During rehearsal on one of the followings days, we were running through the night of the concert. In between songs, Hayden dropped something on the floor. And, of course, I saw. I watched him pick whatever it was out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly I caught him looking up at me. For a long time, too. Maybe 3 to 5 seconds. STRAIGHT at me. I didn't really believe it at first--that perhaps he was staring at something behind me--but nope. For some reason I felt a bit self-conscious. Why would he be looking at me if he didn't like me?! Was there something on my face? Did he lie about not liking me? What the hell?!

That was pretty much the only thing on my mind for the rest of the day. By the time the ending bell rang, releasing everyone out of so-called hell, I ran down the hall from Civics class to make sure I could see Hayden again. Walking down the stairs, my iPod blaring in my ears, I looked around and tried to "stay cool". I didn't see him at first, but then he just, BAM, popped out of nowhere coming up the staircase adjacent to the one I was going down. When I saw him I actually started to fall down the stairs, hanging on to the railing for dear life, the dead weight of my backpack pulling me down. I eventually got my balance back--thankfully--and ran off down one of the main halls to my usual spot. Good god, he nearly made me kill myself! Thanks, boy.

A few days later during band rehearsal, Hayden was in the middle of one of his precious little solos. He hated them, but Marcos and I both weren't about to take one, so we made him do them. He always would play them perfectly--tone was amazing, perfect articulation and dynamics, everything! It made me feel jealous. But...today was different. While he was right in the middle of one of his solos, he just, BLOOP, went flat and stopped playing. It was like he was punched in the stomach and got the air knocked out of him. I could tell he looked panicked and had no idea how to continue; he glanced up at Mr. Hoehn who just kept directing--but not without giving him a slight death stare--and I felt really bad for him. If I were in his shoes, I'd just say "fuck it" and wait until everyone else came in! But, WHOA. He messed up! What the hell! I thought he was perfect. He never messes up. It was just so...shocking. And slightly awkward...

When the song was over, Hayden leaned over to Marcos and groaned, "I'm sick..."

So THAT'S why he messed up! The poor thing isn't feeling well! Awww...

Well, after school was another fun time. I was in the car with my mom, on our way home. I was glancing out the window, when my eyes came across Hayden walking out of the Gym entrance, a big long sports bag slung across his back. He plays sports?! Winter sports?! Oh...Hmmm...I wonder which one...But, uh, really? He's probably a freakin' jock. I hate jocks..

The day after that, I had to have botox injections in my leg muscles because of my cerebral palsy. There not fun, trust me. They hurt. Like hell. But I get loopy medicine and cold spray, so it's not as bad as it was when I was younger, when I didn't get anything to help the pain. And, to add to all of the fun, I ended up somehow getting sick the night before, too. I probably got whatever Hayden had, but who knows! It was only a cold, so it wasn't too horrible! I couldn't help but feel slightly panicked though, because the band concert was on Thursday, and today was Monday. I had a sore throat, my nose was all stuffy, and I had a bad cough. Sore throat + wind instrument = PAIN.

I texted Hayden that night and said: "If I'm not at the concert on Thursday night I give you and Marcos permission to kill me. I'm sick haha :P"

He never replied that night, and for some reason I didn't really care. I went to bed, hardly able to breath, and just wished the next day would be over with already.

The next morning I woke up and just layed in bed for a while. My doctors appointment wasn't until about noon, so I was happy that I got to sleep in a bit. I checked my messages as usual, but nothing was really interesting. Just a bunch of crap from twitter. I stared at my phone for a while, and suddenly I felt it vibrate.

"1 New Message from: Hayden".

Cue the butterflies and chills and floaty feeling and everything else.

I slid my phone open to view the message:

Him: "I am too!"

Me: "So you're not at school either?"

Him: "Nope. I don't think you're allowed to when you throw up 15 times the night before."

Oh great...

Me: "Aww geez I'm sorry..That's rough."

Him: "Yeah haha. I literally didn't fall asleep till 6 this morning."

Me: "Oh dang! Go back to sleep haha!!"

Him: "You know I actually think I might...Goodnight!"

Oh goodness...He said "goodnight" to me at 10:30 AM...That is SO CUTE!

Me: "Night!"

That day proved to be a bit better because of that little conversation. He always made me feel so much better....It's so stupid but so not at the same time.

The next day I went to school, but Hayden was still gone. Of course Marcos was curious as to why he was gone--Hayden was very very rarely absent from band--so I told him: "He's sick throwing up...." He glanced at me, wide-eyed, and said, "How do you know?!"

I sighed, deciding to just tell him the truth. For some reason I didn't really want him knowing his bromance-boy and I text once and a while. "...He texted me..." I said cooly.

"YOU GUYS TEXT?" He whispered harshly at me.

