Briar has always had a complicated relationship with sleep.

As a child, she was often scared to fall asleep–worried for herself, worried for her little brother, not wanting the next day to come– and, while she isn't afraid of sleeping anymore, some habits die screaming. She tends to fight any signs of tiredness, subconsciously or not, and can stay awake for longer stretches than most. Her longest record is nearly five days, and she'd terrified Kelly when she'd started hallucinating at the end of that.

All of that to say, she isn't bothered when she can't fall straight asleep after pulling her Valentine's Day double shift.

"Are you watching Coraline without me?" Lexie's betrayed voice has Briar looking to her doorway, seeing Lexie pouting at her TV with her arms crossed.

"Oops." Briar says sheepishly, holding up her blanket and laughing when Lexie dives onto her bed, making herself comfortable. They'd gone to see the movie together when it came out, making a day out of going to a drive-in for it, and they try to watch it together every month or so. Briar had thrown it on for comfort, but hadn't watched more than a minute of it, too busy staring at an email she never sent the night before.

"Sebastian?" Lexie asks, nodding to the laptop, and Briar sighs loudly.

"Yeah." She admits, shutting the computer and moving over to set it on her floor, letting herself be pulled into Lexie's side when she's done.

"Has he ever answered you?" Lexie asks, curious, and Briar shakes her head. She doesn't answer verbally, instead watching as Coraline shouts at Wybie, throwing her shoe at him as he flees her house.

"How'd it go with Mark?" She asks instead, changing the subject. Lexie had shown up at Mark's with Zola while Jackson was still there, cooking dinner and studying with his mentor. Briar had gotten texts from all three of her friends, which had been a good distraction in between cases.

"I didn't talk to him." Lexie sighs, sounding resigned. There's a long pause, both of them watching the movie, before she speaks again. "Do you think I'm a bad person for wanting to tell him how I feel? I know he's with Julia, and he seems happy, but . . . I don't know, after reading that proposal in the locket, I just . . ."

"Didn't want to wait?" Briar asks, humming. "I don't think you're a bad person, Lex. I think you've actually been pretty mature about this whole thing for the most part. I mean, you and Mark have been friendly with each other recently, right? How did he react to you coming over?"

"He asked if he should have Jackson leave." Lexie practically whispers, and Briar smiles to herself. "And then I said I was going to go, 'cause I really didn't expect Jackson to be there–I thought he was Julia when I heard him in the kitchen and I swear I almost passed out, it was awful! But he–he literally pulled me inside, like he didn't want me to leave, and I–fuck, Briar, I love him so much."

"I know you do." Briar sympathizes, holding her tighter. "Just–Lexie, are you ready for what being with Mark means now? He's a father. He's a dedicated, loving, present father. Date nights will get canceled, and you'll have a baby around a lot."

"I didn't think I was, but now . . . I think I want that." Lexie confesses, turning to look at her, and Briar can see the determination in her face. "He's a really good dad, and–and I don't think it's possible to see him with Sofia and still be upset about how she came into the world, you know? I mean, it's not like he cheated on me, and as much as it hurt to see him starting a family with someone else, I also love seeing him be a dad. I think I want to be part of that, even if just as the girlfriend."

"Damn girl, you've matured a lot." Briar jokes, smiling at her.

"Honestly, I think I owe a lot of that to you." Lexie says, with Briar immediately shaking her head. "I'm serious! You're the one who told me to stay single and figure myself out, and you're always there to talk things through with me, and I–I really appreciate it. I don't know where I'd be without you."

"I don't know where I would be without you." Briar tells her, meaning every word.

"So take some of the credit." Lexie tries, but Briar shakes her head again.

"No, Lex, any growth is on you. It's like–like with flowers, you know, they need water, space, and sunlight in order to grow, but they have to do the hard part. You had to do the hard part–what are you laughing at?" Briar can't help but join her in the laughter, pleased to see her happy.

