trigger warnings:

school shooting,

references to gun violence/previous shootings

The thing about anger issues is that they never truly go away.

For as far back as Briar can remember, she's been angry. She was always angry as a child, at home and at school and everywhere she went. Other kids used to make a game out of riling her up, knowing that she would be the one to get in trouble when she broke and screamed at them. She thought she knew the feeling well, up until the day her stepfather hit Sebastian and she discovered new levels to her anger.

That day, she learned what it meant to see red: she's not sure she could've thrown a grown man through a coffee table with any other emotion.

Briar wants to think that she's above the anger. She's years removed from her childhood, and all the trauma that came with it. She's worked through all of that, as much as anyone really can. And yet, she knows as soon as she wakes up that it's going to be a bad day.

She barely gets any sleep, and wakes up so full of anger that she has no choice but to leave the house hours early in hopes of pushing the feeling down. She goes to her favorite gym, a women's only facility, and practices kickboxing. Jay Halstead taught her back in Chicago, and it always makes her feel powerful. When her alarm goes off a few hours later, her rage feels more manageable, and she takes it as a win.

In the shower room, she finds herself staring at herself in the mirror. She's coated in layers of sweat, her hair is curling around her neck due to the moisture and she's bright red, but none of that is what captured her attention. Whenever she feels this much anger, she feels transported back into her teenage self, but she's staring at a woman in the mirror. She has smile lines and forehead wrinkles and her hair is the slightest bit longer than it used to be, and so much healthier than it ever was when she was living in such a stressful environment.

She's visibly older, and it hits her then just how much her life has changed–how much she's changed with it.

She's nearly late to work.

✦

"There are fifteen ambulances on the way, maybe more to come. First one is three minutes out." Owen tells them all, pacing in front of them in the ambulance bay. Briar nods, trying to block out the sounds of April and Lexie sniffling from either side of her. They've both been crying since they all saw the news about the shooting at Pacific College.

Briar feels nothing.

She feels like she should say something to her girls, try to calm them down, but when she opens her mouth nothing comes out. Thankfully, Webber takes charge.

"People . . . people. Our own trauma is fresh, and we are going to have feelings today, and there is no shame in that. What I want to say is, what we went through six months ago, they are going through right now, which makes them our brothers and sisters . . . which makes them fellow travelers, which makes them our own."

As he speaks, the sound of sirens grows closer, and Briar readies herself.

"So to the very best of our ability, we are gonna do our work first and you're gonna have your feelings later."

Lexie sniffles again, her hand coming up to rub her face, and Owen turns to look at her.

"Grey?"

"I'm fine." She says, sniffling once more before repeating herself. "I'm fine."

Owen nods, and Briar reaches out to hold her hand quickly, giving her one squeeze before letting go.

"Go to the pit, make sure we're stocked." Mark says, making Briar look over at him. He has eyes only for Lexie, looking so concerned for her that Briar's heart squeezes. "Call the blood bank–"

"I'm fine." Lexie interrupts, looking up to stop her eyes from watering. Her voice is hoarse.

"Call the blood bank." Mark continues softly. "Tell them to give us all the O Neg they have."

Lexie leaves just as the ambulance arrives.

"I got a cop. Michael Fazioli." The paramedic tells them, rushing to open the doors to the ambulance. "28. G.S.W to the right upper arm and left leg."

"Okay, this one's mine." Webber calls out, before ordering Kepner to get him to trauma 1. Briar blocks out the tests he orders, listening to the Sergeant announce that Fazioli had taken down the shooter.

"I have conflicting reports on what the shooter looked like, so if you could wake Faz up, get him talking." He says, walking with Webber as another ambulance pulls in, grabbing Briar's focus. Owen assigns Derek and Meredith to him, since he has head trauma, signaling for Alex and Briar to be next as it's a peds case. Out of the other residents, Briar has the most experience with peds, although she's happy to let Alex take the lead since he's been focusing on that track.

"15 year old Kelly Keck, G.S.W.'s to the leg and abdomen." They get told with the next ambulance. Alex grabs her chart, while Briar assists them in bringing down the stretcher. "Abdomen rigid, systolic 75, last pulse 147."

"She's 15?" Alex repeats, continuing down her chart and calling out anything important to Briar.

"Yeah. Look what being a genius gets you."

"We're taking trauma 3!" Briar calls out, having heard a nurse announce that the room was open, along with Trauma 4. Owen nods at her, hearing her, while Alex calls for someone to page Dr. Stark. Briar once again misses Arizona, who likely would have been out here with them, ready to work. Instead, they're stuck with the doctor who considers his dessert more important than his patients.

"This artery is in pieces. Vascular clamp." Alex declares. Briar jumps to help him, watching his every move from next to him. Stark is across from them, and they have a full team, but Briar's main focus is assisting Alex however she can, while keeping one eye on the monitor.

