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Jungkook felt this rush. A rush he hadn't felt in a long time.

But right now, sitting on a bike with the cold New York air rushing past him, Christmas lights decorating the streets with music playing from the near distance, gripping onto Taehyung's jacket- he felt it. This nostalgia, a feeling which sent tingles down his spine. Familiarity.

A sense of comfort, the snow dancing on the tip of his tongue as another anxious giggle left his lips, sound of the engine flurrying around them. This felt wrong, this felt- it was wrong. He shouldn't be sneaking off with another man at night on Christmas, but there were a lot of things Jungkook shouldn't have done in his life, and this- he doesn't regret.

"Where are we going?" Jungkook whispered, feeling himself practically caving into Taehyung, it was cold, that's what he told himself at least.

"Somewhere." Taehyung said, and Jungkook huffed, because he'd asked the question at least four times now and always received the same answer.

The bike finally halted by a store, in an empty parking lot. Jungkook was a little confused, and saw Taehyung get off of the bike, so Jungkook did so too. Taehyung started walking towards the store and Jungkook followed silently.

"Wait here." Taehyung said to Jungkook once they entered the store, and Jungkook nodded. He turned to the magazine rack in the side and saw Taehyung disappear into the aisles of the store. He must come here often, Jungkook wondered- because the cashier gave him a curt nod.

Taehyung finally came back with a brown paper bag, probably some things inside, and Jungkook looked at him with wide eyes. "Justin Bieber got engaged!"

Taehyung chuckled at the younger, and then gestured at the door. "Let's go," Taehyung said, and Jungkook nodded, and both walked out.

Jungkook saw how they walked out of the store and into the parking lot, and then grabbed Taehyung's sleeve. Taehyung turned to him a little confused, but then realised, and his breath hitched. Jungkook looked scared.

"Kook," Taehyung trailed, and Jungkook looked at him nervously, and shook his head. "Last time we were at a place like this, you got shot twice." Jungkook said, and Taehyung slung his arm around his waist.

"Well that won't happen again, okay?" Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook nodded, and then Taehyung let go of him, and Jungkook wished he didn't.

They walked to the bike and climbed onto it again, and Taehyung started driving the motorcycle. They drove in silence, Jungkook clutching onto his jacket again. Taehyung drove until they reached a forest.

Taehyung stopped the bike, and Jungkook looked at Taehyung in confusion, eyes growing. "Oh my god you're going to kill me and leave my body in the forest."

Taehyung burst out laughing. "Oh my god, Kook- relax. I'm not going to kill you," Taehyung said, and Jungkook sighed. "Hey you wanted to once before."

Taehyung gave Jungkook a stern look at that, and Jungkook giggled shyly. "Sorry.." Jungkook said sheepishly, and Taehyung just chuckled and then grabbed his arm.

He slid his hand to his back and then said, "We're going into the forest."

Jungkook gasped, and then clutched onto Taehyung's shirt. "No- Tae- it's scary," Jungkook squeaked, and Taehyung sighed. "Kook, I'm here. Nothing's gonna happen to you."

Jungkook nodded hesitantly, and then let Taehyung lead him into the woods. There was a little trail there, and Jungkook whined softly, feeling scared at how dark it was. Taehyung sighed and grabbed him, holding him tightly beside him.

Jungkook walked beside him now, still not knowing where they were going. There was a heavy silence, no sound coming but the rustling of leaves. Then suddenly, Taehyung shouted loudly, and Jungkook screamed as well- not knowing what happened.

Taehyung started laughing at how scared Jungkook looked, and Jungkook leaped forward, grabbing his shirt. "W-why'd you yell?" Jungkook asked nervously, and Taehyung giggled. "To scare you. Sorry." Taehyung said sheepishly.

Jungkook hit his chest lightly with his fist and hid his face in his warm sweater, letting Taehyung wrap his arms around his waist, still giggling into his ear. "Meanie." Jungkook squeaked, and Taehyung pinched his waist.

"Sorryyyy. Now c'mon, let's keep going." Taehyung whispered, and this time, Jungkook linked their hands together (because he was scared) and kept walking.

Finally they reached an opening between two trees, and Jungkook was a little confused. There were vines covering the trees, almost looking man made. Taehyung pushed past it, and Jungkook gasped.

There was a cliff, and the cliff was overlooking the whole city. Jungkook stepped forward, eyes dazzling. It looked.. beautiful, really. The city was white with snow, yet bright with shining lights. A joy was spread through out the city, a warmth in the midst of the cold. One which made Jungkook's heart leap a little.

"It's beautiful," Jungkook whispered softly, and didn't see how Taehyung was looking at him closely, almost taking him in.

