Chapter 12: Simple Isn't So Easy

"What do you mean by ex-boyfriend?" Theo asked. I placed a hand on my head while pacing the room with Andrew.

"Well, he is an ex-boyfriend, really. A psycho one at that." I said as I walked over to the TV to turn it off. I need some fresh air, and some really good thinking. "I'm going to get some fresh air." I told Theo and Andrew.

"Vanilla, it's not safe." Andrew said looking at me. I shot him a glare.

"I need to. I'm just going to the backyard. Nothing crazy." I told them. They kept their glares, but allowed me to go. I stepped out on the front porch, and looked into the little pond that was around the house. I leaned onto the railing and admired the moon shining over the landscape.

My life was crazy, very crazy. I was a mass murder, who happens to be with the president's son, who has to kill the president, who is trying to kill me as well.

My life was a nut job. I had to deal with the weight of Theo hating me after I kill his father. I also, now, have to deal with my ex-boyfriend becoming a psycho. All while having to go through a period each month.

"Vanilla?" Someone asked. I looked behind me, and meet gazes with Theo. He walked over to me, and leaned on the railing. "Do you hate me?" He asked.

I looked at him, and he looked back at me.

"I mean it. One second we are good, and then the next we are caught up in lies. Vanilla, what is this?" He asked, his eyes trying to get an answer from me.

I just looked at him, not moving. What could I say? That we were fine? Well, we aren't. I'm keeping lies above his head all the time, that isn't healthy.

"I don't know." I told him. He sighed, and turned back over to looked at the backyard. I did the same thing, not sure what to do.

This was awful. I was like a girl after prom. This is awkward. I hate it. I want to be able to tell Theo stuff because I love him. I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not. I want to be me.

"Vanilla." He said. I felt his hand slip into mine, something metal against my palm. I looked over at him confused. "Promise me that you won't leave me." He told me.

I nodded. He turned towards me grabbing both of my hands, and opening them to hold a ring. "It's a promise ring." He told me. He slipped it on my finger, and I just stared at it, not sure what to say.

"That's so gay." I blurted. I started cracking up, and Theo just looked at me scared.

"I thought girls liked that." He said, blushing in embarrassment.

"Theo, I'm not like most girls. Oh my god, did you get that off of the internet or something. That's so girly!" I said, sitting myself on the ground, at the edge of peeing in my pants.

"Geez Vanilla, it's hard to please you." He complained, and joined me on the ground. I calmed my laughter, and stared at him.

"Gosh Theo, I thought you knew me better than that." I joked. He let out a smile, and grabbed my hand.

"Well, still do you like it?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's cute. Gay, but cute." I told him. He sighed and put his head in his hands.

"You are never going to let this down?" He asked. I laughed and shook my head. "God, what have I gotten myself into?" He asked himself.

"A lot." I joked. He just looked at me, and gave me a peak on the lips before laying down on the porch. I joined him on the porch, and we looked at the sky.

"Can time freeze?" He asked.

"Why? Time is amazing." I asked.

"How? You get closer to death, you make more mistakes, and you start losing people." He said.

"Gosh, you make it seem like we were high school sweethearts at our thirty year high school reunion. Theo, just think in the moment. Don't worry about the future. We're all going to die in the end, so why worry? If you live waiting for the future, then you'll regret the past." I told him, looking at the star lit sky. I felt his hand slip into mine.

"I want to run away." He blurted. I turned over to him.

"I can't." I told him.

"Why? We could leave the government, people, and assholes. We could be together forever." He told me. I slapped his face. He sat up rubbing his cheek.

"What are you thinking Theo?!" I screamed. He just looked at me.

"What's wrong with that?" He asked.

"Are you insane? You're obsessed with me! You want me as your own, or something? Theo, we just can't get up and leave. I have Andrew to care for, and dammit, you have your own father." I told him. He grabbed my hands, but I jerked them away.

"Vanilla, life would be so easy. Please, it'd make life simple." He pleaded.

"Oh, so simple is what you want? I'll give you simple. Move to a small town in Georgia, and start up a damn onion farm. Start growing crops for a living, and make only enough for yourself, and maybe someone else. That's as simple it will be. Where ever I am, there is nothing simple. I'm a murder Theo! A murder! You haven't grasp that concept yet have you? I killed people. I kill people. I take innocent people's lives away. I leave mothers to survive alone, while their kids are wondering where their daddy is. I'm not simple, Theo!" I screamed.

