A U T H O R' S   N O T E

Oh happy day! How are y'all holding up? Let's be serious now, I sincerely apologize for not updating and for making you wait. I've been busy with my basketball game. Yes, besides being a cheerleader, I play basketball and do part time photography. Don't get me started on that. So as you can see, I've been pretty busy lately. How do you guys like the new cover of this story? (Check Media). Anyway, chapter 25 is updated and I'm so excited for you guys to check it out. Hope you like it! If you guys manage to get this story to a lot of views, I will forever be grateful, my friends. Anyway, by all means, continue and enjoy reading!
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-Hannah

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❝You must first realize the prison of your mind before you can escape it.❞
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Chapter 25
Nolan Blackwell

      I watched from a distance as my mate, Avalynn entered the vehicle. With that saying, one thing is clear. She's leaving the pack, leaving me, leaving us. And through that, she brought a piece of my cold heart with her.

Truthfully, I wish my life had a rewind button. I silently thought. If so, then I would have changed and undo every mistake I made. But we all know it's impossible to do so. I just have to move forward. I promised her I would do that.

Sighing, I wondered.

Is this right? Should I go after her? Chase her? Would she want that or hate me for it?

No.

I shouldn't go.

She deserves someone better than me.

Hell, even my wolf knows it. But how could we live without her?

Now that she had left us, I feel sick to my stomach. After my pack and her pack trained, I couldn't imagine her away from me. My wolf told me to go after her but my mind tells me to give her time. I'm so utterly perplexed by my situation. Apart from everything, I don't blame her with anything. I blame myself. I am the dumbest piece of shit ever. No wonder she had left me.

As I was about to drown in misery, I heard the door open. Composing myself quickly, my Beta and Gamma entered my office. It's unprofessional and weak to see the Alpha looking like a heartbroken idiot. But that's exactly what I am. Stopping dead on their tracks, the two looked at me weirdly. Scrutinizing me with their beady eyes.

I tried to stay cool and calm.

"Damn Alpha, you look like a mess!" Julian exclaimed, breaking the silence.

Stop pointing out the obvious! I controlled myself not to let out a growl.

"Yeah, why are you moping around like that? You look so dejected dude." Mason commented with a knowing glint in his eye.

Why is he even asking?

It's no doubt that they know what's going on. I guess there is no use in hiding it now. Though thinking about Avalynn's detachment to the pack and I, thoroughly enraged me. I couldn't help but shout since my wolf is on the edge these days.

"It's because I let her go!" I bursted out loud. They looked at me as if I grown two heads. Sighing, I couldn't help myself with my outburst.

I tried to speak much more softer than this but it still sounded full of intent and conviction.

"Don't look at me like that. I care for her! But I don't know..." I trailed off, looking away from their surprised faces.

"It's because I don't love! Honestly, I don't know what to feel anymore but all I know is that I don't love her. Or maybe I don't know how to love her."

It can't be, right?

I can't give or show her an affectionate action like that.

Mason then, snorted and I somewhat felt abashed by his action.

He waved his hand, stating, "I get what you mean brother but stop convinving yourself that you don't love her. That you didn't fall for her along the way because it's fucking obvious that you did, mate."

I opened my mouth to protest but was cut off by my pack's Gamma.

Julian agreed, "Apart from knowing how you truly feel, you're being stubborn as fuck." He pointed out, with glaring eyes.

Mason then continued, "Yeah, he's right. You are being hard headed. So stop trying to convince your head, something your heart knows is a lie. The more you do that shit, the more confused you get. And we all know how complicated your situation is already."

"But... It's just that,- I just don't know what to feel anymore and my dumbass wolf is driving me mad as well."

I look at them seriously, "I can't tell if the situation is killing me slowly or just confusing the shit out of me."

I hate this feeling.

That feeling when you don't know what the fuck you're feeling. It's enraging and bewildering the hell out of me.

The duo approached me and stood beside me.

Patting my shoulder, Mason sighed, "Your mind maybe confused but just know that your heart and emotions will never lie to you." He spoke as if he experienced it first hand.