It's funny, to Taehyung at least. Seeing him the first time, the second time, the fortieth time, the last time, or even three years later. Jungkook was always so beautiful. An unmatchable beauty, one which radiated like young stars in the night sky. Like a pearl, soft and round features yet so, so pretty. Taehyung doesn't understand how one can just leave him be.. not cherish him forever.

Taehyung was still so in love.

"Isn't it pretty, Taehyungie?" Jungkook said softly, and Taehyung smiled a little. "Yeah. It really is." Taehyung let out, and Jungkook turned to look at him.

Except Taehyung didn't let him see. He instantly snapped his head forward. Jungkook couldn't know. He wouldn't want to know.

"I- um- I come here a lot. At night. It's really nice." Taehyung said, and Jungkook nodded, seeing all the lights of the buildings. Families probably lay behind them, happy, spending time with those who they love.

"Bet you bring a lot of girls here to impress them," Jungkook teased, and Taehyung let out a humourless snicker, and turned around and reached into the bag, taking out a folded mat.

"Not really." Taehyung said, and then lay the mat out. Jungkook sat down on it, bringing his knees to his chest, small hands gripping his pants tightly, mouth a little open as he looked over the horizon.

"Were you with anyone? After- after everything, y'know?" Jungkook said, and Taehyung sat down, taking things out of the brown paper bag. "Eh. Not properly." Taehyung replied, and Jungkook hummed, watching Taehyung take things out and place them between the two.

A candle. Matchsticks. Some bread rolls. A small slab of butter. Two plastic glasses shaped like wine glasses. And a bottle of wine.

Jungkook giggled at all the things, and Taehyung looked up at him and grinned. "A nice little Christmas dinner." Taehyung said, taking the matchstick and lighting it to light the candle, and Jungkook nodded, a smile on his face as he grabbed the pack bread rolls and opened it.

"This is so cute, Tae." Jungkook said, and Taehyung grinned, opening up the wine bottle. "We never really got to do these kind of things back home, y'know?"

Jungkook tensed a little, and Taehyung noticed that. Noticed how Jungkook always looked a little hesitant when Taehyung brought up their past, the fact that they were so madly in love, ready to die for each other. But years bring change, and change was what Jungkook did. Or at least he thought he did.

"Yeah. Who's got time to go out when you're trying to take down the leader of the biggest Mafia in the country?" Jungkook joked, and Taehyung laughed, pouring the wine into the glasses.

Jungkook grabbed one of the glasses, taking a sip and tasting the sweet yet deep taste of the red wine. Jungkook saw Taehyung doing the same. There was a small silence, filled with the slight breeze, the flare of the candle growing a little bigger.

"This is probably a little lame." Taehyung said, stirring the wine in his glass. Jungkook at him in confusion, and Taehyung continued. "I mean- Chris probably takes you for candlelight dinners in the Eiffel Tower or something."

Jungkook snickered, taking a sip of his wine. "He has, actually. S' a little overrated, if I'm honest." Jungkook said, and Taehyung smiled a little.

"Lobster and caviar dipped in gold with a thousand dollar champagne is overrated, hm?" Taehyung said, and Jungkook giggled.

"I dunno- I-I kind of like the cheap wine and bread and butter. It feels nice." Jungkook said, looking at Taehyung, who looked back at him knowingly, both getting a small smile on their faces.

Another silence, a comfortable silence, one that Jungkook and Taehyung both enjoyed, both eating their bread rolls while looking into the city. But soon enough, Taehyung broke it.

"Does he know?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook looked at him again. "About your past? About me?"

Jungkook looked at his feet and took a bite of his bread. "Not really. All he knows is that I used to have a bad past in Korea. That my father wasn't a good man. That I grew up in an odd setting. That-that I had a friend who I cared about a lot, and he died." Jungkook said, the last part in a small voice.

Taehyung felt this ache in his chest. "Doesn't he ask more?" Jungkook shook his head.

"N-not really. He prefers if I don't talk about it. Says I'm better off here with him."

"He's not wrong," Taehyung laughed softly. "You're safe, at least."

"I know.. b-but it's different." Jungkook said. "Sure I have comfort with him- a-and love him very much." Jungkook said, and Taehyung nodded. "But to have no family, no friends- it hurts. I was so used to getting up and being around people I know. So used to seeing Jin a-and Hoseok- and Yoongi- and-and Namjoon," Jungkook said, voice growing timid.

"I just.. I miss them. So much. But I-I know I'll probably never see them again. N-Namjoonie's in jail, Jin's off the grid. Hoseok's in Singapore. Yoongi- well, Yoongi's right here. But still." Jungkook squeaked.

Taehyung moved the things away, moving a little closer to him. "I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must've been, Kook. You never told me how you coped,"

Jungkook sniffled, looking at him fearfully. "I-I don't think you want to know," Jungkook said, and Taehyung frowned.