"Sorry, sorry, just–it's like you're saying that you watered me." Lexie giggles, half of her face hidden in Briar's pillow, and Briar thinks she's never looked more beautiful. Briar hasn't seen her this happy in a while, and she wants to keep her this way forever.

"I mean, I've totally force fed you water when you were drunk, so if the shoe fits." Briar tells her, yelping when Lexie snatches up her pillow and starts attacking her with it. "Oh, you little gremlin! Come here!"

Briar chases her around the room, managing to tackle her to the ground and hit her with the pillow until she pleads for mercy, giggling the entire time. Briar falls to the ground next to her, both of them trying to catch their breath with tears streaming down their faces.

I want to live in this moment forever, Briar thinks, the kind of thing that she only really thinks when she's tired and feeling more sentimental. A second later, it's like a lightbulb turns on, and she quickly sits up and turns to her friend.

"Hey, Lex?" She asks, grinning when Lexie hums, wiping tears of laughter off of her face. "Wanna go get tattoos?"

Lexie's whole face lights up, and she practically yanks Briar up to her feet, the two of them giggling the whole way down the stairs and out of the house.

✦

Lexie and her are on the same page about what to get without discussing it first, which makes Briar feel a bit giddy.

"I wanna get, like, a flower sprouting." Lexie explains to the tattoo artist they found, sitting in the waiting room while she grabs a drawing pad for them. "And Briar wants to get a watering can."

"Ooh, you should add water drops to the top of yours." Briar tells Lexie, bouncing on the balls of her feet, unable to sit down. The tattoo artist– a lovely woman named Alexia, who has the coolest blue hair twisted back, and who has been joking with Lexie over their shared nickname– smiles at them, scribbling notes at the top of the page. Briar is glad that they stumbled into this shop of all the options, since she's made them feel comfortable the entire time they've been here. The art on her walls is gorgeous, and Briar can't wait to have her work on her body permanently.

"Yes! Oh, please, can you do that?" Lexie asks Alexia, who affirms she can with a light laugh.

"Of course. Do you want it to be a sprout, or like an actual flower?" She asks, and Lexie hums as she thinks about it.

"I want, like, the focus to be on growth . . . maybe the stem and leaves, but not an actual flower yet?" She asks, looking relieved when Alexia nods and starts drawing.

"Got it." She tells them, and Briar fights the temptation to look over her shoulder at what she's drawing, not wanting to bother her. "Okay, so, dirt level with the roots and a flower growing from that . . . with water drops above, coming from Briar's tattoo."

The process is surprisingly fast, with her quickly coming up with designs that they both love. Lexie has the idea to add sunflowers to the design of the watering can, which Briar loves, and next thing they know Alexia is applying the stencils to the back of their arms to make sure the tattoos will match up.

Lexie is getting her tattoo on the back of her right arm, while Briar's is on the back of her left one, placed higher so that it looks like she's watering Lexie's. Briar is obsessed with the entire process, and suddenly understands why people get so many when Alexia starts. This is way better than the shitty tattoo she got in someone's basement as a teenager. The feeling is addicting, and Briar already knows that she'll be back for more.

There are worse addictions to have.

✦

"Did you get a tattoo?" April asks while Briar is changing into her scrubs later that day, getting the room's attention.

"Yes." Lexie and Briar both answer, sharing a laugh with each other while the room looks between them, looking confused.

"Uh, okay. Did you go together?" April asks next, looking curious. "Oh! Did you clear it with anyone?"

"Why would we need to clear it with anyone?" Briar asks, genuinely confused.

"Doesn't the hospital have a no tattoos policy?"

"Nope. We have a no offensive tattoos policy." Lexie explains, while Briar tries to calm down from the sudden burst of panic. She didn't even consider the hospital and their appearance policies before getting her body permanently altered, and she probably should've. "And yeah, we got matching tattoos."

"Sick." Cristina tells them, trying to peel the protective wrap off of Briar's to see it, only to be batted away by her.

"I have a picture of them together." She tells her, tossing her the phone and laughing when the others–Jackson, April, Alex, and Meredith–crowd together to see it.

