English

Teacher: How many of you didn't do the reading?

*Me and several others raise hand*

Teacher: Alright Shade (she said le real name so), why didn't you do the reading?

Me: I'm comfortable with my grammar and if I needed help, my mom could help me. (me being straight up honest because I AM A WRITER AFTER ALL. I DON'T MAKE JUST RANDOM BOOKS)

Teacher: Nothing against you but that offends me. *starts ranting*

*one half Kankri lecture later*

Teacher: And what does anyone think this scholarship require? *I raise le hand* Yes Shade?

Me: Grammar

*half of class erupts in snickers*

Teacher: *is pissed at me for probably the rest of the whole year*

Math

Kid: I wanna go to Chik Fil A

Teacher: (jokingly) I'd like some nuggets.

Me: *from halfway across the room* Could ya get me some fries?

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Same kid: *trying to prevent this girl from texting her mom even tho she got permission*

Me: It's called free speech you communist.

---

*Playing Kahoot*

Me: OH MY GOD IS THAT WE ARE NUMBER ONE!

Teacher: I just found this so...

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Girl: There are only two genders.

Me: Excuse me, but science has proved that gender is a spectrum. Go read a book for once. 

*Girl later says something else dumb and I call her out on it*

Me: You know what that smell is? It's me turning the over on to a nice 420 degrees and putting our roast in the oven for 30 minutes so it turns nice and perfect

*she's getting red*

Me: Oh, do you need some ice for that burn?

Teacher: Let's wait until we finish our work to roast people

Me: I'm already done so. 

Other kids: Did she come up with that on the spot? No, she's looking them up on her phone

Me: *is playing Paper.io and dominating*

Lunch

Idiot: Come here loli (referring to me and trying to get me to preform a sex act after one of my newer friends said I'm the loli)

Me: *gives him the bird*

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Friend: *mentions something*

Idiot: *mentions dick*

Me: You are what you eat

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Friend: And your Garterbelt (talking about Panty and Stocking characters)

Me: Y'all need fucking jesus

Chem

Dumbass: *knocks over model skeleton in our class*

Me: Guess he's skeledone with this life!

Dumbass: *tries to fix it but it breaks more*

Me: Jeez, I know my puns are bad but at least they aren't bonebreaking!

*after class*

Cool dude who I kinda want to learn more about: Hey, you got anymore puns?

Me: Not at the moment.

*le beginning of the year*

Cool Teacher: Alright Shade get up there.

*I stand in the middle of the classroom*

Cool Teach: And *mentions this one kid who was in my Psych class who I didn't know well at the time*

Me: *holding the skeleton's hand since it was there*

Cool Teach: No, hold his hand! *referring to the boy*

Me: *about as red as the orbs Lon'qu was summoned from*

Class: *probably ships us now*

Me: Oh god make this end....

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Cool Teach: Man I need to work out more and lose some weight. 

Girl: Why don't you not eat?

Me: *sits right inbetween both of them so I heard the whole thing* Well if you don't eat, your body goes into starvation mode meaning you gain weight and not lose what you DO eat.

Cool Teach: Daym.