(March 16th, 2010)

I buttoned up my white sleeved shirt and knotted up my tie, fixing my collar. Then I pulled on my red school skirt, the one that reaches just a little above my knee and tried a little bit too hard to get my dark blue eye liner circled around my eyes to make them pop just how he liked it.

When I finished my eyes, I quickly threw on my school blazer and called for mom to take me to school.

The car ride was quiet. My mom had her headphones on, listening to some overrated Russian song while the radio was turned up to a volume ten for me to sing along to the latest American hits.

I entered the class that I was assigned to for my exam and smiled when I saw him. He was sitting next to this new girl whose name I couldn't quite remember.

She was pretty, with long jet black hair that cascaded down her back in big waves. She had a chubby face, but her high cheekbones evened it out. Her eyes were of a very dark brown shade, almost like Jeremy's but they were always covered with bright, emerald green lenses making them look like

She seemed like the happy go lucky type. It's like she's never had any problems at all in her life. She appears to live in the moment, but if she doesn't want to be in it anymore, she'd disappear within the snap of a finger.

They were seated together, laughing their lungs out along with the other kids from their clique.

I remember the day Jeremy asked me for permission to be able to hug Hana and hang out with her when I wasn't around. It was when they first started hanging out. It bothered me, but I didn't say anything. I mean they were just friends, what was the harm, right?

Now, they threw me out of the picture. I'm the third wheel that is watching her boyfriend float the boat with another girl.

Jeremy looks up at me, still laughing at something she must have said. I smiled at him.

He just ignores me and turns his attention back to her, listening carefully to what she was saying. There's a small smirk playing on her lips as she animatedly talks to him about something.

I let out a small sigh and walk up to them, smiling, "Hey."

Whenever I'm around Jeremy, it feels like I am ruling out every single sensible thing I've ever had in my life. And I'm not sure how I feel about that or why exactly I feel that way.

"Hi, Cassidy. What're you doing here?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing. Then he turns back to look at Hana.

Feeling rejected, I slowly walk past them and sit in the bench behind him, poking him on the shoulder to reply to his previous question.

"I'm here to write my exam," I retort ,feeling a little angry at his indifference. We have exams going on, why is he pestering me about something he already knew about?

"Just asking," he shrugs and then continues, "Want to take a walk around the corridors?" He asks me, his head tilting to the side, as he points at the door.

"Sure." I mumble.

We both get up and start circling the hallways at a fast pace. He doesn't really say much to me, but I am fine with the silence.

Jeremy stops by the staircase and I just follow him quietly. There's a window at the side, between each floor. I stand by it, watching the kids play outside and their parents growing impatient for reasons I don't know. 

 I think about the memories Jeremy and I have. There are so many and all of them mean so much to me. He means so much to me. Sometimes, he mean so much it hurts.

He kisses me very slowly and sloppily and then pulls away before I can react.

This was how it works between us when we're in school. Everything is in the heat of the moment, sometimes quick and sometimes very slow, but it is always a one sided physical moment.

We can't risk getting caught in school and having our parents called to the principal for inappropriate behavior or most of the students getting hold of some juicy gossip to spread around.

He gives me a lopsided smile.

"That was kind of retarded," he says. I frown, not quite understanding what he meant by that.

My friends always tell me that guys come in and make everything look like Disney Land. You've got to see right through them.

He looks up at me and grins. I smile back.

I remember how we met over Facebook. I thought he was some sort of creep who was stalking me and trying to get personal information out of me over the internet.

"What's wrong, Cass?" He asks, his voice filled with concern as his fingers caress my cheek, making me close my eyes and lean into his touch.

"Nothing," I mumble, wrapping my arms around his tall frame, making myself feel like a small rat compared to him. "Let's head off to class," I tell him and he nods, intertwining our fingers together as we walk back to class together. As soon as we see a teacher pass by, our hands leave each other. He reclaims it moments later but as soon as we enter class, he lets go of my hand and sits next to Hana. I don't bother joining their conversation because I find nothing interesting about the next football game.

That's all they have in common. Don't fret about it. I think.

He places his hand on my table and I take it in mine, feeling the warmth radiate from his body. I read through the notes that I have in front of me and make sure I revise all the formulas I noted for my Math exam today.

I've failed three times; I have to pass this final exam in order to get promoted to the next grade. 

Jeremy and I look at each other for what seems like hours, until Hana starts giggling and hitting his shoulder playfully.

