WHERE IS MY MIND?
- PIXIES

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"lydia, good morning."

the jacobs girl was swarmed with the underlying scent of alcohol on her mother's tongue. the woman attempted to kiss her daughter's cheek only for the later to flinch away from the act of affection.

martha's features, however, contorted for a rather different reason. "you reek of alcohol."

it was then did the mother finally register the state of the girl. the eye makeup from the night before remained smeared, her hair disheveled from the few hours of sleep the night prior. lydia's frame was covered by a shirt martha assumed was either cal's or nate's. the true owner of the shirt resided multiple towns over attempting to piece his life back together. the last sight martha caught was the bruises littering the girl's knuckles.

lydia let out a humorless chuckle as she simply passed her mother to make a cup of coffee. "daughter like mother."

"what did you just say?"

"enough." cal jacobs forced his presence to be known by the strict tone of his voice. once upon a time, it'd strike fear in the teenager, yet now seemed humorous. "did you have a fun night, lyds?"

martha stared towards her husband in disbelief before creating a dramatic exit from the household's kitchen. the sight caused an amused expression to etch across lydia's features until the moment cal found her gaze. the girl attempted to keep her composure intact, and yet failed miserably when a hint of a laugh fell from her lips.

"to answer your question," lydia finally let out a deep breath that allowed her tranquil demeanor to return. "yes, much fun."

cal nodded towards his daughter with a grin reflecting the nostalgia in his chest. he could only meet lydia's eye for fleeting moments due to the relentless reminders of his regrets he found within her features. there was much he'd ruined with his children in consequence to his own mistakes, but none haunted his thoughts as severely as his only daughter.

cal jacobs knew there was absolutely nothing on earth he could do to rightfully earn the forgiveness of the girl.

lydia's attention had fallen to the phone in her grasp as cal remained reeling in memories lost through time. there were multiple text messages from fez, all asking her to come by the corner store whenever she had the time.

there was a shallow sigh to be heard from the jacobs girl before she was finding her father's gaze one again. "dad?"

cal hummed in response as he poured himself a cup of coffee before filling lydia's mug as well. there was a trace of innocence in the teenager's eyes, one that used to stare back at her father everyday. it caused the guilt to become nearly overwhelming, for he knew in his heart he was the one to ruin the rose-tainted view his children had of the world.

"can i go see a friend?" lydia voiced her question barely above a whisper as cal took the seat opposing her frame. she dropped her hands to her lap in order to refrain any questioning considering the bruises. "mother dearest told me i must ask permission now since— you know, disappearing."

"your mother's only paranoid, lyds." cal attempted to reassure his daughter in hopes to ease the resentment she carried towards the woman. "she's just worried about you."

"paranoid i'm out repeating history?"

while his intentions were to calm the rage, it seemed as though all he'd managed to do was throw fuel into the fire. "lydi—"

the father's call of her name was cut short abruptly by the heavy presence of nate jacobs, and once lydia met her brother's gaze, she was finding her feet to escape the escalating tension.

"lydia, wait!"

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after successfully managing sneaking from her window in hopes to miss any confrontation with cal, lydia strolled down the sidewalks of the small town with a single destination in mind.

the corner store was in view when lydia realized the pack of cigarettes from the night before was now utterly empty. a genuine chuckle slipped past her lips in response to the sight before trashing it in the garbage can residing by the shop.

fez and ashtray were at front of their gas station in the middle of a conversation when they sensed the presence of the jacobs girl. lydia's elbows were leaning against the counter fez stood behind with a teasing smile across her lips.

"the usual, pretty boy."

fez couldn't deny the replicated grin that forced itself to show as he turned to reach the brand of cigarettes lydia had been accustomed to since jackson peters found his way into her life. the man of the shop could only assume it was a nostalgic habit of lydia's in attempts to remain connected to the past that had shattered her heart in more ways than one.

"how've you been, ash?"

"same old, same old, lyds." the boy littered with tattoos smirked upwards with a shrug of his shoulders once lydia had managed to come to a stop behind his chair. "making money, fucking bitc—"

"language!" lydia leaned down in order to press her hand against ashtray's lips only for a fleeting moment. "your mouth is dirtier than mine."

"and now you're just fucking lying. no one can beat you there, lyds." ashtray retorted before falling into a fit of laughs. lydia shook her head towards his underlying sexual remarks until inevitably chuckling listening to the kid find genuine humor in his response. "i'm surprised none of your motel boyfriends have come to see fezco."

lydia had to sniffle another laugh before she was patting ashtray's shoulders playfully. "shut the fuck up."