What he said was sort of true? Indeed, yes he was correct, but if I truly give into these emotions, I might just do crazy things that will make this situation difficult. Or easier?

I thought about what Mason said. Is it really true? I'm still kind of scared of my natural instincts of love. Scared of this intense feeling of affection. Most especially, scared to lose someone you care about. Anyway, this is why I picked Mason to be my Beta. Not only is he a loyal friend but ever since his mate died, he read so much books and became so damn wise. Now he gives out the best advices to anyone who needs it.

They're right but I'm just puzzled.

I sighed frustratedly, "But it's Avalynn we are talking about!" I said throwing my hands up in anger. "She'll never forgive me. Hell, she doesn't even want to see me. But I don't blame her because I know what I have done. I hurt her!"

Then, my Gamma gave me a small smile. If I said I looked shocked, shocked would be an understatement. I was damn surprised. Gamma Julian never smiles. He was always so serious about shit.

I gave him a weird look. Why is he smiling? He looks amused.

"No worries, Alpha. The Luna is a woman!"

What the hell is he trying to say? Isn't it obvious? Of course no man can be a Luna.

"Of course, Avalynn is a woman! What is she, a boy trapped in a woman's body?" I hissed.

Giving them the cold eyes, okay, I don't understand why Julian is acting a bit odd. I really don't know what he is on about, except for pointing out the obvious that is.

He rolled his eyes at my remark, "What I'm trying to say is that women can be really annoying and confusing-"

I dozed off and smiled a bit. If Avalynn was here, she'd smack Julian's head on the table. She hated hearing those things about her gender. Brings out her inner feminist side.

Anyway, I listened to what Julian was trying to tell me.

"They say they don't want you but I swear they want you to chase after them. They're women after all. So, you should go after her. Who knows? She might be in your arms in a jiffy!"

I thought about what Julian said. I realized, he was indeed right! Avalynn is a woman!

Then my wolf spoke to me. 'Mate!' I forgot we were one.

He gets excited when he hears her name out of the blue.

'Yes, our mate is a very gorgeous woman of course I would get excited.' My inner lovestruck wolf added. I'm pretty sure if we saw her again, he'd be panting in delight.

What the fuck.

'Man, shut your hormonal self up! We've got no time for that!' I told him disbelief. How could he say that in an inappropriate time?

'What? Don't talk to like that! I just told you the truth. Don't tell me you didn't see her curves? Plus, she should of had her heat already. But goddess, with our mate separated from us, it was stopped!' He stated, pointing it out.

Oh goddess, the heat!

At least it was postponed... For now.

'Yeah, she does have a great physique.' I agreed. Snapping out of it, I retorted. 'But still, I don't care. We should get back, listening to them! Now pay attention!'

'Whatever.' My wolf grumbled and disconnected with me.

Avalynn...

Her name rolled off my tongue like it was made for me to say it.

She was simple yet complex.
Confusing yet so desirable.
Damning yet so... Beautiful.

I guess women are like that.

"By the look on your face, I'm guessing, we got you thinking." Julian mused.

Mason placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Nolan. You're my Alpha, and you know that I will support you with any decision you choose. But keep in mind, our pack needs a Luna. You need her as well." Mason pleaded. Looking very hopeful with his doe eyes.

Then his grip became tighther, and voice, harsher which surprised me.

"You've got to make up your mind. Either you want her or you don't. I don't want to see both of my friends hurting in the end. I know you're scared to lose people that you care about that's why you became this cold person that I don't know anymore after your parents died. Remember, I know it's cliché, but it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." He spoke very seriously.

Is he talking about me or himself? I knew that Mason lost his mate before and I was the one to pull him out of his flunk. I guess he is correct. Here, in front of me, stood a man with no mate, yet, he can still smile and and carry on. I guess I shouldn't waste my opportunity to do so too.

'He's right! Let's get our mate back!' My wolf snapped, wanting to exclaim it to the world. I guess his excitement built a little hope in me. But then it all went crashing down when I remembered her face of disappointment thrown at me. How am I going to get her to forgive me? It's near to impossible that's for sure.

