The first few weeks at the new school were well- suited for getting used to it. The teachers approached everything more calmly and relaxed and their class teacher, Ryuuzaki, even hung up a plan of the school in their classroom so they wouldn't get lost. Seiji had photographed it with his cellphone and thus found the right rooms always and everywhere. He also got along very well with Hirato Funai. His seating neighbor seemed nice and open. However, it it also went downhill quite fast. Seiji was shy. Pretty shy. When P.E. was up, he always waited for everyone else to finish dressing before he changed himself. And that seemed to be pretty suspicious to some. Soon, rumors spread in the class about him. He was a transgender or a boy without balls. He was more than embarrassed about all these sayings that weren't even true. They were talking about him behind his back. Called him names like punk, pussy or girl. And it didn't take long until the first attack came. He wanted to go to the cafeteria to get something to eat when a group of boys from his class came to him. Seiji didn't suspect anything good, but he tried not to let it show. He lowered his head and went on stubbornly. "Hey!" He pulled up his shoulders. "Aoi! Hold it right there!" Seiji stopped and turned around. "What's the matter?" he asked. A big guy, Satoru, came forward. "We only have one question." he said. "And what is it?" Seiji waited for the boy to ask the question, but instead of questioning, Satoru kicked him in the balls. Seiji hissed and went  down onto his knees in pain. "Why... what's that... for?!" he asked. "We just wondered if you had any balls", his classmate replied. "We wouldn't have been surprised if a pussy like you hadn't had some." Seiji looked up in rage. "Asshole!" he growled. Satoru laughed. "You may have balls, but you're still a fucking girl in my eyes, Aoi." They went off. Seiji gasped quietly and then got up. "Bastards... ", he growled. And it got worse. Again and again, some students from their class stole some of Seiji's things and hid them somewhere or chewing gum ended up stuck under his table- Fortunately, Hirato removed most of them- and every time Hirato wasn't there, wasn't looking or busy with other things, Seiji was pushed around, tripped up and behind his back, they all laughed at his shyness. He kept withdrawing and barely spoke. Only the time he spent with Hirato helped him to survive the school days. When he was in ninth grade, Seiji had got used to the circumstances. He was still rather quiet, but he ignored most of the others. He pretended they didn't even exist. One day, however, Satoru punched him in the face with words. When Seiji was alone with him in the changing room before the P.E. lesson and he was about to leave, Satoru blocked his way. "Wait a minute, coward", he growled. Seiji sighed. "What do you want?" Satoru reached for Seiji's chin and forced him to look at him. "You're a weakling, Aoi. Someone like you can as well just die if he doesn't show strength. Just die and you'll spare the world your miserable sight." He let go of Seiji and trampled out of the changing room. Seiji lowered his gaze. "Just... die...?" A tremble went through his body. "I should... just die...?" 

He stayed in the changing room. After ten minutes, Hirato stuck his head in. "Seiji...? Why aren't you coming?" Seiji quickly wiped over his face so Hirato wouldn't see the tears. "Yes, everything's fine..." He put a smile on his face. "I... the toilet door got stuck somehow. It took me a while to get it open again...", "Oh..." Hirato tilted his head. Apparently, he didn't really believe him, but he didn't seem to want to go into it any further. "I'll let Aoba- Sensei know.", "Thank you, Hirato. I'll be right there, okay?" Hirato nodded and disappeared again. Seiji gritted his teeth firmly together. A part of him would have loved to scream after his best friend to stay. To scream that absolutely nothing was okay. But he held it back. Because the other part of him didn't want Hirato to know anything. Tried to keep it quiet. When he had gathered himself and stubbornly kept control over himself, he left the exchange room.
During the break that followed after the P.E. lesson, Seiji made sure that he just quickly came out of the exchange room and sat down on the ground in a shady corner of the schoolyard with his legs pulled up. He hid his face in his knees. „..." After a while, Hirato came to him. "There you are, Seiji. I've been looking for... Hey, what's up?" Seiji raised his head. "Nothing. I've been waiting for you. Do you always take that long?" Hirato pulled up both of his eyebrows. "Seiji, you're lying", he said. "What's wrong?", "Nothing, that's what I said. Believe me, I'm okay! Honestly." Seiji got up. "Don't worry.", "Is it because of the rumors?" Hirato asked. "I heard about them... I told the others to shut up, but...", "I can handle it, Hirato." Seiji gave him a fake smile. "I don't care what the others say. Thanks for making yourself strong for me, but you don't have to. You're only making yourself a target. Don't worry, I'll be fine." Hirato scrutinized him suspiciously. "If you say so..." 
The truth was that it hurt Seiji very much what the others said and thought about him. It really hurt him. Especially what Satoru said. Just die and you'll spare the world your miserable sight. What had he done wrong...? He wasn't as strong as he was giving himself. He cared about it. He wished he didn't care, but their words and laughter kept cutting into his memory. Every time from new. And it just didn't end. Would anybody in this class miss him if he was gone? Probably not...

At home, he threw himself on his bed and hid his face in his pillow. His parents weren't home, as usual. They both worked all day and came home late. For the first time in his life, Seiji felt so terribly left alone... If he wasn't there tomorrow... would anyone in this world care? If his time was up... he would want to know if anyone was happy that he had been there... Hirato? Maybe, but Hirato had many friends in his class... He got along well with most of the others and no one condemned him in any way. Maybe, he wouldn't miss him... Would anyone care if Seiji was gone? Would they? Probably not... Grief was only temporary. After a few weeks or months, no single person would care whether he was there or not. And that thought alone hurt even more. It was... painful... He clawed a hand into his shirt. It hurt... It hurt, it hurt, it hurt... it hurt so much... He wanted the pain to stop. He didn't want those thoughts anymore. He didn't want them to haunt his mind. He didn't want any of this!! Nothing... anymore... Nothing... He clenched his teeth, but that didn't stop the tears from flowing. Nobody knew how he was feeling. No one would understand. Nobody would care. Nobody... His way of protecting Hirato; leaving him ignorant like this... what did help him with...? People were all the same anyway, sooner or later, Hirato would leave, wouldn't he...? What was this agonizing feeling in his chest? What... 'What's wrong... with me...?'