Friday, November 16th

     "Loek moved back to our parents, and I suggest you leave him alone, or you're mine."

Those were the words that kept echoing through Jesse's head ever since Mees had answered the door of their apartment. His words weren't the only thing stuck in Jesse's mind. No, the look Mees had given him had been deadly.

It had been stone cold, full of hatred.

If looks were capable of killing, they'd be having Jesse's funeral.

Jesse felt miserable, lonely and most of al stupid. Stupid for going home with a stranger to get back at Loek, while he knew he was being unreasonable.

What was Loek supposed to do when the cops had showed up? Get arrested with him? Be a good—yet very stupid—friend and stop running simply because Jesse got caught?

The only thing Loek could've done differently, was warn Jesse there was a ditch on their escape route. And even then, Jesse didn't know for sure if Loek had realised Jesse didn't know he needed to jump. It wasn't like they prepared to run. It wasn't like Jesse had expected the cops to show up again.

How big of a coincidence was it that they showed up twice in a row?

Jesse groaned, burying his face in his pillow again.

"What have I done?" he mumbled into the pillow, cursing himself for his stupid and selfish behaviour the past few weeks. He hadn't been a good friend to Loek, who had visibly been struggling with his own issues. He hadn't been a good friend to Calix, who, up until that moment, still hadn't told Jesse what exactly was going on that caused him to look like a mere shadow of his former self.

And he hadn't been there for any of his other friends either, even if they didn't have any issues to deal with. Axel, for instance, still seemed to be in love with Donna, even if he knew they would never get back together.

Or Yoni, who was still struggling with the fact she was dragged out of the closet by Axel. She wasn't too pleased she wasn't able to come out at her own terms. Jesse knew how shitty that felt, and still he hadn't supported her by sticking by her side in school.

No, instead, Jesse had dragged himself from class to class, and had silently sat at the lunch table feeling miserable because of his own stupid mistakes.

And Jesse didn't even want to think about his family, and all the shit that was going down between his brothers, his mother, and Felipe, while he was hiding in the safety of his friend's house.

Jesse never liked to be pitied by anyone, but in that moment he both pitied and hated himself.

He pushed himself up from the bed with newfound energy. He needed to do something.

Anything.

He needed to take action. He needed to take matters into his own hand. If he wanted to have a shot with Loek, he needed to apologize and talk to him.

And even more so, he didn't need his brothers or mother to fight his battles for him. He should stand up against his father and...

"Oh, what use would it be?" Jesse mumbled, slumping down on the bed again. "He'll probably beat me up worse if I face him."

Jesse shuddered and shook his head to get that image out of his head. No, facing his dad was something he would do another time. When he'd feel strong and safe enough to do so.

But then there was Loek Lindenberg.

And the fact Jesse missed him, his weird sense of humour, his kind gestures and words. The fact Loek actually helped him even when they didn't exactly know each other that much. The fact Jesse felt his stomach flip whenever he thought back about kissing him.

Goosebumps appeared on his skin, and he allowed himself to think of Loek. Well, until he remembered the look on his face when Jesse left the club last Friday.

"Ugh, he probably hates my guts," Jesse complained out loud.

"Stop the whining, it's annoying." Calix sounded amused despite his words. "You were never the type to wallow in self-pity, so why are you now?"

Jesse shot upright as soon as Calix spoke up. "What are you doing in my room?"

"I wanted to drag you out of this room, because hiding in here isn't going to solve your problems," Calix said, before he walked over to the bed to sit down next to Jesse.

"It's just... I started realizing I'm a bad friend to everyone. Not just to Loek, but to you, and Yoni, and Axel," Jesse mumbled while frowning.

"What do you mean 'a bad friend to Loek'?" Calix asked, sounding a bit surprised. "You're not the one who left him behind."

"No, I'm the one who expected him to stop running and get arrested too. That's just stupid, Cal. I would never ask you to do that, or Axel. So, why would I expect Loek to do it?"

Calix remained silent, seemingly overthinking Jesse's words.

"You know I'm right, Cal," Jesse continued. "Loek is 18, if he got arrested, he would be in a shitload of trouble. I'm 17, I still get a clean slate if this is the only thing I do to get arrested."