I plopped down my seat, looking down at my fidgeting fingers. Nervous? Indeed, I was. Nervous of completely losing hope.

"What's the matter now?" Julian, once again, noticed my crestfallen look.

"I just don't know how to win her back. She hates me." I breathed. She does doesn't she? With all the shit that I pulled her through.

"Well, first of all, you need to fucking stop moping around. Honestly, it doesn't suit you. Plus, it's getting annoying. Second,-" He motioned Julian to come over and they walked towards the door.

Mason then opened the entrance to my office and spun around to face me one last time.

"The answers are within you, Alpha. You just have to look and you shall, in the end, find it."

Within me? Not again with the 'wise' nonsense crap. What the hell was he talking about anyway?

With that said, they left me alone to give me the time I need to think this through. I was still debating with his words though. Still, with the contradictions in my mind, I don't know how I'll pull through.

Truthfully, I didn't exactly have time to think because someone else entered my place of work.

It was my brother, Easton.

"May I come in?" His tiny voice could be heard in the office.

I sighed and approached him. "What are you doing here buddy? Shouldn't you be playing with your toys?

What is he doing here? I actually became more protective of him after he was kidnapped. I couldn't let that shit happen once more.

"I know. I also know that it's an adult talk but I couldn't help but listen. So, Avalynn is your mate?" He asks.

Should I tell him? I'm not even surprised that he knows about mates. Everyone teaches everyone. Plus, Easton is a smart boy for his age.

I went for it and told him.

"Yes, she is. But right now, we are not on good terms." I stated honestly.

"Well just apologize and talk to her. That way, she can go back here and we can play!" He exclaimed excitedly.

I didn't want to get his hopes up since Avalynn might not come back here. I fear that there is a slight possibility that she has given up on me.

"It's not that easy, buddy." I mumbled. He just doesn't understand.

He doesn't have a situation like this. I'm not saying it's his fault or anything like that, but it was I who made it more complicated. Hopefully, I'll teach him more about valuing mates before he loses one in the future.

"Come on, brother. You've got to talk to her. Or at least, talk to someone to get to her! There's always a way!"

Damn, that hopeful kid. I didn't need to- wait a minute. I stopped for a moment to think.

Like a lightbulb, the idea itself hit me like a fucking truck that went on full force.

Maybe there is a way!

I just needed to talk to someone that can help me reconnect with Avalynn.

I scrambled onto my feet quickly, as if my ass is on fire, and embraced Easton with all my might.

I guess all it took was a little chat with my little brother to help me decide correctly on what I'm about to do.

I smiled brightly at Easton. For the first time in my life, I felt happy, determined, and hopeful. "You're right, buddy!"

Definitely right and helpful if I must say.

"What? I'm right?" He looked adorable when he was confused. Then his face broke into a smile.

"Yes! I'm right! I'm glad I could help, brother." He gave his adorable grin with a one sided dimple that will surely break hearts in the future.

'Remind me again to buy Easton a new set of toys.' I told my wolf.

He just chuckled happily. 'Noted... Yes! We're going to get our mate back!'

I couldn't help but express a broad grin at his enthusiam to see Avalynn.

"Excuse me for a moment, okay? You can go ahead and play with your action figures." I nudged him playfully.

I patted his shoulder whilst he nodded eagerly, exiting my office with happier, pleased look on his face.

No more perplexing moments. I knew what I had to do.

I became slightly nervous but shook it off. Hopefully, this would work.

I grabbed my phone and called the perfect person who I knew, could help me. Even though he wants nothing more than to ring my neck for what I have done. I winced at the negative thought. However, that shit doesn't matter now. I needed to get my Luna back. Plus, he might be the only way to Avalynn.

I stood up pacing around my office with a worried heart.

Taking a deep breath, I hope this works.

*Ring Ring*

He harshly picked up his telephone.

'Hello? Who's this?' He spoke roughly through the other line.

'It's me. I need your help.'

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L.E. 4.1.16 • 10:25 pm