Listen to To Be Young by Anne Marie x Doja Cat

3 weeks later

Meera Bagwat

What are you thinking?

  I wished I could dive into his head and see what kind of thoughts swam around in that thick head, but no! Life would have been easier if I had that option.

Ranjit sat across from me, only a round linen-draped dinner table seperating us.  The candle in the middle glowed softly, smoothing any signs of aging on his face.

I chewed my nail, worrying if I had chosen the wrong spot to ask for a divorce.  

Smoothing the creases on my top, I cleared my throat.  "I...ugh...want to tell you something..."

His dark eyes bore into mine, dropping no clue of his thoughts.  

Was he expecting me to bring 'divorce' up after we both confessed our secrets?  Or was he thinking on the lines where I stand living with him, just like I've lived so far?  

An unnatural clench spread on his throat.  He nodded.  

My heart was picking up speed and I felt the sound waves of my gulp.  "Ugh..."

Ring, Ring!

I grasped my phone, willing it to stop ringing on it's own, but it just wouldn't...

"Answer it, Meera.  I can wait."

I shot up from my seat and hurried as far away from him, looking at the caller ID.

Stella.

My heart skipped a beat.  Why was she calling me now, out of the blue?  We'd steered clear of each other's path since the time she almost got me killed.  

I thought she was going to resent me for letting go of her after all this time, but that wasn't how she behaved when I occasionally stumbled on her in the past couple of weeks.  A genuine smile, a small wave of a hand or a 'hey.'  Although, I was glad she didn't hate me, somewhere in the back of my mind, I wished she'd do more than just smile at me.  

I pressed the phone to my ear.  

The sound of my own breath echoed back to me in the silence.  

She finally spoke.  "Meera." 

Fuck!

"Meera?"

"Yes!" I breathed.  "Yes, hi.  Why did you call?"

There was a short pause.  "Umm...Remember that swimming competition we enrolled for?  It's tomorrow."

"Oh."

Another tense pause.   "Will you come?"  The pleading in her voice made a crack in my heart.

I closed my eyes, leaning my head on a wall.  Should I go?  I wanted to...I wanted to see her...

"It feels so good to hear your voice again," she sighed when I didn't reply.  

The truth was, I missed her.  So much.  The only thing I'd decided so far was to separate with Ranjit.  I hadn't asked Nikhil what he felt about it.  I didn't ask anybody in my family.  

But Stella?  I wasn't sure yet.  I didn't want to think about it, even though I frequently fell into a black hole of happy memories.  I groaned unintendedly into the phone.  

"What?" she asked.  

Before I could reply, Nikhil's voice interrupted me out of nowhere.  "Mom!"

I jumped.  My son stood in front of me, hand in hand with a girl I didn't recognize.  

"Stella, I'll be there tomorrow," I said, cutting the line before she could reply.  "Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked Nikhil, eyeing the girl that towered over me.  

"I was on a date," he chirped.  "With Roya.  Roya, this is my mom," he told her.  

Oh, so this was the girl he kept talking about without a break?  I shook hands with her, smiling.  "Nice to meet you.  Nikhil has told so much about you."  

She laughed, wrapping a hand around his arm.  "I've heard a lot about you too."  

After a small conversation, they were ready to go.  

"Nikhil, can I talk to you for a quick second?"  Roya's turned queasy at my words.  "No, no.  It's not about you, sweetheart.  It's just...about me."

She nodded, turning to my son and pecking his cheek.  "Alright.  I'll see you tomorrow.  Goodbye, Mrs Bagwat."

The moment he left, I pulled him to a corner.  "She's really sweet," I said before continuing.  "See, I've been meaning to ask you something for quite some time.  And I'm here with...Ranjit."  

His eyes tightened at the panic in my voice.  

"Umm..."  I took his hands in mine.  "I really don't want this to affect you, but...God!  Please don't hate me."

He shook his head in confusion.  "What do you mean?"

I panted for breath, asking courage.  "You know what your father and I are like, right?  We live in the same house, but...there's really nothing keeping us together.  I don't feel anything for him, and...and neither does he."

The boy pursed his lips.  Something seemed to dawn on him.  "Are you...are you...?" he fought with the words.  "Umm, are you going to...?" 

"Divorce him," I finished.  

"No," he mewled in his smallest voice, face crumpling in shock and pain.  "No, mom.  I...I need to go," he said, turning around and running away.  His jacket flew behind his back.  

I ran after him, stopping only when we were outside.  The frozen air slapped my face.  

"Please," I begged, grabbing his shoulder.  He pulled the spectacles off his face, shutting his eyes.  "I need this!  I...I've gone through so much for years.  I really can't do this anymore..."

