Chapter 28
"Ronan? Sweetheart?" I called into the darkness of his room. I was answered only by harsh breathing.
"Tink?" He finally responded. I felt my way based on his voice and turned on the lamp next to his bed.
"Teddy's with me, Ronan," I said.
"Hey, Ro," Teddy said gently from next to me.
The lamp illuminated Ronan's tearstained face, bloodshot eyes and a pillow damp from what could only be hours worth of tears.
"Oh my god, what the hell happened?" Teddy's voice was quiet with shock.
I sat on the edge of the bed and asked Teddy to bring me a cold washcloth. He went without another word into the bathroom and returned less than a minute later with the cloth, which I used to wipe poor Ronan's face. I gave the cloth back to Teddy and reached for a tissue.
"Blow," I said, holding it up to his nose. He blew his nose, and I handed that to Teddy, too. He disappeared again into the bathroom, returning moments later.
"Now, Ronan, darling, what happened?" I asked gently.
"She broke up with me," he said, sitting up and grabbing on to me. He put his head on my shoulder. "She said she was getting back together with Bruce, the guy who owned the pub. She used to date him before me, they were going to give things another go.
"The thing is, I think, I think she only went out with me to make the other bloke jealous. There were little things she said and did, and I ignored them at the time, told myself I was just being crazy, but now I look back on everything, I think that's what she was doing. I don't think she ever really cared for me at all, Tink, ah, I was such an idiot."
Teddy closed the door and came back. He put his hand on Ronan's head and stroked it, sitting down on the other side of him.
"I'm so sorry mate, I didn't even know you were seeing someone new, you never said." Teddy looked at me. "How did you know?"
"He told me this morning, while you guys were at the store," I said, patting Ronan's back. "He was so happy." I sighed. "Fucking cunt," I said.
Both boys' eyes widened, and Ronan actually stopped crying for a second and lifted his head to look at me. "I can't believe that word came out of your mouth, love," he said with the ghost of a smile.
I smiled back. "I save it for use only on special occasions, like making my best friends smile," I said.
"I liked her so much, you know?" He said wistfully. "And she seemed to really like me, Ronan, the regular guy, not Ronan Donohue of UK Crush, millionaire playboy and richest man in Ireland under 25. We would have a game of snooker, have a pint, play with her dog, all normal stuff, you know?" He sniffed.
"Fuck me," he said miserably. "Why does nothing ever work out for me? Even with all my fucking money and success and everything, some girl in a pub just walks up and uses me to get back together with her old fella, and I just blindly let it happen." Fresh tears welled up.
We just stayed that way for a while, me holding him, Teddy rubbing his back. Eventually his breathing slowed down, with hitches every now and then.
"Do you think you could sleep if I stayed with you, hmm?" I asked, smoothing his hair off his damp forehead.
"Would you do that?" He asked. "I mean, could Theo do without you?"
Teddy laughed. "I'm not a baby, man. I'll miss her, but I'll survive."
Ronan let out a shuddering sigh. "It would be lovely if you could stay with me, Tink," he said.
"Not a problem," I said. "Let me go brush my teeth and stuff, okay?" I kissed his head. "You go wash your face and do your bathroom stuff too, you'll feel a little better, you'll see. Be right back."
Back in our room, after brushing my teeth, I put my arms around Teddy, saying, "You know, you were very insouciant about saying you could do without me for a night."
"If that means I'm going to miss you terribly and I don't know how I'm going to sleep, but I lied my bollocks off so my dearest friend who's miserable won't feel guilty taking you from me, then you're right," he responded, rubbing my nose with his.
I laughed, kissing him. "Yeah, that's exactly what it means, Shelley."
"What was that word you used? Insouciant?" He said, rubbing my nose with his again. "God, sometimes I love you so much it hurts, hummingbird. Now please, go spend the night with my best friend." He turned me around and patted my bottom.
I entered Ronan's room and shut the door behind me. He was already back in bed. I climbed in and turned off the lamp.
"Feels a little strange to have you in me bed," he confessed.
"It's not like it's the first time, though, remember?" I asked. "In Japan, that night you went to the bathroom and got in bed with me? I got the shock of my life. And I couldn't wake you up for anything!"
"You got the shock of your life?" He asked. "How do you think I felt when I woke up and all the boys were standing around staring at me, and I look around and boom, there you are, lying next to me, and I've got my arm around you? I nearly died, lass."
We both laughed. This was a good sign.
"I'm glad you can laugh, Ronan. It breaks my heart to see you sad. You more than anyone else I know deserve to be happy. You are the best person I know, the purest of heart," I said. "You shine like a diamond."
"What're you talking about?" He asked. "Better'n Theo? He's the love of your life, isn't he? Isn't he the best person you know?"
