trigger warning:
discussing of previous sexual assault — if you want to skip that, it's the section that starts with "it happens again." it's not a detailed scene and i'll never ever write out SA but please know your limits and stay safe everyone!! love you guys <3

✦

Let it be known that Briar knows nothing about baseball.

That knowledge doesn't stop Owen from adding her to the Seattle Grace Mercy West game against Seattle Presbyterian. Despite her protesting and explaining that she's only ever played soccer, she finds herself practicing multiple days a week. That's where she is now, watching as Alex runs to grab the ball from where it almost hit Meredith and Cristina, who are laying in the grass and talking.

"Karev, throw the ball!" Owen shouts when Alex stops to talk to the girls. Mark is quick to catch it and then throw it to Arizona, who screams and jumps away from it. Derek groans loudly, while Owen starts lecturing her.

"Robbins, don't be afraid of it!" He calls, all of them watching as Arizona scrambles for the ball on the ground, somehow falling down in the process.

"What! I–oh! Well, it flew at my head." She defends herself, while Briar turns and watches Jackson run across all the little squares on the ground.

"Whoo!" She screams, jumping up and down when he clears the last one.

"You realize that you're not supposed to be cheering for that?" Derek asks her, making her frown in confusion.

"What? He's on our team!" She points out, and Derek rolls his eyes at her.

"Yeah, but he's pretending to be on the opposing team for practice. We don't want them getting home runs."

"Riiiight." Briar says slowly, dragging out the word. "Well, he looked hot doing . . . whatever it is he just did, so." She shrugs at him, laughing when he shakes his head and tells her she's helpless.

"Sloan! Hey, Sloan!" Derek calls out, and Briar turns to see Mark kissing his new fling, some woman from Seattle Pres. "Focus! Hello?"

"Who is that?" Teddy questions, her face twisted up as she watches them.

"Oh, Julia Canner . . . or Kinney. She's an ophthalmologist from Seattle Pres. Mark's been seeing her." Arizona explains, and Briar snorts. 'Seeing her' is certainly a word for it.

"Every night this week." Callie adds on, laughing.

"I'm so glad that I moved out of his place." Briar laughs with them, grimacing at the thought of sleeping in that bed ever again. She'd gotten tired of the air mattress quickly and bullied her way into his bed. They'd had a lot of late night giggly conversations, and Briar learned a lot about him at 3 am.

"Alright, nice throw, Robbins!" Richard calls from his spot in the stands, a book in his lap, after Arizona throws the ball to Derek.

"Sinclair, you're up to bat!" Owen tells her, making her jump before she grabs the bat from Lexie. Derek throws it, and Briar completely misses it on the first go.

"Strike!"

"Come on, you've got this!" Jackson calls to her, and Briar can't help but wince. She does not have it. "Just, uh, fix your stance."

"Avery, help her." Owen tells him, and Briar looks up when Jackson jogs over.

"Here, you want to bend your knees a little bit." Jackson explains, helping position her. "And hold the bat closer to you, just like that. Perfect. Okay, now look at Shepherd. He throws underhand, so you want to hit like this." Briar watches carefully as he shows her the best way to swing twice before letting go and jogging backwards.

This time, she hits the ball, gasping as she watches it fly.

"Run!" Jackson shouts, laughing at the way she's just standing there watching the ball move.

"Drop the bat!" Owen tells her when she forgets to, and she flushes as she drops it and takes off in a sprint. "Go, go, right to third!"

"Don't stop!" Jackson shouts, and Briar suddenly understands why people love this game so much as she gets to second base. This is exciting.

"Oh my god!" Briar yells, beaming as soon as she clears third base, running straight into Jackson's open arms. "I did it!"

"You did!" He exclaims back, grinning at her before handing her a water bottle.

"Hunt, I gotta go!" Derek calls suddenly, looking at his phone. "Lexie! We got a consult."

"No, no, wait. We're–" Owen starts, eyes widening from where he's standing with the Seattle Pres team.

"I gotta check on a sick kid! Can I get a ride?" Arizona shouts, running to catch up with him.

"I gotta update the boards." April jumps for the opportunity, and Briar tells her that she'll drive her.

"You guys wanna stop by the diner?" She asks Alex and Jackson, who both nod immediately. She laughs, turning to April. "Do you want to come with us, or have us bring you something?"

"Ooh, can you bring me a burger?" April asks, before frowning. "That, uh, shoot. Which one did I get last time?"

"The maple one?" Jackson asks, laughing when she bounces on her feet as she nods. "Yeah, we've got you."

