Logan's POV

I sigh and reach over to turn off my alarm. I look down at Vee's arms around my torso and I unhook him slowly, making sure not to wake him.

I turn over with great effort and push myself up, swinging my limp legs over the edge of the bed, gripping the arm rests of my wheelchair and pulling myself onto it before reaching up and grabbing my phone. I push myself out of the room and bump down the stairs.

I go through to the kitchen and pull open the fridge, picking out the Crofters and then the bread off the counter, grabbing a lone plate on the way. I go to the dining room table and spread jam on the bread before turning it into a sandwich. I hear light footsteps bounce down the stairs at the end of the hall. Patton.

Sure enough, Patton's freckled, sleepy face turns the corner. I take my sandwich into my lap and wheel over to him. I take note of the green bracelet around the wrist, indication Xe/Xim pronouns. Xe smiles and xis features brighten.

"Morning, moonbeam. How was your..." xe grips the kitchen island, trailing off and closing xis eyes tightly. I move closer to xim and put a hand on xis waist.

"Patton? Are you alright?" I ask quietly, putting my sandwich up on the island and pulling xim onto my lap in the chair. Xis eyes roll back in his head and I curse, wheeling to the bottom of the stairs and pressing the red button which sets off Roman's emergency alarm, doing the same with my own navy button as Virgil is in my room.

My other boyfriends race down the stairs, worried expressions worn on their tired faces. Roman is first down, followed closely by Virgil.

"What happened to-" Virgil checks xis wrist. "Sorry, what happened to xim?" He frowns, stroking Patton's face.

"Xe came downstairs and started to say goodmorning but then xe looked dizzy. I asked xim if he was alright and then xe fainted in my lap." I give them both the rundown. Roman lifts Patton up and away from me. Virgil and I follow him into the living room as he lays Patton on the longest couch. Virgil soon speaks up.

"They're getting worse." He whispers. I turn my chair to look at him. "Xe doesn't have a diagnosis. This is the fourth time in two weeks xe's fainted and xe has dizzy spells countless times a day. I'm phoning the doctors." He walks out with trembling hands. Roman nods to me and I wheel out after him, catching up in the lower hall near the landline phone.

"Virgil. Come here, sit with me." I pull him into my lap and place his head on my chest, taking deep breaths and waiting for him to become less anxious. Eventually he hugs me back and I pick up the phone, dialling the doctors office. Virgil slides off my lap and kneels beside me.

"Hello, Low Waters Medical Centre. Mary-Anne speaking."

"Hello, this is Logan Walters phoning on behalf of Patton Baker, my joyfriend. I am worried about xis wellbeing."

"Could you describe his symptoms or pass the phone to him?"

"Xe/Xim pronouns please. And certainly. Xe is having frequent dizzy spells and has fainted four times in 14 days. Xe seems more out of breath and xis sleep schedule is more uneven and shorter than usual." I describe, feeling my boyfriend's hand on mine.

"Oh, I'm very sorry about that mixup. I am under the impression that the household's family doctor is Doctor Joan Archime?"

"Yes, you are correct. When is the next available appointment?"

"They have just arrived. One moment."

I hear muffled voices on the end of the line before she returns.

"There is a slot at 11:05 this morning. Does that suit?"

Virgil gives a vigorous nod. "Yes, that suits fine. We will be there in...3 hours." I hang up and slouch, turning to my boyfriend. He grips my hand, walking around and taking the handles of my wheelchair. He leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"You need help changing before work?" He murmurs. Usually, I would deny it but I'm already too tired. I nod and Virgil sweeps me up onto my limp feet. I sigh, trying and failing to push him away.

"Vee...there's no point in trying." I sigh, slumping against his chest. He laughs and I feel the vibrations against my ear.

"I thought I was the pessimist here. Come on, just try." I nod and he keeps supporting me. I summon every ounce of strength and energy I have and try to lift my right leg. I sigh when nothing happens. "Come on, you never know. Let's go. One more try, Logan." I focus this time and my foot twitches. It twitches. I gasp out in disbelief and look at Virgil with tears brimming.

"V-Vee" my voice cracks. "We need to keep trying." He smiles at me and for the first time in years, hope filled my whole being.

I continue to try for gods knows how long. On one of my last tries, my leg buckles. I push away my tears in an effort to stay strong and contained. Virgil rubs my back and eases me into my wheelchair when he senses my tiredness. He holds my hand and kneels to my level. He looks around my face, stroking my cheek.

"You're allowed to cry, Lo." And with that, my dams break and I sob, slouching forward and placing my head in my hands. "One minute, Lo. I'll be back, I'm just checking on Patton and I'll be back." I nod, still crying except now my sobs are silent.

