd enjoy it." Tate grinned.

I nodded. "Okay. So Donny owns the restaurant and Damion and Paul owns the club."

No." Donny replied. "We all have a share in both businesses. I just happen to invest more of my time and effort into the restaurant with the help of Mason, our other partner, while Paul and Damion invest more of their time and effort into running the club.

"And then there's James who is a partner on paper, but he doesn't take part in the decision-making. He merely provided the financial backing to help with the establishment of the current business." Tate finished and I nodded.

I thought of how crazy it must be for Damion to run a business and be a firefighter at the same time, then there was Donny the history Professor. I was always tired after just one shift a day and they were out in the world doing so much and they seemed happy with it.

I glanced at Tate. "Do you work there too?"

He laughed. "Oh no I don't have the head for business. I'm an interior designer. I helped with the club and the restaurant when it was built." Then "What about you?"

I felt my cheeks grow warm. "I'm a waiter."

"Oh truly? My youngest sister is a waitress. She has the absolute best stories." He said and began to tell us one about some guy who'd gone into his sister's restaurant and made a scene because they wouldn't serve him food that hadn't even been on the menu. "Has that ever happened to you?" he asked me, and I shook my head.

"Cam's also an artist." Donny announced. "So when it's time to decorate the new place, maybe you too can collaborate. He could paint a few pieces for us."

"An artist?" Tate looked genuinely pleased. "That's perfect. What kind of pieces do you do?"

I shrugged. "Just things I like. People or animals or still-life and landscapes and stuff."

"Well wouldn't that be perfect?" he said "All of us working together."

I smiled and thought of how perfect it would feel to be a part of something so meaningful. I looked at their faces; laughing and talking with each other and it felt amazing to be included.

"It would be nice if we could get to know each other Cam. Would you like to spend the day with me tomorrow?" Tate asked much later, surprising me.

I couldn't believe he'd want to spend any time with me and the thought made me feel excited. He seemed so smart and he as in the perfect relationship. He had a collar and everything. I felt like I could learn so much from him, but I glanced at Damion; wondering if he would be okay with it.

"You're doing it again." Tate said and I looked at him in confusion.

"Doing what?"

"You're looking to Damion to make up your mind for you, but you're your own person and that's what you need to understand. It's okay to make your own decisions."

When I looked at Damion again, Tate snapped his fingers and I turned back to him. "Tomorrow they'll be working on business matters. So would you like to spend the day around Chicago with me or do you want to stay and help with their business preparations?"

I almost looked at Damion again and I had to stop myself. Tate was watching me with one of those smiles that said he knew what I was thinking. I nodded. "Yeah I want to go with you."

He grinned. "Good. We can head out after breakfast."

When I finally did look at Damion he was smiling.

................................................

Paul and Tate had also booked a room at the same hotel so we got the chance to walk back together. It was colder than before, but I'd enjoyed myself so much, that even the cold didn't matter so much. Damion, Donny and Paul walked together upfront, while Tate and I walked further back.

"You make him happy you know."

"I do?"

"Yes. I can see the change in him. He's less bottled up than he was and he smiles more."

I thought about it as we walked and bit my lip as I glanced at him. "Tate?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think...do you think he'll keep me?"

"Do you want him to?"

I nodded. "Yes. I really do."

"Then you shouldn't have a problem." he said and I frowned.

"You make it sound so easy."

"It's not. Listen to me love. If you want something in life, you have got to fight like hell for it. People like us will never have the luxury of getting anything handed to us without hard work. The first time Paul and I met he wanted nothing to do with me, but I saw a man I wanted, and I fought long and hard to get him, because I could see the amazing future we could have together...right from the start."

"Yeah but Damion is different. He's—"

"I see the way Damion looks at you. We all see it, and I'm not talking about lust. The man cares for you...deeply, but Damion is convinced that he can go through life without any meaningful attachments. He's convinced he's happy with the way things are, but the truth is that he's miserable. I see it, Paul sees it, Donny sees it, everyone sees it. Now what you need to do is take your head out of the clouds for just long enough so that you can see it too."

"I know he looks sad sometimes."

"Well then I suppose that's a start isn't it?"

"But how will I know if he wants to keep me? I can't tell if he likes me. I don't see any signs."

"Well that I can't help you with, but I will say this; there's no magic involved. There's no such thing as a sign. What you need to look for is something that's always been there." He tutored. "You spend a lot of time with him, so I have no doubt that on some level you know the person he is. Use that knowledge, try to understand him. Actions speak louder than words so try to understand him based on his actions too."

I nodded. "Okay."

"He thinks he doesn't need affection so he won't ever tell you that he cares, but a person can say one thing while from their actions it's obvious what they really feel."

I was beginning to understand and I told him so.

"Damion can be as thick as a brick sometimes, so as much as I can see how much he means to you, he won't be able to tell. What this means is that if you have any hope of a life with him, you need to be honest with him about your feelings."

"Okay... I will." I promised.

Tate smiled at me. "Don't wait too long. The sooner the better. Honesty is always the best way to start something beautiful."

..........................................................

I stood by the open door of the balcony and looked out at the city. It was gorgeous, but then everything looked better from high up. It was almost midnight, but I didn't feel tired. Everything Tate had said to me was floating around in my head. I wanted to be like him. He was so confident and he was smart. I wanted to be able to say what I wanted without worrying that I would say something stupid. He had Paul to protect him and to love him. He had a collar and a ring and he was so happy.