"Fries or onion rings?" Briar asks, pulling out her phone to make note of her order. Alex grabs all of their jackets, passing them out, and they're quick to get off the field as the other team rushes in.

✦

"Sloan, you're on first. Oh, Bailey, you're center field." Owen says, assigning them all positions while Henry passes out uniforms. Henry is now on the team, since Owen found out he used to play baseball professionally: hiring him so that he could technically play for the hospital.

"We're doing some shuffling."

"What are you doing here?" Bailey asks Henry, moving to grab a uniform.

"I work here." He says proudly, and Bailey gives him a strange look before apparently deciding not to ask, turning to Owen instead.

"Uh, I may not even make the game. I got 49 trial patients left to call. I gotta give them the same bad news I gave you."

"Ouch. That's rough." Henry sympathizes, turning to Owen immediately after. "We need a sub for center field."

"Briar." Owen decides, and Briar freezes.

"Uh, what?" She panics. "I have no clue what I'm doing."

"You're fast, you're smart, and you're a good leader." Owen tells her. "You'll be fine. Shepherd, pitcher."

"Shepherd's out." Mark announces from his spot next to Jackson. "Told me his brain surgery could be a marathon."

"Oh! Me! Let me pitch!" Teddy shouts, throwing her hand up in the air. Briar doesn't know if she's ever seen her so excited before.

"Alright. Altman, pitcher."

"Yes!" She squeals.

"Sloan, first."

"Shepherd can be a pinch hitter."

"What the hell is that?" Briar whispers to Teddy, who gives her an explanation that goes right back out of her head. This game is beyond confusing.

"Okay, Torres, you're on–" Owen starts, getting interrupted by Callie shoving a clipboard in his face.

"I need you to sign for this."

"Bone plates and titanium mesh?" He asks, and Briar perks up. "That's a lot of hardware. I thought you said this guy's hand wasn't salvageable."

Briar droops down, frowning now. April stole her position in that surgery. Okay, maybe that isn't fair: April requested to join in the surgery before Briar even knew about the patient. Still, she's upset to lose out on such an experience.

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna try and rebuild it. It's gonna be really cool. April, meet me in the O.R."

"I need a small." Lexie says, sifting through the box of uniforms.

"Oh, they're all larges." Henry tells her.

"What?" April asks, upset. "No. We can't be out of smalls already. I told them we needed an assortment of sizes! I–I was very clear on the phone!"

Mark and Jackson get tossed uniforms.

"Sweet. I'll look fantastic in this." Mark declares, examining the dark blue button up with SGMW written on the front. "And when you look good, you play good. Am I right, Avery?"

"You know it!" Jackson says back, high-fiving Mark and making his way to Briar.

"Awe, my boyfriend has a boyfriend." Briar teases, getting a laugh out of him. She loves how close he's getting to Mark. "Hey, you want to grab lunch?"

"Always."

✦

Briar is the first one up to bat, a fact that horrifies her. She'd been hoping to go sometime in the middle so that it hopefully wasn't memorable, but instead she's at the front of the line, getting pushed forward and handed the bat by Owen.

"Let's go, Briar!" Alex shouts from behind the fence, shaking it as he screams. "You've got this!"

"Remember what I taught you!" Jackson adds, and Briar is quick to fix her stance, shooting him a quick glance to see if she's good. "Perfect, sweetheart. Come on, bring it home!"

Briar does her best to tune out her entire team shouting at her, narrowing her gaze on Seattle Pres's pitcher, who is doing an embarrassingly bad job at being intimidating. Honestly, Briar kind of just wants to laugh at the guy. With her focus, she sees the exact second he decides to throw the ball, swinging with all of her power. As soon as the ball makes contact with the bat, she's dropping it and sprinting to first base, her heart singing at not embarrassing them right off the bat–literally.

She slides to a stop at second, ignoring the disappointment from her team over her not going all the way around immediately. That quickly turns into approval when the ball is caught, since Briar would've been tagged out if she'd kept running.

"Not bad, for someone from Seattle Grace, anyway." The doctor behind her says, a mocking lilt in her tone when she mentions her hospital. Briar ignores her, knowing that she's trying to get a rise out of her and refusing to be baited. "If you ever decide to switch to a good hospital, just let me know. I'm sure we can make something work: you're certainly pretty enough."

The insinuation that she would leave SGMW, let alone that she would sleep her way to a new position, strikes every nerve in her body. Still, she doesn't give the doctor the satisfaction of reacting, instead watching as Jackson steps up to bat.