I calm down, now with a headache and an aching body. Virgil returns with his phone. I frown at his gulit-ridden face.
"What did you do?" I ask hesitantly. He rubs the back of his neck and laughs nervously.

"I called your boss." My eyes widen and I sit up, staring angrily at Virgil. "He's alright with you missing a day. I explained the situation." I huff, trying to push myself up enough to meet his eyes. He pushes me back down.

"Virgil! I can't possibly miss a day of work due to emotions! I am going to work."

"No, you aren't. He isn't expecting you. Come on and I'll help you change. I have a feeling you're too tired." He lifts me into his arms and carries me up to my room. "What are you wearing then, seeing as you don't have to work." Virgil asks and opens my wardrobe. I shrug, looking at my wilted, worthless feet.
"Logan. Stop it. You're radiating self-loathing. Now pick an outfit."

I shrug.
"Can I wear- Just my grey hoodie and blue jeans." I murmur quietly, picking at my nails, only stopping when one bleeds. He hands me the hoodie and I pull off my pyjama top, dumping them near my pillow and pulling on my hoodie. I lay back on my bed and sigh sadly, leaving my legs dangling drooped over the side. I feel a hand on my thigh. I tense up, bolting upright as my breathing intensifies.

"Logan, its me, Virgil. You're not there. You're okay." I search around my vision and lock on my boyfriend's face. But...its not him.

It's my step-mother. She's here. She's back. She can get to me. She will take me away. I can't do anything. I can't run. I can't-I can't-

"Logan, breathe with me. In and Out. Nice and slow. Can you see me?" I shake my head at the sound of Virgil's voice. "Okay. Can I touch you?" I shake my head. "Shit, okay."

I feel my fingers tingle with panic, my fight or flight instinct itching for me to bolt away. My vision fogs more and my hearing sounds blocked.

Touch.

Touch can ground me.

I wrap my hands around my upper arms and dig my nails into my arms, feeling a pressure lift from my chest as the pain begins to bring me down from the panic attack. I sigh almost happily and my vision clears. My hearing is no longer blocky with static.

"Hey! Logan, stop that." My three partners come in, Patton being escorted by Virgil while Roman comes to take my hands away. "Stop it." He says quietly, holding my hands. I lean into xim, tired and feeling weak in more than one sense of the word.

"I'm sorry, it's simply a bad habit I'm still trying to break." I mutter back with a weighted feeling over my head. "Won't happen again." I stifle tears again and make sure they don't fall this time.

"Bad habit? You know, we can talk about that later. How d'you feel, Logie?" Patton asks as xe and Virgil take a seat on the other side of me. I hum, shrugging at the question. A hand appears on my back.

"That is irrelevant at the current time, Patton how are you feeling?" I push away their worries for the time being and deflect to Patton. Virgil comes into my line of vision and picks up a pair of blue jeans.

"Don't try that on us, Lo. We can talk after you're changed. Who do you want to help you? You okay if I do it?" I just nod, subtly pinching my thigh until the others leave. "Lo, you can't hurt yourself to ground yourself. I'd just left to get help, I should've known you'd-" I place my hand on his arm which makes him pause helping me.

"You didn't know anything. I've kept my habits rather private and for good reason. Please do not blame yourself for my actions." I tell him with a strong voice. He falls silent and continues to help me change. I shift and push myself up closer to the centre of the bed once my trousers are changed.

"D'you want your chair or carried?" Virgil offers. I shrug and he seems slightly angered by this.

"Logan Andrew Walters, don't shut down on us." I flinch at his words and tone, almost falling. His features soften. "Sorry, I had to get your attention. I'm not sure you notice, but when something is bothering you or stressing you out you tend to shut us out or...I hate to diagnose you...become depressed and reclusive. Please, just tell us what's wrong instead of shutting us out." I nod, rubbing my arms. He sweeps me up bridal style and walks with me down to the living room. I'm dumped on the couch and I topple over onto the ground. I flip myself over, glaring at Virgil with my legs still in a twist.

"That wasn't fair. Granted, not on purpose, but not fair either. What time is it?" I ask, remembering the appointment. Roman's eyes widen and he pulls out his phone.

"Shit, it's 10:40. We live 20 minutes away. Patton, let's go." Both of them leave, meaning only Virgil and I are left.

"Virgil, go with them. If Patton faints or becomes dizzy again Roman will need backup and you hardly need me to slow you down. Text me if anything goes wrong." I haul myself onto the couch and Virgil brings my chair over. He rubs his arm nervously as I slide in.

"Are you sure? I'm sure Roman wouldn't mind going alone with Patton." He asks with evident worry in his voice. I smile, rolling out with Virgil towards the door.

"I'll be fine, I know you are at the end of the phone if need be." I practically push him out of the door. He seemed hesitant to leave, but with another reminder that he's there to help, he gets in the car and I watch them drive off.