I watched his eyes well up with tears as he pulled me into a hug.  "Gosh!  I know, mom.  I really know what you've...been through.  But...but things were only starting to get better...with dad, and you...but now...all of a sudden..."

A lone car buzzed past us, fluttering our hair.  

I bit my tongue, clawing down my tears.  "I really can't be with him anymore.  I like...someone...yeah...Please.  I'll make sure nothing changes between Ranjit and you.  Just let me..."

"What am I going to do now?" he whimpered.

We cried into each other till what felt like an eternity, till we couldn't take the bitter weather anymore.  The nape of his neck felt cold under my fingers as he shook with tears.  Slowly, his breath evened.

Pulling away from he, his teary red face examined mine with hurt.  

"Don't cry.  Please don't."

He grabbed my hand and tugged.  "Let's go inside.  Let's tell dad.  Gosh!" he groaned, clenching his teeth.  "This is so...fucking...hard.  And you like someone else?"

I wiped his cheek, tears gushing from my eyes simultaneously.  

"I know you deserve better.  Come...I'll be by you when you tell him."

Diane Jewel

I leaned against the wall by the men's room for Simon.  

I can't do this anymore.  I can't look like I'm unaffected by his open glares.  They penetrated right through me and ate away at my brain cells.  

On the first day after he broke up with me, he sent a friend of his to ask me why I had plasters on my knees.  But then, nothing.  No talk, no sympathy, just anger.

Fumbling with the zip of his jeans, he trotted out of the men's room.  When he saw me, his eyes narrowed again.  

Grappling with my confidence, I called him.  "Simon."

With no reply, he fumed past me.  

I bit my tongue in anger.  That's it!  He's not feeling superior to me anymore.  Not another second.

"Look!" I snapped, crossing my arms around my chest.  He stopped on his tracks, but didn't turn around.  "I'm over you.  You can now stop putting up that stupid hulk face all the time."

The muscles on his back tensed ever so slightly.

"If you can't hear me out, that's all.  I don't want you."

I thought he might turn around now, but wasting no second, he resumed walking away.

My shoulder slumped when he disappeared into the cafeteria without a single glance behind.  "Fucking bastard!" I mumbled under my breath, loathing the uninvited sinking in my chest.

"D!" a familiar voice called.  

I sighed, not even bothering to look around.  "What do you want, Lena?"

"Hey.  Listen..," she drawled, sounding sincere.  "I didn't mean to reveal you to him.  I thought he already knew...because he was your boyfriend."

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see Lena and her stupid, shiny hair.  

"I didn't tell anyone else." 

"Well, I don't care about everybody else," I deadpanned.

There was a long pause before she picked on me again.  "So...you quit that job, right?"

Oh God!  Here we go again.  "Yes.  But you can slut shame me if you want to continue doing that.  Can you leave me alone, please?  I don't wanna talk."

Just then, Jason Ziegler ran out of a classroom, his sports jacket flying everywhere around him.  "Hey, Lena," he called, excitement lacing his tone.  "Come here.  I found something crazy.  You need to see it."

Her questioning gaze fell on me.  

"Just go, Lena.  Your boyfriend needs you more."

_

I rested my head on the cold wood of a desk, biting my teeth.  Why is this so hard?  I love one guy but somehow I'd made sure he hates me.  I didn't even know what he was mad for.  Is it because I'm a stripper?  Is it because I lied?  Is it because I kissed someone else?  Is it everything?

It's already been three weeks and I couldn't help wondering if we'd never get back together.  

A curly head peeped into the empty class, eyes searching.  "Hey," he said when he spotted me.  "You're here.  Finally."  It was Simon's friend.

Wiping my red face, I nodded indecisively.  "Yeah, I'm here."

"Dude, something crazy happened to Simon in the cafeteria.  He might need you by-"

I had already shot up from my seat, dashing towards the cafeteria.  The boy followed.  I froze to my spot when a small circle had formed around Simon and Jason.  Simon's hands were fisting with fury while the latter held an object in his hand, an object I made with so much love and affection for someone so special.  

 "Whoa," Jason roared when his eyes fell on me.  "Jewel is here."  I was pushed inside the circle of humans without my consent.  "You made this, didn't ya?" he laughed, flashing the cylindrical wooden dick at me.  

Lena sat beside him, her legs crossed over each other.  She was clearly enjoying what her boyfriend was doing.  

"Wait, lemma read it out for you," he said, squinting at the piece.  "Gosh!  These words are so small.  Well, his dick is little.  With a flat head," he laughed, stroking the flat wood.  "This is the largest font size she could have used?"

Even when most others stayed silent, a chortle of laughter followed his words.  

He read out with amusement, "Simon's dick is my most favourite.  I love Simon's dick. I want to have sex with Simon no matter what.  Wow!  Wow!  This is crazy..."