"No," I said firmly. "I love Teddy, more than I've ever loved anyone or anything, but that's not saying the same thing. You, Ronan, have the kindest heart, the purest soul." I sighed. "I don't think I can explain it to you. You and Matthew, actually, have the same spirit, this clarity, you don't know how to be cruel to people, you don't understand it. It's incredible that the two of you have survived seven years in this horrible business you're in, actually. That you can still cry over a girl and how she's hurt you just shows how whole your spirit still is."
I exhaled through my nose, thinking about the horrible Lizzie. "How could she? How could she do that to you? Of all people? She must have had her pick of guys, working in a pub, why pick you?"
Ronan's voice came out of the darkness. "She must've figured I'd get it done the quickest. I was rich and famous, it would really make him grip his shit to see her with me every day, squiring her about town, you know? And boy, she was right, wasn't she? Didn't even take two months. Fuck, was I stupid."
I smiled at 'grip his shit'. "Don't, Ronan, don't do that to yourself. You trusted her, like you would trust anyone. It's one of the most beautiful things about you." I took a breath. "I mean, look at me. Teddy gave me no reason not to trust him, but it took me months. I'm lucky he waited for me. Most guys would've said, 'Fuck this noise, you are so not worth this', and moved on."
Ronan interrupted me. "Wait a minute. Now it's my turn to say 'don't do that to yourself.'" He reached for my hand in the darkness. "No one, and I mean no one, would look at you and say you aren't worth it, darling."
I reached out and hugged him to me. "I love you, Ronan."
We stayed that way for a while.
"Can I tell you something?" Ronan's voice sounded hushed and embarrassed.
"You can tell me anything, you know that," I responded, holding him close.
"I've heard you and Theo. You know, when you're, uh, when you're, together." I could tell he was deeply embarrassed, and I wondered why he was telling me when it was obviously so hard for him to do so.
"You have?" I asked gently. "When?"
"A couple times, since we've been here. You guys get busy often." There was a little laugh in his voice, another good sign.
"The reason I'm telling you isn't just to make you embarrassed, love. I just wanted to say that--that--it sounded so lovely.
"You know us lads have been through everything together. We've even had group shags, where we're in the same room. I mean, we're with different girls, but all in the same room, and it got pretty wild. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I can't believe I'm telling you this, Theo would murder me--"
"I already know, Ro, he's told me," I said quietly.
"Really?" His voice held amazement.
"Well, anyway, what you two do together sounds nothing like what I remember Theo sounding like from those days, is what I was going to say.
"You and Theo together sounds like two people saying they love each other, with words and with their bodies, like a poem or something, you know?" He stroked my hair. "It's really beautiful. Usually listening to other people go at it is embarrassing, but listening to you two is like, I dunno, listening to music."
"Wow, you can definitely tell that you're a songwriter," I said. I wasn't sure how I felt about Ronan having heard us at our most intimate, but if it was helping him through this, I could live with it. It was Ronan, after all. "That's a really sweet thing to say. I must admit, I've never thought about how we sound to other people."
"Well, darling, I'm sorry, it was never my intention to eavesdrop, honest, I just happened to be in here when the two of you were in there, you know?" He stroked my hair. "It must be really special for Theo, to know he's the only one ever to touch you. After all the whoring he's done--" He stopped abruptly, and even in the dark I could feel his embarrassment.
"Ah, fuck, will I never learn to shut me fucking mouth?" He moaned.
I laughed softly. "It's okay," I soothed him. "I know about his past. It doesn't mean anything to me. Why should it? We hadn't even met.
"Poor Ronan," I commiserated. "Nothing's going right for you today, is it?" stroked his cheek in the dark.
"Do you think you could sleep?" I asked him. "Because you should, if you can."
"Yeah, I think I can. Will you stay?"
"Of course."
So I did, and we slept like spoons in a drawer, only with Ronan, I was the big spoon. I had my arm around his waist, and he had his hand clasped firmly around mine.
I woke up to bright light streaming in through the window, and Ronan's brown eyes looking at me. He smiled, and I smiled back.
"You look beautiful when you're sleeping, Tink, like a wee Hawaiian angel," he said.
"Did you sleep?" I asked, smoothing his hair off his forehead.
He nodded. "Thanks to you. I woke up a couple times in the night, and I felt really bad, but you shushed me back to sleep, kinda tucked my head into your neck and soothed me, like. I don't think you even woke all the way up, either." He plucked my hand off the sheet and kissed it. "You're going to make a wonderful mother one day, you know?
"Now, you get on back you your fella before he starts to wonder what we're getting up to in here."
I looked at him doubtfully.
