It was midnight when John stumbled back into his apartment for the first time in weeks. He closed the door and then ran into the bedroom. But the bed was empty. He let out a broken sob and ran through the dark apartment to the living room until he noticed that the balcony door was open. He ran out and found Mark there. The guitarist was sitting on a chair. He looked very thin. He was wearing only a shirt and boxer shorts. A cigarette dangled between his index and middle finger. His eyes looked dull as he looked up at the starry sky.

"Mark." John exclaimed, falling to his knees in front of the guitarist. John began to sob brokenly. He placed his hands on Mark's thighs. "Mark." John whimpered and sniffed loudly. Mark took a drag on his cigarette, making it glow brightly. "Mark, I have to tell you something." John sobbed brokenly. The guitarist showed no emotion whatsoever. "I...I cheated on you." John sobbed.

"I know." Mark said quietly before taking the last drag on his cigarette and putting it in the ashtray.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do this. I don't know what was wrong, I don't know what I was thinking, I..."

"It's okay." Mark said in a quiet voice and stood up. He walked past John to the balcony door. The bassist looked at him with tears streaming down his face. He could hardly breathe, he was sobbing so hard. "I knew you would." Mark murmured quietly. "I hope he...he made you feel good."

*

John had fallen asleep sobbing on the sofa that night. He had cried himself to sleep until he fell asleep from exhaustion. When John woke up the next morning, he was tired. Damn tired. He rubbed his eyes and stretched on the sofa when he suddenly heard a soft sob. He sat up and looked around in surprise until he saw Mark in the kitchen. The guitarist held a telephone receiver to his ear and sobbed weakly. His shoulders were shaking. John bit his lower lip. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Mark like that.

"He cheated on me, Mom." Mark said quietly into the phone. John's heart broke into a thousand pieces. "He just replaced me like I was an old pair of shoes." There was silence for a while, only Mark's soft whimpering could be heard. "I knew he would, Mom. I knew it. That's why I asked him, but he just yelled at me. Now it's over. I'm packing my things and coming home." John's eyes widened. "Yes. I'll be there tomorrow. I don't have many things." Mark sniffed quietly. "Love you too, Mom. See you." Mark put the phone down and took a deep breath before wiping his hand over his face. When he started packing his things, John immediately jumped to his feet.

"Stop it!" He shouted in panic and took Mark's clothes out of his bag to put them back in the closet. "Stop it right now! You can't go!"

"You left too." Mark said quietly. "When I needed you."

"Mark, I'm so sorry. We'll get this all back on track but please don't go. You mean everything to me and I could never live without you and..."

"What do you want from me!?" Mark screamed hysterically. John winced. Mark cried weakly. "What the hell do you want from me!? You're cheating on me and you want me to stay with you!? Then why the hell did you cheat on me if you want me by your side!?"

"I don't know." John said quietly. "I don't know what I was thinking when I did it. I wasn't actually thinking. I just acted and it was a mistake. And I'm so very sorry, but please don't go, Mark."

"You think that changes anything?" Mark whimpered. "You think apologizing for that changes anything?"

"I know apologizing won't change anything. I know that." John said quickly. "God, Mark. It's the only thing I can do now. What I did is literally in the past. And I can't change the past."

"I knew you would cheat on me." Mark sobbed weakly. "I knew. But I thought you would tell me the truth before you actually did." John bit his lower lip. "You told me I have no friends and that no one likes me." Mark sniffed as he stuffed his clothes into his bag and took it into his hand. "Yeah. I have no friends. But I never needed friends." The guitarist whimpered weakly. "I had you. That's all I needed." John's tears began to stream down his cheeks. "Do you understand?" Mark whispered. "I had you. Everything else was unimportant."

"Mark, please don't go." John said quietly. "Please stay here. We'll get through this, I promise you. But please don't go." Mark sniffed and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

"You hurt me." Mark whispered. "You hurt me mentally. And that caused physical pain too."

"What do you mean?" John asked quietly. "Mark, you didn't..." Mark silently pulled back his sleeve and revealed a cut wrist. John gasped sharply. His eyes widened.

