THE BEACH
- THE NEIGHBOURHOOD

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"pick up." lydia paced her bedroom anxiously, biting her nails due to the feelings she was being forced to face. "pick up!"

lydia tossed her phone across the room when the sound of the voicemail was heard. the object luckily landed safely by her pillows. she pulled at the roots of her hair out of frustration, letting out an exaggerated breath.

the withdrawals were beginning to take effect and lydia despised the feelings that were hitting her at what seemed like full force. it was as if she'd been on a rollercoaster that'd been escalating slowly until it inevitably came rushing down.

the carnival was due to start in a mere hour and yet, lydia stood in the middle of her room on the verge of losing her mind. her thoughts raced and the feelings she'd been running from quickly became overwhelming to the teenager.

a humorless laugh slipped past lydia's lips when she stared at her reflection through her vanity mirror. the dark circles under her eyes were more visible, causing her to look as if she was a dead girl walking.

and mentally, lydia felt as if she was in fact, dead.

"lydia."

a knock was heard on her bedroom door, cal's head leaning into the room a second later. he had a gentle smile on his features, obviously cheerful for the chili competition that would occur that night.

"we're leaving in a few. you're welcome to ride with your mother and i, unless you want to wait for nate."

lydia glanced back to her reflection in the mirror, letting out a breath. "um, actually, i'm going to ride with lex and cass, if that's alright with you."

cal nodded after a moment, seemingly contemplating the question asked. "that's fine, just—"

"be there on time." lydia concluded, sending her father a nod. "i know. wouldn't want to set a bad rep for the jacobs, right?"

"lydi—"

"i'll be there, okay?" lydia's tone of voice had quickly taken a 360. "don't worry."

"okay."

and with that, cal shut the door behind himself, leaving his daughter alone once again.

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lydia had lied, yet again.

the jacobs girl didn't want to be remotely near anyone she'd have to seem okay around. the guilt of seemingly pushing the howard girls away was there, but lydia quickly pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind.

with every other feeling that was coming to the surface, guilt was a prominent one, along with anger.

she was angry at herself. at her parents. at nate. at everyone. yet, in the same sentence, lydia felt consumed by the guilt of just how many people she'd be hurting when she inevitably self destructed.

lydia assumed that was why as the days went on, it became easier to push everyone away. starting with her parents, then nate, her friends, fez. everyday she isolated herself a little more because she knew how it would all end.

lydia didn't want to drag anyone down with her. 

lydia had walked all the way from her home in the suburbs to where the carnival was being held. she needed the walk to clear her head before she was forced be the perfect doll in her parent's dollhouse of a family.

lydia certainly fit the part her parents so desperately wanted her to play. the dark circles were no longer prominent and the messy hair that'd previously framed her face was now fixed to perfection, quite like the dolls she'd play with as a child.

but, no matter how well she fixed her outward appearance, the feelings haunting her never faltered. the demons she'd spent so long running from were now strong enough to break through and lydia jacobs had no clue what to do with the fact besides chasing down the next high rather than the monsters that lingered.

"lydia, hey."

lydia closed her eyes tightly, letting out a deep breath at the sound of rue bennett's voice. the two had seen one another around, but neither had spoken a word since the incident at fez's.

"rue." lydia's tone was monotone, the girl reluctantly turning on her heel to face rue.

rue studied lydia intently, her hands stuffed in the pockets of the jacket she sported. "how are you?"

lydia let out a near inaudible scoff, glancing away towards the trailers on the outskirts of the carnival with a false smile. "never better. you?"

rue caught the lie as it slipped past the jacobs lips. being a recovering addict, it didn't take long for rue to catch onto the signs as well. lydia's hand was twitching ever so slightly by her side, the irritability visible on her features. lydia was far from the girl rue was accustomed too.

"the withdrawals have started, haven't they?"

lydia's sarcastic smile quickly fell at the words that came from the bennett. her eyebrows furrowed, shaking her head before letting out another breath.

"lydia, it's not to late to get help. i know it's hard, okay? i was in the same spot. i'm still in the same spot, but you're never going to get better until you get help."

"you giving me shit now?" lydia tilted her head, taking a seemingly threatening step towards the bennett. "who said i wanted to get better?"

"you're going to kill yourself." rue's words came out nearly below a whisper, almost inaudible to the jacobs girl.

"you ever wonder," lydia turned on her heel, yet stayed put. she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly with a shake of her head. "maybe that was the plan this entire fucking time."

and with that, lydia walked away, ignoring the call of her name that came from the bennett girl behind her.

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"lyds," aaron hit his sister's leg with his foot, knocking the girl out of her obvious daze. "they're starting to give you the look."

lydia glanced to her parents, both pacing the area cut away for their chili stand. aaron was leaned back in a yard chair, nate on the phone in search for maddy while lydia leaned against one of the many tables surrounding the family.

cal and martha were definitely giving their daughter the look, as aaron had pointed out. it was the only clue needed to know their parents were becoming aware that something wasn't right. lydia let out a sigh, fiddling with the skirt that reached just below her mid thigh to distract herself from their studious gaze.

their attention left the girl, however, when nate came back over to the jacobs family stand, a look of frustration evident on his features.