"You've got this, baby!" Briar screams, cupping her hands around her mouth, delighted when he hits the ball on the second try, taking off running. She groans loudly when both her and Jackson are tagged out right before she can make it to third and him to second, sharing a frustrated look with him as they trudge back to the bleachers.

The game continues like that, with them not making any runs. Briar keeps up the encouragement anyway, not wanting any of them to feel bad as they go up to bat, even as their score gets worse each time.

"At least baseball isn't timed." She murmurs to Alex, before jumping to her feet when it's Derek's turn at bat. She's quick to push to the front of their group.

"Come on! Knock it out!" Alex screams, with all of them clapping and shouting for him. Briar is hanging off of the fence, wanting to get the best view. She's feeling the thrill she used to get from a soccer game, and she'd honestly completely forgotten how nice it feels to be part of a team like this.

"Yes!" Briar screams, throwing her fist in the air when Derek hits the ball, instantly taking off, only for their cheering to turn into groans when the ball gets caught before he can make it to base. "Damn it!"

Derek throws his hat to the ground, and Briar drops from the fence, smiling to herself when she feels Jackson grab her shirt as she goes down. He's so protective, in so many small ways, and Briar finds it endearing.

"Alright. Alright, Karev, you're on second." Owen announces. "Let's get out there and get it back! We can do it!"

"We are down 8-nothing." Meredith complains, all of them trailing out onto the field.

"We're screwed! He should just call it now!" Alex tacks on, while Briar frowns, not liking the negativity.

"Come on guys, this is fun!" She tries, although she's pretty sure she's the only one having fun at this point. "We can still turn it around!"

"The new chief's got something to prove." Cristina mocks her husband, moving to Meredith and asking if she still has her flask, which she's quick to hand over. Briar watches them, amused by how discreet they think they're being.

Teddy is now the pitcher, with the rest of them spread out behind her, and it quickly becomes clear that Teddy has no arm. Seriously, Briar thinks she could do better at this point. Henry is the catcher, and there's a lot of fear in his eyes as he watches his wife prepare to throw the ball.

"I've gotta say, the baseball uniform is doing it for me." Jackson murmurs to her, making her jump. She hadn't noticed him sneaking up to her.

"Uh uh." She says, pushing him gently away from her when he looks like he's about to kiss her. "You can flirt with me after this game. Right now, we need to focus on winning."

"Okay, okay." He laughs, backing away from her with his hands up. "I should've known you'd get competitive about this."

"Meredith! Cristina! Catch the damn ball!" Briar screams, watching as the girls start jumping up and down with their gloves up. It's obvious that they're not going to catch it, but they luck out when Bailey runs behind them and catches it.

"YES!" Briar shrieks, doing a victory dance at them starting to turn the game around. "Oh, shit."

Drunk Meredith getting in a fight with Bailey was not on her bingo card. Briar watches as the two of them start arguing, with Meredith slurring her words ever so slightly.

"Time out! I've got this, Hunt!" Richard calls, making the signal for it before turning and walking over to the fighting doctor's. Briar takes the opportunity to stretch and have a silent conversation with Alex, communicating only through looks and hand gestures.

"God, get a room!" Lexie scoffs, and Briar twists around to look at her, only to find her glowering at Mark and Julia, who are kissing. "It's disgusting."

"Give the guy a break. He's happy." Jackson defends, but Lexie's face only twists up even more.

"She's on the opposing team." She sighs, shaking her head before faltering when she sees Briar's expression. "What? You're the one talking about team spirit, how is that okay?"

"Lexie." She says gently, reaching out and grabbing her hand. "Honey, you broke up with him."

"This isn't about that." Lexie tries, and Briar sighs as she lets the subject go, not wanting Lexie to feel pressured while surrounded by their coworkers and her ex-boyfriend. She makes a mental note to bring it up later, not wanting Lexie to suffer in silence.

"Play ball!" Richard shouts, having finished up with Meredith and Bailey.

"So. 12-nothing." Briar says to Lexie and Jackson a few minutes later, fighting back a laugh at the looks on their faces. "I have to say, that's not exactly how I saw this game going."

"Oh, want to call it, Hunt?" McDougall calls out as he makes a show of slowly running past third base. "Team's looking a little tired! Wouldn't want anyone napping in the O.R. The last thing you guys need is a malpractice suit!"

"Oh, thank god." Briar sighs, watching them pull Teddy from her position, replacing her with Lexie.

