dissociation is hard to explain. its a feeling of being disconnected from your body and this world. it's a safe yet scary feeling. 

i can only speak for me. but it's like your body isnt yours. i mean this body isnt anyway because im a dude. but like it doesnt react to you, you try to move and cant. its scary. youre watching your life unfold unable to intervine. you just watch the pain happening. other times you dont and then suddenly minuates, hours or a day have passed.

you have no intervention in your life, but not your life.

Do you remember at the fair? We were hanging out, I was apparently trying to win a bear for myself. You were bored of me. I didn't know. I'm sorry for acting how I did, but I don't remember it. You bring it up when you think I can't hear, but I can, and it hurts. I have no memory of the event, is as if my memory shut down, but you seem to hate me for it. I hope you can forgive me one day.