"Uh...sometimes..." I blushed, trying to hide my face by looking at the ground away from him.

"Huh..." he mumbled, not bothering to add to the conversation.

We didn't talk much that day. It felt so...off...without Hayden there. We realized how much we sucked without him, and it made me feel embarrassed. We obviously depended upon him more than we really should. I depended upon him more than I really should.

The next morning before my Biology class started, I was sitting in my seat as my friend Emily stood over me. We talked for a while and I told her about how Hayden was sick and throwing up with the flu. Today was the night of the concert, so I was really paranoid as to whether Marcos and I were going to be alone for it or not. I decided to text him to see if he were here today, and luckily he texted back a few moments later with, "yea"

To say I had a conniption would be a total understatement. I flailed my arms like crazy, turned over to Marcos' direction and went "YESSSS MARCOS WE'RE NOT ALONE!! MWUAHAHA HE'S HERE TODAY!!" It was slightly awkward though, because the room was pretty much silent before I had started randomly yelling over at Marcos. Plus I was still sick with a sore throat, so my voice sounded all funky. When I said this however, Marcos' face lit up. "Oh sweet!"

A few people around me thought I was crazy--including Emily--but I didn't really care. It was so worth it! He was freaking HERE! We're not going to be ALONE! YES!! The last thing I wanted was to not have the first chair Alto for our first high school concert!

Later that day during band I had a huge smirk on my face. I was so excited and happy and ahhh! We all went out to the stage in the audtorium to practice for that night, and apparently my phone had fallen out of my sweatshirt pocket on my way there. When I sat down in my spot on the stage, Hayden reached over to me and said, while smiling, "Is this yours?!" I looked down, and there it was. I didn't even feel it fall out! Thank god he found it, because if I lost my phone I would DIE! Literally! "Oh my gosh thank you SO much!!!" I squeaked, taking my phone out of his hand and placing it back into my pocket. I would make extra-sure that it would stay there for the rest of the day, too. If I had lost it any other place I wouldn't ever see it again!

With that, we continued the rehearsal. Stupidly, Hayden ended up forgetting his music.

This is how the conversation went:

Hayden: "CRAP! I forgot my music! Marcos, it's all your fault!!"

People around us: "OOOHHH Hoehn, Hayden forgot his musiiic!"

Marcos: "Nuh uh! It's your fault!"

Hayden: "No....It's all CLARY'S fault!!"

Oh my god he's teasing me. Why is he teasing me? AHH! I had no freaking idea what to say, so I just sarcastically--and very nervously--went, "Ahh, haha, yeah. TOTALLY..."

But, about him finding my phone. Later that day I couldn't help but be...replused by the thought of him being so kind. Why couldn't it have been someone else to find it and give it to me? Him of all people? I had friends mention that they saw him pick it up and call after me as I was leaving, "Hey, nice phone!!" but I gues I just didn't hear him. Why does he have to be so nice? So generous? Why didn't he look through my messages? Why didn't he just steal it? Why can't he just be a prick like other guys for once? Why? WHY?...

The concert that night was a lot easier. I was looking forward to seeing Hayden in all concert black--because, I mean, come on. He'll look all snazzy and fancy and stuff! UNF! Plus we had to get pictures taken before the concert for the yearbook at the end of the year. Hayden and I would be in a picture together! Squeeee!

Awesomely, Marcos was late. I was kind of freaking out because of it--because if he's gone that means I'm the only Second Alto, and i'd be all alone with Hayden. I can't play with him, either! I'm freakishly intimidated when it comes to playing with only him...Plus we have different parts!

Anyways, Marcos didn't make it in time for pictures, so Hayden and I got to sit next to each other. I think I was a bit too happy just for that, besides the fact that I could possibly be semi-alone for the night. It'd be worth it, dammit! After that was done, we arranged chairs to get ready for the concert. While carrying chairs back and forth, I nearly ran into Hayden--like INCHES away--and it was super awkward!

The night went well overall, however. We played well, and Marcos was there just in time to warm up with us all. We played very well--despite my throat being deadly sore and my octave key not working very well--and it was awesome!

The next day we had the pleasure (sarcasm) of setting up the chairs, music stands, percussion instruments, and Mr. Hoehn's podium back up in the band room. Myself and a clarinet player stayed back to help set up chairs when people brought them in, and I couldn't help but watch Marcos and Hayden, together once again, carrying in the podium--AKA doing all the heavy work.

Of course, I secretly felt a pang of jealousy towards Marcos. He gets to spend all this time with Hayden, but I don't. I'm part of the section too, ya know! I mean, seriously. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean you can't at least talk to me in person. They never included me in anything, and if they did, it was for like, a split second. I guess I could just try to interfere more, but I'd feel rude.

Just, ugh.

Why do I have to be so jealous?