"Alright. Time out!" Owen calls, tapping his glove. "Time out, everybody! Bring it in, huddle up!"

"You just took a time out!" The other team shouts, all of them complaining and getting ignored as they huddle together with Owen in the middle. "Make it quick, at least!"

"Alright." Owen says, clearing his throat as he looks around at their group. "I . . . I just want to say how proud I am of all of you. You are an incredible team."

"Now who's drunk?" Cristina asks, and Briar huffs out a laugh.

"I've watched you work together, uh, solve problems together. I watched you teach each other and learn from each other." Briar turns to smile at Callie at that, watching as Jackson does the same to Mark, who he's standing next to. It's cute to watch them gravitate towards each other like they have been lately. "You . . . step up when you need to and you . . . you do more than anyone asks you to do. You're the finest team I've ever been a part of."

"Oh my god." Mark scoffs, amused.

"What are you talking about?" Derek asks next.

"That's really sad." Alex says bluntly, one arm around Briar's shoulders, smiling down at her when she laughs at him.

"You don't think we actually have a shot at winning this." Callie realizes, and Briar snorts. That shot left ages ago.

"What, this? This? No, no, no, we're screwed." Owen admits, all of them laughing along with him. "You are all horrible at softball. But as doctors, you're pretty great, and I am proud just to get to lead you, and you're all here, so I just . . . I just wanted to tell you. But now . . . now we're going down. So what do you say we go down fighting?"

"YES!" They all shout, putting their hands together when Owen holds his out.

"One, two, three! Go team!"

"Come on, Lexie!" Briar shouts, watching as Lexie gets ready to pitch. She tosses the ball, it being caught by Henry, who gives her an approving nod.

"No arm!" Julia shouts. "No arm. This is your relief pitcher? Hey, my grandma's not busy, she can pitch better than that!"

Lexie turns and whips the ball straight at Julia, who bends over with a startled gasp, her hand flying to her chest.

"Right in the boob!" Callie gasps, hand flying to her mouth in surprise. Briar can't help but laugh, although she stops when players from both teams rush the field.

"What? I thought she was stealing second!" Lexie defends herself with a horrible lie, not sounding guilty in the slightest.

"For the love of god! She's a surgeon, Hunt, that could've been her hand!" McDougall growls. "I'm calling it!"

"Whoa. So–okay, so you forfeit?" Owen asks, but Briar doesn't catch the rest, rushing to jump in front of Lexie when members of the other team get in her face. She finds herself facing off against the girl that had mocked her earlier, and Briar lets all of her anger come to the surface. If anyone thinks they're touching Lexie, or anyone else in her family, they have another thing coming.

"Back off before I lay you out." Briar warns coldly, stepping closer to her and forcing her to look up at her.

"Yeah, right." She scoffs, pushing at Briar, who stands her ground, not budging an inch. She looks around her at Lexie, her fist curling in a way that has Briar curling her own, pulling her shoulder back to get a good angle in case she has to fight. There's no way she's backing down, especially when she reaches out and shoves at Briar's chest again. "If she's too cowardly to handle–"

"Thanks for touching me first." Briar says cheekily, winding back and punching her in the face. People around her gasp, shouting furiously at her, but Briar simply smiles as she watches the doctor fall back, a hand clutched to her cheek. "I told you. All of you, back the fuck up!"

She's amused when no one tries to retaliate. They're all bark and no bite: Briar never had that privilege.

"Well, nice game. I'm sorry that you all forfeit. We'll see you around, I'm sure." She says as mockingly as possible, waving at them all with a wide smile. "Oh, and, honey? You might wanna ice that cheek. That bruise is gonna be a bitch, although I guess you know all about that."

That's when Meredith and Cristina wander over, Cristina cackling as she points a finger at them.

"Oh, give me that." Briar laughs, snatching the glove 'hiding' the flask from Cristina and taking a swig, watching the other team storm off the field. Their team gathers on the bleachers, passing the flask and a bottle around. Briar finds herself in-between Jackson and Lexie, with her hand held in Jackson's lap and her head on Lexie's shoulder.

"Well, thank you guys for, uh, letting me be your ringer. Although, I didn't really ring much, it was more like a thunk, but." Henry says, pulling laughs from them.

"Hey, come over the night after tomorrow." Briar tells him, nodding to Teddy too. "All of you are invited, actually. I'm gonna hold a game night."

"Oh, count us in." Teddy says instantly, before turning to her husband. "Alright, will you take me home?"

