maybe it was the alcohol in her system, or maybe the fact she hadn't gotten over yangyang yet, but he looked ethereal to her, like a forbidden fruit that she wanted but couldn't have.

she followed him as he lead her to his bedroom, making sure no one saw them together, closing the door behind him.

the familiarity of the room warmed her heart, nothing had changed in the past five months since they had broke up.

the gaming system he had still sat in the far corner of his room, next to a huge window, the blinds pulled shut. his prized mayday poster was next to his bed still, some pictures of his family, host and real, were in frames on his desk and dresser, the frame of the picture of them was faced down. the puss in boots doll she had gotten him still sat in the middle of his bed.

he sat down on his gaming chair, letting her sit on his bed.

the familiarity of the scene was heart wrenching, him sitting at his desk, a smile on his face as he listened to her talk, and vise versa as she sat on his bed, leaning against the wall, swinging her legs ever so slightly.

"why have you been ignoring me?" yangyang asked softly.

jamie's world came crashing around her, the euphoria and bliss of being around him falling as she realized what had happened between the two of them. she was a dare, a challenge he couldn't pass up, he cheated on her on top of that.

that was enough to boil her blood.

"why am i avoiding you? why did you cheat on me? why did you accept me as a dare? why didn't you tell me earlier?" jamie retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"i-" yangyang stuttered, jamie cutting him off. confidence swarmed her as well as anger and thirst for the truth.

"no, stop! i am literally the most understand person you will ever meet. i would've played along, let you finish your dare. sure, i would've hated you, but i would've sucked it up. yangyang, when was the last time i ever did anything selfish that you've seen? i literally got a job just so we could move into a new apartment so my friend who attempted suicide could live with us and wouldn't have to be shipped back off to china!"

yangyang blinked in shock.

jamie stood up, glaring at him, "exactly. now are you going to give me answers or are we going to skip to the part where i smack you and then go get wasted with my friends to forget this even happened?"

yangyang stood up, "listen jimin, it was stupid. i shouldn't have accepted the dare, i shouldn't have not told you... but i genuinely enjoyed our time together! i ended the relationship way after i was supposed to! i only cheated for the first few months too-"

"bullshit," she sneered.

"jimin, i don't want any bad blood between us," yangyang said, "hendery, ten, sicheng, xiaojun, everyone keeps wondering where you are and why you won't talk to them. they had nothing to do with this, please be friendly with them still."

jamie's hand came up and smacked yangyang before he could even see it coming, making him stumble from the impact and hold his stinging cheek, looking at her in shock.

jamie's face was the darkest he had ever seen, looking emotionless yet pissed off at the same time.

"don't lie to me, i have been nothing but friendly to them, even after we broke up, alright? sure i avoided them maybe for the first month or so because they reminded me of you, but i'm fine now. we're over, you're scum. leave me and my friends alone," jamie growled before leaving the room, going back downstairs.

she spotted the four boys fairly easy, even with all of the people in the house, maybe because of donghyuck's bright red hair and jeno's beach blond hair.

she grabbed the red solo cup out of jaemin's hand and downed it quickly, sighing.

"you good?" jeno asked, "we can leave if you want."

"no," jamie shook her head, "what i want is more alcohol and to dance. let's go boys, i need the vodka from the cabinet."

jamie allowed herself to shut down for the rest of the night, dancing with the four boys, singing along and drinking to her heart's content.

at least, until a familiar face was in her sight.

yena and renjun were arguing at the front door.

the four boys barely realized as jamie stopped dancing and said she'd be back, making her way slowly over to renjun.

yena turned around and left renjun standing there.

jamie hesitated for a minute, wondering if it was her place.

finally, she realized he was her friend, and friends comfort each other when they need it.

jamie went over, handing her beer to renjun, "want some?"

his eyes met hers and she felt her heart breaking at the tears in his eyes, some slipping loose.

"we can do this one of two ways," jamie said, grinning, holding out her two hands, "dance dance or sorry?"

"as much as i love day6," renjun's voice slightly cracked as he pointed at her hand that was for sorry, "i'm in a sorry mood."

jamie nodded, putting her empty hand in her pocket, the other still holding her beer, "let's bounce then. there is a cool twenty-four hour café near here that xiaojun showed me."