"yo, lyds," fez rounded the corner of the counter holding the cash register with the pack of cigarettes in hand. "wanna take a ride?"

ashtray hurriedly stood to his feet in attempts to miss any chances of a reaction from lydia as his words fell loudly. "bet she wants to ask 'ride what'."

"i'm gonn—"

"lyds," fez grasped the jacobs girl by her forearm to refrain her from chasing after the kid who'd managed to slip into the back of the shop. "come with me."

"where to?"

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"jack used to bring us here."

fez's head leaned back against the headrest as his gaze remained upon the field of orange trees that held too many memories with the boy mentioned. "he loved it here."

"i remember he'd just take off through the trees as fast as he could, and i never understood it until i did it myself." lydia spoke with a tone laced with nostalgia with a ghost of a smile across her lips. "it made him feel free."

fez listened intently to the words of the jacobs girl as he lit the blunt he'd rolled prior to leaving to their destination. "i miss him."

"me too."

there was a blanket of silence to fall over the car as they continuously passed the weed back and forth. fez would sneak glances believing himself to be discrete in the acts. lydia could feel his eyes piercing her skin, and yet uttered nothing of it as she pondered how to express the thoughts swarming her mind.

"i'm not using you for drugs, you know?" lydia broke the silence after the smoke escaped her lips. "i never was."

"i kno—"

"no, you don't know." the girl turned her frame in the passenger seat in order to meet his gaze. her own gleamed with sincerity that caused fez's features to soften considerably. "when i say i love you, i fucking mean it."

"lyds, i know." fez's hand came to hold the side of her face in a gentle sense, his voice falling vulnerable which differed considerably to his normally nonchalant demeanor. "look, what i said to rue at the party— it wasn't meant for you because i know it's different with you. i always have."

lydia allowed her forehead to press against his as her eyes shut tightly. fez's hand traveled to take a hold of her hand in means to send her some sort of comfort, and in return, lydia tightened the hold.

"you should know i'm proud of you, baby." the boy's tone fell barely above a whisper as he took the initiative to pull away in order to meet lydia's eye. "like i said before, you still the strongest person i know."

"the highs are indeed high, but the lows—" lydia seemed reluctant to stare back towards fez as she opted to glancing to the orange trees. the jacobs girl purposely quoted the words of rue bennett the night prior because it resonated with her in more ways than one. "it's fucking rock bottom every time, and the urge to relapse is always there until i look at you."

fez was at a loss of words due to the ramble of honest thoughts. it was rare for lydia to speak the genuine emotions weighing on her heart rather than escaping with the demons of her addictions. fez wanted her to utter every word of every thought to ever cross her mind, for listening to her speak brought him a sense of comfort no other had been able to give.

"you give me hope," lydia finally turned to meet his bloodshot gaze, her own mirroring the state of his as she held onto his hand desperately. "i don't know what i'll do if it's ever taken away from me."

fez's leaned ever so slightly in order to press a kiss to the jacobs girl's forehead. "i'm not going anywhere, lyds."

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jackson peters resided within his home towns away from the birthplace of his childhood memories. the boy stood with his hands resting in his pockets as his gaze flickered over the picture frames littering only a single shelf through the entirety of the home. the smiling features of his best friend and the only girl to ever take his heart into her hand stared back towards him as constant reminders of what used to be.

constant reminds of what he'd never have again.

the sound of a few knocks on his front door forced his attention to falter from lydia's features from a moment trapped in time. jackson let out a shallow sigh before making his way to see who'd decided to show at his house at such late hours of the night.

the peters boy didn't even bother to check for any sort of warning before he was swinging the door open. jackson was met with the one he hadn't laid eyes on for years, at least not since his court case against nate jacobs.

"dr reid?"

spencer reid conjured a friendly, nostalgic smile being faced with the boy a part of his very first case in the department. "jackson, it's nice to see you again."

"yeah, you too." jackson leaned his weight against the doorframe as he continued to stare towards the man with nothing but utter confusion etched across his expression. "why're you here?"

"because of lydia."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE,
in honors of this story hitting 100k,
updating w a few happy moments felt necessary <3 i love lydia jacobs

IM JUST THINKING AB HER SEEING
DR REID AGAIN I LOVE MGG PLS STFU