"Once there was *breaths* omg look squirrel! How is it in his backpack? " the squirrel then crawled out of his backpack and ran towards me. Oh my gods this squirrel is so cute I think I've found the love of my life. I love squirrels so much.

I stole that mans squirrel. Yes it's true dont judge me you would too. I then brought my new squirrel to my best friend aiden. They love my new squirrel we decided this is now our new pet that we shall raise it together, hope i dont cheat on them with Fredrico oops. "You hoe! i know your thinking about that bitch Fredrico again! dont make me take the kids!" Aiden said.

To tell you the truth i know they wont take the kids. Its a lie we get back together every time, they would never leave me. I killed a man and got away with it and they still stay with me. Oh no the man is looking for his backpack squirrel its all over the news. We need to go into hiding I'll never give up my new squirrel friend, its mine now. That man would never understand how much this squirrel means to me he cant have my new baby. WAIT! I forgot to name it. "Your new name shall be squishy and I love you" aiden then looked at Ashley with the most offended face ever and said "how dare you filthy dirt rag! I know you married a squirrel that one time. Im taking the kids, killing Fredrico, and moving to mexico after shaving my head and changing my name to Broskue."

I just stood there looking at them like, what the fuck is wrong with you. Broskue they know I hate sasuke! how dare that bitch rename themself as a sasuke pun. *Screeches*

What I didn't realize at the time was that aiden was planning to betray me for my one time love affair with a squirrel. What i didnt know is that enemy headquarters is in mexico and they were going to to switch to the dark side. Honestly the nerves of that hoe how dare they betray me! Im perfect honestly anyone would love me. Dont look at me like that just cause im writing this from a jail cell you'll find out why in a minute. Just give me time to explain jeez you kill one mayor and his duck and its suddenly armageddon in this place damn bro chill. 

Anyways! Thats not the point. The point is that bitch betrays me and left the super secret flying dinos (ssfd for short) to join those filthy duck army people with their leader duckbutt...I meant sasuke!  Their revenge plan was simple take out the ssfd's but when they realised he couldnt destroy us because our power is beyond this realm they did the unforgivable. They tattle tailed on me.

They went on and told HQ about how I was the one that started the dino duck war of 2016 its still going too we've been at constant war with the ducks for 5 years. I had killed the mayor before I killed his duck. Like bruh how was I supposed to know that the mayors duck was the mayor of all the ducks which extends to the duck army. Honestly who keeps up with ducks they are a disgrace to society they shall all perish!!! But because I killed the duck mayor, thats what sparked our long lasting war. After HQ found out they threw my ass in jail. Like bro my ass is too pretty to be in jail how could they! Hoes! Now the entire company is going to that wack job Jellaladactl! Like seriously who thought that was a good idea, mans got a pterodactyl body for fucks sake! The ssfd was supposed to be mine! All mine! And now I cant even have that. They want me to become the bad guy so I will! I'll be the bad guy and start a new war mark my words...mark my words....

Im going to write more to this at some point this will continue. I just never have energy to do it im in college now i started these stupid crack fics in middle school cause i was bored. If you want to read something more normal im gonna start writing real stories soon maybe if i get confident then I'll write fanfiction too ig.
~🖤 Ashley🖤