"Thanks." Lexie says softly, looking down at Briar. "You're not going to get into trouble for that, are you?"

"Worth it either way." Briar says proudly, nudging Lexie. "I'll throw punches for you any day."

"His girlfriend's gonna be okay, right?" Lexie asks next, and Briar fights back a smile. Of course Lexie is worried about her now. With her heart, Briar wouldn't be too surprised if the two of them ended up friends somehow.

"Ah, it's her boob. She's in good hands." Callie laughs, leaving with Arizona. Mark is on babysitting duty that night, and they're clearly eager to get out of there.

"Shh, I think I hear my heart singing." April whispers loudly, leaning into Bailey and starting to hum, laughing during the process.

"Are you drunk?" Bailey scoffs, swatting at her. "I'll give you a ride home." She turns to give Meredith a disdainful look, shaking her head in disbelief. "Be in the lab before rounds."

"I will." Meredith says dramatically, giggling afterwards.

"Wanna go home?" Briar whispers, grinning when Jackson nods, before turning to Derek and Owen. "Are you okay to get the girls home or do you want me to drive you?"

"We're good." Derek says, smiling at her.

"Yeah, I didn't drink." Owen promises, nodding at her. "Thank you for checking."

"Well, we don't need to end up at Seattle Pres." Briar jokes, not wanting to deal with that hospital. "I'll see you guys later. This was fun!"

"I can't believe you punched her." Jackson blurts out as soon as they're in the car, shaking his head in disbelief. "That was so hot."

Briar can't stop smiling.

✦

It happens again.

Briar and Jackson are both lying on their backs in Briar's bed, looking up at the ceiling. Briar can at least say that she didn't hurt him this time. No, this time she just froze as soon as he went to undress her, and she can't help but hate herself for it. He didn't make a big deal of it, just gently buttoning the jersey back up and falling to his back on the bed, but she still feels guilty.

"I have to tell you something." She says slowly, staring determinedly at the ceiling. Her voice wobbles when she speaks, and she doesn't want to watch Jackson react to anything she says. She can't handle it. "And it's–it's really heavy, and I want you to know that I–I understand if it's too much 'cause you didn't sign up for this–"

"Hey." Jackson's voice, gentle but firm, stops her from spiraling even further. "Whatever it is, I can handle it. I signed up for you."

Briar squeezes her eyes shut, her heart racing, and blurts it out: "It was my stepdad."

There's no response from next to her, so Briar breathes in as much as she can when it feels like something is squeezing her throat shut. "The, uh, sexual trauma. It was my stepdad. I just–I just need you to know that it really is not anything you've done or not done. The problem is me and this stupid mental block or whatever this is."

"No part of you is stupid." Jackson says softly, and Briar feels him turning to face her, the mattress shifting with his movement. She still can't open her eyes and face him. "Briar, I–I don't know what to say, but I am so sorry that you went through that."

"Not your fault." Briar chokes out, blinking her eyes open to stare at the ceiling again, frustrated when tears swim in her vision. She reaches a hand up and brushes them away, hoping that she doesn't continue crying.

There's a long pause and then: "Wait. Does April know?"

"Yeah." Briar answers, a bit surprised that that's his first question. "Wait, how do you know that? Did she say something?"

"No, no, not recently. Just, do you remember when she snapped at all of us at Joe's? She said that you'd lied about when you lost your virginity." He explains quickly, and Briar hums, relaxing as she remembers that night. It feels like a lifetime ago. "I can't believe she knew and still said that, that's . . ."

"Don't say anything to her about it, please." Briar sighs, feeling exhausted. "I already made it clear that it was a shitty move, and she knows it."

"Still, I can't believe she would throw that in your face." Jackson says, anger clear in his voice.

"Hmm, that's 'cause everyone acts like she's this innocent little girl and forgets that she has a mean streak." Briar points out, over it. "People did the same thing with George O'Malley."

"I've never really thought about it." Jackson confesses, sounding surprised.

"I mean, there's a reason I didn't like her at first, and it's not just because of the merger." Briar tells him, turning to look at him now. His eyebrows are furrowed and his jaw is clenched, looking a second away from picking a fight with someone, and it takes her breath away to know that it's all for her. "My first real interaction with your friends was them making fun of Izzie for having cancer. April can be just as vicious as anyone else."

"Point taken." Jackson sighs, before grabbing her hand, holding eye contact with her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a conversation about April. What do you need from me?"