"That's so gorgeous." April gushes. "How long have you been planning it?"

"We didn't." Briar says with a laugh. "It just kinda happened. Inside joke."

"Well, I think it's cool." Meredith tells them approvingly, getting a bright smile from her sister, who's always looking for her approval. It's sweet.

"Where'd you go?" Alex asks, and Briar hands him one of the business cards she'd swiped from Alexia's desk on their way out. "Sick."

"Why'd you choose sunflowers?" Jackson asks her, and Lexie perks up, explaining that it was her idea.

"It just seemed fitting, plus she always has a bouquet of them and roses, but she's technically the rose because of her name." She rambles, while Briar shares a secret smile with Jackson, both of them knowing that she only buys the sunflowers for him.

✦

Being a surgeon and having a new tattoo is a pain in the ass.

Briar keeps it carefully wrapped and covered while at work, not wanting to risk any contamination–it is an open wound– and then lets it breathe while at home, making sure to wash it with unscented antibacterial soap three times a day when she can. She doesn't manage that on the third day, since she's in a ten hour surgery with Callie and she has no desire to explain that she needs to leave it for tattoo care. That doesn't feel very professional.

In the end, she ends up with a gorgeous tattoo, and the knowledge that she's permanently tied to Lexie is exhilarating.

Lexie seems just as excited as her, constantly looking at Briar's tattoo and holding her hand if she's nearby, showing off the matching ink to everyone around them. She makes April take about a hundred pictures of them, and posts a bunch of them to Facebook and Instagram with cute captions about growth that Briar will forever deny tearing up to.

"Briar!" Lexie calls, and Briar laughs as she ducks into the scan room, gasping when she sees Amelia Shepherd.

"Oh, hi!" She says, grinning at Derek's sister. "I didn't realize that you were here."

"Yeah, I'm trying to convince Derek to help me with this gliosarcoma case." Amelia sighs, shaking her head. "He's not budging."

"Well, if I can help in any way, let me know." Briar tells her, laughing when Lexie grabs her arm and spins her around, showing Amelia their tattoos without any preamble.

"Oh, cool!" Amelia gasps. "Any chance you know any blackmail on Derek?"

"Hmm, let me think about it." She tells her, sure that she can think of something, and then turns to Meredith when she enters the room, looking like she's seen a ghost as she looks between her and Amelia. "Uh, Mer? You alright?"

"Yeah." Meredith answers slowly, looking amused now. "Sorry, just got deja-vu."

"Uh, over what?" Briar asks, because it's not like she's around Amelia often at all.

"Did I not tell you about that dream I had?" Meredith asks, looking surprised when they all shake their heads. "Oh, well, it was like a 'what if my mother was alive and with Richard Webber' dream. I know, crazy, right? Anyway, Cristina and I hated each other and I was with Alex until he cheated on me with April, who was my best friend, and Briar hated Jackson and was secretly with Amelia."

"Huh." Briar says, gaping at Meredith. "That's . . . you and Alex is kind of a nightmare to think about."

"Well, I could do worse." Amelia says with a laugh, winking at Briar, who's delighted.

"Was I in this dream?" Lexie asks, and Briar turns to Meredith, who looks nervous now.

"Yeah, you, uh, you were this tattooed Cokehead with dreadlocks and piercings." Meredith tells her, and Briar wrinkles her nose. White people with dreadlocks are horrible to witness. "You OD'd and got brought to the hospital, Jackson was your doctor. I think I remember there being I Love Lucy inside jokes? There was a romantic vibe."

"Ew." Briar and Lexie both say, laughing at each other.

Briar pretends to shiver. "Well, thankfully that universe doesn't exist. No offense, Amelia. In a world where I don't view these two as sisters and Derek as my brother, I'd be flattered."

"Fair enough." Amelia tells her with an easy smile, turning to Meredith and asking if she has blackmail on her husband. Briar takes the opportunity to leave the room, needing to see the surgery board.