"Your best move is to amputate that leg." Stark tells him, shocking the whole room. "You've got no more time to waste down there."

"What?" Both of them instantly question. Briar feels the anger she's been holding back come flooding in, because there's no way that he's suggesting that so soon. Amputation is a last resort for after preventative methods fail, not the first thing you do in the O.R.

"The artery's blown. The femur is shattered."

"Briar can fix that." Alex says instantly, and warmth floods her at the instant faith he has in her.

"Can she?" Stark asks, condescending as always. "I'm more concerned with her life than her leg and I'm sure her parents will be too."

"We are not cutting off this girl's leg without trying other methods, and without parental consent." Briar protests, disbelief heavy in her tone. There's no way. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen, and Briar wants no part in it. "We can put in a shunt. We can save her leg!"

"This kid is 15. Briar is right, you can save this leg. She knows what she's doing, and so does Torres. Get a consult from her if you don't trust us." Alex argues, anger dripping from every word. "You can't just cut it off."

"What I can't do is to spend any more time arguing with you."

"Oh I'm sorry, do you have dinner reservations?" Briar asks, unable to stop herself. She hears someone on the team gasp, but she's too busy glowering at Stark even as she maintains pressure. For a second it looks as if he's going to lose his temper, the vein in his forehead popping out, before he gives her a look of disgust and grabs the bone saw.

"Prep the damn leg, Karev." He orders while moving. Neither of them move to follow his orders, and Briar gives Alex a desperate look, wondering what their plan is.

"Freakin' do something!" He shouts, looking up at the gallery. Briar follows his gaze, immediately shocked when she sees Arizona up there, observing. Briar shakes her head, ridding herself of all of her emotions–seriously, when did Arizona get back from Africa, and why did no one tell her?– so that she can stay focused on the teenager in front of her.

"You can put in a shunt and then do a graft." Arizona tells them, using the intercom to speak into the O.R. Briar gives Stark a smug look, having suggested the shunt to him already. It's the better plan.

"Do you even have privileges here anymore?" Stark snaps back, turning to face Arizona with the saw still in his hands. Briar feels her disgust increase when she sees that he's been putting it together with bloodied gloves.

"Whether I have privileges or not isn't the point. They're right."

"They're not on this case anymore." Stark decides, making Briar tempted to roll her eyes. He's such a child. It's genuinely embarrassing.

"Dr. Stark, please, just take the time to do the graft, and you can save her leg." Arizona continues trying to get through to him.

"I know very well what can and can't be done, Dr. Robbins. I have bigger fish to fry, and this was very unprofessional of you. I am all done engaging with it." He shouts back, before turning on the saw for a moment. "All right. Get the hell out of my O.R., Karev. You too, Sinclair."

Neither of them move. A moment later, Arizona's voice floats down to them.

"I'm sorry. I am unprofessional?" She questions. "I'm unprofess–I–Body block him, Karev!" She shouts the last part, instantly getting Alex to move. "Don't let him near that leg."

Briar uses the distraction to her advantage, having an intern take over applying pressure before moving around the table as Stark starts shouting at Alex, who is blocking him with all the skill of a previous wrestler. Every move Stark makes, Alex has already predicted and prepared for. It's amazing to watch. Briar makes eye contact with Alex for a second, before reaching out and snatching the–thankfully turned off–saw away from Stark, who spins around with a scream.

"Someone page Torres!" She shouts even as she puts the saw behind her back and backs away from Stark. A moment later, she can't even see the aggravating surgeon, since Alex has shoved himself in front of her, his back to her as he faces off Stark once again.

"Give me that saw and get out of my O.R." Stark shouts at them, and Briar has to fight back a laugh when he tries to get past Alex to grab it. Alex blocks him instantly.

"I'm a wrestler, man. I'm all-state. Saw or no saw, you're not getting past me." Alex tells him, and Briar smiles to herself. Nothing about this situation is amusing, but she loves Alex, and she loves seeing him in his element.

"Karev, you want to tell me what's going on here?" Callie questions, having just entered the room to watch this showdown. "Is that . . . Briar, what's going on?"

"They've lost their minds. That's what's going on here!" Stark says, having the nerve to make it seem like they're the ones in the wrong. "They've lost their minds, and they're destroying their careers. That is what is going on here!"

"Hey, Olivia, how's the pressure holding?" Briar calls over her shoulder to the intern, who responds in the positive, although she sounds surprised. Briar can't blame her, she would be surprised to watch this as well, if she didn't know exactly what kind of person Stark is.

"Check it out, Torres." Alex interrupts Stark, his voice steady. Briar nods to their patient while Alex reports. "Fifteen year old, G.S.W to the thigh with comminuted femur fracture. Laceration to the superficial femoral artery. Ha!" Alex surges forward, and Callie rushes to check on the patient with the distraction. Briar follows her, keeping a tight grip on the saw, before giving Olivia a bright smile and hoping she can at least see the smile lines since she's wearing a surgical mask.

