Listen to Love Me Like You by Little Mix

Meera Bagwat

The room smelled of lavenders and fresh dessert. Kanaka's daughter, Lily, passed me a plate of snacks.

Nikhil shyly pushed his present into Lily's hands. "Happy birthday! Can't believe you're seventeen."

She smiled through her braces. "Thanks, Nikku."

An awkward silence consumed the space. The two had never gotten along, partly because I hated bringing my "adopted" son to anywhere near my mother, and partly because whenever I met Kanaka, my mother would be present.

When we first brought Nikhil home, Kanaka was as disturbed as I calculated. But when she met him for the first time, and the second time, then the third time, she couldn't help being drawn to the innocent little boy.

It was my mom that scared me.

"Lily, I have something too," I cooed, pulling out a transparent package from my bag. "An Ari-"

"Oh. My. God!" she gasped, cutting me off. "Ariana Grande merch." With saucer eyes, she stared at the pink sweater. Lily stressed each word when she said, "You have no idea what this means to me. Thank you so much, Auntie."

Hearing the noises, Kanaka marched out of the kitchen with a cooking pan in her hand. "What are you all excited about?" she said, smiling. But when her eyes fell on the sweater in Lily's hand, the smile fell to a thick scowl. Her accusing eyes turned to me like I had betrayed her.

I laughed. "It's okay, Kanaka. It's her birthday."

"No, Meera..," she whined. "I don't know what she sees in this Ariana girl. Doesn't that girl want to buy everything she sees? And get seven rings?"

Nikhil giggled, while Lily retorted at her mother. "You don't say that, Mom."

Kanaka scratched her nose with a disheartened look, but then she smiled anyway. "You're spoiling my child. Anyway, why is Ranjit not here, yet? Isn't he coming?"

I crossed my arms around myself with unease. "He...ugh! He is kind of upset since last night." Because I shouted at him, I added in my head. "I think he could use some time alone..."

Kanaka scrunched her nose. "Okay...Let's have dinner then."

"Oka-"

I stopped dead when the kitchen door creaked. My mother stood at the doorway.

Nikhil visibly stiffened beside me. At this moment, the small and round woman who gave birth to me was the most scariest person I could think of.

Her beady eyes ran over Nikhil like he was an outcast. With one conceited glance my way, she huddled towards the dining room. The clicking of her walking stick echoed in my head.

I hissed at Kanaka. "Why didn't you tell me Amma's going to be here?"

"Does it matter?" she asked dubiously.

I couldn't believe her words. "Of course, it does. You know how she treats my son!"

Before Kanaka could reply, Nikhil put an arm up. "It's okay, everyone. It's just dinner with her. We can head home right after dinner, what do you say?"

Glowering at Kanaka, I stood up and stomped into the dining room. The others followed. The chairs noisily scratched the floor. Then silence.

Nikhil adjusted his spectacles, uncomfortable under his grandmother's gaze. The wrinkles on her forehead shone more pronounced under the dull light. Her body was stiff as a board, making me shiver.

Then her gaze turned my way, drowning me in it's intensity.

Why does she do this? She almost doesn't hate me this bad when I take care of her when she's sick and in the wheelchair.

She suddenly burst the silence, making me jump. "I'll serve."

Kanaka protested, but the old woman has already gotten off her seat. She slowly moved to fill Lily's plate with rice, then Kanaka's and then mine. I listened to the tinkling of cutlery, staring straight at the wall in front of me. Beads of sweat trickled down my back.

This will be over in minutes.

Calming my breath, I looked down at Nikhil's plate. My temper immediately flared.

"What is this?" I barked. While the other plates were heaped with rice and daal, Nikhil's plate looked like beggar's plate. One ice-cream scoop amount of rice and one spoon of daal. "Are you serious?" I yelled. "Are you trying to provoke me?"

She just smirked, shoving a spoonful into her mouth.

My fist curled. The audacity.

But a hand squeezed mine under the table. "Calm down," Nikhil whispered. "Let's just have dinner and leave."

I slid my plate towards him and took his. "Eat!" Without waiting for his reply, I wildly shoved lack of food inside my mouth, glaring murderously at the woman in front of me.

She seemed unfazed by it.

When the heat of my gaze faltered her poise, she said, "What are you so mad about?" Her menacing, low-pitched voice sounded alien to me. "He's not even your son."

He's not even your son.

Like nails on a chalkboard, her words screeched in my ear.

That's it! I couldn't take her ugly smirk and poison tongue anymore. My eyes were firing daggers at her as I shot up from my seat and slammed my fist into the ceramic. The plate cracked.

I heard gasps from all directions.

I have loathed myself for her. I have tried and tried to impress her, to get her to love me again. I would suffer it all over again if she pleased, but this...

