Saturday, November 17th

     Loek went back inside to grab a key. He closed the front door behind him, took a look on his watch and then faced Jesse, crossing his arms in a defensive manner again.

Jesse nervously shuffled a foot, nervously smiling.

"You've got 30 minutes before I need to be back," Loek told him, before he started walking towards the street. "Let's walk through the park."

"Oh, okay!" Jesse sprung into action, following Loek out of the street in silence. He had no idea how to start again. He had apologized, he had told Loek how stupid he had been. He actually voiced a sorry.

And Loek had said he was sorry for Jesse getting arrested. Apologies were done, but Jesse had no idea how to go on from there. Instead of focusing on different things, Jesse still felt like they needed to talk about what happened. Not to blame one another for little things they apologized for, but to make sure they knew why they did the things they did.

"So, why didn't you warn me about the ditch?" Jesse eventually asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. "That we needed to jump?"

"Because I didn't expect the police to find us again and I didn't think we needed to run. But I guess I should've warned you anyway." Loek shrugged, as if it wasn't that big of a deal. And maybe it wasn't. Jesse knew the risks when he tagged along. But before he could tell Loek it didn't matter anymore, Loek spoke again.

"How's your ankle these days?"

"Fine, still a bit sore. But nothing too bad."

"Good." Loek nodded as if he was pleased with Jesse's answer, and then continued to remain silent again.

"Anyway, I said I was sorry, and I mean it. I should've talked to you. But I can't help but wonder..." Jesse took a deep breath before he continued. "why didn't you call me or anything?"

"Because the day after your arrest, I came home from soccer practise, to find out people had picked up your stuff, and Mees said you didn't want to stay in contact anymore." Loek shortly turned his head to look at Jesse. "You blamed me for everything that was going on and I do agree getting arrested was probably the start of everything that happened since then. But can you really blame me?"

"No, I can't, and I stopped doing that. And to be clear, I never said anything about not wanting to be in contact. Mees must have made that up."

"Well, it wasn't just Mees who told me to stop bothering you. All of your friends said the same." Loek finally stopped walking when they got to the park. "They all told me to leave you alone because you had enough shit going on."

"Yeah, I don't know if you know, but after I got arrested, Felipe beat me up and I got community service. My ankle was fucked and... I had—I have a lot going on. But I never told anyone I never wanted to talk to you again. I was angry, yes. I told Calix you and I were done. But I think an apology would've helped with the anger a bit."

"Well, I'm sorry for not warning you about the ditch. I'm sorry you got arrested," Loek spoke softly, walking away again right afterwards. "But you really hurt my feelings by leaving the club with some hot guy right in front of me."

"I'm a free man," Jesse mumbled while he followed after Loek again. "We aren't together—"

"I don't know about you, Jesse, but to me, sleeping with someone actually means something," Loek snapped. "You really think I just slept with you for the fun of it?"

"You did say you only take home the cute ones, you know, when we just met." Jesse defended his move, knowing it had been shitty nonetheless.

"Do you really see me like a guy that just takes home cute guys after a night at work? Did you ever see me with anyone else, beside you?"

"No... but how was I supposed to know you didn't mean it?" Jesse frowned. "Look, I'm sorry for it. But you have to admit, you took me home when I was wasted. You said I wanted to hook up, but I was too drunk. If I wasn't, we would've slept together—"

"No, Jesse," Loek said, cutting him off again. "If you weren't that drunk, or whining you didn't want to go home, I would've just brought you home. But you didn't give me an address, and I had no idea who you were, where you lived, and I didn't want to leave you outside on your own."

"Oh," Jesse swallowed hard. "Thanks, I guess?"

"Yeah, whatever," Loek grumbled, waving him off.

"Listen, Loek. Can we please start over? I really am sorry. My life is a mess but that's no excuse for treating you the way I did. I can't change what I did, or said, or didn't say..."

"What's done is done."

"Loek?" Jesse grabbed his wrist, pulling it so that Loek would turn to face him. "I was hurt because you left me behind, and I do stupid things when I'm hurt. It's not like I trust people easily and me opening up to you was something I didn't even have control over..."

"What's your point, Jesse?"

"My point is, that I really like you, and that's why I overreacted. If I wasn't interested in you in any way, I wouldn't have done the things I did. It's because you're different. You're caring and sweet and you do everything to help others, and suddenly you left me on my own and I was lost," Jesse said, taking a deep breath before he continued, "I wouldn't have felt as hurt as I was, if I wasn't into you. So what I'm trying to say is..."

"You like me," Loek sounded surprised, and suddenly his whole demeanour changed, his frown turning into a smaller frown—maybe even into a small smile.

"I fell for you the moment we met. I don't know why I didn't want to admit it before. But this is me, telling you that I really like you and that I want to start over. I really hope you can find it in you to forgive me and take a leap with me."

"And what do you expect will happen if 'we take a leap together'?" Loek now sounded amused, and Jesse felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment.

Couldn't Loek just tell him how he felt instead of teasing him with his feelings?

"That we, I don't know, date?" Jesse shrugged, trying to act cool.

He failed miserably—his cheeks heated up as soon as he said those words. But he didn't care, he finally said what he wanted to say.

"I haven't done this in years, so I don't know how to do this anymore. All I know is that I want to be with you."