"I'm fine, truly," he reassured me. "It was a bad night, and I'm not saying I won't have a few more, but I'll be fine today, now go."
I nodded, kissed his forehead, and left.
I nearly ran into Matty in the hallway. He was headed for Ronan's room.
"Thought I'd use Ro's shower, give Geth a little more time to sleep," he explained. "Uh, did you just come out of there?" He looked more closely at me. "Did you spend the night in there?"
I nodded. "It's a long story. Ask Ronan, he's awake. Oh, and good morning." I kissed him on the side of his mouth. "See you downstairs in a bit." And I headed into mine and Teddy's room.
Teddy was still sleeping, just his hair showing, as usual, above the comforter. I quietly climbed into bed, hitching close to him and pulling the comforter over myself. He turned over and opened his eyes, reaching for me.
"You smell like Ronan," he said smiling sleepily. "It's kind of weird."
"Are you kicking me out of your bed on olfactory grounds?" I asked, scooting closer.
"On what grounds?" He asked. "It's too fucking early for me to deal with your university vocabulary."
"On the basis of how I smell," I said, climbing on top of him.
"Oh," he said, getting comfortable, putting his hands on my thighs. "Nah, I'm feeling very forgiving this morning.
"Kiss me, please," he requested, moving his hands up to my back and pulling me down to him.
I obliged, and remained there, my face inches above his.
"How's Ronan?" He asked, rolling us so we were side by side.
"He's okay. He kind of woke up a few times, but he actually slept, and didn't really fall apart again after that. I think he's going to be fine," I said. "I think it was more the unexpectedness of it, you know? He thought everything was going great, he was looking forward to talking to her, then she drops this bomb on him out of nowhere, poor thing." I sighed. "And he felt so betrayed she used him like that. I'm afraid that he won't trust himself, his judgement, for a while, which is too bad. She had no right to steal that from him, dammit. I've got a good mind to go over there and beat the living shit out of her."
Teddy gave me a little shake. "I'd like to see the girl who'd never been hit in her life until her swim coach slapped her when she was fifteen go and pick a fight with an Irish barmaid," he said, laughing. "She'd kick your ass, Birdie."
"Are you making fun of me?" I looked at him. "You don't think I could take her? I'm small, but I'm wiry, and I've got righteous anger on my side."
He snorted, trying not to laugh. "You're the most gentle, peaceful, creature, you couldn't hurt a fly. I'm not saying you're not strong, I know you have muscles, I've seen them, I've felt them, I'm just saying you're not violent, that's all." He hugged me to him, kissing me. "It's one of the things I love most about you, darling." He kissed me again, with more purpose this time. "Not that it wouldn't be sexy as hell to watch you take on a barmaid in hand to hand combat. A real turn on, to be honest.
"Maybe we should pop over to Ireland," he laughed as I tried to hit his chest, "see what we can arrange--ow, Birdie, you're hurting me--stop!" He grabbed my wrists and held them above my head, smiling, face inches from mine, so I wrapped my legs around his in a scissors-like vise grip, and squeezed, using the strongest muscles I had.
"Who's strong now, Shelley?" I asked.
"Jesus, Birdie, okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He could barely breathe from laughing so hard. He let go of my wrists immediately, grabbing my legs and trying to unwrap them, laughing and grimacing at the same time.
I grabbed his neck with my hands and kissed him, relaxing my grip on his legs at the same time.
He grabbed me by the waist, kissing me back, and we fell over on the bed, both of us laughing now. "I can't feel my legs," he murmured against my mouth.
"I'm not really interested in your legs right now," I responded, reaching into his pants.
"Oh, no fair, you know that your hand on me turns me into a walking hard on, looking for a place to put it," he moaned. He reached for me, pulling my pajama bottoms down, trying to lay me down on the bed and and enter me.
I squirmed out from under him, heading for the shower. "Come on, follow me."
"Oohh, shower sex?" He said, smiling, and climbing off the bed.
"We're on a schedule. Geth can't be late, and we have to make breakfast, so we're going to have to multitask, okay?" I dropped my pjs in the doorway and turned to face him, completely naked. "Don't make me start without you..." And I turned and entered the bathroom.
He followed, stripping as he came, and we had a really fun twenty minutes of shower fun, managing to make it down to the kitchen to whip up breakfast for everyone by 8:30, dressed warmly for the match. Geth rolled downstairs around quarter to nine, well rested and not hung over, to eat hugely and well, and hear about Ronan's night.
And by 9:00 we were headed over to Millennium Stadium. I was higher than a kite. This was going to be a stellar experience.
Poor Ronan! I've always had the blond, Irish boy from the other band, the real-life band, in my head as Ronan's faceplate, and I must confess that picturing him in this chapter made me hate the fictional Lizzie so much.
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