Eric

Sleep has evaded me at every turn. This whole thing has been nothing but one nightmare after another.

Maddy was fired from her job over two months ago for stealing medication, not showing up to work, and for showing up to work not up to par for a doctor, to put it into nice words.

Come to find out, she was a suspect in the death of her brother and mother all those years ago, and given her actions, I wouldn't put it past her to commit such heinous crimes. She lied. She lied about everything, even being pregnant. She just said it to cause Shelly pain. That bitch!

She drugged me every chance she got. She used me in every way to ensure I fell into her trap. It was my fault. I said yes to that stupid lunch, and she hooked me from then on. I shake my head, feeling the weight of my decisions.

That last horrible night has run rampant in my mind ever since. She was capable of such horrendous acts, and I didn't see it coming.

"Fuck!" My head shakes from side to side again in disbelief at how it all went down.

Flashback

"SIR! SIR!"

Autopilot of compressions was all I could perform. No one could stop me from helping Shelly stay with the living.

"We need a second ambulance for a female with head trauma."

What? Confusion clouded my mind, but not enough to halt my actions.

"Eric? ERIC?"

"WHAT SASHA!" I roared, meeting her with glazed eyes.

"Let them help her. She needs to get to the hospital!" She pleaded with furrowed brows.

"Fuck!" I pull back, allowing them access to Shelly. Everything happened so fast; it was as if the Flash blurred by, causing my eyes to haze.

Watching them intubate her, put her on the gurney, and strap her in catapulted my heart to stop beating. I began to follow them out when a voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Sir, I need you to answer some questions."

"What? Not now! I need to go to the hospital with her."

"Sir, we need you to get dressed and come with us."

Fuck! Everything happened so fast I forgot I was butt-naked. I jumped out of bed and started fighting for our lives. Clothes be damned.

"She's the one you need to take to the station!" I point towards Maddy, not realizing shes being assisted by the paramedics. I now take note of the pool of blood surrounding her head. My eyes shoot open.

Covering my face with my hands, I shake my head in disbelief. What the fuck is going on?

I wish I ended her life that day. As sadistic as it sounds, I would have tortured her in ways unimaginable to man. Her crimes were beyond heinous. The thought of her behind bars enrages me to almost burst in anger. She deserves far worse than three hots and a cot.

The District Attorney decided to drop all charges against me. It was self-defense. I was attempting to save my and Shelly's life. I flung Maddy off Shelly, unaware her head hit the dresser's edge, causing a contusion. Her blood coated the floor beneath her if only she had perished that night.

Damon, Samantha, and Sasha testified on my behalf. Sasha stated I begged her to release me so that I could stop what was happening. I told them they had no idea what was going on, even though I wanted to kill Damon. He deserves to burn in the fiery depths of hell at the hands of the devil himself for what he did. I wouldn't be surprised if Maddy drugged all of them into compliance just as she did me.

Sasha gave them everything she had on Maddy in exchange for immunity. She had been with Maddy the longest and had vital information on her. Damon and Samantha received lesser charges, given that they were part of it but clueless about the actual situation unfolding before them.

Technically, I was raped that day by Maddy and Sasha. I refused to press charges against Sasha. How could I, knowing she was unaware of Maddy's derangement? That still hasn't halted the feelings of angst and anger I feel when I relive those moments in my mind.

I tried calling Sasha to see how she was doing after everything. It was traumatic for all of us. I wonder how she's handling all of this, but she vanished, nowhere to be found. Her number has been disconnected, and the apartment is empty with no forwarding address. She just took off without a word after she gave her testimony.

Taking a deep breath, I exhale all the weight on my shoulders. I can't believe today has arrived. My apartment has been my sole residence for a week since that god-awful day.

My heart aches for Shelly. I can't believe I'll never hear her voice again. And the baby. She WAS pregnant with our child. I can't believe they are both not here. I'll never see our baby grow up. I begin to choke on my thoughts. Tears burn my face. This is all my fault, and my actions weigh heavily on my chest, causing shortness of breath.

In the loneliness of my empty home I grunt out a loud wail of anguish knowing everything, all of it, it's all my fault. They're gone and it's all because of me.

I finally roll off the bed to dress for today's sorrowful event. I sulk towards the mirror, staring at the person reflected in it.

"Who the fuck are you? What the fuck have you done? YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Fisting my hand, it flies to the mirror, shattering into pieces just like my heart.

Chloe

Dubiousness, pure and utter dubiousness, is my current state. This? How? Why? These questions require responses that will never be vindicated.

This year has been the second absolute worst year of my life. One tragedy after another– Axle is shot right in front of me, I'm kidnapped and almost raped. I had to mourn our baby, to reconnect with Axle, to lose him all over again. Cassie no longer resides with us, and now– now Shelly.

Desolate, it is quite literally just me. I doubt my ability to continue life without her in it. I'm overwhelmed and demented at this point.

