We are so scared. One of the children, a very traumatized one, has been making such progress since Inger stopped harassing him but now he's going backwards, he thinks this world is 2007-2008. He thinks he is back in the abuse he suffered. He's young but knows pain that I will never know firsthand. I wish I could take the pain from my son and keep it myself so he can be a normal young one. He is so scared all the time, he wants attention but hides out of sight like a ghost. He's trying to make himself invisible. Its his safety net, being hidden. Its so unfair that he, one so young and small, should have to know pain so great. I would do anything to take the pain from my son and boyfriend but I can't. They have their memories and roles, to hold the trauma and to be a protector and I have mine. I feel so guilty being in the body but I'm the one best at putting it to sleep even if it's utterly wrong to how I look. I just want to protect my family and I can't. I feel so weak sometimes, im tall, at five foot ten, but I feel like I can't protect my family or my group. I want to keep them from any harm but it's too late, we were formed from the harm of a shattered childhood and we are here to help Alex pick up the remains of his life but also keep them from hurt too much for him to take. I hope Alex reads this and knows that he is my son, no matter how old he may get.

This is for Inger and Octavia. You are not monsters, you are not evil, you are loved and needed and I love you both.