Ash's POV

I scoffed. "Alright, you go find whoever the fuck Aston is, I'm gonna lecture the cult."

Briar fucking ran to the elevator. "BYE BITCHESSS!"

I sighed. "One day I'm gonna find out what she's on and where to buy it."

Edge laughed. She's so... adorable when she laughs. Or giggles. Or smiles. Or does anything, really.

I mean, cult leader buisness and shit.

"I... should probably go talk to those shits now..." I muttered. "Can you come with me?"

Edge nodded, following me as I stood up. I walked to the front of the lobby, shouting down halls as I made my way up.

"UNSCHEDULED MEETING HAPPENING NOW," I shouted. They all gathered around me, most of them rolling their eyes at the fact that this was the second meeting today.

"This is Edge from the GMPS," I said. "Now I know our most recent meeting was about how the GMPS is our enemy and yadda yadda yada, beat them to the kill, whatever. That does NOT mean you are permitted to hurt anyone from there. Hurt a member and you don't get food for a week. As for Edge... if you do so much as harm a hair on her head... I will personally carve your intestines out and wear them as necklaces. Got it?"

"Got it," people from the crowd muttered.

"And since it's almost Kawali ordinance quiet hours, let us recite the Trash Cult chant together," I said."

"Trash is trash. Your favorite video game is trash. Your favorite book is trash. Your favorite outfit is trash. Your favorite song is trash. Your favorite hobby is trash. Your favorite food is trash. Your favorite drink is trash. Your favorite show is trash. Your favorite movie is trash. I am trash. We are trash. All hail the golden Trashnesty." We chanted in unison.

"Meeting dismissed," I said, though some of them had already left. Bastards.

"That's... seriously your motto?" Edge asked.

"I guess, why?" I replied.

"It's just... less friendly than I expected..." Edge muttered.

I scoffed. "Not exactly sure if you've seen the place, but we aren't exactly friendly."

Edge half-smiled. "I, um... thanks for... doing that. And the specification of me-"

"Don't flatter yourself. I once told them that whoever changed the playlist is getting their blood boiled and used for my ramen." I cut her off. She doesn't need to know I'm willing to do anything for her.

Briar's POV

I was wandering through the alleys, trying to find the entrance to the GMPS treehouse. It's well known that they're in a treehouse, it's just then no one knows where the fuck it is.

"Would you like some legitimate bread?" A voice asked.

I instinctively reached for my gun. I didn't pull it out, just put my hand on it. I turned to see who it was.

Two people, one darker-skinned with dark hair in a messy bun who was holding a large wooden box of bread loaves, and one with short pink hair.

"Who are you guys?" I asked.

"I'm Gluten Cruiser Goofy Goober, but people usually call me GC." The girl with the large wooden box said.

"I have a normal name. Emily." The one with short pink hair said. "And it's not legitimate bread."

"What are you guys doing out here?" I asked. "You could be in danger if you're--"

"LGBTQ+?" Emily finished my sentence. "Yeah we know. My parents queer tested my blood as a baby and kinda left me out here when I turned 18."

That's another think about 2069. Scientists, sucking up to The Anax, created a "queer test," which was basically taking a syringe full of a kid's blood, taking it to the back room and talking to other science people, saying shit like "does he look like one of them?" "does she look like she likes girls?" "he's acting feminine, he's queer." "she's acting masculine, put her down."

There's no science behind it. It's just guesses based on social standards for feminity and masculinity.

"My parents told me I couldn't be an ally." GC said. "And my dad just wanted my dog to be a trick bitch. So despite my best judgement, I took Sven with me and... left."

I heard a bork from beneath the box. A small fluffy labradoodle bared his teeth and growled at me. Sven.

Wait...

"I know you," I said, turning to GC.

"No you don't," GC replied defensively.

"Jamie Warrison," I said, knowing it was only the beginning of a long list. "Nightmares. Endless. Social Distancing Rap. Bill of Rights. Bread boat."

Emily looked confused. "What the heck is going on-"

"Sorry Emily, just... nothing." GC replied.

"Water parks," I said. "Every year for my birthday we'd go to a water park. One year my mom forgot forks for the birthday cake. We all laughed and made jokes as we ate cake with our hands."

GC stiffened. "You can't just pull that out on me with no warning I have feelings too-"

"I KNEW IT!" I shouted.

"C-Could someone fill me in here?" Emily asked.

"Right, sorry." GC said. "Briar is a... childhood friend. We did some projects together, roasted her ex together, had millions of inside jokes, saw Hamilton together, all that stuff."