"Great job, Olivia. Thank you." She tells her softly, the intern blushing before nodding. Briar takes a moment to take the saw apart, setting the blade back where it belongs before tucking the rest into her scrubs underneath her gown.

Good luck getting your hands on that now, she thinks gleefully.

"What about her nerves? Are her nerves salvageable?" Callie questions, examining the work they've done.

"Yes, she was moving her leg before the anesthetic kicked in." Briar explains, hearing another shuffle where Alex is still holding Stark back.

"She has a life threatening hemorrhage in her leg and multi-organ injuries in her abdomen." Stark protests.

"Abdominal bleeding is under control for now." Dave tells them, giving Briar a small nod when she looks over. Briar grins at the silent support from the other surgeon, even if she wishes he would have spoken up in support of them sooner.

"Thanks so much, Dave. I appreciate the support there." Stark snaps, ever the face of being professional. Seriously, why was he hired?

"Briar, what do you suggest?" Callie asks her, and Briar takes a deep breath, focusing on her and the patient.

"We have to stabilize the femur. We can do that with a traction pin." Briar answers, thinking back to all the work and studying she's done with Callie.

"Right." Alex cheers her on, making her smile slightly. He's helped her study multiple times since she's shown an interest in ortho, and she's returned the favor with him and peds.

"Blood flow can be restored with a graft." She continues, with Alex chipping in immediately after.

"We told him that, and Arizona agreed."

"I have never experienced anything like this before in my life!" Stark shouts from where he's still being held back by Alex, and Briar smiles to herself at the hysteria in his tone.

"Dr. Stark, you're new here, but in this hospital we take shootings personally, and I can save this leg. So are you gonna work with me or not?" Callie questions, her tone harsh. Before he can answer, the doors open again, and Arizona enters. She's changed into scrubs, and been scrubbed in, and Briar feels relief flood her at her presence.

"No, no, I am. Dr. Stark, I've just spoken with Chief Webber. This is my patient now."

"What?" Stark gasps, incredulity pitching his voice even higher. "This is . . ." When he starts laughing, Briar idly wonders if she should call psych down. "Th–th–this . . ." He stutters before throwing his hands up and leaving the room.

"Yes!" Alex shouts, throwing his hands up as soon as the door starts swinging shut behind him, and Briar bursts into laughter.

"Karev, you gotta go. Briar, you too. Pits full of kids that need doctors, and we can handle this one without you, okay?" Callie tells them, amusement heavy in her voice. Briar shrugs, pulling the saw piece out of her scrubs, much to the shocked amusement of Arizona, who raises an eyebrow at her.

"I'll explain later, I'm glad you're back. I love you." Briar rushes out, stripping out of her protective gown along with Alex.

"That's cool, my work is done." Alex answers Callie, clapping and pointing to the surgical staff. "Ha! All state baby!"

As soon as they're out of the O.R., Briar gets yanked up into Alex's arms as he spins them around, and she can't stop laughing into his hair. It's a horrible day, and she knows that their mood is going to plummet as soon as they're back in the chaos in the pit, but for now she allows herself to feel complete glee with her best friend.

✦

"Dr. Hunt, Karev and I are free." Briar calls out, shoving her way through the crowd to where Owen is gathered with other staff, watching the news again. She's holding Alex's hand as he trails behind her until they finally reach Owen. "Dr. Hunt?"

"They just found another classroom full of victims." Owen tells them. "We're getting at least a dozen more."

"Crap." Alex says, while Briar forces herself to prioritize triaging over her emotions.

"Do we have trauma rooms available?"

"We're out of O.R's." Owen says, ignoring her question for the moment.

"What?" Alex questions, shocked.

"We're out of O.R's. We're out of space, and all the other hospitals are at capacity." Owen tells them, and Briar nods to herself, pushing down her instinctive panic. "If any–any of them need surgery, we're . . . we're screwed."

"So we make space." Briar says, because she isn't going to sit here and feel bad when they have a job to do. "We, uh, we can make space. You operated in a war zone, I'm sure we can make it work in trauma rooms. We just need surgical equipment and to sterilize. We can make this work."

"Okay." Owen agrees after a moment, visibly rallying himself. "Go find some nurses or interns and tell them to get us supplies."

✦

"Briar!" The desperate shout makes Briar look up just in time for April to practically throw herself at her.

"April, what–?"

"Dr. Hunt asked me to oversee outpatient recovery and I don't know what I'm doing and–"

"Breathe." Briar commands, wrapping an arm around April's shoulders and pulling her along in the right direction. "Take a deep breath. I'll go with you, because I know there is work there for me to do. When we get there, you are going to look around, you are going to triage, and you are going to be assertive. We've turned it into a mash unit, all it is is a mobile trauma unit. You know how to work trauma rooms, now prove it."