"Honestly? You just being here is all I need." Briar admits, drawing circles on his hand with her thumb, relaxing even further into the mattress. "I–I don't want you acting like I'm fragile or anything like that. I'm still me, I just–I needed you to know about this. I'm sorry if it's more complicated than you wanted."

"Hey." Jackson says softly, his free hand coming up and smoothing down her hair. "I like you because you're you: competitive and loud and annoying and insanely competent." Briar laughs at that, liking that he's willing to tease her right now. "And sure, I would love to have sex with you, but if it takes years or you never get there, that's fine too. Now scoot over and give me as many tips as you can about being on Callie's service, because I'm on that later this week."

Perfect, Briar thinks, beaming as she moves over and they get comfortable under her covers. He's so perfect.

Perfect, Briar thinks, beaming as she moves over and they get comfortable under her covers. He's so perfect.

✦

Briar stumbles down the hall the next morning, yelping when she's pulled into Meredith's room. She's expecting to see the blonde woman, but instead she turns to a stressed out Derek, one hand buried in his hair and the other still holding her wrist.

"What's going on?" She asks him, her heart dropping. "Are you okay? Is Meredith okay?"

"We're both fine." He assures her, finally letting go of her wrist and walking further into the room. Briar looks around, raising her eyebrows when she sees the pile of clothes on the bed. "Just . . . please don't laugh."

"Derek, just tell me." Briar urges, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She's so tired, and she has to leave for work within the hour.

"We found out that we have a court hearing for the adoption." Derek rushes out, sounding thrilled. "Meredith has been freaking out about what to say and do, and so I didn't want to bother her, and you have a good fashion sense. What should I wear?"

"That's amazing!" Briar gushes, relieved that the process is moving forward. It's absolutely crushed Derek and Meredith to not have Zola, who they truly see as their daughter. "Okay, uh, let's see. I wouldn't go full suit and tie, but . . . do you still have that light blue button up?"

Briar moves to the pile, starting to sift through it all, a pleased sound escaping her when she finds it. "Yes! Okay, I would wear this shirt with . . . this pair of charcoal slacks. It's a neutral color and will make you look more polished. Skip the tie. Oh! You and Meredith should match. I have a charcoal pencil skirt, and slacks if she needs to borrow them."

She grins when she's pulled into a tight hug, relieved that she could take away some of his stress. The last thing they need to worry about is their wardrobe.

"Thank you." He tells her, holding eye contact when he pulls away. "Seriously, thank you."

"Any time." She promises him, meaning it. "I'll go grab what I have in case Mer wants to use any of it. I'll be right back!"

✦

"Sinclair!" Bailey shouts, causing Briar to instantly spin to face the attending. "What are you working on today?"

"I'm running the pit for Hunt." Briar explains, curious when Bailey instantly curses under her breath. "What's wrong? Do you need something?"

"I need someone other than Meredith Grey to be available." Bailey scoffs, disdain dripping from her when she says Meredith's name. She's still angry with Meredith for ruining Derek's trial and making Richard feel the need to step down from the Chief position.

"Well, I'm not sure what's going on, but I can try to help you during any breaks." Briar offers, surprised when Bailey softens.

"That . . . would be helpful. Thank you, Briar."

"Don't mention it." Briar brushes it off, before frowning. "What is it I'll be helping with?"

"Louise O'Malley is here, as a patient. Here is her chart." Bailey explains, tense again, and Briar freezes. She hasn't spoken to George's mother in at least a year. She didn't know the woman was experiencing any health issues, let alone that she had her gallbladder removed at Seattle Presbyterian three weeks prior.

"Any free moment I have will be spent checking on her." Briar promises, guilt swallowing her whole. All she can think of, suddenly, is the time that Louise had stopped by to see George during their intern year. She'd found Briar holding back tears, having just finished one of her hardest shifts of that year, and she'd treated her to brunch. She'd been so sweet the whole time, assuring Briar that she was in the right field and would make an amazing surgeon.

And Briar had completely lost contact with her after her son died such a horrific death.

What kind of person does that?

✦

Hours later finds her sitting in April's office with Cristina, Meredith and April. The three of them are eating lunch and staring at Cristina's pet project for the day–a beating heart in a box– while Briar looks through a photo album on the couch. It's the one she made after intern year, and it's covered in pictures of George. Him in-between Cristina and Meredith on top of a table at a party; him covered in shaving cream after Alex and Briar pranked him; him and Briar surrounded by nurses, holding up signs, after they'd refused to cross the picket line during the nurse's strike.