"So what happened?" Emily asked.

"She missed my birthday party," GC muttered.

"Your birthday was June 23rd!" I said. "No one remembers it!"

"THE GESTURE WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE-"

"I OFFERED TO GET YOU ICE CREAM AND SHIT THE DAY AFTER BUT YOU WERE ALL 'nO bRiAr aRe yOu fUcKiNg nUtS tHeY'rE gOnNa kIlL yOu bEcAuSe gAy nOw,'" I cut her off.

"This is a stupid argument and you know it," GC said.

"Hey do you guys wanna join the trash cult?" I asked.

"Huh?" Emily said.

"My friend Ash runs a little gang called the Trash Cult. We protect ourselves and kill the gay executioners when we can," I explained. "And we're starting a plot to kill The Anax."

"Hell yeah!" GC replied.

Emily looked concerned. "Cult?"

"Just a bunch of LGBTQ+ people and allies being bad bitches," I explained, despite knowing that wasn't really an explanation. "I mean we've committed a few crimes but y'know it's cool."

"Of course," GC scoffed with a smile.

"I'm planning a date between two gang leaders, wanna help?" I asked. "The ship name is Trashprince."

"That sounds fun," Emily said with a smile.

"You're a special child," GC deadpanned. "Why is it that you ship anything and everything?"

"Not everything," I replied. "I don't ship Remrom."

"THAT FANART SCARRED ME MENTALLY," GC yelled. "HE WAS STICKING HIS DICK IN HIS BROTHER."

"Not as scarring as that Quora story you told me to look up!" I yelled back.

"Guys!" Emily whisper-yelled. "Executioners are on patrol!"

GC and I shut up as I glanced around, making sure none of the bastards could hear or see us.

"Rightrightright," I whispered. "Follow me."

Emily looked confused. "Wait we're just gonna-"

"She's impulsive, sometimes you just gotta go with it." GC cut her off.

"Would either of you know where the GMPS treehouse is?" I asked.

"Treehouse?" Emily asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Well considering 'tree' is in the name I think a safe assumption would be a fucking forest," GC suggested with a fake baby voice.

I know it seems like we're mean to each other, but we're just really close friends. Best friends since first grade. I guess we're just... picking up where we left off.

"Mabuti forest?" I suggested.

"It is the only forest that's not in cinders," Emily pointed out. "But why-"

"Because we're confronting Ash's emotions before Ash confronts Ash's emotions," I replied.

(time jumperino over the walk to Mabuti forest because lazy writing king right here right now)

I looked around the eerie forest.  What exactly do you look for when trying to find a treehouse-

"Ladder," I said. "We gotta look for some kind of ladder. Let's split up-"

"That's how people in horror movies get killed," GC interrupted.

Horror movies? Ash might like that on a date with Edge.

"I found the ladder!" Emily said, snapping me back to reality.

I looked to where she was standing. Sure enough, there was a ladder attached to a tree.

"So what do we do?" GC asked. "Just... climb up and burst in?"

"What else would we do? Ring the doorbell?" I replied sarcastically.

"They could be in the middle of something," Emily pointed out.

"We're in the middle of something too," I replied.

"What exactly are we in the middle of?" GC asked.

"Trying to get Trashprince to be real!" I replied. "What, have you been hiding under a rock for the past three chapters?"

"Chapters..?" Emily asked.

"I've been documenting every Trashprince moment I've seen so far. We're on chapter four at the moment," I explained, pulling out my notebook with a trash bin and crown on the front. Yeah, I've got a logo going.

"You're a psychopath," GC scoffed with a smile.

"Thank you!" I replied. "Anyways, going up."

I ran to the ladder and climbed up. It's a tall tree, and I don't use ladders often.

"Why are you like this," GC muttered under her breath, carrying her dog and following me.

"Guess I'm doing this too," Emily said, following GC.

We climbed up the ladder, seeing a bunch of people wearing black suits and dresses.

"Gathered here today-"

"Hey sorry 'bout the interruption but we need to talk to an Aston Rift," I shouted. Everyone looked at me angrily.

And that's when I noticed the urn in the middle of the room.

"This is a funeral," A guy with long hair and dark circles said to me. "You need to leave."

"You need to calm your emo ass down," GC replied. "Did you even look in a mirror before attending a funeral? Brush your hair at least. Do you not notice the grease or do you not care?"

Emily looked a bit scared. "Guys we should come back later-"

I saw the long haired guy pull a marker out of his pocket. GC was still roasting him and didn't noticed.