"Okay." She says weakly, just as they arrive. Briar gives her another squeeze before jumping in to help triage, keeping an eye on April in case she has to step in. She really hopes she doesn't, though, because she truly thinks April could do well in trauma.

For the next few hours, she jumps between patients, helping everywhere she can. There's a mix of injuries, from bullet wounds to trample victims. That's not including the people coming in with injuries unrelated to the shooting.

Hours later, she finds herself going with Alex to the balcony to watch Cristina operate with Altman on the shooter. She knows that everyone has mixed emotions about saving his life after everything, but she isn't sure where she lands on that scale. Would she leave the operating room, like Jackson, or stay, like Cristina?

She never wants to find out.

The room steadily fills with doctors as their work finishes. When April enters, Briar makes Alex and Lexie move down a seat, so that she can sit in-between her and Jackson. April gives her a soft smile at the action, and Briar nods, not sure she's capable of smiling at the moment. She's exhausted, both physically and mentally, and she finds herself leaning on Alex's shoulder as April does the same to Jackson.

When Stark enters, he glares at her and Alex, but one look from Richard has him shutting up. Briar finds that she is capable of smiling at the moment as she hides it in Alex's shoulder.

"I just took my kid to a room. He was the last one." Owen says as he enters, standing next to Arizona since all the seats are taken.

"Besides this one." Richard says, making Owen hum in agreement.

"Mm-hmm. Besides this one." He says, before falling silent as they all continue watching the operation down below. There's something beautiful about the way they work together, and about Cristina being back in an operating room. She's clearly back in her element, and Briar is so proud of her. A few minutes later, his heart starts pumping the way it's supposed to, and Altman and Cristina nod to them.

"We saw 26 patients." Richard speaks up after a moment of silent relief in the room. "26 victims . . . and we had no casualties. No one died today." Briar reaches up and swipes away the single tear that falls down her face, smiling despite herself.

For about a minute, the only sound in the room is crying and sniffling, before the laughter starts up. It starts with Derek and Meredith, and then April is laughing, and the sound of her laugh breaks Briar, who bursts out in a mixture of giggles and laughter that sets Alex off, and so on. Briar shakes with the force of her laughter, and every time she thinks she's done, April makes a squeaking noise that makes her laugh even harder.

"I hate this place." Stark announces after a minute, getting up and leaving while shaking his head. That only increases the laughter, especially from the four doctors who dealt with him today. Alex and Briar lean over to look at Callie and Arizona by the door, Arizona looking a second away from falling over.

"I was holding a grudge." Richard announces, giving Owen his seat to go talk to Arizona. The laughter fades out, everyone unapologetically listening in. "I can hire you back. But you're gonna have to work under Stark."

Richard leaves with a loud chuckle, setting everyone off again . . . except Arizona, who looks horrified.

"I put a saw in my pants." Briar wheezes, leaning into Alex as he leans into her, the two nearly falling off their chairs. She looks at him, tears streaming down her face as she imitates the way he'd body blocked Stark. "All state baby!"

"I'm sorry, you put a what in your what!?" Bailey demands, and Briar wipes her face to find everyone except Arizona and Callie looking at her with confusion.

"Oh my God, okay. Jackson, stand up, I need you to pretend to be Stark." Briar decides, shoving him until he stands up, complaining the whole time.

"Why do I have to be Stark?" He whines, and Briar just smirks at him.

"'Cause I said so. Okay, uh, April, you're our patient. Come on, stand up." She corrals her to the amusement of everyone in the room, sharing a smile with Alex as everyone loses their minds watching them reenact the operation earlier.

All she can think of is George's funeral, with the five of them cackling during the most inappropriate time. It had helped them heal, and she hopes it does the same for everyone in the room with them now.

They all need it.

✦

hi guys!

so, it's been a minute . . . or a few months. I've been super busy, and I started a new job that I actually really like. but good news is that I have Sundays off every week, and so I'm working on getting back into writing during that time!!

I've missed briar, and I've missed you.

also, ive been thinking, and I love getting your guys's input for this story. I want to know what you think, and what you want to happen, but I know a lot of people dont like commenting, especially things like that. so, would anyone participate if I made a google form survey? it would be completely anonymous but I could have questions and see where everyones at! I can't guarantee that I would use everything but if people heavily want something, I can make that work. like, if one of the questions was a poll on who to pair April with, and there's a clear winner, then I can do that. if that makes any sense! I've heard a lot of varying ideas for that, and other plot points, and it would help with knowing what kind of chapters you guys prefer, and other questions I have. I want this to be a story that you guys enjoy reading, as much as I enjoy writing it, and I love hearing from you all! So if anyone would be interested in doing that, let me know and I'll make one and set it up.

how are you all? I've truly missed you!