I try to make small conversation with her, but she just waves me off and continues to talk to the boys. I shrug nonchalantly and look at my hand, still in Jeremy's, as I circle my thumb around the area between his thumb and forefinger.

I think back to the time I first told Jeremy that I was slightly sick and was trying to cope with it. I have Asperger's Syndrome. It isn't as noticeable as it usually is in other people, which is why my mom was surprised when I was diagnosed. Lack of communication with people is the only way it affects me.  

Taking out my black ink pen, I scribble I <3 Cassidy on Jeremy's school blazer, on his shoulder. It's something a third grader would do, but I don't care. He just turns around and smiles I don't think he actually notices what I did because he quickly turns back to talk to Hana.

He pulls his hand away from mine and mutters something along the lines that his shoulder hurts and then shrugs his shoulder, to emphasize his point. He's been doing that a lot lately and it bothers me. I bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something about it.

As soon as the bell rings, Jeremy gets off his seat, pats Hana on the shoulder and leaves without so much as a good bye to me.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, I sit back in the seat I'm assigned. In five minutes the teacher starts handing out our exams so we may begin. I quickly fill out my name, class and other details and start working on all the problems in order.

It's difficult for me to concentrate with my mind always on Jeremy and, for some reason, at this moment, not even a good thought is passing by. Instead, I think of all the bad things we've gone through and how, for some moments, I wish he were a different person or acted differently.

We all wish that someone could be somebody else.

There's this feeling, in the pit of my stomach, telling me that something is wrong. It's probably just my stupid Math exam.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm sure my formulas are correct and I'm even more sure that all my final answers are wrong.

"Ms. Valentine, is everything all right?" A teacher with long, brown hair asks me, her palm placed face down on my desk. 

Without looking up at her, I smile slowly, "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks," I mumble.

As soon as I finish, I gather my stuff and walk out of the classroom to find Jeremy and Hana already standing by the door chatting animatedly about something. I walk up to them and stand by Jeremy's side.

He doesn't say anything, so I stay quietly by his side, watching him as he speaks to Hana. His lower jaw is slightly jutted out and it defines his face perfectly, with the little stubble that appears. He must have skipped a shave.

As he talks to Hana, I notice her hands moving around when she explains things to him. I notice her obnoxiously long black and white manicured nails, something I've never noticed before.

Being the person that I am, I just have to comment on them.

"Your nails are too long. Maybe you should cut them halfway through? It would look much more elegant," I recommend, trying not to sound like I was accusing her of something, but I'm sure it came out the wrong way.

She tries to say something back, but Jeremy beats her to it.

"I actually like her nails. They look kind of cool," he says to me and then turns to her, "Keep them the way they are."

I frown.

"Thanks, Jeremy. That's sweet." Her voice is awfully pleasant and I don't like the tone she's using.

He then hugs Hana and tells her that he'll see her tonight. I try to keep that comment out of my head and follow him down the staircase. We exit the school together and he yells, "Bye, Cassy," as we part. I just turn around and walk the opposite direction. 

He's still standing behind me, waiting. I turn around and smile as the people standing by the school's gate watch us curiously, expecting me to say something, expecting to collect some juicy gossip on our 'budding' relationship.

I wait for my mother at the side of the school, placing my neon pink Jamesport bag on the floor. I sit on it and read a novel that I brought from home as I wait.

The area is filled with seniors, either walking home with their friends, showing off their brand new cars or, those like me, waiting for someone to pick them up.

As soon as I hear the two beeps of a familiar black Audi, I look up and notice that my mom is parked right in front of me. I stand up and dust off my skirt, picking up all my belongings and carefully climb into the car.

My younger brothers are busy arguing in the back seat and I try to ignore them. I usually stay out of their useless drama about who should sit where and who had more fries at school. 

"So, how was your exam?" My mom asks, as she takes a left turn, turning off the flicker.

"It was hard. I'm not sure about this one," I answer honestly, taking out my phone from the side pocket of the door and putting on the earphones.

Before I can turn on the music, my mom speaks up again.

"We're just going to pick up some food because I didn't get much time to cook anything."

"Sounds good." I reply and turn the music up.  

I know this car ride will go just like all the others after school. My mom will complain about how she saw a woman awfully dressed today, then she'll point fingers at my brothers for being donkeys because they argue a lot and enjoy pestering each other. All while I will try to make sure my eardrums don't explode from all the noise that everyone is producing.