Before I could peel my eyes apart, tears rolled out my eyes rapidly, one after another, staining my pillow in utter disbelief. Shelly and her baby are gone. I was supposed to be a Tia (aunt), and now that has been erased. I don't understand how this could have happened. In less than a year, they're all gone. Everyone I've ever loved... disappeared.

A gentle knock on the door distracts me from my endless misery.

"Chloe?"

Twisting to face the door, I see Axle peek in from behind the wooden rectangle. Stepping into the room. "Luscious, I'm sorry, but we have to go if we are going to make it on time." His voice a soft whisper to coddle my weary state.

I rise from the bed, nodding, making my way to my side of the closet to prepare for one of the somberest days of my life. Axle had movers haul my belongings to his house while I was zombified for the last week.

Never leaving the bed, I've imprinted myself on the mattress. Today will be my first day amongst the living, although I do not feel like I have any life left within me.

The tears have not stopped flowing since that day. I wake up with waterlogged eyes, never ceasing throughout the day to sob myself to sleep at night. Nourishment? What's that? I can't even perceive to eat as the days have passed. Even as I dress, I constantly rid my face of streams of salty liquid as they invade my mouth.

My heart consistently breaks as the seconds pass closer to her funeral. Somehow, my brain is aware this service is for her. However, simultaneously, I do not crave to allow it to be true.

After dressing, Axle grasps my hand, hauling us out the door. Leo has the door ajar as we approach. "Ms. Knox, my deepest condolences." Nodding my head, I ask him once again. "Thank you, Leo, but please call me Chloe."

"Of course– Chloe." My eyes veer towards the floor We exchange as enter the car unable to acknowledge he called me Chloe. Axle cozies up next to me, drawing circles on the top of my hand.

"I'm here for you, baby. I'll always be here, even if you don't want me to be." Bringing my eyes to meet his. I nod softly, "I know." I whisper as my head veers towards the view out of the window. I observe as the world passes us by, in blurred hues of messed colors. Shades of emeralds, smokey gray, mulberry along with other meshed colors flow together as one. Even while still moving, I feel my world has ceased to exist.

Arriving at my old building, Jade emerges from the entryway. Dressed in all black, tissue in hand. We greet each other and hold hands as we ride in silence, only allowing our touches to speak volumes for us.

Axle, being the astounding man he is, took care of the arrangements for me. I opted for just the burial; a viewing would have literally sent me to my grave. I didn't know her other friends or co-workers and didn't care to mingle with them. Getting their condolences was of no consequence to me. She was MY family. MY sister!

Axle did a remarkable job; Shelly is surrounded by her favorite flower, the Galaxy Dendrobium Orchids. She loved the vast flush, vibrant petals of plum fading into cyan compared to its bright white center.

As difficult as it is to observe them surrounding her, the sound of my heart fracturing just a bit more echoes in my ears, however, I stand tall. This scene makes her non-presence that much more evident, and my reality has shifted to a complete and utter living nightmare.

Viewing the crowd, I come to the realization Jade is alone and stuck to my side, piquing my curiosity.

"Where's Noah?"

"Today was not the day for us to meet up." Her eyes never met mine.

"What do you mean?"

"It's a sad day, Chloe. I need to be here for you and Axle. He can wait." She raised a tissue to her swollen eyes.

"Don't you want him here for you while you go through this?" I had to inquire as they seemed to be in a blissful bubble.

"We haven't reached that point yet. I'd rather be here with you and Axle, remembering Shelly for the great person she is. Was."

She twisted her face, signaling she was done with the conversation. Given today's events, I refused to push any further.

People take turns speaking of their memories of Shelly, stating how wonderful and helpful she was in their lives. Not one person truly knew the miraculous person she was. She allowed a young girl to live in her house and take up space not only in her mother's heart but her own. We became a family!

My heart can't take it anymore. A sharp pain stabs the organ under my ribcage, causing me to gasp as salted liquid infiltrates my mouth. She's gone. My sister is gone. My eyes veer up as if on instinct when Eric comes into view.

My tear-stained face enflames, rivulets of anguish go dry as I storm his way. I'm prepared to unleash all of my agony and rage on him. How dare he show up here when all of this torment is all his fault!

Just as I'm about to attack Eric, Axle's hand grasps my wrist, swinging me around into an embrace, whispering in my ear.

"I get it, Chloe, I do. You blame him for what happened to her. She'd be alive if it weren't for him, but this is not the time or place to confront him. Right now, this is all about Shelly and remembering her life." His eyes bore into mine for understanding, and for now, I'll comply.

We returned to our place by Jade's side and remained still until the end of the service. The service is beautiful, it embodied Shelly's vivid personality. She would have loved it.

Its culmination arrived too quickly, and I couldn't bring myself to abandon her. I remain motionless, feet rooted to the grass. Departing will make this final, and I'm unprepared to release her from my life.