"What?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook wiped the tear from the corner of his eye. "How I coped- t-the first 6 months- I don't think you'll want to know."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll leave me." Jungkook piped softly, gripping onto Taehyung's bigger hand. "You-you'd think I'm weird, and- and you just-" Jungkook started.

"Does Chris know?"

"P-partially- but he tells me not to talk about it." Jungkook said, and Taehyung sighed, linking their cold hands together. He could tell Jungkook looked uncomfortable. And cold.

"You look cold. Come here." Taehyung said, and Jungkook gave him a wistful smile and crawled between his legs, sitting on his lap, letting Taehyung wrap his arms around his waist.

"Jungkook?" Taehyung said softly, and Jungkook hummed, feeling Taehyung rest his chin on Jungkook's shoulder. "I missed you. So much," Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook smiled a little, leaning back against Taehyung.

"I missed you too." Jungkook replied, and Taehyung nudged his nose against his shoulder.

"Dollie, can I say something?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook nodded. "I don't think you should stay with Chris."

Jungkook froze for a few seconds, and looked at Taehyung, confused. "What?"

"Kook, listen to me. He-he clearly doesn't make you very happy, if-"

"If what?" Jungkook asked, and Taehyung sighed. "Jungkook I don't want you to get angry,"

"I'm not getting angry, Tae. I just- can we not talk about this?" Jungkook said, and Taehyung nodded, and Jungkook turned and continued leaning against Taehyung, comfortable.

"I just want you to be happy and okay." Taehyung whispered, breathless. "I am happy, Taehyung. I need you to believe me."

Taehyung hummed, pulling Jungkook closer in. "Okay. I do."

And then they stayed there for longer, until the moon was high in the sky and Jungkook was almost asleep, a little dizzy with the wine and bread. Taehyung took him back to his place, and Jungkook tried protesting, but Taehyung lay the boy down on his bed and told him to go to sleep.

"B-but Chris will get mad," Jungkook squeaked softly, and Taehyung trailed his fingers down Jungkook's face, not being able to help himself.

"It's late though, dollie. You need to sleep." Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook hummed, turning to his side, curling up. Taehyung stood straight and let his fingers brush Jungkook's chin, before heading for the door of his bedroom.

"It's cold in your living room." Jungkook said, and Taehyung stopped.

"I know.. only the heater in my bedroom works." Taehyung responded, and Jungkook turned, facing him.

"Y-you can sleep here, Taehyungie." Jungkook said softly, looking at Taehyung timidly. "Don't have to sleep outside."

Taehyung looked at him a little hesitantly, because it reminded him of when Jungkook finally let Taehyung sleep on the bed with him. Finally allowed his vulnerability to become his strength. Jungkook was stronger now, yet still had that vulnerability and fear that Taehyung wanted to erase.

And he was lying on the bed, gripping the blanket, big eyes blinking, hair a little curly and messed up, looking.. so small.

So who was Taehyung to say no?

"Okay," Taehyung said, and then got into the bed, making sure to keep a distance. But Jungkook didn't seem to care that much, just rolled and slotted himself into Taehyung's side, grinning.

"I-I haven't taken... m' medicine." Jungkook whispered, and Taehyung threw his arm over Jungkook's side, letting Jungkook lay his head on his chest.

"It's fine we'll go get it tomorrow. Why do you need medicine?" Taehyung asked, but Jungkook seemed halfway asleep, eyelids heavy. Jungkook stirred.

"Koo n-needs-" Jungkook squeaked, and gripped onto Taehyung's shirt. "Tae- Taehyungie."

Taehyung frowned a little. "I'm right here, Koo."

"N-no-" Jungkook whispered, burrowing his head in his chest. "Mo- mommy says y-you're gone, Taehyungie."

Taehyung kept his mouth shut, more than confused. Mommy? Taehyung gulped dryly.

"S-says I'm sick, Taehyungie. T-they say I'm sick."

"Jungkook? Hey, baby- are you alright?" Taehyung said, shaking Jungkook a little. "I think you drank too much,"

Jungkook hummed against his chest. "Sick." Jungkook whispered, and then fell asleep, breathing going heavier.

Taehyung was confused, breathing heavily as well but for all the other reasons, hand tightly grasping Jungkook's shirt.

Something was wrong. Maybe something linked to those 6 months. Or something Chris did. Or maybe Jungkook found his mother? Taehyung had so many questions, and he doesn't think Jungkook's gonna answer them. He'll have to find them out himself.

Because something was wrong. And he doesn't think it's because of the wine.

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yall on twt keep asking me to update dollie so here it is!!! eat it up bitches ALSO i love seeing your guys' theories they're closeeee but not reallyyyyyyyy hehe