An hour after Ben's death, Lee and Carly were checking on the three other men. They'd lost all of their usual wit and jokey nature, like it had died along with their roommate. The body had been taken away immediately but the sight of it in all their minds could never have that luxury.

"He didn't even get to see the Superbowl" Edward said to the room, rather than any one individual.

"Poor bastard was the healthiest out of the lot of us. It shouldn't have been him" Robert said, shaking his head in dismay.

After many rigorous tests, Lee was satisfied that none of the other men would be leaving so suddenly. But that didn't stop him from staring into space as he wished he could have saved the old man's life. He had lost many patients before and was certain that he would lose hundreds more but nothing ever prepared you for when it happened.

It once again reminded him of the topsy-turvy nature of his work. Things could change at any moment. Not long ago he felt like he was on top of the world, but now he felt as though we were standing in the depths of hell.

It also bothered him that as soon as his next of kin had been informed, they'd rushed over to the hospital in floods of tears to collect his belongings. As the man's main doctor, Lee had the unenviable duty of telling them what had happened, how he had died and every single detail that they always asked for. They would then speak very highly of him and tell him how they wished they'd visited more often. It was always the same. Families would magically appear out of thin air and then tell him all their regrets and how they didn't know what they had till it was gone. It was Lee's first time seeing Ben's family and Ben had been one of the rare patients who had been in the hospital before he had even started.

This was exactly why Lee called his mother twice every week and visited her in the home at least once as well. She meant something to him and we always tried to show it, just like he wished all these people would. Of course, being a "medical professional" he would never be allowed to tell them what he really thought. He just had to tell them that he was very sorry for their loss, along with everything else that they wanted to hear.

Lee felt the rage burning deep within him, threatening to rise up and spill out all over the place. Only the sudden sound of Carly's voice broke him free and brought him back to the here and now.

"The last thing I said to him was that he had to eat his vegetables to stay strong and healthy. Seems ridiculous now" Carly muttered.

"Last time I spoke to him, I called him an asshole" Lee said with a grin, the rest of the room laughed, but only for a moment.

"Put's it all into perspective doesn't it?" Edward said, getting nodded agreements from everyone else.

"Hey Doc, any chance of getting us all a couple of shots of whisky?" Robert asked, already knowing how unlikely he was to get it. "We can have a toast to the guy. All of us"

"As much as I'd love to, that's not happening" Replied Lee, Glad that they were once again becoming more talkative. Perhaps their shock was wearing off.

"Ah, what would I expect from a clown like you? How about it nurse?" He tried Carly.

"Doctors orders" She shrugged.

"Well you two better at least go out then" Edward mumbled. "The old man loved a drink. That's probably what got him in here in the first place! Have one for us"

Lee didn't want to, but when he saw Carly's pleading eyes he couldn't say no. She had wanted to go out anyway, they would now just be out for a different reason than she intended.

"Are you ok Bill?" Carly asked, noticing that he had barely said a word since she'd been there. The man remained silent for a few moments before stammering a response.

"I – I I'm fine. I just . . . I don't . . . what's . . . I can't help but think . . . what's Bill without Ben?" The huge lump in his throat almost prevented him from being heard.

No one said a word. They didn't know what to say.

*

"To Ben!" The team cried in unison before downing their glasses of whisky in one huge gulp. Lee and Carly had been joined by Phil, Lou and Susan in the same bar where they had went back in December.

"I'm going to miss him" Carly smiled at the fond memories she had of him.

"Have you ever lost a patient before?" Lee asked. He was understandably not in a good mood but he realised that it was times like these where he had to be as talkative and welcoming as possible.

"Not till today" She admitted. "I had placements in other hospitals and surgeries while I was training but I was never anywhere long enough to see anyone die. I don't think I've ever been attached to any patients until I got here".

"That's why we never get attached. I get its hard, but you just have to look at them as inanimate objects. Otherwise, you end up feeling like this" Lee told her before going to get more whiskies.

"He never changes does he?" She said, moving closer to the rest of the group.

"He's a little insensitive" Lou agreed. "But he does have a point. In the end we're here to treat them and not be their friends"

Carly understood what they were saying, but she knew that she could do both.

Lee returned and they all had three more shots of whisky (having one for Bill, Edward and Robert, just like they'd promised). Not long after though, both Lou and Susan went home. They both had young children so didn't want to be stumbling in too late. Only Lee, Carly and Phil remained, although the whisky had taken its toll on him and he was starting to look a little worse for wear.

"You alright there Phil?" Lee asked, clearly amused at the state that his workmate had gotten into. Phil's only answer was to gingerly give a thumb up sign, forcing Lee to laugh at him. Carly took Phil's incapacitation as an opportunity to ask Lee something that she really wanted to know. He had been drunk when he'd last opened up so maybe that was all she needed.

"Lou told me you wanted to work for the UN. Is that true?"

Lee took a moment to respond but eventually did. "Yeah I did. I came really close too. It was some kind of project where they were taking doctors from all over the world and getting them to work as a team. It was supposed to promote peace amongst nations and all that"

Lee didn't strike her as much of a team player.

"But" he continued, "For whatever reason, they didn't pick me. God, I was devastated. I had everything all planned out, all the places I wanted to go and all the things I was going to do. Turns out it was all just a waste of time".

"What made you want to go in the first place?" Carly wanted to keep him talking, but she wanted it to be positive. One thing that she'd really noticed about Lee was that he was very passionate. When he truly cared for something, you just couldn't stop him from talking about it. If he got talking about anything negative then he'd more than likely shut down again.

"Isn't it obvious? I wanted to help people. I get that I'm doing that now but there's only so much you can do for the same people, in the same city, in the same country. This felt like I was changing the world, you know?"

Carly did know. That was one of the reasons she'd chosen to come work in Pittsburgh. She would have happily worked in her hometown but the opportunity to work in a big city was simply too good of an opportunity to turn down. Conversations like this really did make her feel a lot closer to Lee. She still wasn't sure about her feelings towards him. The dream that she had had was so far just a one off and she still looked at him as someone who could go crazy at any moment. But when he got talking like this, there was just something about him that was captivating. You couldn't take your eyes off him (at least she couldn't anyway), and you couldn't help but listen intently to everything he said.

Sadly for Carly, the moment wasn't going to last. Phil had turned to face the side of the table they were sat at and thrown up. Everywhere. It covered his shoes, his clothes, and the table next to them and there was a huge puke-pond on the floor.

"Holy shit!" Lee exclaimed.

"Oh no" Carly sighed, more out of annoyance than sympathy. She got up and began patting his back, making sure that all the vomit was out and that he wasn't going to choke on any more. The words of her medical school professor rang in her ears, "A nurse never switches off".

"Hey, is everything alright over there!?" Yelped the barman who had only just noticed the scene that they were causing. Carly was about to request that he get them some towels and a glass of water, but Lee beat her to it. Except, Lee didn't ask for anything.

"Don't worry, we are medical professionals! Everything is under control!" He called, not moving a muscle to help Carly or Phil. Carly looked at him in disbelief. She knew he didn't like Phil very much but she still would have thought that he'd have helped him. Instead Lee was laughing like a hyena at his fallen comrade. Carly didn't want to but she found herself laughing at Lee's idea of a humorous situation. It was pretty funny after all wasn't it?

She'd never seen this side of him before. Just how many layers did this guy have!?