Jade, Axle, and I are all that remain.

"Chloe, I need to take a break." Jade's voice cracks.

My head bobs up and down, returning my gaze to the beautiful rectangular box in front of me covered in beautiful cosmic colored flowers. Axle remains speechless, unmoved as the guards at Buckingham Palace.

Axle raises my hand to place a supple kiss on it, whispering to me. "I'll give you some time with her alone."

I remain frozen and silent when droplets from above sprinkle on my face. Unphased, I take small steps towards where she will reside– forever. More tears explode from the edges of my eyes, blending with the waterfall splattered on my face.

"Shelly. I– I'm so sorry. I should have been there with you. Maybe I could have stopped it. I didn't want you to go that day, but I said nothing. I wanted you to remain in my apartment. But I wanted to respect your decision. It's your life, and you made your own choice. I thought I was being a good friend by having your back, and now I feel like I failed you miserably."

I choke on my words. Eyes overflowing with remorse, I attempt to continue.

"Why Shell? Why did you have to go? We were supposed to grow old together! We were supposed to have kids together, and they would be best friends just like us. Now I'm all alone with NO ONE. There is NO ONE to talk to about my deepest secrets or share the only good childhood memories with. Why Shell, why?" I scream, anguish laced in my voice.

My knees buckle, bending at the waist; I cry out in sheer agony, forehead on the now wet grass.

"I need you, Shell! I want you back! Come back, Shell, please come back. We have the rest of our lives to live together. PLEASE! Shellllllllllll!"

Wailing her name triggered that gut wrenching pain deep within the pits of my stomach. Her not being here fractures my very soul.

Axle kneels beside me, enveloping me in his love, allowing me to cry out even more. I expel every ounce of pain I've ever felt into the world, releasing everything unconstrained. I miss her. I miss her so much. She should be here with me, living out her life.

Axle remained silent, never releasing his grip as I liberated my anguish. Once my whimpers of pain dissipate, without words, Axle assists me to the car to finally head to the reception, leaving Shelly behind in the cold dankness of the day, ripping the last shreds of my heart into confetti.

INSERT PAGE BREAK HERE

Arriving home, I entered a house full of people unknown to me when I spotted the one person I hadn't expected to see again. Stampeding towards him, my voice roars in the air.

"Get the hell out of my house!"

Shock ripples across his face. "Chloe."

"Don't say my name. Just get the hell out!"

"I deserve to be here too, Chloe. She was my Fiancé! I loved her too!" He bites back.

Scene be damned, my hand lay flat as it swooshed in the air connecting with his face. "You have the audacity to say you love her when you're the reason she's not even here! Because you couldn't keep it in your pants!"

My hand automatically reconnected with his face again with the fury of a thousand swords. "YOU'RE THE REASON SHE'S DEAD!" I blare with hate laced in my voice, coming to the realization that this is the first time I have uttered those dreadful words.

Eric's head bobs back at the ferociousness of my attack. "I KNOW! DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT! I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT EVERY DAY!" He pounds his chest in fury.

"GET OUT NOW!" My arm raises in the direction of the door, urging him to leave the vicinity as more tears stream down my face. His presence is just a constant reminder of the loss we have all suffered. If it weren't for him, she would still be here. I would still have my sister.

Axle places his hands on my shoulders and speaks. "Eric, I think you should go. It's just too much right now."

Eric stutters with his following words. "I'm –I." Shaking his head. "I'm sorry." Eric conceals his face with his hands, wiping down and begins his exit when I interject.

My hate seeps through on an alternate level when I spew my malicious vocalizations to him. "I hope the weight of what you've done literally haunts you to DEATH so you can reside in a desolate, cruel HELL reliving this agony every day for the rest of your useless life and live in ultimate misery."

Peering in my tortured, murderous orbs, he releases a deep breath before storming out the door. 

Eric

She's right. I don't deserve to breathe. Shelly's absence IS ALL MY FAULT. The blame resides with me and only me. I should have remained faithful, and we would be planning our wedding right now. "FUCK!" I jump in my car and head to the only place I crave to be right now.

I drive on autopilot until I arrive at my destination finding my way to her. Walking up to her tombstone, I burst into a distressing howl, aching for this not to be my reality.

"I'm so sorry, Shelly. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve this, any of it. It should have been me. I love you so much it hurts. I should have spent my days proving to you how much I love you instead of chasing after that psycho. This is all my fault. I wish I could take it all back. I wish we could start all over and make the right decision. Ah FUCK! I wish I never said yes to that god-forsaken lunch date."

I shake my head, accepting my fault in all of this. "I even wish we had never met if it would mean you would still be here, Shelly. I'd give you up just so that you could breathe again."

I slump by her tombstone, head leaning back, allowing the rain to assault my face, unable to speak anymore, and just allow the tears to flow with sobs of agony.

~~~

Eric is remorseful.

Chloe is a wreck.

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