TW:  Weapon / Smut / Language

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I hate the bastard tears that've escaped. I feel too raw and vulnerable. I can't help but I love the warmth of his skin. How long has it been since someone's touched me with kindness and looked at me with desire? I need this. I need to be held, if only for a little while. His thumb brushes my bottom lip and I instantly part them for him. He can hold me for a moment. I can pretend it's more. I can pretend he really wants me. I can pretend I need him.

Fuck, he's so damn perfect. He's leaning into me like he really wants me. Like he needs me. He radiates sweet innocence, but there's something more about him, something I can't quite put my fingers on. A sting of loneliness pulses through me. I was playing with the thought of having him on his knees in exchange for payment. But I want more. I want him to fucking love what I do to him. I'll make him want me when it's over. A coldness sweeps through me. Men always act like they want me after, but it's the money they want, not me. A sad smirk plays at my lips as he licks my thumb and massages the underside with his hot tongue. Fuck, I'll take it. If he only wants me for money, I'll take it. I feel a burning need to keep him.

My brows creases with anger at my thoughts. My fucking heart is turning me into al little bitch. "Strip. Now." My words come out hard, making him take a hesitant step back as I pull my thumb from his lips. I instantly regret being the fucking asshole I am. But I can't take it back. I turn my back to him, to lock the door. I slip the gun out from under my belt and easily hide it from his sight to set it down on the table by the door. God knows what he'd think if he got a look at it.

My body flinches as the hard sound of the door locking echoes through the room. He moves with power and confidence, his gaze like one of a predator. I swallow my pride and slip off my cardigan. I don't need pride and self-respect right now; I need a man to desire me. The thought and his hungry eyes on me have me peeling off my pants without hesitation. I don't care if this a payment or if he's just using the interest as an excuse to fuck me; I want this. Or at least I want him.

As I reach to open the button from my shirt, he reaches for me from behind, wrapping his strong arms around my body and molding his hard chest to mine. His lips crush on my neck. He moves from my neck to my lips and I part them for his hot tongue to taste me. He kisses me with passion and need. His hard dick pushes into my ass. The feeling makes my member hard and twitched. Yes. The tears stop, but my chest is still in agony. Make it go away, please. Take my pain.

He fucking needs me, I can feel it. And God damn I need him too. I don't even hesitate to unleash my rigid cock from my pants. I ripped his shorts down, easily shredding them and tossing them to the floor. I squeeze his lush ass in my hands, pulling his body to mine. I slam him against the wall, keeping my lips to him the entire time. I need to be inside him now. I line my dick up with his hot entrance rubbing my head between his ass. I hold my fingers in front of his lips. He takes them in his mouth and sucks on them as if there would be no tomorrow. With lust-veiled eyes he looks at me. He moves his head up and down as if he would suck my cock. My length jerks up and I suppress a moan. I release my fingers from his mouth and kiss him. My fingers move to his ass and rub over his hot entrance. His hole twitches with desire. With my first finger I penetrate him. He claws at my shoulders and puts his head in neck. Very slowly I move my finger and bend it a little. He moans and presses his ass against my finger. I added my second finger and suck myself to his neck. I pause briefly so that he can get used to my fingers. Slowly he moves his ass. I kiss him from neck up to his ear and nibble on it. With my fingers I fuck him very quickly and push after a short time with three in him. He moans silently and rubs his member against my thigh. A little drool runs out of his mouth and there is a sharp cry. I massage his prostate a little and kiss him again. Slowly my fingers slide out of his hole. I turn him around and position my member in front of his hot twitching entrance. He leans against the wall and rubs against me. Without thinking further, I ram myself into him. With my right hand I hold his wrists above his head and with the left I reach into his waist. His cheek is pressed against the wall and I can see tears forming with pleasure.

The way he rams into me without warning takes my breath away. Overwhelmed with the pleasure I haven't feel for so long. His cock rubs against my hot walls. I move countering and don't cope with the feeling of being filled. His left hand moves from my waist to my nipple. He exerts a little pressure and then pinches, which makes me cry out. The tears that have formed run down my cheeks. Mercilessly he fucks me from behind and plays with my nipples. He slides out of me and turns me around. His gaze wanders over my body. He licks his lips and kisses me. My legs wrap tightly around him as he rams into me with a primitive need. My body knows I need his touch, but my heart needs his lips and it clenches as he gives them to me. He frantically kisses me as he pounds into me with desperation. The position he has me ensures he pushes against my throbbing prostate with each thrust. I feel my body building toward my release, every nerve ending on high alert. His lips trail down my neck to my shoulder and collarbone, leaving small bites and open-mouth kisses in his wake. He licks the dip in my throat before trailing his hot tongue back up my neck. I moan my pleasure into the cold air above us. My heart sills and my body trembles as a numbness and heat attack my body at once. " Oh god~ yes!" I scream out as my ass pulses around his thick cock. My body convulses against his as pleasure races through my heavy limbs. I feel waves of hot cum soak my aching ass. My eyes widen as the aftershocks settle. What the fuck did I just do? I need to get out of here.

