Izuku's POV

The buzz was from none other than Kacchan.

Kacchan 💥~ hey deku, u feeling okay? Sorry I didn't actually give you advice earlier, I'm here if you need to talk

What the feck is going on?

First of all, Kacchan doesn't ever text me. Secondly, why is there an emoji that I never put in? And third, since when does Kacchan have a heart big enough to care about a useless deku?

I am confused, I am perplexed, I am an idiot. Of course, Kacchan would text me, he made a mistake and now he's trying to make up for it.

"Why do people have to be confusing?" I say out loud, forgetting completely that I'm outside walking home.

My habits never fail to amaze me. I will write day and night like I'm running out of time, talk more than I should but still smile plenty, and I never seem to hear or see stuff. You could talk to me and I would just think of something else and have it go completely over my head.

That's why I like texting people, I don't have to listen, I just have to read. But reading has always been a struggle with me, so I write notes on heroes and stories of potential fights of what would happen if someone like Mt. Lady went against someone like Earaserhead. Mr. Aizawa would crush her instantaneously since he isn't a one-trick pony, but Mt. Lady would have basic combat knowledge to help.

I'm rambling about myself to myself in my head and thinking this right now. I might want to consider sanity pills.

I pull my phone back out to text Kacchan back. I'm now in my neighborhood so I don't worry about looking away.

Izu~ that's really sweet of you Kacchan! Yeah I could use someone to talk to

Kacchan 💥 ~ talk away

Izu~ first, thanks for talking when I panicked. Really like the way you spilt the beans about me *note the sarcasm.* secondly, I don't know how to handle this, I just turned her down but I can't help but feel guilty. Is this bad?

Kacchan 💥 ~ it's not bad. Guilt is why we had a talk in the gym. Everyone feels it. Sorry for spilling your beans, they weren't mine to spill. But you have friends who care about you, so don't keep leaving them in the dark. I'm flattered that you decided to tell me, but I'm not the best with 'feelings'

Izu~ that's a lie. U just don't know how to express them in a positive way.

Kacchan 💥 ~ thanks for the advice, but I'm suppose to be helping you, not the other way around

Izu~ where's the fun in that?

Kacchan 💥 ~ do u want me to text her to lay off?

Izu~ u would do that for me?

Kacchan 💥 ~ well you trusted me enough to tell me, so I guess I should be 'nice' and do that for you

Izu~ ur the best Kacchan!

Kacchan 💥 ~ ik

Later on I begin to feel bad, how would Toga feel about me sending someone else to let her down gently? She's already depressed as it is, so is it possible this could push her over the edge? Ahhhh!! I'm a terrible person.

Kacchan 💥 ~ okay so I haven't texted her yet, should I tell her that "Izuku doesn't want to break ur heart, but he's not interested in dating so if you could, kindly, back off. It would be much appreciated. Don't let your depression infect him anymore."

Izu~ maybe take off the depression part, I don't think she would want to know I'm spreading that kind of information

Kacchan 💥 ~ noted

Izu~ actually, don't send it. I want to learn to be more confident in myself. I'll text her after 9:30

Kacchan 💥 ~ why then?

Izu~ because she has a bed time then. No phone means no texts, which means no conversation where I'm stuck without the word no

And then I compose a text. I compose it and rewrite it seven times. I write it in a poem, I write it in Japanese. Anything but send it.

Without bearing the burden of sending it, I don't and wait it out. I won't see her in person until mid-January when the ground isn't too frozen for trash pickup. Well, at least I have time.

Time is not a pleasant thing.

Time can make me doubt myself and doubt is the devil spilling words of degrading value into my mind. It is the fruit of self deprivation and depression. I'm not depressed am I? Of course I'm not, I'm overthinking this simple act of texting someone.

A simple act indeed. Just one text saying I don't want to date, it's not like it's a letter addressed to her saying I don't like her. Oh wait, I did write one of those, didn't I. I'm so stupid, I need to calm down and relieve this stress or I'm going to have a panic attack about something so simple. I just need to-

"Izuku? You're here early, did the group call it in for the day or did you just walk fast?" My mom always seems worried about me when I don't arrive on the dot.

"I'm fine, just so lost in thought I didn't realize how fast I was."

"Well come inside, I need to tell you some news about your grandfather."

We walk inside and immediately I felt my mom's mood switch to a serious one. "What's wrong with grandpa?"

"He's... he's had a stroke and is in the hospital right now."

Way to ruin this day even more. I wasn't too attached to my grandfather, but he was always a good person who I loved. He is very old and is probably glad to have made it this far.

"... The doctors say he's not looking too good for a nice recovery." My heart sank. Sure he wasn't the closest with me, but he was the oldest in the family, and I was the youngest. "They say he probably won't make it to Summertime next year."

That was it. Tears pricked my eyes and I felt shattered. I don't deal with a lot of loss, but when I do I don't usually react like this.

"Oh Izuku, don't cry it's okay." She rushed for my side and pulled me into a hug.

"Are- are you going to go see him in the hospital? Before he... passes?" Almost in a whisper I say the last part. Unsure of my words I looked down.

"I already booked myself a flight up north. You'll be staying with the Bakugo's while I'm gone." Well, at least I can be with my friend during this. Maybe he can help me with this whole process.

Hey guys!

So sorry for not posting in like a week but I've started to read actual books again. 12/10 would recommend 'the gravity of us' by Phil Stamper, and 10/10 would recommend 'the infinite noise' by Lauren Shippen. Really sorry about not posting, I'm not dead don't worry.

I've rewritten most of this chapter because I didn't like the original idea. So yeah.

Have a good day!

Shout out to my friend who helped me through my grandfather's passing. I love you owl and pig.