He uncapped it, and I saw the awfully sharp screw in it.

I pushed GC aside and kicked the long haired guy right where it counts. He keeled over, now on his knees and holding his dick through his pants. Pulling out my gun, I held it to his head.

"Pull one more fucking weapon out, I dare you!" I shouted. "We come over here for one person and some butthurt asshole pulls the weapon-in-a-marker trick, bitch our gang invented that shit!"

"Your gang?" Someone asked.

"Yeah, I'm in the Trash Cult." I replied.

"I'm Aston, the hell do you want?" The guy said. "Get your hands off Connor."

I put my gun back in my pocket. "Can we speak outside?"

Aston sighed, but he followed us.

"Let's stay on the porch," He demanded.

"Why, 'cuz you think we're gonna hurt you?" I asked.

"You did just pull out a gun on someone at a funeral," Emily pointed out.

"Death is a social construct," I replied. "Anyways Astronaut-"

"Aston." He said.

"My apologies, Acrobat-"

"Not my name." He muttered.

"Sorry sorry, anyways, Asshat-"

"Say it right or I get our leader involved." Aston threatened.

"Your leader is eating ramen with ours. Don't even try that shit." I said, catching his bluff.

"Can we get to the relatively wholesome part of this or are you two gonna keep arguing?" GC asked.

"Right, okay," I said, trying to calm myself down. "Edge and Ash are kind of in love but won't admit it so they're stuck in a place where they've mentally friendzoned each other for the fear of basically everything that could potentially happen so we're kinda trying to plan a date for them."

"What the fuck? Edge wouldn't fall for scum like your cult." Aston spat.

"Can I do this one?" Emily asked. I was little surprised.

"Sure," I replied, gesturing towards Aston. She stepped towards him.

"You must have your head pretty far up your ass to not see something like that," Emily snapped. "You don't need social standards to care about someone. Whether it's romance or friendship, or something in between, society and your general idea of 'scum' can frankly go fuck itself. And I'm kinda pissed that you're using Ancient Greek social class systems as an excuse to say that your leader isn't falling for someone you don't approve of. Real classy. Try to get an actual jawline before you start flapping your jaw."

"Go off!" GC shouted supportively.

"Damn!" I said.

"That was awfully excessive." Aston muttered. "I thought you assholes wanted my help."

"Awww, he's got nicknames for us already!" GC cooed sarcastically. "We're gonna make great friends!"

"What would Edge's ideal first date be?" I asked Aston, pulling out my phone.

"I dunno... probably... stargazing on a roof... cheesy romance music in the background... little pamphlets that talk about constellations and the ancient myths surrounding them, maybe some garlic bread, dark chocolate desserts, all that jazz." Aston muttered.

"That's really specific for a sentence that started with 'I dunno,'" I said, typing everything out.

"You legit just burst in during a funeral to ask what Edge would wanna do on a date, so we'll call it even," Aston replied. "Can I go back in?"

"Nah, stay here and ship it with up." I said.

"But I don't ship-"

"You ship it now." I deadpanned.

"There we go. Shove it down this throat until it becomes a part of him," GC said sarcastically.

"That's the spirit!" I smiled. "Alright, Emily and Aston, you guys make a playlist of romantic music for their date-- at least two hours in length, and it's gotta be great. Something that's gonna appeal to both of them. GC and I are gonna steal some shit."

"Got it," Emily nodded.

"Let's do this!" GC exclaimed.

Out of excitement, I jumped off the deck instead of using the ladder.

GC climbed down the ladder and walked over to me. "Regret that?"

"Not at all," I replied with a smile. "You still remember our handshake?"

"Of course!" She said, holding out her hand.

Hand slap.

Back hand slap.

Stop.

Cover the middle.

Middle finger.

We laughed immaturely like we always did. We once got away with doing it in front of a bunch of teachers.

I know they were all a pain in the ass, but I miss teachers. I miss school.

If it weren't for The Anax, I'd be working in the police force. GC would be taking engineering, mathematics, computer science, orbital mechanics, and physics being the ambitious child she is. She wanted to be a mission control specialist for NASA. And now she can't fulfill her dreams because of The Anax.

I will never stop fighting against him.

I will never stop my petty rebellions against the law.

I will never stop showing my pride in my sexuality.

I will never stop defying him.

This is a violation of human rights. I'm
not gonna stand for it.

"Anyways, Walmart?" GC suggested.

"Yeah," I replied.