"well, did you break up again?"

"no." nate replied shortly, not bothering to spare his father a glance.

"looks like you broke up again." cal continued, tasting his chili once again.

"no," nate took a seat in the yard chair aaron was previously residing in. lydia met nate's eyes for only a moment before she glanced back towards the locals lingering the area. "we didn't."

"if you ask me, she's a distraction."

lydia rolled her eyes, not noticing nate had caught onto the fact. there was an underlying sense of tension between the family, but no one ever dared to utter a word of it. everyone chose to ignore the issues at hand rather than face them, and lydia began to realize perhaps it was in her dna to run from everything.

"uh-oh, mr jacobs."

"oh!" cal spoke loudly, knocking lydia from her uncontrollable thoughts once again. "stringray mckay!"

"i see you— i see what you got going on over here." mckay grinned, coming to stand under the jacobs tent with cassie by his side.

the blonde's eyes lingered over lydia, the later's gaze already intact on cassie.

"yo, what's up, brother?" mckay greeted nate, turning to lydia afterwards. "little jacobs, how you doing?"

lydia nodded in mckay's direction, hating the feeling of everyone's gaze on her. it was as if suddenly she was transparent, and everything she'd been attempting at hiding was able to be seen.

nate peered between mckay and cassie with obvious amusement, pulling the attention away from his sister. "what are you— are you guys, like, in a relationship?"

"nah, we're just chillin'." mckay replied cooly, not noticing the hurt that so quickly found its way to the blonde by his side.

cassie felt lydia's piercing gaze. the jacobs girl's head was tilted, the act almost screaming i told you so. cassie glanced back to mckay, however, allowing her emotions to sit on her sleeve.

"why haven't i seen you on the field?" cal spoke up as he handed a bowl of chili to mckay.

"uh, just freshman got to earn their due, that's all."

"you take that attitude, you'll spend the rest of your life on the bench." cal nodded towards the boy, missing the eye-roll lydia sent his way.

"it's really not that big of a deal, mr jacobs. it's just the first season." mckay tried to diffuse cal's view, but the jacobs siblings knew all too well mckay's attempts were pointless.

"no, it is a big deal." cal continued, stirring his own bowl of chili in hand. "you got one of the best slide-steps i've ever seen. you've got promise. you've got talent. you're not pushing yourself hard enough."

"dad, i think mckay's gonna be just fine." nate said, interrupting his father's words.

"i'm just trying to help him keep a girl like her."

lydia let out an inaudible scoff, shaking her head before looking back to the howard girl she'd spent so many summer nights with.

cassie diverted her eyes from lydia to look to cal, her next words meaning to take a hit at mckay himself. "why? it's not like we're in a relationship. plus, i don't even care about football."

"whoa, it's not just football. it's life." cal took a few steps towards cassie and mckay, his tone becoming awfully dramatic. "it's about maintaining your focus. it's about putting your all into everything you do."

when no one said a word in response, cal continued in his words. "why do you think i have the business i have? why do you think i have the family i have? the success that i have? why do you think this chili has been voted best chili in the county for five years in a row?"

"because you refuse to lose." aaron interrupted his dad next, his words coming sarcastically. he sent a grin in lydia's direction when a sniffled laugh was heard from the girl.

nonetheless, the eldest received a deadpanned look from his father in return.

"it's about who you want to become in the world." cal nodded multiple times in mckay's direction, turning on his heel once again after his next words. "i'm just looking out for you."

cassie mirrored cal's actions, turning on her own heel to leave the jacobs family stand. mckay was quick to follow in toe with the obvious upset blonde.

lydia had an internal battle with herself over whether or not she should followed as well, a gut feeling lingering that cassie needed her.

and in the end, lydia followed the urge.

"be back in 10, lyds." cal ordered his daughter, sending her a strict look to which the girl only nodded in response.

it wasn't hard to find cassie, surprisingly. the howard girl was seated between two carnival games. she didn't take notice to lydia's presence due to fumbling with the hem of her skirt.

"you okay, cass?"

cassie glanced up, the tears in her eyes gleaming due to the colored lights surrounding them. "yeah, you?"

lydia took a seat next to the blonde, taking a hold of her hand comfortingly. it was subconscious almost. lydia had spent so much time being cassie's shoulder to cry on that at this point, there was no thoughts behind the actions.

"you know me, cass. i'm always okay." lydia laughed humorlessly, tracing shapes on the back of cassie's hand.

"hey."

cassie and lydia glanced up at the sound of maddy's voice. hey, they replied simultaneously.

"you two not having fun?" maddy tilted her head, taking notice to the demeanors both girls sported.

lydia shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, while cassie answered honestly. "no."

"yeah, me neither." maddy's gaze flickered above the two for a moment before a grin formed on her lips. lydia's own eyes fell onto the ticket in maddy's hand, one too familiar for her to ignore. when the realization hit the jacobs girl, the smile that formed on her lips was subconscious. "wanna do molly?

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AUTHOR'S NOTE,
i'm sick and don't feel like rereading this to edit it right now, but i want to publish it um