"If you put it like that, yeah, it doesn't make sense to expect him to get arrested just because you did too," Calix agreed with a nod. "And you already admitted you miss him..."

"I said I didn't. I said I liked him before he left me with the cops," Jesse answered, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "But okay, as always, you know me too well. I do miss him. I've been a really shitty friend to him and I just wish there was a way to talk to him."

"Have you tried calling him?"

"He declines my calls." Jesse shrugged, sighing deeply afterwards.

"Use my phone." Calix handed him his phone.

"He has your number. He was in our group chat, remember?" Jesse tossed the phone back to Calix. "If he sees your name, I bet he knows it's me."

"In that case, we just need to find out where his parents live, and visit him," Calix said, as if it was that easy.

"If you find a way to figure out his address, visit me in my room again. For now, I just want to go to bed and forget about things during a few blissfully oblivious hours of sleep.

     Jesse was woken up by a couple of voices, and when he looked on his phone to see what time it was, he noticed it was in the early hours of Saturday. The voices were vague at first, but then the door opened after a knock, and Jesse rolled over to find Calix and Yoni enter his bedroom.

"Morning, sleepy-head." Yoni cheerfully greeted him. She sat down on the bed and ruffled up his hair. "Get up, get showered and dressed, we have a long day ahead of us."

"What?" Jesse frowned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before he sat up. He felt confused. Today was Saturday, and they had no match that week. What busy day was ahead of them? "I don't have anything planned."

"But we do."

"If this is some weak-ass attempt to cheer me up, don't bother. I just want to lay in bed and ignore life for a day."

"We know where he lives," Calix announced with a smirk on his face, he showed his phone, on which Maps was visible. "Or more so, his parents."

"What, how?" Jesse shot upright, snatching the phone from Calix' hold. "Greenville? He didn't lie when he said it was a few hours away."

"Remember Adam? Loek's friend? He gave me the address. He said he wouldn't have given it, if he wasn't absolutely sure you two belong together." Yoni smiled and hugged Jesse. "And you two do."

"Do we?" Jesse raised an eyebrow, but allowed Yoni to suffocate him with a hug. It felt comfortable and safe to let her hug him. He was, after all, used to be with her. He still missed her presence a lot, even if he only platonically loved her.

"Yes, you do. I see the way you look at him. You used to look at me like that. You know, before you realised you were gay."

"I guess of all people, you know me best when I like someone..." Jesse admitted with a small smile. "So, you think I should visit him too?"

"Yes, I bet if you two talk, apologize, listen to each other, hug and kiss, everything will be alright." Yoni nodded along with her words. "Calix and I agreed to drive you there together, so we can sit in some bar or diner while you talk to Loek."

"So, Jes? What do you say? Want to pay him a visit?" Calix asked, sounding rather excited.

And when Jesse realised he didn't feel slightly disappointed that Calix was trying to get him together with Loek, he realised he was over Calix, and Loek was the one who made his heart flutter. Loek was the one who was driving him crazy with longing.

Loek was the one his heart was screaming for.

"Okay," Jesse answered, pushing away his cover. "Let me take a quick shower first."

"I wouldn't take you with us if you wouldn't shower first," Calix teased him. "You spend the past week in this bed."

"Dude, I showered before school, don't pretend like I smell."

Calix laughed, Yoni rolled her eyes with a smile, and Jesse threw his pillow at Calix. "Get lost, both of you. I need time to prepare."

"Well, hurry up, because we have a four-hour drive ahead of us, and I want to be back home before dinner."

"Make sure you look extra cute. I bet Loek won't be able to send you away without talking if you look extra cute." Yoni squeezed his cheeks while giggling.

"I'll keep that in mind," Jesse chuckled, grabbing her wrists to stop her from squeezing his cheeks. "Now, please, leave. I want to prepare on my own. Think about the things I need to say. How to apologize, how to ask him to give me another chance."

Calix and Yoni both smiled and nodded, before they left him behind in his room again.

At least Jesse had a chance to make this right. It was only a small portion of his issues that could be solved by talking to Loek. But if, and only if, Loek would forgive him for his stupidity, Jesse knew the support from Loek could help him take on other issues too.

He just wanted Loek back in his life, no matter what it would take.

And if that meant he had to admit he was starting to fall for Loek more each day, than so be it, even if it meant that Loek could turn him down.