9. Pseuds

I turned fifteen a few days ago.

That's the age I died in, I think. I'm not too sure anymore, it's been fifteen years, after all. The eventless, episodic days fused together over the years-- I'm not too sure if I ever had a childhood in this life.

Even if I remembered things from years ago, in everyone's perspective, I've been a teenager for more than ten years now.

(She never ages, never changes, and is always there. Just like a little house spirit, praying for blessings to come.)

In my reminiscing, I'd lost her childhood for the second time.

(It's a little sad to think about, but she'll get over it.)

(No use mourning for what's lost and losing her adolescence while she's at it.)

-

-

"Kawaru-chan, you're smart, right?"

I've always had a private room. It's basically my house, after all-- everything I own is in either one of the many closets in this room.

But when the hospital's packed, my father compromises a little and has me share a room with some people who have non-infectious diseases.

Like Rabbit Hero Mirko, who's currently nursing a fractured rib and a broken foot.

"I need to write this report, but this part always stumbles, me, y'know?" she chuckles. She has a hand on her uPad, the other hand with the stylus. "It's the part where I'm supposed to reflect on how this affected the civilians."

I rolled over, leaning in to look at the screen.

It's not the first time dad's put me in with a Pro Hero-- he might be an unsociable jerk, but I think it's a statement that he doesn't put untrustworthy strangers in my room.

"I don't have a secretary-- Agencies just aren't my thing-- so I have to deal with all this myself.."

I smiled. "Like All Might?"

Mirko grinned, "exactly like him," she said, then groaned, "but I think Might's got himself an outside associate to help deal with his paperwork. I don't have anyone like that."

"That's pretty amazing of you!" I told her. "So, what were you doing this time?"

And she began to tell me the amazing story of how she saved a family from a burning building, and shredded a foot trying not to die on the way down. She was so proud of it, she forgot to censor her language.

But that's fine, I'm okay with swearing and gore. It's hard to stop her anyways.

"From what I've heard, the civilians probably love you and how dynamic you are," I started, "seeing how desperate you were to save them, despite yourself, can be really uplifting. Especially seeing as you're one of the rare combat-based female heroes..."

I looked up, and Mirko was just staring. Her jaw dropped, hands on her stylus still in the air.

"...what?" I asked, slightly uncomfortable.

Mirko suddenly put her hands together in a prayer. She then begs, way too loudly for a hospital indoor-voice, "please write my reports for me!!"

"What?!"

-

-

"Mirko-san, you shouldn't be doing this!"

"But she's useful! And I love her!"

Mineta walked in on two heroes arguing about something that already sounds stupid. He doesn't really know what to feel, but someone gave Kawaru a uPad and she's enjoying herself typing something on it.

No, wait. Is that Ingenium? Is that Rabbit Hero Mirko?

"You can't make a civilian girl write your reports for you!"

"She doesn't mind!"

"That isn't the problem!"

Mineta was very, very eager to fanboy over Mirko, but she can kind of rip your head off quite literally when agitated so he'll save it for later. For now, he walked to Kawaru.

"Good morning, Waru," he said, and Kawaru turned to him, sparkling with an eagerness he really hadn't seen in about three years or something.

"Morning, Minoru!" she gestured for Minoru to climb up on the chair she'd set beside her. And Minoru did, so he leaned onto her armrest and looked into what was probably a long essay on... Mirko's latest endeavour and injury.

"Why are you writing that?" he asked, though he can sort of guess by now.

"Mirko-san asked," Kawaru shrugged, she glitters like a boy with the latest All Might figure, "it's kind of fun, imitating her writing style and all. I'm making survey analysis and compiling feedback reports for her too!"

There's silence, even between Ingenium and Mirko. They'd turned to the kids, and at some point, had begun listening in.

Then Ingenium blows again, "RUMI!!"

Mirko whines like she'd been burned, "but Tensei!!"

-

There's good news and bad news.

