In tenth grade, Seiji wasn't really present anymore. Just a shadow moving around, just a lie that was living in this world so the real him could hide. He barely talked. Not even to Hirato. He sought for solitude by going into the school's library in the breaks. One day then, before class, when Seiji went to the chemistry lab, Hirato leaned at the wall next to the door. When Seiji came, he blocked the entrance. "Okay, Seiji. Spit it already.", "What?", "What's going on with you? You barely talk, even to me, and hide away in the breaks. What the fuck is that supposed to be? I'm your friend, so you at least owe me that much." Seiji looked down. "...", "Speak to me, Seiji!" Hirato grabbed his shoulders. "Please!", "Hirato... I'm fine.", "Stop lying to me, Seiji! It's obvious that that's NOT the truth! You're not fine at all! So please, at least tell me why you detach yourself from me! Have I done something wrong? Then please, tell me!", "...No... you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just stupid...", "What?", "Don't worry about me, Hirato...", "But I do worry because that's not normal! Seiji, whatever is going on with you, you know you can always tell me!", "I can never be strong... when I keep seeking the help of others.", "What kind of crap are you talking about?", "Nothing, I'm just... talking to myself. ...We should go inside, the bell's about to ring in a few seconds." Hirato sighed and let go of Seiji. His friend walked past him and they sat down at their table. Seiji took his stuff out and tried to concentrate on what the teacher said, but he constantly kept drifting away. Will I ever get better? "Aoi-kun?" The teacher tilted his head and Seiji shrugged. "Huh?! Uh... yeah...?", "Are you fine? You stare holes at the wall. Are you thinking about the subject?", "I..." He heard giggling from his classmates. They laughed at him. "...Y-yeah...", "Probably, you should turn your attention to the board instead of the wall." the teacher commented. Seiji nodded silently. If this is what my life is going to look like, then I don't want it anymore... They all saw me smile but they all didn't notice that little piece of sadness in me... He lowered his head and looked at his blank paper. He clenched his teeth. "..." His throat started to hurt as he wanted to cry. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'll never be okay.

After the lesson was the second lunch break of the school day. Seiji quickly left the room to avoid needing to talk to anyone. He wasn't in the mood to. "Seiji, wait!!" Hirato shouted. "Not now, Hirato... I have an appointment in... the library.", "Appointment? What kind of appointment?", "I need to... return a book. I'm sorry.", "Seiji, look, I...", "Can we talk about that later? I need to return that book before I forget about it.", "...O...kay..." Hirato nodded insecurely. "See you... later, then." Seiji waved and went down the hallways. He had lied. Of course he had. He turned right and disappeared into the toilet. There, he retreated into a cabin, sat down on the closed toilet and tightened his legs. He buried his face in his knees and started crying. Everything has gone so wrong. He was rejected, taunted, excluded, left out... He felt so miserable. Containing all these tears was impossible. He had to let them out... He sat there and cried for a while. He didn't know for how long. After that while, he wiped away the tears and left the cabin... just to encounter Satoru who just entered. When he saw Seiji, he smiled. "Wrong toilet, my friend." he said. Seiji didn't react and straightly went towards the door. Satoru blocked it. "Now that we are in private, we can talk in peace and quiet.", "Let me go, Satoru...", "'Let me go, Satoru'", he mimicked Seiji with a spiteful tone. "You sound like whining girl, Aoi.", "Why are don't you leave me alone...", "Aww... lil' crybaby is close to crying once again!" Satoru laughed. Seiji again wiped over his eyes. "I am allergic to... to.... Birch pollen.", "It's deepest winter, idiot. There ain't no birch pollen outside!", "Sorry...", "You sound ridiculous." Satoru couldn't hold himself anymore, that hard he was laughing. "Seriously... You're hopeless, Aoi. You don't even dare to look at my face. Coward.", "Mind your own business...", "Don't you have anything else to say, weak punk?", "Satoru, please...", "'Satoru, pleaaaase.'" Satoru aped Seiji again. "I'm Seiji Aoi and I cannot defend myself, please leave me alooone." He giggled as if he had made a good joke. Seiji kept quiet. "I tell you something, girl." He narrowed his eyes. "You'll never be able to be a real man. Real men don't whine and cry. You're a crybaby." He stepped aside. Seiji left the toilet with his shoulders pulled up and his head lowered. Now, I'm crying without tears... He sighed.

Hirato was waiting for him. "There you are, Seiji." He smiled. Seiji raised his head and smiled too. "Hey... Hirato... Sorry for... being late. I was... detained.", "By who?", "By... Mrs. Ainsworth. She engaged me into a conversation and... yeah... It... took me a while to... get outta this.", "Yeah, Mrs. Ainsworth seriously is talking like a waterfall. No doubt about that. Chocolate?", "... Yeah, thank you..." Hirato broke off a part from his chocolate bar and handed it over to Seiji. "Here you go." Seiji ate it quietly. "...Hey, Hirato?" he then asked. "Hm?" His friend looked at him. "...Is it... wrong to... be me?", "Huh?" Hirato pulled up his eyebrows. "Why are you asking me that?", "Please... just... answer the question...", "It sure isn't." Hirato replied. "Everyone here has a right to be who he is and he isn't supposed to pretend to be someone he is not just in favor of someone else..." Seiji nodded. "I see... Thank you..."

At home, Seiji put his school back in the corner and lay down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling. "..." I probably shouldn't but I still kept lying and said 'I'm okay' because no one cared enough to look behind the scenes. He closed his eyes and rolled on the side. Why... why is all this happening to me... what have I done? Why do they all... hate me without reason? It's not fair... This pain won't stop... He closed his eyes. If the pain would just stop... If it would just fade away... Then maybe... I would be better... Why doesn't the pain stop...? He didn't know for how long he was laying there, but after some time, he sat up. If I tried to stop the pain... Would I stop feeling this way? I don't wanna feel like this forever... He walked into the bath room. His father had a razor blade somewhere. If he had a chance to find it, it would be here... He looked through the drawers and cupboards until he could find the blade. It was laying in a drawer somewhere buried under new tooth brushes, toothpaste and other stuff. He took it. "..." I'm not gonna scratch my arm... People would start to wonder... No... If I can stop the pain using this... then nobody should see it... He lifted his pullover a little and revealed his torso. ... Here... nobody will see... Please... let the pain stop... He put the cold blade on his skin. Maybe... this will help me... to get rid of this intense pain... this tension... When I stun the pain... with physical one... He slowly moved the blade over his skin and it left a cut on it. "..."