Her friendship with George has always been complicated. She found him whiny and annoying, and she'd punched him in the face after his horrible, revolting reaction to Meredith putting an end to their hook-up. She'd been disgusted with him after that, fully and completely disgusted. She had punched him, and screamed at him, and she meant every word she said to him that day.

And, sure, there had been good times. She'll never forget baking cookies with him at 3 in the morning because they couldn't sleep, or when he performed heart surgery by himself in an elevator, or the way he used to be terrified of their dog Doc and made it so easy for Briar to prank him.

There were good times, but none of that changes the fact that her and George never really got along. She spent half her time with him yelling at him, and she didn't like him for the most part. Still, though, in many ways he felt like family to her, and she can't help but grieve him–especially when his mother is in the hospital, being so sweet to her.

"Uh oh." Alex says, dropping down next to her on the couch, Jackson following right behind him. "You've got the book out. Are you reminiscing or grieving?"

"Both." Briar sighs, smiling down at the picture of her, Meredith, Izzie and George gathered around the fireplace. Izzie had gone insane decorating the house for the Christmas holidays, and she'd made them take a picture. Briar is glad for it now.

"Heart-in-a-box, what's wrong with George's mom?" Meredith asks the heart, since Richard had told Cristina that the heart was the key to her questions.

"Who's George?" April asks around a mouthful of her sandwich.

"He used to work here. He died." Cristina answers as bluntly as possible, and Briar finally shuts the photo album, setting it aside.

"Whoa. Who died?" Jackson asks, only just paying attention, and Briar rolls her eyes at him while Meredith answers.

"George."

"And we're talking about that creep because?" Alex asks, and Briar can't help but smile as she leans into his side, curling her legs up onto the couch.

"Alex, you're an ass. His mom's in the hospital." Meredith scolds him.

"Wow. O'Malley. I haven't thought about him in–" Cristina starts, sounding amazed.

"Why would you?" Alex interrupts, scowling when Meredith scolds him again. "Oh, come on. Don't act like you stay up nights writing poetry about the guy."

"Remember when you gave him syphilis?" Cristina asks, twisting around to look at him. April, Meredith and Briar immediately start laughing.

"What?" April questions in-between her laughter, both her and Jackson trying to figure out how that would've worked.

"Remember heart-in-an-elevator?" Meredith questions next, smiling as she reminisces.

"George made you look like such a chump." Cristina tells Alex, who frowns at the reminder of himself freezing while George successfully performed the surgery.

"George was the heart-in-an-elevator guy?" Jackson asks, sounding impressed as he sets his sandwich down. "I heard about that. That sounded badass. Were you there?"

"I just wanted to eat my freakin' lunch. That's all." Alex complains, pushing Briar off of him and leaving the room. Briar frowns, quickly following him, waving at the others as she leaves and making sure to bring the photo book.

✦

"Oh, Briar." Louise breathes out, smiling tearfully at her when Briar slips into her post-op room. "It's so great to see you again, but don't let me hold you up. I thought you said that you were running the E.R. That's such a huge responsibility."

"Oh, the E.R. is covered." Briar assures her, not mentioning that she has a surgery scheduled in two hours. "And you're never holding me up. How are you feeling?"

While Louise promises that she's okay, Briar reassures herself by doing her own post-op exam, giving her a sheepish smile when everything looks okay.

"I trust Meredith and Bailey, of course, but . . . better safe than sorry, right?" She asks, smiling as she slips into the seat next to her bed, holding the photo album close to her chest. "I heard Callie was in here."

"Oh, her baby is gorgeous." Louise gushes, a teary smile on her face. "So, so beautiful. And with three loving parents! How lucky!"

"Sofia is the best." Briar laughs, nodding her head. "She, uh, she's actually my goddaughter."

"Oh, what a blessing." Louise breathes out, reaching for her hand. Briar is quick to reach out herself, squeezing her hand and feeling her heart race when Louise eyes the book. "Children are truly such a gift. I'm glad that Callie has a child, I know she always wanted one."

Briar swallows, feeling close to tears. She can't believe how kind Louise is, and how strong: it has to hurt, seeing her dead son's ex-wife building a family outside of hers, and yet she's been nothing but graceful about the whole thing.

"I, uh, I have something for you." Briar chokes out, shifting the chair so that she can show Louise the book without her stretching out after her surgery. "Um, I made this photo album after our intern year, and I–I don't know if you've seen all of these pictures. If you'd like to wait and look later, I can put it with your stuff."

