(August 23rd, 2014)

"I cannot believe you! I just forgive you and you do this. Oh my, what is wrong with you? You're driving me insane, Jeremy," I scream, waving my hands around like a crazy woman.

There were many things that Jeremy had done, bad things, mistakes, everything. Way too many for me to count, but I didn't know that there was actually a last straw that he could pull. I was beyond mad.

"Cass, I am so sorry..." his eyes were narrowed and his eyebrows scrunched up as he pleaded for me to listen to his excuses just like he always did but I've had enough.

"Sorry? Sorry? Is that all you have got? And do not call me Cass, it's only for friends, family and people who love and bother to know and care for me. I am Cassidy to you and it will be even better if you bother to use my last name, but knowing you. You are such a piss off, how can you be such a jerk and hate someone to such an extent? If you hated me so much why even bother to ruin me? Was that your plan from the very beginning? It really looks like it. Is that all you needed, the money? You needed that money so much that you were willing to ruin my life already! I cannot freaking believe you! God, how can someone me so heartless? How can you be so pathetic?" I ask, crossing my arms on my chest, narrowing my eyes at him. Trying to keep my tears from streaming down.

"Cassidy, it's not like that, I swear!" he said, looking sad but I knew better than believing him after pulling this stupid trick on me. He had the nerve to that. After all this, he had the freaking nerve.

"Then what is it like? You embarrassed me in front of the entire university campus, I thought that everything we had and did was personal, but no! To you, it was all a game and freaking bet, I can believe all this time this all was just a lie. We," I said, moving my index finger between me and him and saying "are a lie. You made all the crap up just for a stupid bet with your friends! To prove what? That you can get me? Well you did! Great, you won. Does that make you happy now? Now, that you won. I want you to leave and not come back. Just do not even bother to come back!" I yell, my voice getting louder and louder as I grow angrier with him.

"I meant every word I said, I love you, Cassidy. I do," he says, looking me in the and walking towards me. I put my palm forward, telling him to stop.

"No, don't. Don't say that. I want you to leave and never come back again. Ever,"

"You don't mean it, Cass-" I cut him off before he could say anything else. I'm trying to hold all my emotions in. Tears are threathaning to spill out of my eyes but I refuse to let them slip.

"Don't say anything, just get out of my house. Now!" I say, poitning out at the door. He sighs in defeat, carrying a look at his face, almost looking broken hearted. Almost. I would never fall for his actions and lies again.

As soon as I heard the door slam, I jumped, slightly surprised at the force he applied. I could feel the tears spilling out. I grabbed my phone and called the only person I knew I could rely on, but never spoke to for years and so, I did.

***

"All right, now that you are done bawling your eyes out. How about you tell me what's going on lately and why were you crying? Please tell me it is not Jeremy again," she says, her hands cupping the mug of hot chocolate, bringing it closer to her chest for warmth perhaps, I get up and turn the heater.

It was the first morning of December and being warm on this day was on everyone's list, including mine's and Acacia's.

I sat back down on the couch opposite to her and pulled my socks back up and picked on my fuzzy sweatpants and said, "Yeah, it's Jeremy and he is what is going on lately"

"You were seeing him again? I told you not to," Acacia said, looking at me as if a mother just saw her child ruin their own life right in front of her eyes.

"I love him and you know that, Acacia," I said, defending myself on the slightest bit.

"Love him? Is playing around with you and Hana, that's what he is doing. Can't you see it?" She scolds, raising her voice at me and I cringe at the mention of Hana. It doesn't seem to settle in me that he keeps moving around between us and nothing can stop it. Not our senses at least, being completely blinded by his actions seems to make things even worse.

"I don't know what to say," I mumbled, looking down, rather embarrassed of myself than not wanting to face anybody right now. Especially my mother who warned me of staying away from him.

"How about you tell me what he did this time?" She asked, placing the mug on the coffee table in front of us and sitting back down, hugging her knees to her chest.

I spread my legs across the couch and start, "I found out that he taped himself with another girl and showed it around, his friend and half of the school's campus, to which it ruined her reputation and she was kicked out, both of college and home. She had no where to go. She asked Jeremy if she could at least crash at his for a while but he didn't even bother to care, he ruined her and nothing!"

"The next thing I know, I pass by Hana's and she acts all weird and then one of his friends were with her and he sees me and tells me something that ticks me off about Jeremy, being the usual me, wanting to know what it is all about, I ask him and he tells me that Jeremy told them every single thing we ever did together and that it was all a bet, I can't believe this all was just a game to him. I expected the worse, but I thought what he did to me in high school did it, he begged me for forgiveness then and I did, but this time, this time I couldn't help it. I kicked him out," I told her, sitting back up straight and looking at her.

Her eyes were wide and she was choking on her hot chocolate, I stood up, handing her a tissue and patting her on the back slightly.

She looked at my sympathetically and said, "I don't even know what to tell you, Cassidy. I told you he was messing around with you. He was never serious, but you refused to listen to me at all and now you have gotten yourself into this. I was never jealous of you if that is what you think. I was worried about you and now look at what he as done. Did you really think I want all this for you?" She asked, looking sad.

I small sob escaped me and she stood up wrapping her hands around me, pulling me into a comforting hug.

"Shhh, it's okay. Everything will be all right. Just promise me you will stay away from him. You really do not need this. Look at you, you're so tired. Go have some rest, I don't think I will be able to drive back to the dorm when it is snowing like this, so I will have to crash at yours. You go have a warm shower and sleep, I will take care of the mugs and the rest and crash in the guest's room when I am done. Go ahead," she said, smiling warmly at me. I smiled back, at least that's what I think I did, I don't think my attempt to smile really made things better, her face only seemed even more sympathetic and I walked off to the bathroom.