He's pushing against me like he can't wait to leave and that makes my damn heart drop in my chest. Fine. It's fine. It's not like this was anything more than a payment. I say that over while I turn my back on him to grab my pants. I walk across the suite to grab a tissue from the desk for him to clean up with, but when I face him, he's already dressed. My blood runs cold with his dismissal of me and what we just shared. It wasn't just some random fuck. There was something there. I've never felt like that before. I never felt THAT before. Whatever it is, I fucking want it. And I'm a man who gets what he wants. My conviction settles as I stride back to him. I'll have him again. I'll make sure it happens.

What the fuck I've done? I need to go. I have to go to my son. I want nothing more than for this man to hold me, but I know that's not going to happen. I'm so fucking stupid. I don't even know his name. These feelings in my fucked up chest aren't the same for him. This was just a payment. The thought makes my heart stop and my chest pain, but I brush it aside, I need to. I refuse to be any weaker in front of him. I need to be strong for just a moment longer. I try to fix my hair as best I can without a mirror. I straighten my back and grab my purse as he walks back over to me.

Men like it when I'm an asshole. Don't know why and I don't care, but it always has them coming back to me. I definitely want to see this man again; I fucking need to be inside him as often as I can. So after I walk his sweet ass to the door, I give him a cocky smirk and kiss his cheek.

He leans in and whispers against my ear, letting his hot breath tickle my neck, "Thanks for the payment, little tiger." With that he turns his back and shuts the door without giving me a second glance. That's the moment the lust-filled hope dies and my heart cracks and crumbles in my hollow chest.

I count the money and start pacing. I need his info from Taehyun. I need to know who this man is. Whoever he is, he's going to end up being mine. Not five minutes after he's gone, Taehyun comes back. "The first drop just left. He came with everything but the interest." I pocket his panties so he won't see them. "Twelve grand, right?" "We didn't charge his interest; he didn't know about his husband's debt until yesterday." "Since when is that how we do business?" I don't even try to keep my voice down. Blood starts pounding in my ears. "Why the fuck is he paying his husband's debt, anyway? He doesn't have the balls to come here himself? He sends his man?!" The words jump from my lips before I have a moment to think.

I'm usually more controlled, more thoughtful. If this job has taught me anything, it's that silence is deadly and being a hothead will get you killed. But I'm shaking with rage. Anger seeps out of my pores. Anger that he's married to a fucking coward and a bastard. But more than that, I'm fucking pissed that he's taken.

Taehyun shakes his head in confusion and slows his movements as he takes in my tempers. "No, it's not like that. He died last week, heart attack or something."

The moment Huening Kai sees me, the last bit of my hardened exterior cracks. I feel my lips tremble and bite downs to prevent the tears. "What did you do, Jisung?" Huening Kai's pleading eyes makes me feel even shittier. He knows; he can tell. I'm sure I look like I just got fucked. My neck is pulsing from where he was biting me.

His eyes want to tell him he's wrong and they're begging me to tell him he's mistaken, but I can't lie. I can feel cum leaking out of me and running down my thigh. Evidence of my weakness and my betrayal. The tears well up in my eyes and I can't stop a few from leaving angry, hot trails down my cheeks. All I can manage to reply is the barest of truths, "I slept with him."

"Don't cry, Jisung. It's alright."

"Jungkook just died and I slept with a stranger." I can't keep my own disgust out of my voice. "It's not like you two were even together in the end anyway. You'd been separated for nearly two months." My breath comes in spasms as I rest my head on the door of my car. I loved my husband, but I can't remember the last time he held me, the last time we made love. A criminal who probably would've hurt me had I shown up empty-handed gave me more compassion and showed more desire for me than Jungkook had in years.

My breath catches in my throat. I took advantage of him in a moment of weakness, but I didn't fucking know how vulnerable he was. I slam my fist against the window. I didn't fucking know! A sick, twisted churning in the pit of my stomach makes me want to heave. Fuck, I treated him like some random slut. He probably thinks I'm a fucking animal for doing that to him. Fuck! I knew he needed me. I fucking knew it.

I just needed to be held and feel like I was loved. This shattering feeling in my chest, jagged pieces of glass digging into my heart, tells me it wasn't worth it. It hurts too much. The worst part is that a very large part of me wants—no needs to crawl to him and beg to hold me again. Just one more time.

I wish I hadn't let him go.

     I wish I'd never had to meet with him.

I clench my teeth and close my eyes, wondering if I'll ever see him again.

     I breath deep and steady myself as I drive away, knowing I'll never seen him again.

I hate myself.

     I hate myself.

I'm such a dirty bastard.

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Hello to all who have rejoined here at the second part of the prologue.👋🏻
In the chapter it went a little to the point.
Thanks first to all who read it.💖
⚠️For the later course I wanted to tell you that in the series of books it is possible to get pregnant as a man. Here also again important: I have nothing personally against any idols, but there must be someone also evil. In addition, BTS will be a group of six and not seven people.⚠️
I wish you still a lot of fun and I think that I will always upload a chapter on Mondays ☺️