Listen to I Like Me Better by Lauv

Meera Bagwat

I kneeled down and gently squeezed his wrist to check his pulse. I had successfully disarmed a man who was twice my size to protect Stella, but I just didn't want him to be dead.

Killing a person was not on my bucket list.

But if you consider all the things that have happened in the past weeks, most of them weren't. For example, kissing Stella.

His back faced the ceiling, so we couldn't say how mashed his face was. But I definitely saw the blood oozing off his fresh cuts.

"I can't feel a pulse," I concluded and looked up at a grave-looking Stella. "He's dead."

The sudden shock waves sent a quiver down my spine and we immediately staggered out of the room. As we hurriedly trudged out of the unfamiliar, old construction building, her face got whiter and whiter. I was worried she was going to faint.

I so badly wanted to know what was happening. My head was about to burst with all sorts of questions.

Who were these people?

What did Stella do to earn their anger?

Were they going to kill her?

But I clearly saw that she was not in the right head-space for my questions at the moment.

Most of this place was dust and debris. But underneath broken bricks and cement sacks, I saw weapons everywhere. The scent of sweaty men and powder dust reached my nostrils and I coughed. Everything about this place was ominous and creepy.

Why do they always choose construction sites for shady businesses?

We stopped dead in front of a dirty yellow wall. Most of its old paint had withered and fallen. But what made it remarkable was a large splatter of crimson red something.

Blood.

And possible brain matter.

Stella gagged, clutching her stomach with one hand, while the other rested on a dangerously slanted pillar.

"Are you okay?" I asked, inching towards her.

She barfed again, swivelling from her footing. "Do I look okay to you?" she accused.

"Sorry," I muttered.

Then with an urgent motion of her body, she emptied her gut on the floor with a huge splatter.

I held her hair as she retched, patiently waiting for her to finish.

"Aahh!" she grunted when she was done, resting her hands on her knee to catch her breath. I put a hand on her shoulder and soothed.

When she was stable again, she wiped her mouth on her sleeve to look up at me. "I'm sorry you had to see this." Her face was red and sweaty from all the puking. Her defenceless eyes searched my face needily, waiting for a reaction to her embarrassment.

My heart throbbed at the sight.

She cares about what I think about her.

Why would that even bother me? I was, in fact, glad that I was here next for her.

"It's okay. Let's go before the other guy see us."

_

We stood in front of the wrecked mess of her car in the middle of nowhere.

"What the fuck?" Stella yelled when the car came into her visible range. She ran towards it in astonishment. "Noooooo."

The echo of her tormented shriek resounded in the old construction site.

When I saw her being kidnapped, I panicked. I had no idea where to look, what to say or what to do. All I could think was run barefoot on the street after the kidnappers, shouting at them to give her back. But since that would literally do nothing, I hopped on Stella's abandoned car and chased behind the Jaguar that took her. The man who drove the Jaguar left after the other two carried Stella inside. My feet were still bare and I didn't even realize I was wearing my bathrobe until Stella mentioned it to me.

But, unfortunately, I hadn't driven a car in a really long time and...

And I might have crashed it on a tree or two on my crazy chase to destroy the bad guys.

The car looked like it would need crutches. No, it needs a funeral.

Now that Stella had seen it, I wanted to hide, curl up and die.

But since that wasn't an option, I tried my best to explain it to her. "I'm sorry...I freaked out when they took you. I didn't realize I was such a rash driver." I squirmed at my own words. "I mean...it still works fine."

Oh God! Someone please slap me.

She did not turn back till she was an arm's distance from it. Her eyes stared at them with spilling, concentrated emotion. She looked at it as if I just informed her that her grandpa was dead.

"I'm really sorry. I'll pay for fixing it...if that's even possible." I murmured in humiliation. "Did someone give this car to you as a present?"

She heaved a listless sigh. "No. I bought it with my own money. My Honda is the first thing I gifted myself."

_

It had started drizzling when we finally reached our street. My hair was wet and my bathrobe clung to me stickily by the time we were at my porch steps, saying our goodbyes.

"Meera," she called.

I looked into her dark, dainty eyes.

"I'm glad you were there for me today."

I smiled. "I'm glad I was there too."

We just spent a moment of raw, naked appreciation.

I had been ignoring my feelings for Stella for this long. I was scared, even intimidated by her beauty. Every time I thought about her, a pestering part at the back of my head always wondered if she'd regret choosing me.

I was scared I'll be hurt again. I had been crawling in my own skin because I was scared that I'll have more scars dug on the ones that haven't healed yet. I couldn't let her in because I was scared of broken hearts.

And I've been broken before.

But today, I wanted to take a chance. I wanted to risk it even if she'll hurt me. Even if I'll be scarred for my entire fucking life, she was fucking worth it.

"Stella," I whispered, tucking a strand of wet hair behind her ear. "I like me better when I'm with you."

I watched her eyes widen for me.

With that, I put an arm around her waist and pulled her towards me, closing the aching distance between us. And it disappears like cotton buds when our lips met in mid-air. I have been barring my heart from thinking about this ever since I saw her at the pool, but today, I broke myself lose to fly to her. To spread my wings again.

I felt the salty tears from her eyes streaming down her lips as she kissed me back. I had blocked her from reaching out to me for a horribly long time. I had tormented her with ignorance and plain rejection when all she deserved was love. I loathed myself for that.

I licked them with extreme self-hatred and cupped her face in my palms. I lost myself in the tickling rain and her electric presence. Her teeth bit into my lips, longing for more.

I felt everything at the moment. Desire, fulfilment, hatred, love...

But what I did not feel was a pale face covered in party glitter, staring at us from the neighbouring door in utter, unadulterated shock.

Diane Jewel.

Please vote and make me smile.

I don't have a bf/gf at the moment, but I felt incredibly loved when I wrote this.

Question: Would you rather marry a guinea pig or a blue whale?