I sighed. Monte said it was wrong to envy other people. She said if you wanted something you had to work for it and if you worked hard enough you could get it. Tonight Tate had told me that he'd had to fight for Paul. Everyone I ever knew had to work hard, so why should I be any different? Why should Damion keep me just because it was what I wanted?

I felt him come up behind me then, and wrap his arms around me. "You're freezing." He said as he ran his hands up and down my arms. "Come inside."

I followed him in and he slid the door closed. He was leading me into the bedroom, but if I went with him I wouldn't be able to tell him what I was supposed to. I stopped and pulled my hand out of his. He turned to look at me. He was confused and I could see it on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you think we can sit out here for a little bit?"

He was watching me with those eyes that never missed anything, but he nodded. "Of course" and we went to sit on the couch. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I felt like I would throw up.

Tate said to tell him. Tate knew Damion better than I did so if he said it was the best thing to do, then it had to be and if I didn't do it tonight I didn't think I ever could.

"Remember when you said I could tell you anything?"

"I remember." He was watching me closely now and there was no going back.

"What if...what if you don't like what I have to tell you?"

"It's not for me to like or dislike. I'm here to listen."

"You said I should always tell you the truth so that's what I'm going to do. I'm not trying to make you mad or anything. I just need you to know."

"Know what Cam?" he asked softly.

He was so handsome. So perfect. "I need to tell you that...that I want you to keep me." There I said it.

He blinked, but he didn't say anything for a minute, then very slowly he said; "You want me to keep you?"

I nodded. My hands were shaking so I closed them into fists. "Yeah like forever."

"Cam—"

"I'll be so good Damion. I won't ever lie to you ever again." I told him. "I won't let you down. Monte says I can cook okay and I'm going to take a cooking class to get better. I never get sick and I won't get in your way and I can take care of Happy and I'll do whatever you want." I promised, but he was already shaking his head and I felt my heart drop. I could already feel my eyes burning and I couldn't swallow past the lump in my throat as I watched him.

"I want you to keep me." I told him again and my voice shook. He took my hands in his. He was going to say no. I could feel it and my chest hurt.

"Cam we talked about this remember?" he began "We agreed that I would train you, but there can be nothing more. Remember?"

"But you don't train me anymore. You said—"

"I said you need help first. You've been through too much and I'll help you in any way I can, but training you at a time like this will confuse you."

"You can keep me and you won't have to train me or help me or anything."

"It's not that simple."

My eyes got too blurry to see his face. I blinked and realized that they were tears. I didn't want to cry in front of him anymore. I wanted to be strong like Tate. "Please Damion. I'll be so good. I just want to stay with you."

"You deserve to be happy Cam and I can't give you that."

"You can." I sobbed and I couldn't stop it.

"Not the way you deserve to be. There are so many people who would be so happy to have you; who can make you happy and take care of you." He said, but there wasn't and I was shaking my head. There was only Damion. There was no one else.

"There is. Remember James who you met at the barbeque? He would love to have you. He told me so himself. He would spoil you Cam. You could be so happy with him."

"I don't like James." I cried and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath.

"You don't know him yet, but you will and you'll see. Look what happened with Paul and Tate." He said. "I trained him and then he went to someone who was better for him. Look how happy they are now. You'll have that."

I could feel the sides of my head throbbing and my nose running and I couldn't stop it. "I don't want that." I sobbed.

"You do and James will fall head over heels for you because you're amazing. I know him and he'll want you all to himself. He'll make you happy."

"I don't want to be happy." I cried my nose kept on running and I could hardly see his face.

"He'll get you a collar like you've always wanted." He said and I shook my head.

"I don't want a stupid collar. I just...I just need to stay here. I need," I swallowed. "I need to stay here with you." I could hardly catch my breath. "Please Damion."

"You'll get your collar." He said firmly "And if not James, then I'll find you someone else. I promise."

He pulled me into his arms and I cried because I didn't know what else to say to make him listen. I was going to lose him; just like that and I couldn't take it. I could feel him rubbing my back and he was saying things that I couldn't hear because it hurt too much.

I didn't know how long we stayed there, but I cried until my throat as raw and my eyes were swollen and he just let me lie there. He rubbed my back but he didn't say anything. My head felt like it was filled with cotton. I hugged him closer and for the first time in my whole life I felt like praying.

Why did I have to meet him? Why'd he have to come into the bar that night? Almost every night I'd been there and he hadn't showed up, so why couldn't he have just stayed away? Now I felt scared of losing him. What would I do when he made me leave? I blinked away the tears and my lips trembled.

"Damion?" I whispered.

It took him a second and when he answered his voice sounded strangely hoarse. "Yes Cam?"

"I love you." I told him and it was the most honest thing I'd ever said in my life.

I expected him to push me away or tell me to go, but instead I was surprised when his arms tightened around me. It made me think of what Tate had said; that a person could say one thing but from their actions it was obvious how the really felt.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His arms tightening around me wasn't want made me remember Tate's words. What made me remember was the fact that I'd been lying there with my head pressed against his chest and the second I'd said the words his heartbeat had became quicker.

I thought about what this could mean as I blinked away the tears and I felt the hope start to build. I pressed my ear closer to his chest and closed my eyes.

"I love you." I said again and I listened to his heart fly.

                                                                  Author's notes

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-unedited.