TW: cutting and curssing and suicide attempt.

(Michael POV)

    Ok so where do I start? After the 'SQUIPincident'(As everyone... well ever has dubbed it) me and Jeremy sorta drifted apart or Christine pulled him away.And I don't blame Christine at all she's sweet and pretty (as gay as I am) and Jeremy's sorta the one who head over heals for her.And this IS the girl of his dreams so what else can you do? And this would be fine if I was't head over heals for Jeremy.

    What makes it worse when he got with ...her he stooped talking to me, at first he'd sit with me every other day and I'd get 2 weekends then, like a flip was switched it went to I'm lucky to sit with him twice a month, and maybe if i'm really lucky I'd get 1 weekend,and I was offered a seat at the table with Jake, Rich, Jenna, Christine, Jeremy, Brook and Chloe. As we call it now "The SQUIP Squad"(that was me and Rich) but Jeremy knew I didn't like sitting with people especially the "cool kids".

     So I sunk into a depression. It started with just a cry once a week then slowly made its way up to everyday, (i also started cutting and stopped eating as much) and I would watch Christine and Jeremy and it would kill me I could feel my heart shattering...but then I decided that it wasn't worth it and so, I melted into my music tuned the volume all the way up and drowned the world out.

    And Jake and Rich,out of the entire group noticed. They came over and taped me on the shoulder which scared and surprised me. (Real quick: I looked like shit I had obvious bags under my eyes and tear stains from a panic attack a few minuets prior, It was obvious something was wrong. I don't wanna think what Jer would have done had he saw me like that)

    I looked up and there they were. I took off my head phones "What do you guys want?" it was obvious from my voice that I had been crying.

"You looked sad so we thought we would help."Jake said, from his wheel chair.

"Umm... I'm fine" I replied not looking them in the eyes.

"No your not" Rich said. He said it like a diagnose,with like pride and stuff.I gave a light chuckle.

"Ok, so if I'm actually not Ok then why would I tell you my reason" I said jabbing my pointer finger out at Rich when I said 'You'.

"Good point" Rich said looking down. I was about to put my headphones back on when a hand stopped me.

"We'll tell you one of our th'ecret'th if you tell u'th your'th." Rich said. And I have to say, that's most quiet I'd ever seen Jake.

"NOOO!" Jake yelled. Ok so I might've spoke to soon.

"Don't worry Jakey" Rich said. "Mikey i'th very tru'th't worthy." Rich reassured Jake in a comforting poor baby tone.

"Deal?" Rich asked turning back to me a d sticking out his hand. Even though I thought I knew what the secrete was I still agreed.

"Ok" Rich started. "Me and Jake are dating!" I burst out laughing. "What?" Rich asked sounding slightly offended.

Once I calmed down I managed to spit out, "I knew that!" Rich and Jake looked in shock. Then Rich snapped out of it.

"What!?" He asked surprised a expression of pure panic on his face.

"Who else knows? "Jake asked seeming nervous fiddling with his shirt.

"No one actually knows per-say,but everyone suspect's." Jake let out a sigh in relief. "But I won't conform a sole." I reassured.

"Ok" Rich said "Now your turn." I looked at the clock then back at Rich.Only a couple of seconds before the bell rings. Here goes nothing.

"Well I have a raging crush on my best friend of 12 years, I cut and cry myself to sleep at night aaaannd have no will go live." I finished just as the bell rang. So I grabbed my stuff and walked out.

Rich and Jake started following me everywhere! Till the end of the day. They asked to come to my place and I reluctantly agreed. Over the next couple of months I really bonded with Rich and Jake,we became really good friends actually. I don't think they believed I cut though until they found me doing it.

My depression got worse,I started having panic attacks in school and more at home, I felt numb, nothing mattered, I went for weeks without talking.

I had my second suicide attempt on September the 18th of 2019. I was in my basement and had been contemplating this a while now. I was looking for a way out of it. But Rich and Jake were at football practice and so I called Jeremy, looking for comfort. But I accidentally called in the middle of one of his and Christine's dates. And he yelled at me (over the phone) and told me not to call him again. And that was the braking point.

I walked in the bathroom and turned on the water I already had suicide notes,one for any one who might miss me. I left my hoodie on my bed didn't want it to get blood stained, Jeremy or Rich might want it.(To like remember me by, or something like that)I made 1 cut then 2 then 3,4,5.until the bathtub was full. (With water)I took way to many pills then I started thinking about Jeremy, and throwing up petals. (I had blue butter cups)After a while everything went black.

And if I was to say the only reason I did it was Jeremy I'd be lying, It was more than him, it was pain and self-hatred, it was hurt and the feeling of being worthless and a burden. It was stress and the overwhelming feeling that I would never amount to anything. I hated the way I thought and how I couldn't stand people and I hated how fat I was(I thought I was fat) I Hated myself for falling for him and for falling into a depression I hated myself for getting this disease and I was falling into a down wards spiral I felt I couldn't escape-

The point is: It was more than Jeremy.

I thank the Lord (that I don't believe in) that Rich and Jake found me. After that thay took away all my razor blades and I had to ask them for pills (I needed sleeping pills or else I couldn't get a good nights rest or sleep at all sometimes.) no one but the SQUIP squad ever even knew.(Rich and Jake called them with over on the day it happened. Not Jeremy though it took a lot of begging.) And they started making me talk.(So like forced therapy sessions)

And after some time I started getting a little better.

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AN: Ok so first chapter done. Sorry it took so long. Cringe and spelling error galore! So with the Michael suicide attempt,tell me if I should make an actual chapter on that. So I hope it wasn't too bad to read.

Edit: Hi I fixed shit and added more detail. doing this to more chapters after this cuss my friend was teasing me so YAY I'm dead inside. Also I do not nor do I clam to know anything about depression I'm just a stupid middle schooler that should not by any means rd taken seriously. I do some research and that's it I have no personal experience. If anything was wrong please correct me in the comments.

Word count: 1317

Ps: please comment on if I should do the chapter about Michael's suicide