I took care of her when she couldn't pee by herself. I helped her learn to walk again. At this point, love wasn't what I expected from her. But couldn't she at least be grateful?

Lily's spoon cluttered to the floor, the noise distracting us.

"Meera, what are you doing?" Kanaka cried, grabbing the opportunity.

"Shut up, Kanaka. Just shut up! Don't you think this is too much?" I asked, swallowing my tears. "She can hate me how much ever she wants...but my son? What did he do to deserve this crap? This has to stop!"

Amma's dumbfounded face slowly recovered to her dignified poise.

"You know what?" I sneered, holding on to the superiority. "The day father died is still the happiest day in my entire life. I wished you wouldn't make me feel the same when you die, but looks like..." I stopped, leaving my words hanging in the air. I watched it's product grow on each of their faces.

I slapped a hand to my face in torture. Tears welled up at my eyes.

"Why..? Why is that you always force me to do something I don't want to?" My voice was breaking and my heart didn't feel in the right place. "Why do you love hating me this much? Does it really make you happy to see me cry, Amma?"

When I turned to her, the pale graying face had relaxed. "Meera," she started confidently. "You don't know what you're talking about. You are my daughter, but he," she jerked a thumb at Nikhil, "isn't your son. He will never be my grandson."

Each word that floated from her mouth pierced my heart like fatal arrows. The lack on interest in my suffering made my heart crack open.

I slowly wiped at my teary face, nodding several times. "Okay," I said, gulping down oxygen. "Okay, okay, okay."

I yanked at Nikhil's hand and pulled. He let lead him outside.

When we were at the edge of the dining room, I turned.

"He's not my son, you say?" I said to my mother's foul face. "You're wrong. He is my son. You, on the other hand, are not my mother anymore."

_

"Mom. Wait! Just stop!"

I pulled the break. The car screeched to halt.

"I need a drink," I screamed, slamming the horn a hundred times with my fist.

"No!" he pleaded. "Tell me why you did that?"

I turned to him and grimaced at the agony etched on his face.

"Grandma has been mean to me in the past. You could have just kept quiet."

I groaned, punching the horn again. My lament echoed through the metal of the car. "It's just...It's just that I've been thinking a lot...and she just overstepped her limit."

We stayed there for a while, the engine buzzing in the background along with occasional barks of a dog.

I sighed. "I've never told you this before, but when I didn't want to give birth, I felt...traumatised. Your dad...we had sex one day and he deliberately chose not to wear a condom. I...I ran into a wall the next day. Ever since that day, I have felt this pressure to give a fullstop to my pain, or if I couldn't I wanted to end myself. It would have been nice to have my family's support.

"But then you came into my life. Things got worse, but it felt so good to have you." Fresh tears spilled from my face. I was embarrassed. "I want to have dinner with my sister. I want to make Lily smile every birthday. But look where I am? Feeling hungry and cold. I hate this. I hate crying in front of you. I just...hate this situation I am in."

"Mom..," he grunted, wrapping his arms around me. "I'm so sorry. I know you weren't the best mom, but...you try. You always try," he consoled my breaking heart. "You're trying to stop drinking for me, aren't you?"

Suddenly, I didn't feel cold anymore. I forgot my hunger.

I took a long breath. "Yes, I do. Let's go home."

_

When I opened the door, a beer bottle noisily rolled to my feet. Following the sight, I found a dozen more bottles on the floor, surrounding a bawling Ranjit.

"Meera!" he yelled at my shocked posture. I felt giddy. He never drank.

"What are you doing?" I cried, reaching for him. Pushing away a few brown bottle, I sunk next to him on the floor. He reeked of alcohol and looked panicked like he'd seen a ghost. "Nikhil, go upstairs. Now!"

"Come here," Ranjit moaned, blinking back tears. He put his arms around and squeezed me in a hug. "Where have you been?"

I ignored his question. "What happened?"

He smoothed my hair and placed a kiss on my head.

The more time he took, the more I got jittery. "Just tell me, Ranjit. Fast."

"I...I...I," he stared, gulping his saliva. "I just don't know what to do. I am...feeling lonelier day by day, and you're hostile to me too. Business is failing and I'm trying really hard with our son, but...nothing feels right."

My heart lurched at the pain in his words. "Ranjit..."

"Meera," he said, shaking his head as if he'd remembered something. "Meera, Meera..."

"What?"

"Don't hate me," he said, closing his eyes with anguish.

"For what?"

He spoke so fast when he said, "I slept with someone else."

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Question: If you were an animal, what would you be?

Well, I personally think Lions are too fierce. I don't want to be aggressive. So no! And I don't wanna be a peacock either cuz then I will become a symbol of external beauty.

I THINK I WANNA BE A COW! Yes, perfect!