Lena jeered at that, even though she looked quite uncomfortable to put someone in a place like this.  

Simon's jaw clenched.  "Jason..," he growled.  The blond seemed unfazed by it.

"Are these your lipstick marks, Diane?  They look super unattractive."

"There's more, guys.  Listen!  He is fun. He is very beautiful. He makes me happy.  Aww, Diane?  Did he even give you an orgasm?"

I took a step forward, speaking as calmly as I could.  "You can't ask me that.  Give it to me."  

"Nuh-uh!" he said, holding it up in the air.  "Get it if you want."

Simon lunged forward, anger bubbling in his face, but two of his friends pulled him back.  The curly haired guy who came to call me pushed front and shouted as Jason.  "Dude, you need to stop.  Give that thing to me and it'll be over."

"Or else what?" Jason sneered back, controlling the sound of the crowd.  "You'll hit me or what?"  

"No!" I screamed.  My voice echoed through the room, seeking attention from those who weren't crowding around me.  "Nobody is hitting anyone."  I averted my glare towards Lena, who immediately got uncomfortable under my gaze.  "Why, Lena?  Can't you tell your boyfriend to shut it?"

 She uncrossed her legs, sitting up straight when everyone's eyes fell on her.  

"You know he's wrong," he said, marching to her.  Grabbing her arm, I yanked her up.  She yelped, her hair falling on her face.   I shook her.  "Why don't you tell everybody, Lena?  That I'm a stripper, and that you think I'm a slut.  That you love giant dicks and how can't get enough of Jason bossing you around.  You love it, don't you?  Why don't you tell everybody?"

"Hey!" Jason pulled Lena from me.  "Don't you touch my girlfriend."

I spat.  "Girlfriend or slave?  Now tell me, Jason.  Are you abusive in bed?  Do you make her do what you want?  Huh?"

"I don't have to answer you," he said, his temper rising.  "Who are you to question me?"

I chuckled.  "You just asked me if Simon brings me to an orgasm.  Why are you scared when I put my nose if your bedroom?"

He simply glared at me.  When my gaze was as strong as his, he averted his glare to everyone else around him.  "What are you all looking at?  Go to class or something."

"Nobody is going to class," I shouted an order, loud enough to stop anybody on their tracks.  "Lena, look at me," I said, softening a bit.  "This isn't some dumb joke.  Do you have any idea how long it took for Simon to open up about this to me?  You know how I don't believe in "beauty", right?  But I do now, Lena.  Simon is beautiful to me."

She looked up at me with struggling eyes, breathing faster. 

"I know you don't want to be here, listening to this stupid jock talk like he's fucking smart.  Why don't you tell him that I still love Simon's dick?  Why don't you ask him to respect people?"

She gulped, stumbling away from both of us.  

"Tell him, Lena.  For me.  Please," I begged.  "If you still have some respect for me, tell your boyfriend to fuck off."

She was breathing faster, her eyes wavering from one eye to another that scrutinized her.  

Jason said a threat, eyes dominantly moving over her.  "Lena, tell this girl to fuck off."

"Jason..," she mumbled, unable to say anything else.  

"Fine, I'm leaving," I said, turning around.  

"No!  D, Stop!  You...you're ri-right.  He can't do this to...to Simon."

Jason gasped, eyes popping out of his sockets.  "What did you just say?"

"She said you're wrong.  Can't you hear?"  

I didn't know why, but Lena finally admitting to my side put some courage in my heart.  

"And you!" I said, turning around to Simon.  He still hung his head down, ashamed and fuming.  It hurt to see him like this.  We've worked so hard towards making him feel comfortable with his own body, but today seemed to have crushed everything.  I walked to him, slowing wrapping my arms around his body.  He immediately stiffened at my touch.  My voice broke when I said, "Why are you doing this to me, Simon?  Please let me say what I want to say."  He stiffened further, no way softening for me.  "You won't know a person unless you wear their skin and walk around in it.  Remember?  Harper Lee?  To Kill a Mockingbird?" 

I craned my neck, but he only looked ahead with toughening eyes.  

"I love you." 

I was saying these words out loud for the first time, but they sounded so natural, so full of emotion like I'd said it in my head a million times.  

He didn't react to that either.

Tears falling from my face, I ran away from Jason and his taunting glares, from Lena and her splintered state, and especially from Simon and his beautiful, hazel eyes washed off love. 

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Question:  Which of the characters in this story do you most relate to?  If you have something to share, comment here.

2 more chapters to go!!!  I'm so scared.  Meera is going to divorce Ranjit.  And she's gonna see Stella in the swimming meet.  Are Diane and Simon even going to get back together?  What do you think?  Send me emojis to express how you felt while reading this chapter.