✦

"A 65 year old woman enters the E.R. in shock. Presents with a pulsatile, expanding abdominal mass." Jackson reads off his note cards while April updates the surgery board. Briar is happily munching on a bag of chips–her first meal of the day– while watching Jackson pace in front of the board. "Go!"

"Ruptured triple-A." April decides. "I would take the patient straight to the O.R. and access the peritoneal cavity through a vertical midline incision."

"Nice." Jackson tells her, while Alex and Meredith join their group. Briar rolls her eyes when Alex steals one of her chips, but she doesn't fight him off.

"You guys studying for the oral boards in the middle of the day?" Meredith asks them, sounding surprised.

"Just another benefit of having a study buddy. You should get one. Oh! You should study with Briar, so that she stops stealing mine." April adds with a pointed glare at Briar, who just laughs at her.

"You're still mad about that?"

"You could've at least let me join you!" She exclaims, and Briar laughs even harder.

"Babe, trust me, you didn't want any part of that." She tells her with an exaggerated wink, snorting when April's eyes widen, realizing what she means.

"Oh, seriously?" She complains, although there's a slight smile on her face. "How does that even work?"

"Whoever gets the most questions right gets a reward." Jackson explains, looking way too proud of himself. "Unfortunately for Briar, I can be very distracting."

"Go fuck yourself." Briar tells him brightly, still a little sore over losing their little game the night before.

"Why would I do that, when you can do it for me?" He shoots back, and Briar laughs while April chokes and starts coughing.

"I have a study buddy." Meredith tells them before Briar can retaliate. "It's just that my stupid study buddy's too busy trying to save her stupid marriage to actually help me study."

"Well, you know what's better than a study buddy? A study lackey. Check it." Alex tells them smugly. "Hey, you! Brown haired girl, you're up."

"Uh, trauma incident or a surgical situation?" Morgan asks him, while Briar rolls her eyes at her best friend. Honestly, he's like Cristina, not bothering to learn the interns' names. Briar doesn't know whether the numbers or physical descriptions are worse.

"You made your interns come up with study questions?" April questions, disappointed.

"Surprise me." Alex orders, ignoring April, who turns to Briar.

"Don't look at me." She tells her, holding her hands up in defense. "Although I will say that Morgan makes amazing note cards."

She watches them leave the room, Morgan trailing behind Alex, before Briar leaves for the pit, dreading every second she'll spend there. Owen has been on a rampage that worsens every day that his marriage deteriorates, and she isn't sure how much more of it she can handle.

✦

Briar takes the first opportunity she gets to leave the pit, joining Alex and Jackson in the gallery of the O.R. that Meredith is in with Callie. She scowls down at them, wishing she was in there instead of dealing with Owen, but Meredith is trying to prove herself to Callie so that she can learn the Torres Method for studying.

"There she goes again. She's gonna yack!" Alex says with excitement, leaning forward to watch Meredith gag from where she's dealing with the fingers of her patient, who got his hand stuck in a meat grinder. Briar makes a mental note to call Kelly and tell him about it later, knowing that he's got similar stories.

"Would you quit it with that, alright? I gotta finish with this thing before I go into surgery." Jackson tells him, reading through a giant case file. At least he's near the end. "Hey, where is your study lackey?"

"Of course the one competent intern in the whole program just so happens to be pregnant and needs surgery for a coronary artery dissection." He complains just as Lexie and Amelia enter the room, sitting down next to Jackson.

"Morgan needs surgery?" Lexie questions, sounding as horrified as Briar feels.

"How do you know about Morgan?"

"Everybody knows about the pregnant intern, Karev." Jackson tells him, shaking his head just as his phone chimes twice. "There's my ride. Here we go."

"Good luck with whatever it is." Briar tells him, getting a small smile out of her boyfriend before he leaves the room.

"That's your boyfriend?" Amelia asks her, whistling when she nods. "Well, you sure know how to pick 'em. I'm even more flattered for Meredith's dream version of me."