I turned on the shower, waiting for the water to warm out and slip my clothes off. I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water hit my back, settling my nerves.

When did my life turn into such a mess? Oh yeah, right. Five years ago. The night of the farewell was engraved in me and will always be. I thought it was and will be the worst thing he would ever do to me. I learned to forgive him and not be mad, but I wasn't expecting so much betrayal from him. Me and Hana were getting along, despite the confusion and misunderstanding with Jeremy, we decided to keep it off us and the our friendship seemed to flow well.

He just had to jump and do the wrong thing. How could he betray me? How could I just simply fall for his lies all over again knowing very well how his facial expressions betrayed him. There's no one else to blame but myself, it's not like I didn't know. Maybe I was expecting some improvement from him, but that would be beyond this world if he would ever think of other people.

I slipped out of the shower and wrapped the pink towel around my body, walking out of the bathroom and into my room. I grabbed matching underwear and put them on. I fished for my blue sweater and grey sweatpants, pulling them on before my red fluffy socks.

I could hear the sounds of Acacia cleaning up in the next room, but I refused to go out. It's not like she would let me help her anyway. I slid under my blanket and sat there deep in thought.

The next morning I woke up to Acacia making breakfast. I sat at the table and she welcomed me with fried eggs, bacon, yoghurt, some cereal and panvakes topped with blue berries and caramel syrup.

"Morning, Cassy, did you sleep well?" she asked sweetly, smiling at me.

"Mhmm..." I lied.

I finished my plate fast, I was really hungry and I didn't eat yestrday all day, I'm never skipping a meal again. I plucked a pancake into a fork with a blue berry in between and the caraml syrup sripping into my plate and pulled it into my mouth. I moaned. It tasted too good.

"You like?" Acacia asked, smirking knowingly. I always doubted her cooking skills and she knows it. She liked reminding me of it all the time. Proving that she was right.

"Come on, let's watch one movie, to rest our full stomach and go for a jog, you seem in need of a good one to release all your stress and worries," Acacia offered and I nod my head in agreement.

We then plopped onto the couch together, placing our legs on the glass table carefully and snuggled into each other like long lost sisters.

Seven chick flicks and three tub of ice creams later we were beyond bored and decided to go for the jog we planned on in the morning, which will be followed by a McDonald's salad once we are done and on our way back home.

"I love you, Cassidy," he whispered in my east, hugging me from my back. Why is it that we always end up at the stair case? I tried to push the bad memories to the back of my mind and concentrate on the Jeremy that I believe has changed.

"I love you too, Jeremy," I mumble, turning around to look up at him.

"No, don't tell me too, just say I love you," he said, looking a bit sad.

"Why not?" I asked, confusion clear in my choice of tone.

"When you add 'too' to it, it feels like you're ust saying it because I said it, not because you meant it," he sighed. It was odd to me how deeply he took in the confession that we have been confessing about for years now, but I never really said anything. I never do, and sometimes I wonder if my patience was always like this and what if it wasn't?

I let the though slip by my mind and placed my head on his chest and said, "I love you, Jem"

"I love you," he whispered back. I could feel him grinning through my skin and smiled. I loved it when his dimples show and still do. It amzes me how everything to me seems in the past now. Even the present and the future. It all seems long gone to me and I, i don't even think I mind.

"Cassidy, are you even listening to me?" Acacia said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I didn't even notice that my pace whilst jogging quickened and she was trying to catch up.

"No, I am sorry. I was just thinking about a few things.." I said, not fully admitting the truth.

"By thinking about a few things, you meant thinking about Jeremy, didn't you?" she asked, looking at me suspiciously.

"Yeah," I admitted, rather embarrassed that I couldn't keep my word and just enjoy this day without having him on my mind for once.

"Last head off to McDonal's now and order something else? I was thinking of a salad but I am much more hungrier than I thought, plus, it's not like we can't take in a little bit off fat in our body, shall we?" She asked, a knowing smirk playing on her lips.

As soon as we reached our place of destination, we got to ordering before grabbing a table. I grabbed a Grand chicken special and seh got a Big Mac followed by large fries and some apple juice. Coke was something me and Acacia never consumed.

We ate in silence and jogged all the way back home after reasting our stomach for a while. No one wants to throw up because of excess of exercise.

When we return home, all I could hear was my phone ringing and before I could process what was happening, Acacia picked it up and put it on loud speaker.

"God Cass, you have no idea how worried I was, I've been trying to contact you for hours no-" he was cut off by Acacia yelling at him.

"How dare you call her after all you have done? You don't even deserve to see her! At all! If you call her again, I swear to god I will person come to you and kick you where the sun doesn't shine and personally make sure that you and your private destination have nothing to do with the next generation. Do you understand?" She threatened. My eyes were wide and I could tell that Jeremy's were as well.

"Yeah... Yes.. I... Love.. Tell... Her..." He stammered. I did nothing but stand in the living room in front of her, with my phone in her hands and listen.

"I am not telling her anything. Just shut it and leave her alone!" She finally said and cut the line off, turning around to face me with a small smile.

"I'm fine," I lied and left to my room, locking the door behind me.

I hop into bed after my long, warm shower and sigh.

4I guess waiting for superman was harder than I thought. Sometimes, I just wish it was someone else. Not Jeremy. Just somebody else.

_______

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Picture of Cassidy and her father is at the side!

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