"I'd love to look at it." Louise tells her, a few tears slipping down her cheeks. Briar nods back, flipping to the first page, and narrating all of the pictures. Louise wants to know everything, even about the pictures George isn't in. She gushes over all of them, asking Briar about her life now, and lighting up when she admits that she's dating a surgeon in the hospital.

"I'll bring him to meet you." Briar promises, smiling when she looks pleased at that. "I promise. And I'll reach out more. I'm sorry that I didn't earlier. I just–" Briar trails off, unsure how to explain without sounding like she's making excuses, but Louise shakes her head at her.

"I'd love to hear from you more, honey, but I don't expect anything." She promises. "You know . . . I always appreciated the way you handled Georgie."

Briar feels her eyes widen, and Louise laughs, nodding. "I know you didn't always get along, but you were always honest with him. I'm no fool: I know my son made a lot of mistakes, and it–it made me feel better, knowing that you would tell him when he did. You were a true friend to him, and it means a lot to me."

"I miss him." Briar confesses softly, not realizing until she says the words how much she truly does miss him.

"Me too." Louise says, tears in her eyes again, and Briar clears her throat as she stands up.

"I'll come visit you tomorrow, I promise." She says softly, setting the book down on the bed next to her. "Please keep that. It's all yours."

She gives her a kiss on the cheek and slips out of the room, tears falling as soon as she's down the hallway.

✦

"Henry?" Briar frowns, seeing Teddy's husband looking frustrated near the O.R. He's still wearing a scrub cap and the gown, and Briar looks around him, surprised that Teddy isn't nearby. "Hey, aren't you supposed to scrub in for Teddy's surgery?"

She's allowing him to shadow him for the day after months of begging.

"Yeah, well, I told her that I wanted to go to medical school and she freaked out. Basically told me that I'm too old and crazy." He huffs, frowning down at his shoes.

"Huh." Briar says, giving him an encouraging smile. "Well, there's a ton of opportunities in this field, and I think you'd be great at whatever you choose."

"Really?" He asks, looking relieved.

"Absolutely. You know what it's like to be a patient, so you'll be comforting and patient with them. You're funny and personable. Honestly, I could really see you being a nurse because they're more hands on with patients." Briar tells him, before nodding over her shoulder. "Look, it's no heart surgery, but I'm doing a solo splenectomy and would love to have you in there."

"I'm in." He says instantly, beaming at her. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Briar tells him, leading the way into the O.R. she booked. "Here, I'm assuming that you already did this, but I can talk you through scrubbing in again."

They do that, and Briar talks about her experience with medical school before turning to Ben when they get into the O.R.

"Henry, this is Ben Warren, he's an attending anesthesiologist." Briar introduces, smiling when Henry moves to shake his hand before remembering the no contact rule and pulling back. "Don't tell anyone, but Ben is my favorite. Also, while I have you, would you want to come over tomorrow night for a game night?"

"Oh, everyone knows that I'm your favorite." Ben jokes, winking at her and nodding at Henry. "It's nice to meet you. And yes, I would love to come.

"Ben, Henry here is thinking of going to medical school. Do you have any advice for him?"

They spend the entire surgery discussing their different experiences and explaining different fields to him. By the end of it he seems more determined to go, and Briar secretly hopes that Teddy never finds out about her influence in the decision: she'll murder her.

✦

Briar huffs, batting Cristina's hands away when she tries to grab her burger and ignoring her glare. It's just them, Meredith and Alex at Joe's, sharing a table. It feels right for it to just be them, after all the reminders of George throughout the day.

"O'Malley wasn't a creep, okay?" Alex says, startling Briar. "If he were here now, he'd be kicking all of our asses. He would've slapped Chief Resident right out of Kepner's hand. I just don't like thinking about him because then I have to think about Izzie, and then I get all sad and sappy and . . . I totally miss the chance to nail hot, drunk chicks who spent the day thinking about how I'm awesome, which I should be all about. George is dead, and Izzie is gone, and we're all different. We're different."

Briar sighs, leaning her head on his shoulder and staring at Meredith and Cristina across from them, all of them sharing the same emotions.

All of them missing George, despite everything.

✦

authors note

"put me in, coach" is one of my all time favorite greys episodes. easily top 10. i love everything about it

next up is THE henry chapter.

this was supposed to be posted on sunday but i hated the original version i had prewritten and ended up rewriting most of it today. the next few chapters are mostly written but i want to edit/finish them up. i'll probably post on sunday!!

comments give me life, so thank you so much to everyone commenting! it means so much more than you'll ever know.

love you guys <3