(time squip over walking to Walmart because lazy writer)

We stood inside the Walmart, trying to figure out what to steal first. Sven looked around the place with a big doggo smile.

I looked around. "I'll get the garlic bread and desserts. You print out a pamphlet on romantic constellations or whatever Aston said."

"Where am I supposed to get a pamphlet on romantic constellations?" GC asked.

"I don't know, Google?" I suggested.

GC shrugged and walked off to the printer section.

I went to the bread section, seeing garlic salt and bread.

That's how garlic bread works, right?

But then I saw pre-made frozen garlic bread in the frozen isle.

S n a t c h .

Alright, desserts. Dark chocolate desserts, right? Baking isle... dark chocolate fudge brownies, that works? Right? Probably? I don't know man.

Popcorn, I thought on impulse. They can stargaze, eat, stay up late watching movies, all that romantic stuff.

I stuffed a box of unpopped buttered popcorn into my pocket and walked to the printer isle, where GC was.

"Got the pamphlets?" I asked.

"Actually I just have one bigass pamphlet." GC replied.

"That works," I shrugged.

GC carried the pamphlet. I had the food in my arms and pockets. Sven followed us as we just walked out the store. Most days, employees weren't even around. No one has any form of currency. Everyone just... shoplifts.

"Where do they sell telescopes?" GC asked. "I mean, actually half decent ones."

"I think Best Buy sells them," I replied.

(time squip again over the walk to Best Buy brought to you by my most recent notification)

(actually this chapter is getting long so we're gonna skip Best Buy entirely and they're back at the GMPS treehouse now with Emily and Aston because lazy writer again)

"You guys got the playlist done?" I asked. Emily nodded.

"Can I please leave now?" Aston asked.

"Nah, stay here." GC replied.

Aston pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "There's a funeral--"

"Fuck funerals, we got blossoming romance on our hands." I said. "Is tommorow night good for Edge?"

"Assuming no one else has a funeral, probably." Aston replied.

"Good." I mumbled. "I know Edge is definitely a stargazing type of person, and while Ash wouldn't object to that, she's definitely more of a horror-movie-and-hugs type of person. So we can set aside-- how long's the playlist?"

"Two hours," Emily answered.

"Two hours for stargazing. I was thinking a horror movie thing afterwards, but considering Edge recently witnessed someone get murdered, that would probably be insensitive."

"What about the Goosebumps movie?" Emily suggested. "It's mainly a comedy, and there's not really gore or anything too intense. I know it's kind of a kids movie, but it's got a little bit of romance plot in there too."

GC laughed. "Briar remember when-"

"Don't expose us," I cut her off. "I mean, Goosebumps is actually a pretty good idea. It's like the overlapping middle of a venn diagram about Ash and Edge's personalities, if that were a thing."

Aston looked at me weird. "When the fuck did we start talking about venn diagrams?"

"Chaotic bi, just go with it." GC said.

"What about location?" Emily asked. "Ideally, above the treetops would be good for stargazing."

"Aston, how high up does the roof of the treehouse go?" I asked.

"Above the treetops," He mumbled. "We have a staircase going to the roof."

"Perfect." I replied. "Edge might come back soon. GC and I are gonna be back here tomorrow to set up. Aston, you can help Edge with any beforehand personal preparations. Emily, you got Ash with the same thing."

"What the hell are 'beforehand personal preparations'?" Aston asked.

"What part don't you get? 'Beforehand', 'personal', or 'preparations'?" GC asked.

"I meant outfits, conversation starters, possibly gifts to give to the other." I explained. "Help us out here."

GC put her hand out in the middle of our little circle. "Ship squad on three?"

Emily and I our our hands in. We glanced at Aston.

"Fine," He muttered, reluctantly putting his hand in the middle.

"One, two, three, SHIP SQUAD!" We shouted, lifting our hands in unison like middle school sport teams.

~

I know that this was a long chapter I'm sorry-

Anyways, I know we're all just waiting for the impending 𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓼𝓽

And it's coming I promise, but we gotta get through all that cotton candy fluff first

Anyways, uh fluff coming soon.

Question here: should the date be told through Edge's or Ash's point of view?

Oh right characters

and Sven was up there somewhere

If you're wondering why I used a different picrew, the person who made the other one basicallt doesn't think people on the ace spectrum are a valid part of the LGBTQ+ community. I go into a little more detail in my book Bi the Way, but you get the gist of it.

And yes, I exposed my sixth grade shitty art ._.

Have a nice day hoomins!