"What does that even mean?" Alex sighs, but Briar just shakes her head, still giggling over Amelia's comment.

"I'll tell you later." She promises, before sobering up. "What happened with Morgan?"

"Also, if she needs surgery, why are you here?" Lexie asks, and Briar points to her, also curious about that.

"My attending gave me a job–call the boyfriend. I left, like, six messages."

"Chris is a fourth year at the–what hospital was it again?" Briar asks, turning to Lexie.

"The Cleveland Clinic." She tells them, and Briar nods instantly.

"That's right! I can't believe I forgot." She frowns, remembering talking to Morgan about it. Cleveland is only 2 hours away from Pittsburgh, and she'd made the trip often during college. She's given Chris restaurant suggestions a few times.

"You know how busy it gets." Lexie tells Alex, defending the boyfriend they've never met.

"How do you know his name?" Alex sighs.

"We talk to her." Briar deadpans, shaking her head at her best friend. "You literally walked in on April and I planning a hospital baby shower for her the other day. You told us to pick the same bakery that I used for Callie's."

"Well, I didn't realize it was for her." He defends, looking guilty.

"They're not just amputating and fitting him for a prosthetic?" Lexie questions, watching the surgery happening below them.

"No. She thinks she's gonna be able to salvage the finger bits and reattach, because she's cracked." Alex explains, while Briar sighs loudly and dramatically, pulling her legs up onto the chair.

"I should be down there." She complains. "I hate Owen Hunt."

"That's gonna be so much harder." Amelia says.

"You know what else would be harder?" Lexie asks, turning to face Amelia. "Going through the carotid."

"For fingers?" Alex laughs, but Briar shushes him, watching them have an epiphany over Amelia's patient.

"It would be harder, but there'd be better control than going through the femoral." Amelia gasps, holding eye contact with Lexie before they're rushing from the room.

"If I start an I Hate Owen Hunt club, will you join?" Briar asks Alex, frowning at the clock on the wall. She really needs to get back to the pit before he comes looking for her, but no part of her wants to deal with him or his shitty attitude.

"Cristina definitely will." He chuckles, and Briar shakes her head in amusement as she forces herself to leave the room and get back to her job. She's never hated it more.

✦

"How'd your surgery go?" Briar asks Jackson when he finds her in the lobby, ready to go as soon as Mark joins them.

"Amazing." Jackson breathes out, beaming at her and pulling her in for a kiss that they only pull back from when Mark clears his throat, suddenly standing next to them.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Briar asks him, eager to get going on their double date. Would she prefer that it was with Lexie instead of Julia? Yes. She's going to do her best to be supportive of her friend's relationship despite that, which is why they're finally going on this date.

"So, apparently Julia got pulled into a surgery." Mark says with a sigh, looking disappointed. "So if the two of you want to go yourselves–"

"Don't be stupid." Briar scoffs. "We still want to spend time with you."

"Yeah?" He asks, looking hopeful now, and Briar smiles at him.

"Yeah, man. You can tell her all about our surgery." Jackson tells him, and Briar watches the two of them share a look, smiling to herself.

"Your surgery, you mean." He brags about his mentee, waving them out the doors and following them to Briar's car, where he makes Jackson take the backseat so he can ride shotgun. "Briar, you should've seen Bailey's face. Okay, so, the patient . . ."

The two of them describe the surgery in pain-staking detail, adding onto the other's statements at every opportunity. Briar oohs and awes and laughs at all the proper moments, just happy to be around them. There's something really special about their mentorship turned friendship, and Briar is proud to bear witness to it.

✦

short chapter but i love briar and lexie so much. and jackson and mark!! i loved that mark helped jackson stand up for himself to bailey right after jackson defended mark to her. ugh i love them so much!

we're so close to the season finale, im going to throw up.

im hoping to post again this weekend, in between a wedding and a lot of family socializing!! love you guys <3 thank you to anyone who stuck around for 40 chapters (that's insane)