"I couldn't take it anymore." Mark sobbed weakly. "You weren't there. You weren't sleeping next to me anymore and you only had eyes for him and I..." Mark broke off and whimpered weakly. "I didn't know what to do." John bit his lower lip, his eyes watering. "I looked in the mirror and compared myself to him. I bought clothes that looked like his. I stopped eating to get thinner. I cut my hair so it looked like his. God, every second I doubted myself and wondered why he gets your attention but I don't anymore." Mark sobbed weakly and lowered his head, shaking. "But I didn't know the answer to that question. I just didn't know it." Mark took a shaky breath. "You always told me I was beautiful. But God, that was a lie. When I look in the mirror, there are at least a thousand things I would change."

"But I wouldn't. You were always perfect for me." The bassist whispered. Mark let out a broken laugh.

"If I would, you wouldn't have cheated on me, John." Mark took a deep breath and picked up his bag. "I'm leaving now. I don't know if I'll come back. If not... goodbye, John."

"Mark." John sobbed. But the guitarist had already left the room and shortly afterwards the apartment door slammed shut.

*

John had also called his mother that evening. But the call had not gone as he had hoped. She had shouted at him and ordered him to immediately follow Mark and bring him back. And so it happened that John was on his way to Newcastle in the middle of the night. He was tired and should have stopped to sleep, but he drove on. And after hours of driving, he finally arrived in Newcastle. He found his way to Mark's parents' house. When John turned off the engine, it was four o'clock in the morning. The bassist looked at the small house with a garden and sighed deeply when he saw Mark's car parked in front of the driveway. With a heavy heart, he reached behind him and took the bouquet of flowers he had bought. He made his way to the front door and rang the bell. As expected, it took ages, but eventually the door opened. It was Erwin, Mark's father. He was wearing his pyjamas and looked pretty sleepy.

"John? Boy, you've got some nerves showing up here." John smiled weakly. Erwin let him in. "Everyone's still asleep."

"I suspected it." John sighed. "But I really need to fix this." Erwin nodded in agreement.

"You should. You really hurt him a lot. And I really should beat you up for that." John giggled weakly. "He's sleeping in his old room." John nodded silently. He had been here a few times before, so he knew his way around. He went up the stairs to the first floor and opened the wooden door that led to Mark's old childhood bedroom. It was dark, but John could make out the silhouette of the guitarist because the curtains weren't drawn. Mark was lying on his bed, curled up in a ball, holding a pillow in his arms. He had kicked off the blanket and it was lying on the floor. John couldn't help but smile. He sat down on a chair next to the bed and leaned forward before kissing Mark's temple. The guitarist mumbled in his sleep, making John smile. He kissed his cheek. It took a few seconds before Mark rolled onto his back and opened his eyes. It took a few more seconds before Mark's eyes could see John through the darkness.

"John?" He croaked, his voice hoarse.

"Yes." John said quietly. "It's me."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mark asked quietly. "Why aren't you in London?"

"Our bed was cold without you, darling." John said softly. The guitarist let out a small chuckle. "It was so cold without you and I had no one to cuddle with and damn it, I'm an idiot because I finally understand that I need you, Mark. I'm sorry about this whole thing with Noah. I have absolutely no idea what was wrong with me. I'm so sorry I didn't pay attention to how you were doing. But most of all, I'm sorry for what I did. You're a wonderful partner. The best anyone could ask for. I don't know why I cheated on you. I just don't know. I can't explain it. I love you, Mark. You and only you. There's no one else for me." Mark closed his eyes briefly. "I beg you, forgive me, Mark. Forgive me and take me back. I love you."

"John, I...I can't just do this. I can't pretend it didn't happen. I...my heart still hurts and I...it just hurts knowing you betrayed me." Mark said quietly, but his voice broke. John reached out and wiped the tears from Mark's cheek. "I don't know if I can trust you anymore, after all of this." John sighed deeply.

"I understand." He said quietly. "I know what you mean. But I ask you again. Forgive me. Forgive me and give us another chance. We can take things slowly and we definitely don't have to pretend this never happened, because damn it, it obviously did, but I can't lose you, Mark." Mark sighed deeply.

"Okay." He said quietly and reached for John's hand.

"Okay?" John asked quietly.

"Okay." Mark nodded. "Yes, I want to try, because damn it, I love you, even though you hurt me." John smiled weakly. "Life is full of ups and downs, right? We were just in a down." John nodded silently. "But maybe we can make it back to an up."

"I love you. You're incredible." John whimpered.

"I love you too." Mark smiled weakly and leaned forward. And so the two of them kissed in the dark, after heartache and tears, in Mark's old childhood bedroom, at four in the morning in Newcastle upon Tyne. All's well that ends well, right?

THE END;)