He didn't reply, and honestly I didn't expect one. Silence took over the landscape, and we just stared at each other. My blood was pumping, and I was out of control. I felt the feeling of being alone. I wanted to spread my pain.

I stood up, and walked inside. Andrew was on the sofa, watching the TV. I walked pass him, going downstairs. I opened the bedroom door, and headed towards the closet. I dressed in my best black outfit, and grabbed a pack. I looked at all of my knives, and I zipped it up. As I headed upstairs, Theo passed me.

"Make sure you come home before noon." He told me. I stopped.

"Okay." I said, and continued walking up the stairs.

~~~

I walked back inside the house, only wearing my pack, and jeans. I walked though the living room, and saw Andrew sleeping on the sofa. I walked pass him, and I proceeded down the stairs.

I opened the bedroom door, and dropped my pack down on the floor. I slipped off the rest of my clothes, and slipped into the bathroom. I turned on the water, and stepped in.

I washed my hair of the nastiness when the door opened. I continued washing, as I heard someone getting undress. The shower door opened, and Theo walked in.

I didn't make eye contact with him, but we knew what we were staying. I felt him brushing his hands through my soapy hair. I let him do what he wanted, not really in the mood to counteract.

I washed the soap out of my hair, and started washing my body. There were little cuts and bruises covering my skin. Theo would trace his finger tips over them. I let the water wash us, as I hissed as the soapy water hit a gash on my stomach.

He examined it, then turned off the water.

I didn't look at him directly, so I just stared at my stomach.

He opened the shower curtain, and grabbed the towel. He wrapped me in it, and dried me off.

I let him wrap me in the soft fabric.

He grabbed himself one, and I just watched him move.

I felt small. I felt like he was superior over me in the moment. I watched his feet step out of the shower, and I followed behind him.

He opened the bathroom door, and went directly to the bed. He took off his towel, and slipped under the covers. I slipped my hair up, and I joined him under the covers. We tangled our bodies together, and tried going to sleep,

I knew he wasn't asleep, and he probably knew I was either.

We just rest in our presence. It didn't feel nice, nor did it feel bad. It was inexplicable. It was an awkward wall. It was an awkward, comfortable wall.

I knew that in the morning we couldn't avoid communication, but at least for now we could.

We could let our minds wonder what the other would say. We could let our minds play their own games. Let our minds make up the words we'd say.

Let it predict our relationship, and maybe the future. We could let our hearts decided what was worth it or not.

This was a healing process. It wasn't an almost-break-up moment. It was an moment for us to see who we were. In this moment, I felt small. Like I was this little mouse, and he was a huge lion. That was how things never were. I didn't like it, nor did I hate it. It was different.

I came into this mission with an mind set that it'd be easy, but this is the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. The choices were limited, as well as the time.

I was on a clock. I told myself, and others to never worry about time, but the moment you feel you have the most, it comes in behind you.

Only two months until I have to decided to kill Mr. Times or not. I want revenge, for my sister, but love is a damn curse. This would be easy if Theo was like Alice, a preppy, stuck up rich kid. But not. Theo had to have a heart, kindness.

I hated that because you get so attracted to that person, that if Theo were to leave me now, I'd never recover.

I let myself fall in love, and it suck. Theo had my heart wrapped around his finger, and I never wanted that to happen.

I never wanted to depend on a boy before. Until Theo, all I knew was they wanted to get it on. Now I know that isn't the case, but now I'd love if it was.

I wanted to have Theo's heart around my finger, and for a while I did. But as soon as I break, Theo seems to calm me back down, taking control of me.

I was a drunken cage slave. He could use me all he wanted to because I've become so vulnerable. I need control again, but I was like a sick person. My body couldn't quite fight it off. I just needed some medicine.

Theo was that medicine. In a couple of days, I'd probably be on top of this relationship again, but not for a while. It was as if I was unable to move.

As soon as I was though, I wouldn't stop walking.

I was healing. This was all a healing process.

A simple healing process.

~~~

Alice:  Didn't realize that I hadn't updated in 6 months.