TY

Sometimes we aren't ready

But our hearts are

Jaehyun woke up in a hospital room, he was just lying there.

Then he remembered what happened last night, and he bolted up from the bed and ran out of the room. He still felt quiet fizzy in the head, but all he new is that his beloved could be awake. Alive.

Jaehyun went to the room and a doctor stopped him.

"Let me in! I'm family!" Jaehyun yelled.

"I know Sir- Hes been asking for you." The doctor assured and let him in.

Jaehyun dashed into the room, and his heart sped up 10x when he saw him. His eyes were open. His natural colored skin was back to normal, and he was looking out the window. Then they made eye contact and Jaehyun felt his knees get weak as he ran over and embraced Taeyong.

Taeyong did the same thing.

"I missed you so much. So so so much. You mean so much to me and I'm sorry for everything I've done and did and I love you so much." Jaehyun kept saying- but he didn't hear Taeyong reply.

Then he looked down and Taeyong eyes were glossy and tears were streaming down.

"Taeyong, talk to me." Jaehyun pleaded but Taeyong could only smile a little and then the door the hospital room opened, and in stepped a doctor.

"M-mr. Jung- theres something I forgot to tell you about Taeyong." The doctor stuttered over his words and Jaehyun raised an eyebrow of confusion and concern.

"He can't speak." The doctor said.

Jaehyuns eyes widened and he looked over at Taeyong, who was looking at him with a sympathetic look. Taeyong cupped Jaehyuns cheek with his left hand and made a 'sorry' face.

"W-ha- how-" Jaehyun started.

"It was his choice." The doctor said, and then smiled sadly and left the room.

Jaehyun then stared at Taeyong, who was looking right back at him.

"Why.." Jaehyun started and held Taeyongs hand on his cheek.

Taeyong could only smile sadly and shake his head. Jaehyun wanted to hold him so badly but his body just seemed to not want to work. He felt his whole wall crash down right infront of him.

"I should've been there for you." Jaehyun started to say with a choked sob and Taeyong quickly shook his head and sat up to touch Jaehyuns face, but Jaehyun shook his hands away and got up.

Taeyong quickly got up to follow after Jaehyun, but Jaehyun put up a hand to stop him. Taeyong stopped and faced Jaehyuns back. Jaehyun looked out the window.

"I should've helped." Jaehyun whispered.

Taeyong smiled sadly as he reached out a hand and slowly embraced Jaehyun around his waist, backhugging him. As he laid his head on Jaehyuns broad back. Taeyong felt just as tired and grieved at what he did. He really did, but he couldn't live like that anymore. He wanted freedom, from himself.

They stayed like that for awhile, and Taeyong felt his knees get tired, but that didn't stop him. Taeyong then walked infront of Jaehyun and watched as tears flowed down his face. Then he cupped them and Jaehyun avoided eye contact.

Taeyong then frowned and mouthed "look at me." But no anvil. Jaehyun just couldn't face his lover right now, he felt so many emotions that he wanted to cry- no he wanted to scream- he just wanted everything to go back to normal. As it was before he left. Before he took those drugs. Before Taeyong gained these pains and disorders.

"I'm so sorry." Jaehyun whispered and Taeyong just stared at him. Sadly.

"This is my fault all my fault." Jaehyun said slowly. He then caressed Taeyongs hands on his cheeks, and kissed one. Then made eye contact with Taeyong. Taeyongs eyes were filled with pain, scared, distress, and guilt. Jaehyun wishes he could see Taeyongs cheerful eyes again, those eyes that when he came home to greeted him and Taeyong would hug him, or even sometimes scare him. They laughed and enjoyed each-others company all day long, and loved all night, they couldn't have enough of each other.

To go back in time, Jaehyun thought.

Taeyong smiled at him, and god Jaehyun missed that smile, but it wasn't as cheery, nor was it filled with calm. It was sad, and guilt was written all over it.

"Its gonna be okay", Taeyong mouthed, and Jaehyun could only wish he'd believe it.

"I know", Jaehyun whispered back.

"I love you." Taeyong mouthed slowly, and his eyes sorta got glossy.

"I love you more." Jaehyun said and they embraced each other in a tight hug. Taeyong was crying by then, he remembers the times when Jaehyun would hug him like this. He remembers the times Jaehyun wouldn't push him away and yell at him, but back-hug him and kiss him just out of love. He misses this. He remembers this feeling.

The feeling of love.

Jaehyun held Taeyong as if his life depended on it. He remembers how he held Taeyong like this. How Taeyong held him like this. How they held eachother. It wasn't violence. Hurt. Pain. It wasn't any of those things.

It was love.

Something that they both wanted for a long time.

And they both got it.