"You want to be with me? As in, a couple?" Loek nudged him playfully, and Jesse chuckled in response.

"Well, let's date first and see what happens," Jesse sighed, still smiling, though unsurely. "Does this mean you forgive me? Or are you still angry?"

"I was never angry, Jesse. I was jealous, I was hurt, but I wasn't angry. And I forgive you for hurting me, but only because you showed some guts by showing up here."

"I couldn't stand the thought of never seeing you again. After all that happened, I knew I at least needed to apologize."

"Apology accepted," Loek said, smiling contently.

He grabbed Jesse's sweater and pulled him in for a kiss, and in that moment, Jesse felt happier than he had ever felt.

     "What's the story behind Mees protecting you as much as he does?" Jesse asked while he swayed his swing back and forth. Loek was seated on the other swing but didn't really move. They were in a small playground in the middle of the park with kids playing in other parts of the playground. Loek had told his father he was going to be home late, and they had spent the past hour together, and Jesse didn't feel bored for even a second.

"Oh, you know..." Loek mumbled.

"I know it has to do with you being hurt before, but I never heard the full story."

"My ex-boyfriend was a bit of a jerk. We had been together for about a year, when someone found out about us and snapped a picture of us kissing. The bullying started soon after that and while I thought we could get through it together, he told people I had hit on him and he had pushed me away seconds after the picture was taken," Loek told him while drawing figures in the sand with his foot. "We broke up and I hoped it would be the end of it, but he decided it wasn't enough that everyone else was already bullying me. So, he joined them, and eventually even told my parents."

"Which was when they kicked you out," Jesse concluded, staring at Loek in shock.

"Yes, and part of me hated everything about him and what he had done to me. But another part of me was glad my parents knew the truth and I didn't need to hide the true me anymore. But it meant I had to move in with Mees and learn to live with my mother hating me for my sexuality. Though I didn't mind the fact I moved away from here."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Loek. That's terrible."

"I know. Ever since Mees found out the full story, he's been a bit protective over me. My ex looked a lot like you, so I think Mees already knew I liked you the first time he saw you."

"That's no reason to distrust me, though. Looks can be deceiving and looking alike doesn't mean people act alike."

"True, and I tried telling Mees about a hundred times already. He's a bit stubborn and he was sure you were going to hurt me."

"He wasn't entirely wrong, sadly..." Jesse sighed deeply. "I'm really sorry for hurting you."

"And I'm sorry for hurting you too. But let's leave that in the past. You came all the way this way to apologize and that tells me you're nothing like my ex. And honestly, you do look a bit like him... but you're way better looking anyway."

"Well, thank you, I guess," Jesse laughed a bit, but stopped as soon as Loek grabbed hold of his hand, and for a few second Jesse tensed up. He wasn't used to flaunt around his sexuality right in the open.

Loek kissing him in public had already been a huge step.

But then he realized nobody around them knew who he was, where he came from, and couldn't do anything to him. Well, not after he went back home. And then he relaxed, entwined their fingers and allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of holding the hand of a guy he liked very, very much.

"So, how are we gonna take things from here? We do live 4 hours apart," Jesse asked, leaning his head against the chain of his swing.

"It's not so much how we're handling the distance, but more so, where do you want to take it?"

"I already said I want to date you, be serious, see what'll happen..."

"But have I agreed to dating?" Loek sounded serious, and Jesse felt his stomach drop.

"Don't you want to?"

"I want you to ask." Loek chuckled.

"What, didn't I already?"

"No, you never asked officially." Loek looked serious, and Jesse stared at him for a few good seconds, hoping Loek was joking.

The silence dragged on, and right when Jesse wanted to open his mouth to officially ask Loek on a date, Loek burst out in laughter.

"You should've seen your face!" He laughed out loud, and Jesse rolled his eyes, pulling his hand away from Loek's hand.

"Never mind. I don't want to date a guy who keeps teasing me when I finally admit I have feelings." Jesse stood up from the swing, walking away from Loek.

Of course he didn't mean it, but he wanted to get back at Loek for all his teasing.

"Jesse!" Loek was still laughing, but he did follow him, grabbed his arm and made him turn around to face him. "I was just messing around."

"I know, me too," Jesse smirked when Loek pulled him in his arms, and he slid his arms around Loek's waist. "Do you want to go out with me? Official dates, no other guys, just you and me? The whole ordeal?"

"You make it sound like a hassle," Loek laughed again, leaning his forehead against Jesse's. "But yeah, I'd like that."

"Cool, I'd like that too."

"I guess it's official then," Loek's hand cupped Jesse's cheek and they both leaned in for a calm kiss, and Jesse felt like he was flying. Never had he felt as good as he did in that moment, when kissing something. It was nothing like kissing Yoni, or any of his one-night-stands.

It even was different from kissing Loek when they slept together, now that they both had admitted their feelings.

And the kiss sealed the deal.

Author's note: 

I started a new book, Emotional Quotient! It's my Camp NaNo book for July (like DYSMN? was my Camp NaNo book for April)

Emotional Quotient will be a bit different from what you guys are used to read on my page. It's in an alternate universe. It's still LGBTQ+, it's still boyxboy, it's just a bit sci-fy-ish xD

But please come over and support me, and help me reach my Camp NaNo wordcount goal (25k words in 1 month :O)

Hope to see you there too!

Love, June