edd pov 

its been two weeks ever since tord hurt me , but for some reason i didn't hate him . only myself... tom and matt had left to go shopping and stuff , so i home alone  again which was fine i guess. after a while it started to rain , which was fine , i loved the sound of rain pouring. i missed him so much.

i started to silently sob asking myself why he left , hugging my knees

after a while i faced the floor, smashing my hands desperately at the floor, causing my hands to form small bruises. i held my head in my hands , gripping my strands of hair and pulling tightly, wanting to scream but i didn't want any neighbors to worry.

i wanted to see his face again , i could feel my heart ache ever tear i spilt until i heard someone open the door

 "edd?"

 it was tom , i jolted and wiped my eyes 

 "y-yeah t-tom?" i responded trying to sound normal

 "you okay?"he asks coming in my room . 

"y-yeah just stubbed my t-toe really hard " i responded

"oh ouch you okay?!" tom asks 

"y-yeah i'm good!" i sniff and give a thumbs up

"kay if you need something let us know" tom says leaving my room

after he leaves my smile turns back to a frown...

(time skip)

"wanna watch a movie?!" matt exclaims holding up a movie case

i looked at the case , it was a horror movie .

"i guess" i said 

"yeah i'm pretty bored so i guess i'll watch with you guys" tom says walking to the kitchen grabbing a bag of popcorn

"YAY!!" matt laughs , hopping onto the couch

(time skip)

i didn't really watch the movie , i couldn't stop thinking about tord. after it was over matt had already fallen asleep and tom said goodnight and headed to his place while dragging matt with him, i waved good bye . i closed the door, leaning against it . then going to the kitchen , glancing at the knife a few times

"n-no i shouldn't..." i say looking away

moments later i found myself , sleeves up and holding the knife in my hand .

"m-maybe this is what i deserve.."

i slice through the skin on my wrist , little dots of blood forming . it looked satisfying to see the blood; yet it hurt like hell. 'i deserve this' and with that and cut deeper into my wrist , tears flowing from my eyes. i gasped at every sting and did it over and over again

4...

11..

17...

20..

'what have i done?....'

'what if tom and matt find out? they'll kill me!!'

i gently pull down my sleeve over my wounds and put up the knife then sit down

after that all i remember is falling asleep on the cold ground...