"i forgot where we were for a minute," renjun muttered, following jamie as she walked out of the front doors.

she was soon tackled into a hug, renjun watching in alarm as the beer bottle she had fell on the ground, breaking slightly from impact.

"jimin! oh my gosh, renjun is here too! this is, like, the best day ever i haven't seen you guys in so long!" xiaojun rambled on, bringing renjun into the hug too, ignoring the broken bottle on the ground.

"xiao, how much have you drank?" jamie asked.

xiaojun stopped for a minute and thought, "not... much?"

renjun couldn't help but laugh a little at their clueless senior.

"anyway, since when did you two know each other?" xiaojun asked, "i thought yangyang scared away all your guys friends."

jamie laughed, "nope. i met renjun through yena before... you know."

xiaojun nodded, "ah yes, that. i will let you know, we all shunned yangyang for at least a month."

jamie smiled, "i'm glad? anyway, renjun and i have to go, i need to sober up before i head home to johnny."

xiaojun smiled back and nodded, "bye guys, see you later!"

the two walked away from the male who immediately hopped into another conversation, walking in silence as they made their way to the café.

the woman behind the counter already knew jamie's order and got her and renjun's hot chocolate.

"you are an intellectual," jamie said, leaning back in her chair, appreciating the soft music playing in the background and the sound of the two other couples in the café, "jaemin's drinks straight up six shots of espresso and jeno drinks americanos, they're so gross."

renjun nodded, laughing lightly, yet not full heartedly, "it's too late for coffee."

"have you met na jaemin?" jamie grumbled, leaning back forward, looking at renjun, "he can drink six shots of espresso at ten and still be out by one, i don't know how."

"maybe he just likes the taste?" renjun reasoned, jamie shrugging.

"why did you end up at the party tonight?" jamie asked after they had gotten their hot chocolates.

renjun's calm expression fell to one of despair, "yena told me i wasn't allowed to come, but after i saw you guys were all meeting up there i thought why not go and hang with you all and be your sober friend, trying to help you, but she saw me and got really angry that i had showed up... i argued it was unfair for her to be there but not me, and she told me i'm 'too innocent' for parties and she wanted to keep me innocent, which, as we all know, i am not."

jamie nodded, laughing lightly, bringing a small smile to his face.

"i'm getting a little tired of this honestly," renjun mumbled, tears in his eyes again, "i feel like her puppet, but i don't want to let go. she's so familiar to me, i don't want to let it go."

jamie's smile fell, as she nodded along, reaching her hand out and hesitantly putting it on top of his, "i understand."

"i don't know what to do," renjun's shoulders started to shake and he looked down, taking his hands and holding them up to his face. as if he was ashamed of himself.

jamie got up and pulled her chair next to him, wrapping her arm around his shoulder and letting him cry, silently comforting him.

in that moment, jamie's world shook. her stomach had knots in it, her heart was beating fast and loud. she felt her heart in her stomach and felt like she had to cry too just from seeing him cry, but also like she had to stop him from crying and make him laugh again, make him happy again. she wanted to hold him closer to her, wanted to hold his hand, wanted to kiss his cheek, wanted to play with his hair.

jamie realized something that would change the way she looked at renjun. she liked him. not as a friend, but romantically.

and as he cried on her shoulder, she couldn't help but cry too, playing it off as him crying made her cry, when in reality, she was crying for another reason.

she was crying for herself, and how pathetic she felt, how selfish she felt at that moment. she felt guilt from pushing him so hard before, she felt all negative emotions, nothing positive like she thought she would've. this was because she one she liked was hurt, so she was too.

how could she comfort him about his girlfriend when she wanted to be his? how could she hold him in her arms like this, pretending like nothing was going on behind the façade she had put up? how could she be thinking about herself so much when her friend, the boy she liked, was crying in her arms? over someone else?

jamie wanted to crawl up and hide from the world.

but for now, she had renjun who needed comforting. she needed to pretend like his friend for a few moments more, until he was calm, then she could panic.

yes, then, she told herself, trying not to enjoy the fact that the one she liked was so close to her, it does not matter right now, then it would.

so she sat, and continued to comfort renjun, continued to whisper soft, calming words, promising a solution, continued to think in overdrive, continued to cry alongside him, never wanting the moment to end, but also wishing it would.

how complicated her world was about to become.