Bad news is, I got chewed out by Ingenium about the importance of reports in the hero business. And how they're supposed to be honest, even though it's just for record.

Good news is, I've been officially approved to write Mirko's reports for her from now on! I'm even getting paid for it!

"She's hiring me as her secretary, but because I'm not of age, I need a pseudonym!" I told Nurse Chiryou, "Doctor Isha said it was fine."

"Well, it's not like you're on site yourself. It'll keep you occupied, so it's good for your health," the nurse considered.

She positioned the needle near the vein, and I looked away as she drew the blood.

"It's not like you ever asked for anything else, after all," Nurse Chiryou patted me on the head. "Learn a lot from Mirko, okay?"

"Uhn!" I respond, delighted.

When the Nurse was done with the checkup, she left-- and Mineta emerged from the other curtain, moving to sit on the chair beside my bed.

"This is so not fair, you get to do all the cool stuff!" he whined.

I giggled at that.

"So what's your pseud going to be?" Mineta asked, "you want a cool one? It'd be like getting a hero name!"

I hummed. "Settling on just one is a little hard. Stuff that describes me-- like a wheelchair or something, will just be too obvious. And it's not cool at all... I'm supposed to be an unknown secretary, so..."

"There's still the famous Support Hero, Pumpkin Chair!" Mineta reminded me, "but Waru doesn't really stand out anywhere else... how about Zashiki Warashi?"

"But that wouldn't make sense as a secretary," I told him, "something that makes me seem like a writer-- like Ghost Pen, or..."

"That's too ominous," Mineta chuckled.

I pouted, puffing up my cheeks. Hefting myself over to the wheelchair, we wheeled out of the room, taking a walk in the long hospital hallways with Minoru behind me.

"Then what would you name yourself if you were a hero?" I challenged him, "don't forget, you're going to join UA Academy! You promised me!"

Mineta blushed at that, "I have another two years to think about that decision! I still don't think literal heroics suit my quirk..."

"Yada yada, yeah I know," I blah-ed, "what would you call yourself?"

"Eh-- Huh? Even if you ask me that, I don't know..." Mineta stumbled, "but a Hero name has to be flashy, right? And it has to really express me easily..."

"Something purple?" I ask, "Bubblegum!"

"No!" Mineta blushed, reaching for his hair as if he could hide it.

It was summer, so I'd switched from my usual long-sleeved one-piece to a sundress. It's a pale yellow, short sleeved-- and Mineta always whines about the length of the skirt. What is he, my obnoxious boyfriend?

With how hot the weather was, I might want to keep my hair short... or tie it up.

Reaching the vending machine, we slotted in some coins. Mineta pressed the button for my coffee, so I reached down, and--

"Ah!" I exclaimed.

Mineta jumped, "wha-- what? Did something happen?!" he panicked, "why'd you suddenly scream...?"

"Oh, no, no, I just... pressed the wrong one," I told him, flushing slightly, hoping to assure him that I wasn't hurt, just startled and clumsy.

Then Mineta picked out the two cans, and stared at the carbonated grape juice like it's offending him.

I laughed. "I'll drink it!" I tried, "don't be mad at me, Minoru! Pleeease?"

Huffing, Mineta sat down angrily on the cair and drank it begrudgingly. "It's fine, I need something carbonated every once in a while. But this kinda tastes like medicine."

I blinked. "Really? Lemme try."

"No, you're a girl."

"Then should I change into a boy?"

"No, you're wearing a skirt!"

"Minoru, what era do you think this is?"

"The era where I'm not letting anyone peek up your godforsaken miniskirt!"

"Has that been your only concern this entire hour?!"

There's a long moment of just hot glaring-- then we burst into laughter. This is so stupid, seriously, why do we only ever quarrel over dumb things.

Later we shared our drinks. The conflicting tastes were honestly kind of weird, but it didn't stop us from trying more of it.

Latte in my hands and Grape Juice in his, we're a motley pair of best friends.

And I wouldn't exchange this for anything else.